Good sex ed books? (for a child!)

So, my 11 year old DAUGHTER looked up sex on Google.  Needless to say, she saw a lot of pretty graphic things she really shouldn't have. I only found out because I saw the pages in the history  (yes I know, I should have had parental controls on, but we recently just got a Mac for the first time, and I hadn't figured it out yet - so don't blast me for it, I beating myself up already!)  

Now she already knew the basics, we had that talk a long time ago.  The thing is, she's really shy, and will not ask me anything.  I did not yell at her, I asked her why she would go on the internet, and she said she had questions, but didn't want to ask me. I really do think she started out fairly innocently, not intentionally looking for porn, you can tell by the order that the history is in what she pulled up first, but you know how it is, you just get in deeper and deeper one you start clicking on ads and such.

I really tried to get her to talk to me, but she just couldn't.  We really don't have any close older girls around, just a 17 year old cousin, so that's probably not going to help,  and I know she won't talk to her grandparents either.  

She an avid reader and loved the body book I got for her when we had the puberty talk, so I thought she would appreciate a sex ed book too.   

Has anyone got any ideas for an age appropriate book?  Preferably one that explains the love aspect too, not just the physical parts?

Thanks for any input and support you can give!

 

Yeah...been there done that...

Always a tough one...

I got this for my son...and I believe you can get books specifically for girls.

Good luck...

 

http://www.amazon.com/Where-Did-Come-Peter-Ma yle/dp/0818402539/ref=pd_bbs_1?ie=UTF8&s= books&qid=1218983654&sr=8-1

As a kid I had "It's Perfectly Normal"

I think it was a good one. It covers body changes + sex, and is pretty open-minded and frank, while being accessible to children.

http://www.amazon.com/Its-Perfectly-Normal-Ch anging-Growing/dp/1564021599

Original Post by tomchan0:

Yeah...been there done that...

Always a tough one...

I got this for my son...and I believe you can get books specifically for girls.

Good luck...

 

http://www.amazon.com/Where-Did-Come-Peter-Ma yle/dp/0818402539/ref=pd_bbs_1?ie=UTF8&s= books&qid=1218983654&sr=8-1

 I recently saw this book at Barnes & Noble - it's really good.  I plan on getting it some day :)

I don't know about any books, but I would suggest maybe trying a different approach.  Instead of talking about what questions she has, trying talking about what sort of questions her friends have.  Sometimes it takes off the pressure of what she feels and makes it feel like it's them.  Or, you could try coming up with a list of questions and have her point out some that she might be curious about, maybe opening up to the ones she has.  And have some of them be absolutely ridiculous.  I haven't done that in this area, but you know how kids all get into trouble sometimes?  Well, if you ask what happened, they don't always want to say.  But if you throw things out there, well, did you accidentally push a kid, did you yell at somebody, did you talk back to a teacher, did you jump off the bleachers and slam a kid on the floor ending in a wrestling match between you and 3 other kids?  When you hit the ridiculous one, the answer is almost always "No!  All I did was punch so and so".  No longer seems all that horrible, and hey potentially open up.

I bought "where did I come from" when my daughter was 5 cause she asked how the baby got in my tummy.  I skipped over the sex part then.  Shes 8 now and weve gone over the whole thing and she just thinks its weird that people want to do that LOL. 

Original Post by elizadoodle:

As a kid I had "It's Perfectly Normal"

I think it was a good one. It covers body changes + sex, and is pretty open-minded and frank, while being accessible to children.

http://www.amazon.com/Its-Perfectly-Normal-Ch anging-Growing/dp/1564021599

I second this one.  Fabulous book, and I don't think an 11-year-old would get the feeling they were being "talked down" to.  (Heck, I'm 32, and I enjoyed it.)

It really covers everything and does have an emphasis on love and relationships.

NOTE:  Because the book tries to hit on all areas, it includes a very small non-detailed section on homosexuality.  Some people might be averse to showing this to their children for religious or other reasons.

I think it's important to realize that kids of any age are infinitely curious about this subject.  Especially at age 11, when she's probably starting to notice boys and maybe feel attracted to them.  And why wouldn't kids be curious?  It's one of the great mysteries and joys of life.

Maybe she can talk to a counselor at school. I would suggest it, as viewing porn for the first time (especially as such a young age) can be very traumatic.

I teach Human Sexuality at our local college (a perenial favorite course, I might add, lol). A good all around resource for parents (or teachers, or higher ed folks, etc) is SIECUS.org. They are a research institution devoted to sexuality issues. You can find information on age-appropriate resources, suggestions on opening up communication with kids, as well as a host of other educational tidbits that can always be useful for parents.

Original Post by socioval:

I teach Human Sexuality at our local college (a perenial favorite course, I might add, lol). A good all around resource for parents (or teachers, or higher ed folks, etc) is SIECUS.org. They are a research institution devoted to sexuality issues. You can find information on age-appropriate resources, suggestions on opening up communication with kids, as well as a host of other educational tidbits that can always be useful for parents.

Great!   Thanks everyone for your help.  

I'm a children's writer, and I would highly recommend "Mummy Laid an Egg" by Babette Cole. It's a cute, funny and informative picture book that might help make the subject a little lighter and easier for your daughter to talk about. I've even read this to a 4-year-old, who was fascinated and started asking some amusing questions. It's British, but you can find it on amazon.com

Well, I don't have any book suggestions, but I can relate a bit to your situation.

I have an 11 y/o old- he's not shy, and very innocent in some ways, sexuality being one of them. This summer, knowing he was starting middle school where hormones run rampant, I decided to take the bull by the horns and bring the topic up. (I figured if he's going to hear about it anyways, he was going to hear how it really is from me, and not from a bunch of his friends)

We had previously talked about boys liking girls and vice versa (part of that conversation went like this: ME TO SON- so what do you do when you like a girl? SON- you take her on a date. ME- and what do you do on a date? SON- well first you get a hotel room, then you go to the mall shopping for a ring. after my heart resumes beating ME- what do you do in the hotel room? SON- I dunno, talk, and watch tv I guess.)

At the same time we talked about the changes that his body would be going through and I briefly mentioned the changes for a girl as well.

Anyways, getting back to this summer, I laid it all out there, the whole shebang. His response was "do you and dad do that?" with an "I'm gonna puke" expression on his face.

The only thing I didn't talk about was homosexuality. (why let dad miss out on all the sex talks? lol)

I decided not to go the book route for a few reasons. 1- My son still feels comfortable talking to me about stuff and would ask questions. 2- it's probably hard to find a book that reflects your own feelings (and morality) on love and sex.

Good luck!!

How about the classic "Where Did I Come From?"...my parents got that for us when my sister was around that age...we spent hours giggling over it and the crazy idea that is sex but it was explicitly explicit, just matter of fact and I think it did cover the emotional aspects.

When I was pretty darn little  I was apparently very interested in the topic of sex, so my mom got me some books from the library. Apparently something still went wrong with me because when I got older I was afraid of penises! Lol.

My Grandmother bought "Where Did I Come From?" for my siblings and I when I was about 7. My mom threw a fit, but we thought it was great. Answered a lot of questions we had, in a healthy and thoughtful way. No damage caused to us for early exposure, so I'd recommend it.

By the way, I commend you for being open with your daughter about such things. My mom's refusal to admit to us that people have sex caused us far more problems than my Grandmother's approach.