Girls in their 20's who want to lose about 100 pounds

Hi, my name is Suzanne and I am 23 years old. I weigh 258.3 pounds(yikes) and would really like to get down to between 140 and 150. I was wondering if there was anyone else out there in their 20's who has about that much they want to lose. We could work together and stay motivated to reach our goals!!! Also, if there is anyone in their 20's who has lost that much and wants to share their success story, I would love to hear it! Thanks!

i'm sure someone else can give better strength training advice than me, so i'm gonna skip that one. but i have a confession to make involving asian guys. i decided, like two months ago, that since i think asian guys are so so cute, my next bf is gonna be asian. i've only met the one hot indian guy (where nothing happened), and this lame, lame korean dude (who won't go away, but is too lame to even consider). whew, feels good to put it out there.

i'm getting really frustated about this weight loss stuff today.  i just found out that the people i do the most work for are leaving my company to go elsewhere meaning that i am worried about my job security.  i had SUCH a hard time finding a job in the first place and my career planning advisor flat out said i was a great interview (she observed a video tape of a mock interview of me) and that my grades were top notch but that all the heavier girls in the class were getting many fewer offers than anyone else (including heavier males).  added to all of that, some woman in my condo building tried to kick my mom out of the gym today accusing her of being "one of the cleaning ladies for residents in the building" as opposed to the mother of a resident.  guests of residents ARE welcome to use the gym. 

so, both of those things have me stressed out/pissed off at the world.  then comes my weight loss.  i don't talk to that guy much -- like once a week and he's all the way in ny and i'm IL anyway so i should just forget about him for now anyway.  when i'm down to a size 16, i'll meet him.  he told my best friend (who he hangs out with in nyc) that he admires me a lot and likes me a lot but that attraction DOES matter to him and that he's waiting to meet me before getting involved any further.  so, meeting him at a size 16 where i thought i had a more realistic shot of keeping him interested was MY personal decision.  then again, i thought i could easily be down to a 16 by the end of the year and instead i went through my pants and only a few 22s are fitting me, the 24s are fitting well still, and then just a few 24s are too baggy.  meaning, i'm still pretty much a solid 24, which is the same place i was 3 months ago, despite the 16 lbs lost.  i know that my being 5'3" doesn't help but how i can be a size 24 at 271 lbs through 300 lbs is beyond me.  am i going to hit a solid size 22 any time soon or do i have like 20 more lbs to go?  ugh.

i feel so bad i vent so often here but really, i just want to crawl into bed, curl up into the fetal position, and not face life for a while.  i haven't gotten anything accomplished at work today and i have a ton to do as well.  sigh.  i AM going to my latin club dancing class tonight despite my general pissiness.

watchme - what a bitchy thing they said to your poor mother! my heart goes out to her! *angry* I'd be livid if that were me! what a classist thing to say! who cares! people are people! work out, have fun!

grr...

and I'm frustrated about weight loss too! I know it's good for me in the long run, but right now, I just want to wear a moomoo and eat frosting. But then I think about my mom raving ON AND ON about my "beautiful" cousin. Yeah, Whit is pretty, she's tall and thin and amazing looking! It just upset me that my mom is willing to go on and on about how beautiful nonfamily members are, but when it comes to her brilliant and talented daughters, she's silent. I'm convinced she never brags about me anymore because I've gotten fat and I obviously shame her or something.

grr... sorry to usurp your rant! I just had to rant, too! boo!

that said... latin dancing does sound fun... I hope you are able to work off some of your frustration and feel better. tomorrow is a new day! *loves*

watchme: I'm so sorry you're having a crappy day!  that's truly horrible what those women said to your mom.  it makes me sick that people are so heartless.  i'm sure that you have proved to your firm that you are worth keeping around even if your big client is leaving.  i hope everything works out in your favor!  BIG HUGS!  good for you for going to your dance class today!  you'll feel better after burning some steam :)

feddie: i think sometimes it's ok to wear a mumu and eat frosting!  :)  just don't do it too much.  you are beautiful and fabulous and no one can take that away from you.  You look great in the new (at least new to me?) pic of you going to the mad hatter tea!  Take a moment and eat some frosting and then get back up and do what you know you need to do for you, not for your mother or anyone else.

I think I'm going to join the Y... one of my friends teaches a group groove class and she really wants me to come.  I'd also like to do one of the swim classes and they have a better selection of weights than my neighborhood community gym.  Anyone else a member of a Y?

Hey all, It's only Wednesday and I'm already un-motivated--I need to go exercise but I just don't want to because I am stinkin tired! I only got like 6 hours of sleep last night when I need like 8 to 9 hours (yes need!) so now I just want to take a nap. I'm thinking I may just take today off--I just need to eat sensibly---I can still get my exercise in the rest of the week --ok you see this forum really helps--I was just feeling guilty for nothing--if I'm tired I need to take care of myself----

Watchme--(this is my opinion) but I think if you really like this guy that you should go and see him--if he doesn't like you for what you look like now then he isn't worth it..Just my opinion but I know what  you mean---I met my current husband online--and I would not meet him for years because I wanted to be a certain size--but guess what? I never got to that size--The only thing about him was he had never said anything about my size--all he said was that he liked who I was on the inside so he wanted to meet me---so after 2 years of talking on the phone and writing emails we finally met (and guess what I never lost the weight--I was still big) He liked me for who I was--we dated for a while--we fell in love and now he is my husband. I always say that my husband fell in love with my insides and then my outsides--He supports me now and just wants me to be healthy with my weight loss, he only cares about my weight because I do and he wants me to be happy. I think that's someone that we all deserve in our lives! I support you in what you do ---just wanted you to know I have been there and done that--so I understand.

pink - i go to the Y! i love it! they have everything i need, though i am starting to get bored using the same equipment. i missed out on registering for the group classes, now they're all full, so i'll bear the machines till the next registration session.

girls, i've been tired, dog tired, everyday for the past 2 weeks, but i take my big, heavy butt to the gym, work it out like nobody's business, then come home and dive bomb on the bed. i know it's gross, but most times i can't even manage to shower first. i figure, the sheets can be washed easier than i can exercise, so i force myself to do the hard stuff first. you'll feel better for doing it. you know you will. (meanwhile, i think i share WAY too much on here!)

watchme, everything you mentioned sucks!!!! that woman in your building is a racist byatch, and she'll get hers. as for job security, maybe you can start interviewing with other firms, just so you'll have a plan in case the worst happens. even if nothing bad happens, you might still find a better firm to work at. i know all too well about what you're going through. something similar happened to me last year, and there were signs, implicit signs, but i was too dimwitted to pick up on them. at least you know up front what's possible. use that knowledge to your advantage.

and would it really be so bad to go to your boss and ask directly what's to become of you? the best-they tell you you're staying. the worst-they tell you they can't keep you. in that case, ask for recommendation letters and LEADS. ask for sussgestions for other firms they think might be a good fit for you. if they like you, this shouldn't be a problem for them. man, good luck!

and at the very least, vent to your mom. mothers always make the worst crap in life better, even if they can't do anything about it.

edit: bootser, i don't think watchme has a lot of time. i'm being presumptuous, but if they hit it off, they get married shortly after that. and, putting myself in her shoes, i'd be crushed if this guy knew me as well as he did, but just couldn't be with me because he couldn't get past my weight. yes, that sucks if he's like that, but at least he's being honest, and nobody can really help what's attractive to them.

I agree with dalmalama. I mean... If I was into a guy and knew the kind of girl he was into... and I didn't fit that, I, personally, wouldn't waste my time. For me, it isn't worth it to put myself out there and then to only be hurt. That being said, I don't know much about watchme's situation except what has been posted here.


ali: a friend just sent me this thing that says: Once you go asian you don't go caucasian!!  lol.

pinkcobra-- For me, this is especially true. My family is already bracing themselves for me marrying a Korean guy. haha I'm going to be here for another 3-4 years anyway so that's a nice chunk of time to meet someone.... and have cute little half-Korean babies. HAHAHA

thanks for the input guys. 

dalma, there's no shame in your description of your work out routine.  i do the EXACT same thing.  i come back from either the gym upstairs or dance class and literally collapse on my bed.  sometimes i'm so beat that i don't even change my clothes let alone shower.  and when it's the upstairs gym, i don't have to even drive or take the bus home, like i do for the dance classes. 

everyone else.... as for the meeting/hitting off thing, dalma is right... my sister met her husband memorial day weekend '05.  they had their religious wedding ceremony end of july that same year (just under 2 months later) and a reception mid-september of that year.  things work FAST.  my mother had cancer at the time so that's why she wanted things to be done more quickly but it would be 6 months to a year tops. 

hence, the reason for my hesitation to meet any guy REALLY at this point is because i don't like/love myself on the whole because of my weight and i think that i cannot get involved with someone until i have more confidence and start liking myself more.  i feel like an ugly blob of fat.  like feddie mentioned, no one EVER told me i was pretty in life.  in fact, the few times "pretty" came up in the same sentence as me old be "you would be so pretty IF you lost weight."  or, "you have so much to offer.  there would be a dozen guys lined up to get with you if only you were thin." 

i'm slowly working at changing the way i feel about myself and boosting my confidence and trying to learn to even interact with men.  i never had physical interaction with a guy let alone much communication beyond the professional setting -- i went to an all-girls catholic school, lived at home for most of college, and went to law school at a place that had 40% gay population.  of the remaining straight people, 80% were married or in a serious (leading to engagement) relationship.  no options/opportunity basically.  have not met anyone here either -- and that's not even limiting myself to my religion.  being able to dance with guys now in class, i'm forced to make small talk.  some of the guys are super sweet, some are clearly jerks and are dancing with me but looking at the ass of one of the girls whose come to class wearing super tight jeans and 2 pounds of make-up, and who is looking to get a little something something after class. 

regardless, i don't think a magic wand will be waved at a certain size like 16 per se but i think that that is when i will start to "switch" mentalities -- or at least i hope so. i'm already starting to feel overweigt as opposed to being obese.  i'm not huffing and puffing down the street.  people no longer stare at me on the bus or look at me in pity.  they are starting to say things at work about how great i look and comment that i have lost a lot of weight.  perhaps i will be ready to meet this -- or any -- guy in another 35 lbs when i'm down to my high school weight.  perhaps it will take another 35 and be that size 16.  or a 12.  or an 8. the bottom line is that i told myself that no matter what, even if i'm not there fully in terms of loving myself or being at my ideal weight, i have to start meeting the guys i'm matched up with at a size 16.  no more excuses.  hence, i gave myself to the end of the year to get there. 

i just don't want to live my life all alone anymore.  hopefully, i can find a guy who accepts me for what i am.  but given that i'm a small sect of a minority religion in this country, that i would prefer a south asian man, that i have an advanced degree (and most men of my background have HUGE egos) and that most south asian girls are toothpicks, i have a lot of things that already make finding a guy tough, let alone finding a guy who is interested!!!! 

this one seems pretty wonderful but at the end of the day he's a scrawny guy (155 lbs and 5'10") who is used to size 2 girls being into him.  like i've said in the past, unlike most other guys, he's been into girls ranging from 8-14 (and his sisters are 14s) so at least i'm not dealing with some of the other south asian men i have met who have said that they would only marry a girl who is a max of a size 4 and that they would expect her to maintain said size at ALL times other than during pregnancy.  yeah, real winners, i know.  BUT, given that the marriage process IS so fast and you get to know people so quickly, a lot is just based on statistics -- height, weight, looks, education, family bacground, socio-economic status, etc.

korean guys...hahaha. i have always said i am going to have a baby with an asian man. me being  a 1/4 white  a 1/4 hispanic and 1/2 black and an asian man!!! that baby will break hearts

ally you are funny. because you were fat you  couldnt go out drinking and clubbing and meet cute boys or girls to play with on spring break? thats confusing to me. i have always been a big girl. i love me. everything about me. how i can jiggle my belly  or get in a fight with a boy and sit  on him just for fun. i am here cuz i need to get healthy. dad just got diagnosed with diabetes and i need to get my stuff together before its to late for me. i dont understand how being fat is limiting your life?

i do all the same things my smaller buds do. we hang at the same places know the same ppl. we all drink. we all party. we are all pretty wild. whenever we want some thing we will go out and get it no matter what it may be. tat does tend to lead to fights and whatnot, but we all get over it. most recently, the sexy man from michigan. he was freak'n gorgeous. every body wanted him, but i got him. he was  mine while he was in town. being 255 did not stop me. i saw him wanted him, went for him and got him. when his job retransfered i was done with him. on to my next conquest.

i love the challenge. i find 1 and go for it. i can honestly say that every time i see some thing and say "i want him"  iget him. not that my addictions to eating and being an alcoholic aren't bad enough,i'm a nympho.  i tihnk about sex more than i think about anything else.

see i dont understand some of the posts. this one chick was talking about how ppl stare at her cuz shes large. ppl stare at me cuz i'm a b***h. like i hear about kids getting made fun of in school. it was never me. proably cuz i was the biggest but i was always in the incrowd. never treated dif cuz i was atleast 100 more than the rest of the crew. i broke a chair at the bar and they weren't laughing cuz i broke the chair, they were laughing cuz i started scream about how i didnt spill any beer.

i just dont get it. i dont veiw fat ppl any different than skinny ppl. rich than poor black or white. to me we are all the same and we can all have whatever we want. we just have to get it. grab it by the horns and go.

Fallon-- I agree that being overweight doesn't mean you can't go out to clubs/bars etc. However... it's usually social anxiety or insanely low confidence that prevents people from doing this. Not every bigger girl has the confidence in themselves that you have. I would say 95% of my friends are smaller than I am and that doesn't stop me from going out with them. However, it makes me feel more self-conscious. Since moving to Korea I've learned to "fake" confidence quite a bit and have had no problem getting guys since coming here. But a lot of it is that Korean guys are into the thought of a "white" girl. Korean guys think it's great to get a white girl into bed and then brag about it to their friends. *shrug* Anyway... back to my point. Just because you don't view fat people different from skinny people doesn't mean others don't.

I'm overweight and sadly, I view them differently. haha

Hey guys! Wow so many posts since my last visit! I want to make sure to thank everyone esp  r6riderchick for coming to my defense for "complaining" about the thinner girls. I kind of felt it was my post that set her off. But hey I am sure that months down the line when we relabel this forum "maintaining skinny bitches"  we are not going to crash other posts only to complain! j/k

Any-who boys boys boys can't live w/ them can't live w/o them. I have been w/ my husband for almost 4 years now and am grateful every day that even though when we met I was a lot (lot!!) thinner he is never negative about my weight gain. I mean we have our ups and down like any other couple esp when it comes to dinner time because he hates to eat healthy ( the SOB is 155lbs and eats like a horse) but at the same time wants to support me at this loosing  weight thing.   To all of you who are still out there and haven't found that special someone don't despair! Remember every pot has it's lid (ughh my mom always used to tell me that......)  but really all this boy talk has brought back many memories of my crazy dating days.

alibuch what you said about your "fake" confidence made me remember when I was a freshman in college and a size 12/13  (what I would give to be back there!!) I was the biggest out of all my friends yet we still all went clubbing and to parties and I always felt that no boy would look at me just being me so I always had to be drunk/loud/crazy/easy (eww I know) not because that was the real me but because at the time I though that that was the only way I would get attention for something else other than being the "chubby one".  Many painful experiences later I realized that when I attracted someone that way things were bound to crumble because I was not attracting guys by being me so inevitably I'd end up in these horrible love/hate relationships that only zapped the little self confidence I did have. Then when I met my husband my dad actually introduced me to him  at a rodeo when I had a big ol'  piece of food in my mouth (romantic huh? but I'll tell y'all more about that later  ........) and here we are years and 1 little munchkin later.

Ok well I hope everyone has a great almost weekend!!

 

Oh BTW Welcome fallon8301!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I just want to say thanks. Thanks to all of you wonderful women. Sometimes I get down on myself, and I read these posts, and I rant, and every single time, someone says something to make me smile, to give me a dose of reality, to encourage me to get back on track, to laugh, to feel inspired, to feel great. I think that's amazing. You guys women are just amazing.

I just wanted to share the love, and I hope this forum gives you all the support and network you need in order to achieve your goals!

*big love*

Hi everyone! I hope ya'll are all having a great Thursday! It's technically my Friday, so I'm going to break my non-drinking rule for one night and go out dancing tonight since I haven't been in a few weeks and it's a great way to blow off steam!

Watchme, I'm sorry things are kinda stressful for you right now! If it makes you feel better, you've got an entire forum full of big girls who will totally come beat down that heifer that had the nerve to get an attitude with your mom! How rude and b*tchy! Ugh! And I know what you mean about the job anxiety; I've always believed that there is massive amounts of sizest discrimination in hiring, especially for women. I hope everything works out for you! And as far as the guy goes, don't stress... You'll know when you're ready! :-)

Hey feddie! It's funny, but when I read your post all I could think is "yummm, frosting!" lol! We all have days like that! And I completely get the mom thing... I don't have any female cousins (thankfully), but my mom has ALWAYS been on me about my weight. My brother was always a stick growing up, and she was always so close to him, and I couldn't help but think that a lot of it had to do with the fact that I was always so overweight while he wasn't. And now that I've just gotten older and bigger, she doesn't really say much any more... But there are no pictures in her house of me older than 18 (right before I gained a lot of weight). Parents can be tough. :-/

Pinkcobra, I used to go to the Y when I was in HS but I haven't been in years mostly because there's not one close to where I live now. Classes are pretty awesome, though, no matter where you go! I like to just not think about my workout, and just follow the bouncing leader person for a while. Plus it works out different muscles than I usually use, so I feel the workout even more. You should totally go for it!

Fallon, you kinda misundertood: I definitely drank and partied over my spring breaks... It just wasn't as fun as it could have been because the friends I was with were being kinda lame. As for the boy thing, yeah, like Ali said, being fat definitely affected my confidence. I went to a preppy, private high school where all the girls were size 00, and I definitely didn't fit the mold because I was a size 14 at my smallest. I wasn't the kind of girl the preppy guys I went to school with were looking to go out with at all, and it hit my self-esteem hard to never be asked on a date, or have a date to a dance, or any of that stuff. I'd flirt with people, and find out later that they laughed behind my back about it. When that kind of stuff happens often enough, it definitely affects how you see yourself. I've always been a big girl, but I've also always wanted to be a small girl and just fit in. So yeah, being overweight has definitely limited my life.

Now that I'm older I definitely go out and party, but for a while (in college) when I went out and partied I was like Jessica - I felt I had to be drunker, louder, and crazier than all the other girls to get noticed. (I never managed easy because I was so self conscious, but I definitely dressed like I was). Eventually I gave up straight clubs altogether and started going to the gay clubs with my gay guy friends because people were nicer there. Girls didn't sneer and giggle at me and guys didn't look at me as just the fat blob in their way as they try to get to the bar, as happened at every straight bar I went to. It was safe, and I felt good about myself, and I started to rebuild my confidence. Now I go out with my girlfriends to straight places again sometimes, but I'm definitely still self-conscious and I never flirt with guys. If I even think about it, high school flashes back through my head, and I instantly forget it. (Meeting THE GUY was kind of a fluke, actually. In general I get hit on by old/sketchy/unbathed cretins.)

In any case, I'm glad you have a great outlook on being a big girl, and a ton of confidence to go with it, but my experience growing up wasn't one that made me feel particularly proud of or confident about myself at all. And that's (one of the reasons) why being fat has limited my life.

The funny thing is... I was never made fun of in school (never to my face and not that I'm aware of). Never in college... nothing. It's been my own problems with being overweight that have hurt my confidence. haha I always had dates to dances, had a pretty serious boyfriend in high school, etc. But for me, I see myself as being exxxxtreeemmmely ugly because I'm overweight. So whenever I've dated guys and they tell me I'm beautiful blah blah, I never believe them because it's not something I believe for myself.
Now that I'm out of college... and am getting older I guess, I see things in myself I like (I'm one of the funniest people in my group of friends, my hair is pretty much always awesome, I have green eyes, and all in all, I think I'm decently attractive) but for me, these things are largely discounted because I'm a fat lard ass. haha

Wow so much going on. I have to agree, I always felt like the fat girl who was waiting to get skinny to have fun but it never happened. Kids were cruel. I got made fun of when I was in elementary school and it's still engraved in my head--I can still hear them to this day calling me "pig"---I also remember one of my teachers standing up for me and giving those boys detention and (this is funny because I just remembered this) she told me that she used to be fat but she started exercising and lost the weight--hmm--funny what we remember. I remember people always telling me "you have a pretty face" ---A pretty face--what the heck--I remember the time when I was trying to find a dress to wear to a school play and so I was trying on my mom's clothes ---I was only mm maybe 12 years old and I was trying on one of her skirts (a size 10--isn't that sad at 12)) and I couldn't fit it and I honesty started laughing (can't remember why) but she squeezed the hell out of my face and told me it wasn't funny that I couldn't  fit it. uhmp, to this day whenever someone says something about my weight I will tear up and cry--- I carry a lot of baggage with it--I try not to let it bother me but it's just such a sensitive spot--The funny thing is my mother said something a couple of weeks ago about me being at my goal weight when she sees me at in June--which I'm no where freakin clothes! I couldn't stand up to her when I was 12 and I still cant stand up to her--What business is this weight of mine to her? O'well I honestly know that all she wants me to be is healthy but she just comes off the wrong way. Dang, this is too emotional I'm leaving before I start to cry--

it's okay, bootser! i think mothers are definitely harder on their overweight daughters than anyone else is. i got grief from my mom, and she's been fat my whole life. i wasn't overweight until i was 13. before then i couldn't imagine my being overweight. i remember thinking, how does she have back fat? there's no fat on your back? and looking at her bras dig into her shoulders and  thinking how gross it was. now i look just like that.

for me,  the worst people were my "friends." no one but them made comments about my weight. it was just how i felt inside. OMG, and a boss in college, i was really close to her. so close, she gave me her old car. it was a stick, which i couldn't drive, so she was teaching me. it was a tiny little saab, and i mentioned how small it was, and that bitch said, well maybe if you lost some weight you could drive it better. WTF!

why is it that the women we're closest to treat us the worst? why must they be such bitches? i have never, never made a comment to anyone i know about their weight b/c that's rude and hurtful, and completely unproductive. and these bitches know what they say hurts you, i'm pretty sure that's partly why they say it. oooh, i'm gonna cut it before my post gets deleted.

women can be totally bitchy... and I admit that I've been one a few times or ten.  and sometimes you just have to be one, but other times you really need to think if saying the first thing that pops to mind is really just honesty or an attempt to tear someone else down.

the funny thing about asian guys is that i've never really been into them.  granted, I'm adopted and grew up in a white family in CO and WY, so the guys around me were generally white.  there were few adopted korean guys my age, but we were just buddies.... friends by a shared thread.  i always went for the blonde haired/blue eyed boys.  of course, there were some hott korean boys at korean heritage camp, but i've just always preferred non-asian guys.  but my babies will still be half korean and adorable, so it's ok!!! haha :D

ali: i think you're hott!!!

Original Post by pinkcobra:

the funny thing about asian guys is that i've never really been into them.  

i'm an equal-opportunity girlfriend. i welcome all comers! seriously, i have no "i'm not into"- kind of guy. though i do know what body type i like (which kinda sucks b/c the athletic-looking guys aren't usually into me [notice "usually"]. there was this one (no two) runner/s....)

but i will admit, i'm a sucker for dark hair, no matter what the guy's nationality. something about blonde hair on a guy just doesn't do it for me. except for jude law. and orlando bloom (he was cutest as an elf!)