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I agree with your married friends.  To say that every minute of every day you're absolutely 100% lovey-dovey in love with someone is kind of lying to yourself, in my opinion.  There are days when I cry because I haven't seen my husband and I'm particularly lovey towards him, and there are days when I forget we're together, not just two friends hanging out on the sofa together.

I love him to pieces, and some days I'm head-over-heels in love with him.  I like that I fall in love with him again and again.  But then again, we've got a wickedly insane sex life. 

However, sometimes our sex is just sex.  It's the two of us being bored and horny and we want to play with a new toy or just eachother.  I like him, I like what he does to me, but it's not always that loving, passionate sex that you can only really have with someone you love. 

To blame a lot of it on your lack of sex life seems a little unfair, but all relationships are different.

It kind of sounds like an intimacy problem.  If you're not spending much time together, it's hard to feel close to someone.  Some people need TIME to feel close and some people need other things, like affection.  Maybe he isn't in the mood because you're not in love with him.  You've told him that, but no doubt he can feel it.  Maybe he is worried about where the relationship is going.  It is normal for everyone to have sexual problems when there are emotional problems in the relationship.

"In Love" - that feeling can change from day to day!  TRUE love lasts...

You don't sound as though eigher one of you is committed to this relationship.  Move out, mature some and try again.

No matter what long term relationship you have, the "in love" feeling will ebb and flow lots of times over the course of it. Sometimes you'll even love the guy even though you don't like him!

You obviously love him and are trying to work the low sex drive thing out together which is great. I would be concerned that he's giving you permission to cheat though. It sounds like he's not quite connected...maybe this is his way of trying to distance himself emotionally from you, leading to a split?

(btw, this is exactly what the lounge is for!- everything and anything non-weight related)

Maybe it's mean, maybe it's why I'm unmarried, but I have a hard time staying with guys I'm not 'sexually compatible' with. It's shallow, but its important to me. I have a.. um... 'thriving' drive, I do understand what you mean about intimacy, and when it's not there I just kind of what to throw my hands in the air and be like 'If this is how it is, we could just call ourselves roomates to make it official.

Not saying you should leave him, only you know that. And I would say to stick it out a little. See if the doc helps. See if things get better. At the same time, don't marry someone just because breaking up over sex seems 'bad.'

Off topic: more and more I'm beginning to believe that the whole 'guys only care about sex, they want it all the time' bit is a complete myth.

I agree with your married friends too to a point, it is normal for the lovey dovey can't get enough of each other feeling to go when you live together, but you have only been together 2 years.  I don't seem particualrly happy with the lack of sex life, and although I respect you for staying faithful in this relationship you have to ask yourself the question - would you be happy with this exact situation for the next 5...........10...........20 years?

Everyone's sex life is different, what every person wants out of a relationship is different, but if this isn't what you want then you need to move on, my best friend treats me well, is good to me and takes care of me when I need it, I have plenty of things to talk to her about and hope that she will be in my life for the next however many years.  We don't have sex either, I'm not attracted to her and we're not that intimate, that's what my financee is for.  The feelings and connections are completely different.  Do you see where I'm heading here........?

You love him, but you're not sexually attracted to him, and it doesn't sound like you ever were. He's a close friend, not a boyfriend. This is way beyond sometimes feeling bored with your sex life. It doesn't sound like he's all that crazy about sex with you either. Obviously relationships aren't endlessly perfect, but the good times are supposed to make up for the boring parts. Break up with him, take him out for brunch once a week, and tell him all about the guys you're dating.

I agree w/ sunnybra. I'm not married. I've been in a couple of serious, long-term relationships (the longest being about 5 years). I do believe ebb and flow is normal in a relationship. What I don't think is "normal" for a *healthy* realtionship is to feel that lack of connection for a full year as you've said this is going on...

A lot of this is going to be personal to you. Not everyone feels that strongly about sex, some women and some men don't have strong sex drives. Me personally, I am more like you and I find it very important and it's a huge way that I connect with my boyfriend now. In addition to other things, it has helped us to build our intimacy. It makes me feel close to him. (not to mention it's just FUN!! lol). If sex is important to you in having an intimate, loving relationship, then aboslutely it needs to be improved. It sounds like he is willing to take steps in that direction.

But honestly, it sounds to me like you are trying to talk yourself into staying with this man. Because he does sound like a good guy. But you cannot force yourself to have feelings that you do not have just because he's a nice guy. It's going to only lead to more resentment on your side, down the road (sounds like it already has somewhat).]

You're not a bad person if he's not "the one" or the love of your life, for whatever reason. Just because he's a good guy doesn't mean you have to stay with him if the feelings on your end aren't there.

Are you scared that you won't find anyone else? If you left this relationship, I mean.

He's told me that I'm too good for him and out of his league from day 1.

This line tells me you need to seriously consider leaving him. He has some deep seated self-estem issues that will only get worse unless he does some serious work on them. He needs to see a counselor and you shouldn't waste your youth on someone who thinks they're not good enough for you.

Don't spend too much time trying to fix someone. You can't fix anyone.

I recently went to this thing on "Communication" and the speaker was talking about how different people receive love. I thought it was very interesting. Its important too to realize how your partner receives love - because relationships work better when people understand how "love" translates to their partner. You don't need to be the same - you just have to identify how you two feel loved and go from there!

None of the items below are 'right' or 'wrong' but just how people interpert things. You can be a mix of them but usually one or two will stand out as YOU.

1) TOUCH - I think this is you. You need the physical connection to feel like you are receiving love - maybe you can get more feeling from other forms of touch even if it isn't through sex exactly? Back massages? Hugs? Cuddling during movie watching? Maybe letting him know touch doesn't have to progress to more will make him more likely to satisfy you in other ways without the expectation or pressure of sex?

2) TALK - through words and language and conversations
3) GIFTS - something shiny and new, flowers, receiving material things
4) TIME - just spending face time with eachother. The more time sometimes means more love for some people
5) ACTIONS - remembering to put out the garbage or leaving a love note on a pot of fresh coffee in the morning. doing the little odd jobs that get mentioned off-hand.

I think it is also important to note that you can love someone and be with someone romatically without being "in love" but that you can also love someone and end a relationship because it isn't good for you in the long run. Recognizing when to walk away from 'love' is a hard hard thing to do - but it can be very important for your self respect. I think as hard as it is - it is good to come up with a decision rather than being wishy washy. Are you in or are you out? There isn't really a right or wrong answer there - its just the wishy washy will eat away at the both of you and cause insecurities for the person on the other end of your indecisions.

You start cooking.

Another possibility:  You're settling and he knows it.  Of course he doesn't want to have sex with you.  He wants to have sex with a woman who adores him and admires him and thinks he's the greatest thing on earth, and makes him feel like a real man.  That woman is not you.