My Grandma

She had a stroke last Saturday. She is now paralized on her left side. She hasn't been able to use her right arm since her 20's. So WTF she can't even hold a tissue. I hate the word but they are saying she is an invalid. It breaks my heart. In one month she will be 103 yo. I hate to say it but I want her to pass on. I can't stand to see her this way. So dependent.....they have her laying in bed in diapers. I went to see her today and she asked me if I recognized her!?!? I can't deal. I miss the Grandma I use to know she use to bake cookies and the best cobbler and all the kids in my grade use to come over because she had the candy stocked!!!! I Swear she had stock in Twixx....

Yeah, my great grandma was 100 when she died two years ago.


When she was in the nursing home, she won TONS of spelling bees against the younger 80- and 85-year-olds.  It was cute.  She was so smart; she skipped three grades in school!


But when she died, it was more like a celebration of her life.  No one really cried; it wasn't a mournful funeral.

Everyone just reminisced about her, and it was fun.

She had a good, long life.

What she needs right now is for people to go see her. She needs this right now because she's not able to do anything else.  I hope you get to visit her often and just talk. You can reminisce about all the goodies she had handy, and all the fun you had.  If her eyesight is ok, bring pictures to look at.  She sounds like a wonderful person.

My own grandmother had a series of strokes, each one worse than the last, until she was comatose.  Even then, we went to see her and sat and talked to her about how she let us grandchildren run amok to the dismay of our parents. 

When your grandmother finally leaves you, you'll have peaceful, happy memories.  Don't feel guilty for wanting her to move on to what comes next because that feeling comes from the love in your heart.

Just hang in there laurieellen.  I agree with the other posters that even though it's hard to see her like that, the best thing for you to do is to visit her as often as you can.  My great-grandmother passed away last October with cancer (she was only in her 80's).  She hadn't been well in a long time, we're all pretty sure that the cancer had been working on her for months, possibly years, before it was noticed.  I'm almost certain that she hung on so long just for us, her family.  We are a very close-knit bunch.  When she finally did pass, she was surrounded by the people who loved her most.  That weekend, the entire family got together for a big bar-b-que.  We sat around and told stories about the things that Nan used to say or do.  She liked to tell us all that she graduated from the "School of Hard Knocks," and she always had a stash of sweets by her recliner chair.  It was a wonderful opportunity for our family to just be together and enjoy eachother. 

I'm a firm believer that everything happens for a reason.  I was always a very shy child, and I never really connected with any of my cousins.  After Nan passed away I realized that the people you love won't be around forever.  I am now best friends with all of my cousins, and I email my aunts and uncles, and I write letters to my grandma from school. 

things are sucky now, but always remember - "Just when the caterpillar thought his world was ending, he became a butterfly."

Thanks everyone for replying. My brother and I are the only ones who live close so one of us is there every day for a visit. my Aunt (her daughter) and my cousins are coming to NJ in a few days. My mom (her daughter in law) came in from Virginia last night. We are going over to see her today.

I've tried to write out a post to you several times each time without being able. I realize it's hard for you and I honesty feel for you. It hurts to watch someone you love falling apart little by little. I never knew I could hurt so badly until my grandmother and father died. Both recently. I didn't know either of them were going to die. There was no ' sign ' saying that we were nearing the end. I thought they were so strong and young.  I'd just never lost somebody so I didn't know. I thought I still had a lot of time. I have so many unfinished conversations with them in my mind. There is just so much more to say to each of them. Life goes on but I wish I could just talk to them for a while. I didn't get to attend either of their services. I wasn't there for either of them when they died. I was emitted to the hospital pre-labor because the doctors were being careful and giving birth when my grandmother passed. Then unable because I'd just had a baby and they wouldn't release me yet.. I wasn't even in the state when my father died and couldn't return. So I had to take care of all of his arrangements by phone 3,000 miles away. I'd give the world to have been able to be close to them. Hold their hands and kiss their foreheads... Just be.

Take all the time you can with your grandmother. Savor it. Dealing with the deaths of people you love is so hurtful. I know you may think it would be easier to just let go... but... I can't even express to you the level of hurt it entails.

Hi there, im really touched by your post. I know how hard it is to see the person you used to spend the summers with feeding ducks and playing at the park not be able to do the things they used to do anymore. I actually just got off the phone with my granny.... She dosnt know my name anymore and constantly asks who i am. She is blind on one side and when i walk up the wrong side she gets scared and anxious. It breaks my heart to visit her and i stopped for a long time. It took a while to realize that she needs to people that love her to be around her for as long as possible.... I think of it this way :

Life has a path that must be followed at all times. Birth, Life, and Death, and i am SO gratefull that i was able to have this Woman in my life, and i will celebrate her life for the rest of mine.

I wish you the best of strength and love on this journey that your family is taking. and take solace in the love that is there.

it's possible that your grandma is holding on for a specific reason; maybe there's someone she wants to see before she goes.  can you ask her about this? 

when my grandpa died (he'd been sick with emphysema for many years), he held on in hospital for several days, until his daughter arrived from chicago.  i think he died that night.

My grandpa had a pretty bad stroke about three years before he died. He became unable to use the restroom on his own, feed himself, walk by himself....he was totally dependent on the people around him.

In the beginning he would talk a little bit, but that eventually came to a stop. He would respond with 'I love you too' and he would talk to my two year old son a bit 'Now now, whats that noise for' but he didn't carry on conversations.

My mom and I helped take care of him for a little more than a year and it was hard, you are right. It broke my heart, too....and I missed him the way he used to be, but that was him then and I had to deal with that.

I would talk to him, try to engage conversation, or just be with him.

As hard as it is for us (surrounding family members) imagine how hard it might be for the stroke victim. I always wondered what he was thinking....so I always tried to show him I loved him.

There were times when I knew he would be better off once he was in heaven....but once he did pass away, it was really hard for me.

Anyway, I am sorry for your pain and I pray that you all will have peace of mind. Just keep loving her and talking to her and telling her about things (if she can't respond)....she will love you for it.

Thanks to everyone that posted.

Grandma passed away last night. She's not in pain any more, she's at peace now.

Original Post by laurieellen:

Thanks to everyone that posted.

Grandma passed away last night. She's not in pain any more, she's at peace now.

I'm sorry for your loss, but at least you know she's in a better place. :)

I lost my grandmother a couple years ago, she fell, banged her head and was never the same. She was in alot of pain (her organs weren't working right and her intestines were shrinking shut). Eventually she didn't know who anyone was, she had severe dementia. When she passed, it really was a blessing for her. I know for awhile, she actually said she couldn't wait for her time to come. She kept telling me this, so I was 'happy' for her.

Even though she is gone in person, she lives on in the memories you all created together and because of this, she will never be forgotten. :)

*HUGS*