Is there every a *good time* to have a baby?
I have one child (boy 3yrs) and desperatly want to have another one. But it seems like there is always something in the way... the timing never seems right. Now with the economy in turmoil I wonder if its smart to have another one now?
So do we just jump in and do it .. cause the longer we put it off the further apart the age would be and I hate that :(
It sounds to me that in your heart its the 'right' time. I have two girls, one is 4 in March, the other is 18mths. We started TTC when the eldest had her first birthday, and it took nearly a year to fall pregnant (it took 2mths with the first!)- so even when you decide to have another- it doesn't necessarily mean it'll happen exactly when you want it to? So if you think of it like that- there would never be a right time to have a child- there would always be occassions/holidays etc coming up. But the financial aspect is of course important too- you want to be able to provide well for your baby. Day to day expenses can be 'absorbed' into pretty much any budget (poverty stricken families do have a lot of children sometimes & still manage ok?)- but things like college/school funds need to be considered too?
No-one can predict what the future will bring- the economy may drop even further- and it may also get better, you need to figure out if thats the most important thing to consider?
Nope, never a "good" time - we kept waiting for the "right" time, and now my daughter is almost 12 and an only child...if you think you're ready, just do it (no pun intended 
)
Anytime is the right time, because you can't control your environment, it will change without your consent - sometimes for the better, sometimes for the worse. I am a lab manager at a fertility center and believe me, the longer you wait, the harder it is! Not only for getting pregnant, but for maintaining the pregnancy as well. And you always find the money somewhere to support them!!
No.
I agre with the others. There is no "right" time to have a child. It will all work out. My husband was in grad school when I got pregnant with our first. He wanted to wait until he graduated. I did not want to be 30 years old and just starting to have kids. It all worked out. Somehow it does.
just do it, as others said... otherwise you'll just keep waiting and waiting for the "right" time.
My boys are 6 years apart. It seemed to work well for expeditures and gave each their own sense of place in the family.
The only issue was the difference in ages made the younger a bit resentful of the elder's privileges when they were in their teens.
And the answer is 'no'. There is never a 'good' time fiscally. Follow your heart and you won't regret it.
I guess it's easier for me to identify the "wrong" times to have a baby - teenage years (flame me if you want, I think it's too young.), both partners unemployed, to "fix" a bad or abusive relationship, etc.
No. We're conditioned to think in the terms of good and bad. Right and wrong. Ect. Try not to let that be the reason either way you decide.
There is never ever a time ' good enough ' because we set standards that are huge when we care. (For others and ourselves.) It's important to wait until you're ready to fill the role to a baby and able to do so efficiently.
However, there is always a potential better timing... That doesn't mean if you were to have a baby right now it would be bad timing. It might be the best potential time for you to have another. That doesn't make it anymore right though in all honesty. Just because timing is better doesn't make it meant to be either.
As long as you're having a baby for the right reasons and can provide for the child it's quote: "good." Being capable of giving all the love and support a child needs... makes it socially "acceptable." That's not only emotinal support with love, but financially too. I wouldn't suggest having another baby right now if you are struggling to get by with one. The reason for which being that it will only make things more difficult on your household. I wouldn't suggest having another child if you don't have a stable lifestyle and relationship. I don't consider that fair to your other child or the one you'd be bringing into the world. It's also a burden that the children end up paying for in the end. I'm not saying someone has to be wealthy, but secure nonetheless.
In my humble opinion someone should be in a stable standing in their own life. I find it ridiculous when people want ' more ' or ' a child ' when their own life is unstable. It's a responsibility that people don't take as seriously as they pretend. They'll have another child when they can't even afford one. Or to ' fix ' an unstable relationship with their lover. They have nothing saved for Jr.1's education, but want another child asap. They'll have nothing saved for their own retirement... yet want babies. Some people aren't even capable of paying their 'rent' without a concern, yet want to add to their family. Such concerns alone would be enough in itself if felt on my behalf to cause me to hold off. It's sad when children have no sense of security.
This is honestly a matter that should be agreed on between a couple though. Not outside sources. After all. It wouldn't be outside sources that would be responsible for raising this potential baby until grown. Some people have no intention to set aside money for their childs education. Much less all their children. Or even to retire for that matter. We all have different circumstances and plans so you'll have to decide how it falls into your own. Sometimes we don't always get what we ' want ' because our needs outweigh it. Think about your situation because you're the only one that truly knows. Talk to your partner. Come to a conclusion that feels right for you both.
There may be a ' better ' time for you further down the road. However. That time may skip you by so it's not definitely set in stone either. Ask yourself if you're ready and consider your standing in life.
Consider the future you have to offer another child and how it would effect your own. As well as that of your other child and partner. Not only in the sweet ways. But, seriously. Pros and Cons. Consider the all aspects of the life you have now. There may be circumstances in your life that nobody else can foresee. Things that are negative or potential pros at this point. Or...further down the line. The answer is within if you just honestly ask and answer the question yourself. Do you have actual concerns that should cause you to wait or just fears? Fear is normal!imho Fear alone shouldn't cause you to wait if you're ready and stable in your life.
You might find this short video clip that is somewhat on the subject amusing.
Original Post by trhawley:
You might find this short video clip that is somewhat on the subject amusing.
Lol!^ That's hilarious. Great Movie.
My children are 7 years apart. almost to the day. We had troubles between the two and gave up trying. Then we made a decision to not, not try and we were "blessed" with my son. The only regret I have is the age difference. It is like raising two "only child". I am not sure if it is becasue the older one is a girl and the youngest is a boy.
If you wait for the right time to do something you may find that you never do/did anything.
The right time is when you and your partner feel it's right. You can't predict the future. A year ago it may have seemed like a great economic climate to have a baby and... surprise. I can't agree that being fiscally secure is a prerequisite for having children. A good family environment is dependent on children being loved and welcome. You can't control world finances, job markets and the value of currency, but you can provide a loving home, care, instruction and support anywhere, any time.
I never had any kids, incidentally. Never seemed like the right time. Kind of late now, but so it goes.
This is a little off topic but how many of you moms gave up your careers when you had a baby?
My husband and I want to start "trying" for our first child I will be 30 next year which I feel is getting a bit old especially if you want 2 or 3 children.. but what happens after? Right now we live comfortably. I have a good job and a good education and he is just starting out with his career.. I am tired though of my chosen field, I would love to start staying home and really raising our family.. but his career can't support us financially - the only option I can think of is having him stay home but that sucks for both of us.
Any advice?
There may be no perfect time, but as coffincritter said, there are definitely some really terrible times.
I don't think that vague concerns about the market should dissuade anyone from having kids: if you feel you are emotionally ready for kids (or more kids), your partner is on the same page, and you are able to provide a very basic standard of living for your family (I mean food, shelter, clothing, nothing fancy), then I don't see the problem with having kids when you want them.
The problem arises when one or both partners feels like it is not the right time for them. It is important to respect those wishes IMO, and yes, this means that the person who doesn't want them at that time gets to "win", but frankly the stakes are high enough (risking bringing a child into the world unwanted by one of its parents) that I'm OK with that injustice.
Original Post by berryblue031:
This is a little off topic but how many of you moms gave up your careers when you had a baby?
My husband and I want to start "trying" for our first child I will be 30 next year which I feel is getting a bit old especially if you want 2 or 3 children.. but what happens after? Right now we live comfortably. I have a good job and a good education and he is just starting out with his career.. I am tired though of my chosen field, I would love to start staying home and really raising our family.. but his career can't support us financially - the only option I can think of is having him stay home but that sucks for both of us.
Any advice?
Berryblue, my personal advice would be to have kids when you want them, but keep working. Take off as much time as your job will allow (I personally think that the civilized standard for maternity leave should be a year, like it is in Canada and Europe, but I realize that in the US this is not the case). Your skills and contacts must be kept up or your employment viability might be lost or compromised forever, despite your education. I recommend reading the book "The Feminine Mistake" by Leslie Bennetts for more on this.
Why would having him stay home suck for both of you, btw?
Original Post by trustwomen:
Original Post by berryblue031:
This is a little off topic but how many of you moms gave up your careers when you had a baby?
My husband and I want to start "trying" for our first child I will be 30 next year which I feel is getting a bit old especially if you want 2 or 3 children.. but what happens after? Right now we live comfortably. I have a good job and a good education and he is just starting out with his career.. I am tired though of my chosen field, I would love to start staying home and really raising our family.. but his career can't support us financially - the only option I can think of is having him stay home but that sucks for both of us.
Any advice?
Berryblue, my personal advice would be to have kids when you want them, but keep working. Take off as much time as your job will allow (I personally think that the civilized standard for maternity leave should be a year, like it is in Canada and Europe, but I realize that in the US this is not the case).
That's my advice too. Of course. You could also move to Canada. ;)
Why would having him stay home suck for both of you, btw?
I'm also curious as to why that would be sucky thing for you both?
On a side note my mother had my two younger sisters in her mid-thirties. She didn't have any difficulties with either or suffer any of the risk factors. If you're worried about your biological clock ticking away...There is no reason you couldn't have your eggs frozen now. That would give you more time for him to secure a steady career. How long does he need to become steady in his career? Would he ever be able to maintain and support you financially?
This is a little off topic but how many of you moms gave up your careers when you had a baby?
My husband and I want to start "trying" for our first child I will be 30 next year which I feel is getting a bit old especially if you want 2 or 3 children.. but what happens after? Right now we live comfortably. I have a good job and a good education and he is just starting out with his career.. I am tired though of my chosen field, I would love to start staying home and really raising our family.. but his career can't support us financially - the only option I can think of is having him stay home but that sucks for both of us.
Yes!!!! I am/was a nurse and I worked up until the day I had my daughter almost 7 years ago--literally, through contractions and everything--and I never looked back! I've been home with her and now my almost 4 year old son. It's a touchy topic so I"ll save you my imput on why I think it's good but you will find a way to support your family! No, we don't go to Disney World every year and family vacations are more like family "outings" BUT I and my husband and my kids do not regret it at all!! I just recently starting to do some part time work from home (Medical Transcription) just because of the economy and what not but otherwise we made it just fine. Sometimes my daughter says, "Why does (whoever's) mom work?" And I always tell her that everyone is different and they do what's right for them. And that's what you got to do. I come from a long line of stay at home moms and my husband also, so it was really a normal thing for me to do! Will I go back to work outside the home?? Maybe, once they are in High School or beyond!!! Good Luck to you in whatever you do and don't let other people make that decision fo r you!!
Actually I am Canadian so I will get the first year off, my husband and I are also trying to figure out whether we would prefer to raise our children here alone in Canada or where he grew up in Europe and still has a tonne of family. We would like to have more then one child and getting daycare for 2 or 3 kids if you can even get it, it's quite hard to find space is very expensive.
The reason I say it would "suck" for both of us if he had to stay home is because he is really motivated/anxious to get his career going it's been a late start for him - he has taken quite a few different things in school and is just now figuring out what he actually wants to be. On the other hand I have an engineering degree and work in a big international company where I have been for the past 5yrs and honestly am getting tired of it. I was also thinking maybe I should go back to school but I think starting a family now is a better option, your priorities change so much when you have a baby and it's something we have been wanting to do for a couple of years now.
I don't think there is ever a perfect time.
Coming from the point of view of someone who had difficulty conceiving in her 20s, I say the sooner the better - with the qualifiers that you should be in a stable relationship and be able to support yourself and the child(ren).
I did not leave my job to stay home with my girls. That was never something I wanted.
I wanted to have my kids back to back, as close as possible. They are over 3 years apart due to fertility issues. I wish they were closer in age, but I guess it remains to be seen how that gap will work out. From my perspective, it was really hard to go back to dealing with an infant after my first was already so independent.
Is there a safe diet pill for teens?
Orlistat, marketed as Xenical by prescription and over-the-counter Alli, is the only drug approved by the FDA for teens ages 12 to 16... Read more