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a good weight for me?

well, i know this doesnt apply to me right but i am 5'2 and 19 currently at a emaciated bmi....i know i ahve a pretty far way ahead. but the pont of this is just that i have grown in height since my last re-feeding process, and i know a good weight for me at 5'2 would be like 98-100+ ish for an 18 ish bmi.....but my highest weight has been 95.5 and i just feel like 100 is soo scary and so high for me. and is just too big. ugh..idk..ive always been so small framed and boned. but just knowing taller girls that are 105 and over 5'6 etc..etc...and at there "goal" and acting like they are "recovered" and working or have a job or at school. while  my parents wont allow me so many privileges ie:car, school trips etc...unless i am over 90 something lbs. idk...just feel like 85-88 is ok...ed tells me....but thats like 15 something bmi and not ok...idk. my rational tells me that. but yet i just want to stop at mid 80 lbs....but i know that is low. and i wont have restored my body fully + i'll be that much closer to the 60's and easier to get back to my lowest or lower. *sigh* i just hate having these thoughts.

any one else who is semi short (5'0-5'2) and having or had similar issues with feeling like its ok to be tiny...and at a low #

thank you

I'm 5'2 and exceedingly small boned. I look my best at a BMI of 19, but am going to go for 20, which is 110lb. I strongly recommend you aim for this to prevent relapse. Last time in refeeding a BMI of 19 was not enough to prevent me relapsing. You need to do this. The weight you say was your highest weight is a little above what I am now: and I am still gaining!

Mid 80lb is not just 'low', it is dangerously low. You are putting your health at risk by allowing ED to dominate your thoughts like this. You will be most equipped to fight the ED and those thoughts at a higher weight, so keep on gaining.

109 pounds is actually a BMI of a bit less than 20, which is recommended for people recovering from EDs.

Calorie-Count is all about healthy and sustainable weight management.   Please be aware that this website does not support pro-ana type posts or eating patterns and those posts will be deleted/locked. 

 Here are some links with a calculator and lots of information for teenagers: 

calculator and calorie information for Teens 

Nutrition, Exercise & Weight Management for Teens

More Nutrition & Health for Teens

Dieting & Metabolism (explains starvation mode and why undereating is counter-productive)

The Body Neglected (explains what happens when you undereat a long time)

Something-Fishy.org (information about eating disorders)

We hope this helps, but we must advise you that that this website does not and cannot support unhealthy eating disordered behaviour from those who are unwilling to get help.  Since you know that your weight goal is LOWER than it should be based on this..

"any one else who is semi short (5'0-5'2) and having or had similar issues with feeling like its ok to be tiny...and at a low #" 

I would recommend that you speak to a doctor about your weight goals and reconsider.

I hope the links above help and that you find the positive, healthy support you need

thank you.

yes i do know that now that i am far from the mid/high 80's lbs or w/e my stupid ed deems a "safe" weight...i know to prevent relapse over 18.5 bmi ATLEAST is needed.and recomenned ..thats why in IP they'd want me at 108 lbs, for my 100% ibw. i will def try to fight these thoughts most def..and know that i need to be highter than i think. and i know that everyone is differnt and must must keep that in mind.

I would constantly rationalise that because I'm at a very small height and small boned (right under 4'10 actually), I needed to be at a very small weight. But I can now see that underweight is not where my body wanted me to be at, and trying to cling to that belief only strengthened my ED. I've now reached a BMI of 20.1, and I can honestly say that I am NOT big in the slightest. In fact, I'm still small..but a whole lot better and healthier looking.

Those girls that are at low weights and supposedly recovered are NOT..what would happen if they were to somehow gain some pounds? There is a strong possibility that they would panic because they got used to thinking their still low weights were healthy, and they became used to seeing themselves that way. And BAM, they would slip back just like that. You don't want that, do you? If you get to a healthy BMI you'll be able to work on accepting your body for what it is, and seeing that it's okay to be a normal weight.

Your highest weight may have been 95.5, but you're older now and as we get older and become women, we're meant to weigh more..our breasts grow, our hips may widen in order to accomodate babies later on.  I think the best thing for you is to gain to a BMI of 20. Yes, it's scary and seems impossible, For so long I tried to avoid getting there, or staying there. But now that I'm here it's actually okay. I'm still me, I'm still the same person. I'm just better off in so many ways. To make this seem less daunting you could break it up into goal weights along the way. Eventually your weight does settle at the weight it's meant to be at, whether that is a BMI of 19 or a BMI of 21. You'll still be slim at a BMI of 20, but after being there for a while you'll feel so much better. And I'm sure you'll radiate health and happiness. =)

thank you hotsauce :)

I don't mean to be harsh but this small bone stuff is an excuse to not have to reach a normal weight. It is not just from you but so many times on this board. There is a range for heights and it takes in account small/med/large frame. The low end of the range is for the small bone. It takes into account height.

I think for you right now to worry about 20 bmi serves not point. You are so far from that and it takes the focus off today and what you need to do. I also think you stated you are at 2200 or something and that is not going to get you there in a timely fashion.You can compare to others and I do as well so I understand but regardless your body is different and you need to focus on that. Are you in therapy and treatment outpatient? I have read your posts and your blog and I wonder if there is a part of you that uses the ed to get out of things like school and growing up. If I recall you were supposed to be in college this year but are not? These things are scary in life but in the long run will give you such a fufilling experience.

Hotsauce you are amazing and have come a far way.

Maya, I know I'm quite a bit taller than you, but I was afraid of reaching 100 pounds as well. I originally thought that 95 lbs was the "perfect" weight for me as well. I know, I've got about 7 inches on you, but I too used the "small frame" excuse (I'm built smaller than my mother - who is also a petite 5'2")  Its absurd to think that you can be healthy at  a BMI 15. 

I was about 105 lbs when I started working and going back to school. If I hadn't reached a much  healthier place mentally - a place where I can eat food at work where people watch me do it and ask me 100 questions, and eat foods that I may or may not have planned for without anxiety - I would not have been able to do what I am doing now. But with the change in mentality and the subsidization of fear, I can lead a regular active life AND gain weight at the same time. 

Make small goals. Its much easier to deal with and makes the gaining seem like a less daunting task. My first goal was to reach 95, then I bumped it to 100, 105. I maintained 105 for a bit to give myself time to adjust to a weight that I had not been at in about 7 years. It might not have been the smartest choice on my part - I was only at BMI 16- but I did what felt right for ME at the time. I kept my calories up, didn't lose a single ounce. And after a few weeks of adjusting, I learned to like myself as I was. After going back to work and school and seeing what real people looked like - I realized that I was still very, very thin and could easily gain another 10-15lbs. So I'm gaining again. And far better off for it. It might take me a bit more time than expected, but I'm going to reach a healthy BMI. If I can do it after all these years, you can too. Remember that you're never alone in this. Even when your sister isn't doing so great and you start to doubt yourself, just remember that I'm only one state away, doing the same thing. <3

Original Post by abbi333:

I think for you right now to worry about 20 bmi serves not point. You are so far from that and it takes the focus off today and what you need to do.

Original Post by rebelchick1017:

Make small goals. Its much easier to deal with and makes the gaining seem like a less daunting task.

The above quotes make so much sense to me.  If 85-88 sounds like a good goal to you, why not make 85 as your goal for now?  That will probably make it easier for you to eat and gain right now, and that's the most important thing.  After all, in order to get to a higher weight, you have to get to 85 first.

Once you get to that weight, you can re-evaluate. 

thank you tori. love you. and i really really can understand how being still at a low bmi yet  ur mind-set and eating is at a place that one may say your body/weight is not...considering you are like equivelent to me at like 85ish kinda..i can see that is still super low,

but i cant tell you how proud i am of you. i know how big of a struggle it is for you to actually gain the weight, with your metabolism and everything. but being able to keep up with MP an cal goals etc...while doing all the normal things in life is a HUGE goal and a huge accomplishment on ur part.  u have been so inspiring to me always.  we must remeber that recovery and weight retoration is important, but some poeple forget that the our minds may follow faster than what number says.

.but then i know that the being 17+ bmi would ensure me in the future to not loose and get back to a dangerous place. i have learned from this summer of loosing over 25 lbs in 7 weeks, and going from 17.5 bmi down to 12.4  i just see how easy it was, which scares me. but i know that, this time in my recovery and life....i want to keep myself safe. i always think of my friend who is 5'2 and never exeeds 85 lbs and then looses and is at 59 lbs in 2 months, and that always sticks in my head that i do not want that to happen to me. but its such a conflicting battle.

xo

Maya, do NOT think of that friend. What she is doing to herself is extremely dangerous. Weight loss that rapid can KILL anyone, even someone who is overweight can suffer hugely from such dramatic weight loss.  Your friend is very sick, and to be honest - it doesnt sound like she is someone you need in your life right now. I know its hard to give up the people you meet in IP. I have had to ignore my friends from IP because they talk about me and my size far too much with me and its very triggering. You need to do whats best for you and surround yourself with people who love and care for you, people who will be good role models for you to see what happy and healthy can be like.

And BTW - me now at 110ish lbs  is NOT equivalent to you at 85. BMI 16.7 (almost to 17! Which is almost 19! I'm almost there! Woo!) is  very different than BMI 13. Even at 85lbs, you'll only be at 15.5.  I got to a BMI 16, stayed there for a bit and then started gaining again. You need to reach a minimum of BMI 16 to be out of what an IP would consider "critical condition" and no longer at huge risk for sudden death. Sorry love, please don't think I'm being rude. But you need that reality check. You are not as healthy as you think, even at 85. 

yes, i shouldnt think of that girl, i really dont talk to her, she had a very f-ed up mentality and very comeptetive with me and my sister, yeah...and ip people are never raelly who i want to stick around with. yes very triggering.

i am so proud of you for almost being 17 tori! wonderful my dear. and yes. i know over 16 is def what they conider stable enough to be out patient....they dont allow you into op unless you are over 90% IBW i think..which is like 16 + bmi...yes i think once i tell myself 90 is good and just stay there...but i think i know in my rartional that more towards 100 is safer for my well being...ahh getting ahead of myself...i need to realize right now, i ma far from that...as much as ed tells me i am gaining rapidly and will be healthy in a few weeks. i know its not true.

thank you tori and and you are so not not rude lol...your reality checks are so right and i always need it. xo

lol Maya, I spent the first...eh 10 months of my recovery? Believing that in only just a few weeks I'd be at a healthy weight. TEN MONTHS! And every week I'd think to myself "hey,  maybe next week I'll be XX. Hey next month I'll be XXX." Yeah took way longer than I ever thought. Silly ED.  But on the bright side - thinking about it and believing it so much every day, I eventually got to the point where I wanted "healthier me" to become real, and it became much easier to deal with. Sure, the first months it was really anxiety-provoking. But after that it became an expectation and a goal and it was something that I wanted. That's when I started losing my patience with weight gain and decided to recover full-force. You'll get your moment of epiphany too. Just keep holding on. You can do it.