any good comebacks for rude remarks on being fat

My favorite is:  Alll the better to sit on you my dear.

(I have grey hair and I say it like wolf pretending to be granny in Little Red Riding Hood).

The simple answer is a pleasant smile and the answer 'yes'. Not much can be said back to that.

I guess the trick is not to take heart. I get pulled up for wearing glasses. One of my friends because he isn't the brightest star in the galaxy, but we know our place and get on with it.

The people here have a great advantage. You can change. Whereas I will always wear glasses (can't afford surgery), and my mate.... well.... in his words - I'm never going to win a nobble prize am I. You have to smile :)

Ob said:
here's a question too:  does anyone here REALLY believe that a good comeback is going to change the mind of the rude person.. that saying something in return is going to shame that person?

Good question, and one I have grappled with, not as an overweight woman but as a breastfeeding mother. (You'd be amazed the number of people who feel compelled to make rude comments.)

In the beginning, I was shocked by the rude behaviour of some people. Thinking that politess was the best way to approach things, I politely said that it must be challenging for them to see something they were unused to... or some other such thing. My experience is life has been that most situations diffuse when one person keeps a cool head.

Later, I got snappish: "Do you make it a habit to criticise all good parenting or I am just your lucky target?"

Eventually, I decided that the best way to ensure that the dingbat never said anything rude to another breastfeeding mother again was to load up both barrels: "You must be friggen obsessed to be able to even know what I'm doing. If you don't move on and stop oogling my breasts I'm going to draw more attention to your perversion than you ever desired."

There are some people who are just unbelieveably rude. To treat them with kindness is to take the higher ground. To shut them down, however, can mean that they don't become repeat offenders.

:)

People don't make comments to me anymore... and I don't remember ever having a comeback as a child, just took it and cried myself to sleep at night! :)

I've told this one before, but in a different post:

I went on a date about 3 years and 60lbs ago. We went out to eat then went back to his apartment and started enjoying ourselves. Afterwards, he told me that while he enjoyed my company, he didn't date fat girls. I looked at him and laughed and told him "That's ok. I don't date men with tiny *******." The look on his face was priceless... and the best part was that I knew what a complete dork he was before I wasted any more time with him and his ignorant comment didn't hurt at all.

If anyone were to make a comment to me now, I think I would either send them on a huge guilt trip or just look at them with a blank, amused look on my face... like I was trying hard not to laugh at them. And just nod... that one works pretty good in other situations where I'm confronted with ridiculous comments.

Hahaha gosh these are all so funny,wait till i get teased again hehe,im prepared now ;>

I looked at him and laughed and told him "That's ok. I don't date men with tiny *******." -- jayd294mp

LMAO! LOVE it! HAHAHAHA!

"huh...i've had two kids.. you gain weight with kids, but you don't gain ugly from pregnancy... so what's your excuse?

I love you guys! Some jerks made a couple of idiotic, hurtful, AND untrue comments to me in the grocery store several months ago when I was with my FATHER...but I let it go and pretended I didn't hear anything.

"I looked at him and laughed and told him "That's ok. I don't date men with tiny *******.""

LOLLLLLLLL. You are #1 in my book.

Being more than just a little overweight is new to me, so I unfortunately don't have any personal experience with rudeness of the "you're fat" variety.  Neanderthals are everywhere though; you just have to be female and on foot to know that. ;)

clairelaine and obsidyan, I added both of you smart peeps. :)  Due to much lack of success with clever comebacks, I'm starting to see your point of view.

Although hkellick's killing me with the 5 year old mentality... "Oh yeah? Your FACE!" *ROFL*

I've never given a response to fat comment before but if I ever had to, this would be mine:

"Okay then. Let's both be contained in a small, locked room without food and without thinking of anthropophagy and see if you'll ever say that again."

I love that donut response.

I've done the exaggerated double take and said "omigod, you're right! how could I have not noticed?"

now that i think of it,

 the first girl who ever said anything rude to me at the gym no less,

and that comment being, when i asked her where she got her pants and she said "they don't make them that big"

.... a month later she was jogging on the treadmill and she tripped and fell and knocked  her front tooth out... that was pure karma and the best comeback ever >;)

because stupid people really suck, and because i am a jerk...when people are rude to me, i just turn on the sarcasm.... when someone would tell me i was fat, i would just look at them with a complete straight face and reply...."well, i must be doing something right..you noticed me" they hate that. or my personal favorite was "i know..i own a mirror...whats your excuse?"      

my favorite for when people who know the answer to their question, so it obviously is intended to call everyone's attention to the fact that you were FAT to begin with and to force you to admit how much you've lost . . .

Q:  Oh, have you lost weight?

A:  (after searching around my body) Nope, it's all accounted for.

My neighbor told me I could stand to lose a hundred pounds.  I looked at him sweetly and said, "Why, Mr. Carson, you always say the sweetest things!"  It stopped him in his skinny tracks.  :) 

Anyone got any comebacks for when someone calls you a "noob"?

The best response to rude and negative remarks is silence.  Not letting some one push your buttons has more power than anything that can be said.

Did you google noob?  What exactly is that? 

People are always going to be stupid and say ignorant crap.  It hurts all the more if its true. :/

Noob is a word so heavily associated with message-board pop culture and online gaming that the only real response is in the same jargon.

Fortunately the O RLY owl is still popular enough to be a good response to such noobery.  (Oh really? for people not familiar with Internet abbreviations.)