To gray or not to gray?

O.K , so after years of trying to cover it up I am now considering just gracefully letting that gray hair show. I never thought I would struggle so much with this decision because I grew a patch in my 20's and loved it. However in my thirties, after prompting from close friends and 2 incidents of being asked was I 40 something I decided to dye.

I thought I would feel more confident to take the plunge after losing weight and getting fit,but as I approach my goal, This decision is not coming easy. I love Jamie lee Curtis' look As I will have to cut my hair off. And NO I don't look anything like her I just love how classy and vibrant she looks.

I keep imagining being asked if I'm grandma as I have 2 kids under age 3.

Is anyone working thru this or have you done it already? can you share some thoughts.

By the way this is not a low self esteem issue,I think I'm fabulous. I'm just surprised that I'm so hesitant to take this step.I know that it is a healthy thing to do for my hair( the less chemicals the better).THANX!

Go for it.... I salute your courage.

My hair is inappropriately long for my age and I think it would look awesome if it was completely salt and pepper (and of course healthier) but I haven't been able to tolerate the grow out phase... I wonder if there's a way to strip off the color to get back to natural that won't damage...

I guess it depends on what type of gray hair you have.  A couple of my friends have what looks, at first glance, like white gold hair, but really it's just white.  If my hair went that color, I'd let it be; unfortunately, mine is more pewter or battleship gray (I went through a no-dye phase, and decided I didn't like the look), so for right now I continue to color it.

GO GRAY!  I love it!  The hardest part is growing it out but I see it more and more these days.  If you can afford a good colorist, you could just color streaks and let the gray streaks mix in.  Little by little, you cover less and less gray streaks, that's what I did and I like it.  It was even harder with me because I have long hair.  (Luckily my friend is a fantastic colorist and does mine for free.)

The feminist in me says we need to show the world what we really look like as strong, wise, mature women.  Don't let them convince us into trying to look younger.  Younger isn't better, it's just younger.  I know, I know...easier said than done, especially when you're feeling fat or out of shape.  But let's keep trying!

Might I chime in ladies? 

As a brunette, I have pondered this question many times.

I have visualized that awful stage .......where your hair is halfway grown out....*shudder*  ....where you look like you belong on a bar stool in a tavern.  Ya know, bad make up , cigarette and a beer??? You know the look!!! *cringe* 

Keeping a "professional look" isn't negotiable for me.

I have decided I have found the answer to this 'transition phase'....

Highlights.

If you color your own hair...(very easy and economical) you might try the following:

I have slowly begun to weave in less and less color, every time I color it.... I was worried my head would look awful....but interestingly the results are that some grays are beginning to show......subtle, very subtle....  (I don't feel that crazy compelling need to "get my money's worth"  and use the whole bottle of color.)  It seems to give my hair the glow of a little color, while allowing me to gracefully look more my age.....and still keep pace with my ever changing....eh-hem...skin tone.

Just a suggestion that is working for me.  :  )

I posted before I saw what you wrote, bohemiangeek.......... Man, it would have taken the stress out of it if I had just asked a colorist, huh?

When will I learn to ask more questions?

First, thanks for all your input. superlovevibes to all my gray haired sisters!

I have a great colorist and she has taken me to lighter highlights on top where most of the gray is...I wish she were a friend who would do it for free because it does get expensive. The plan is to slowly let more gray be revealed.My color is dark brown, my hair length is below my collarbone so I do like length. I just can't stand the look of the new growth no matter how subtle.

SOOOO... any more feelings ladies? help me get over the hump. I do want to show the world that its O.K. to be and look like a strong, wise, mature woman.

THANKS!!!

Oh boy has this been my dilema for awhile now.  I started dying my hair when i was mid thirties and then quit.  Then when I turned 42 I decided to do it again.  First I started using a lighter shade more medium blond, but decided to go back to my natural color which had gotten darker over the years, I thought  that's what I picked as the shade on the box...I do my own as you can tell.  It was a medium brown....ha I guess medium brown is darker then I knew.  So then I even went bolder and did dark chocolate velvet brown...everyone loved it and said stick with that.  But you know I would love to get back to my natural color and see how much gray I have.  I was sprinked with grays before I started dying....just don't want that skunky grow out type of look.  It would definitely save money and my hair would be healthier I'm sure.  Maybe I will try to gradually go lighter on my shades and then just see what happens.  I just hate doing it every month and then to go to a colorist....costs a fortune...and I definitely don't want to look 70 when I am only 44.  Let me know if you decide to go gray and how it works for you. 

I am very lucky in that I haven't had to face this dilemma.  I didn't start going grey until around 42.   Now I find that my grey streaks match my face.  I read the book "Going Gray" by Anne Kreamer, and find that people DO attach certain traits (deserved or not) to women who show their gray.  We are seen as more open and confident.

Realistically, everyone should let their hair go natural before they start looking really silly.  Look at the women around you who dye their hair - SO MANY!  Would you think any less of them if they didn't or would you admire them if they went natural?  Being professional has nothing to do with what color your hair is.  It's how you present yourself.

I applaud anyone who has never colored their hair.  Trust me, you did yourself a favor. 

My husband has a "reverse mohawk." He has hair on the sides but none in the middle.  When he hears people talking about grey hair, he usually says, "At least you have hair to turn grey."

For about the last year, he's been shaving his head.  He looks younger with no hair.  So maybe those of us wondering if we should stop coloring our hair should just shave it!

yoga44 ... it's true. I know a woman pushing 70 and still dying her hair dark.Not a good look, it just makes her wrinkles more prominent. But her daughters love it , they say it reminds them of how she looked when they were growing up.

 Sad to me that this issue is even a dilemma. I spoke to a 40 something friend about it and we agree that for the most part , ladies in our 40's are not ready to go gray. For the two of us, the question reappears... with small children ,am I ready to put myself in the gray hair category? Also her husband is 13 years younger and my husband has NO gray although he is 2 years older than I.  Obviously, gray hair is holding some negative connotation for us. I know that sooner or later I will cross that bridge,probably sooner. I am going to read "Going Gray" maybe it will help me to lighten up and take the plunge.THANX!

Would anybody mind if I chime in on this one? Ok then here I go... You should do what ever makes you feel good, for whatever reasons... no one can tell you if you should dye your hair or not... your reasons are your reasons.. to dye or not to dye... I feel very bad for all of the women who are in their 40's and have to go through these kinds of decisions... From a man's point of view, the beauty comes from within, This is so true, and any man or women who has any sense of maturity will see you as a beautiful person...But that being said, if it makes you feel good to colour your hair then go for it...  and the more power to you!!!!!!

Oh and by the way, I have all my hair, but am graying, and I personally like the way it looks..

Cheers....

All chimers are welcome. Thanks for your input.

Well, This is not about "permission" to go gray or dye...

I was just wondering if any one else was having a struggle with it and how they dealt with and felt about this. Like it or not, women have more of a stigma linked to gray hair than men. Richard Gere is sexy, Helen Miren is ...mature.

Your a gem for believing that beauty comes from within...it does. But I am also a believer in the outer matching the inner. I like to look classy , appropriate and well put together all the time. Gray roots are none of those. 

I always thought that I would embrace my gray w/o a question. especially since I loved it at one time. So again, I'm surprised by my own apprehension.

Oh and by the way... You look great!

franchellb, did you have any idea you would stimulate such an interesting discussion when you ask that question? 

Well... No I had no idea. I'm happy to know that people are willing to talk and that there is a place for us to feel comfortable enough to share all our dirty little hair secrets :)

Oh yeah ... and I think it's interesting that it's still going.

Maybe I should make a bumper sticker that says,"say yay to the gray"...Just kidding I'm not really a bumper sticker sort of gal. Hmmm... Maybe a tee shirt...

Well, a friend of a friend of mine decided, ENOUGH ALL READY!!  And at the age of 47 has stopped coloring her hair and is now (after about 1 year of growing it out) pretty much all grey...a little salt and pepper but mostly grey.  I must say, she looks sooooo old!!!  You would never believe she is in her 40's!  I'm sorry - I know this is probably an unpopular reply - but - I wouldn't do it until you are a bit older - say 60 or 70!!  We went out to dinner with her recently, my husband hasn't seen her since she "went au nataural (sp.)" and his comment when I asked how he liked her hair was "she looks so old now".  And this is a super super duper fit woman, runs every day, thin, ex-marathon runner, bikes, you name it...she is amazing in every way.....but now she looks much older than her years.

Wow!

That was a bit of a downer... you said that she has a super fit body, but does she dress"old"? Is her skin healthy? Is it just the color and your perception of what looks old or is she perpetuating an older vibe with her attitude or persona?

Hi guys,

Gray can go either way. Some people have beautiful gray hair. This is apparently rare (per my stylist). Gray hair is more often then not, dull, and coarse. It doesn't "swing" as easily. Also, when people get older we lose that beaufiful natural shine. When professionals color your hair they add that back in. That helps us look younger. Gray also isn't everyone's "color". It sometimes washes out a persons face.

I personally will continue to highlight my hair. That's my own personal decision. I think of my hair as an accessory and love that fact that I can change it up.

Good luck!

Wow!

That was a bit of a downer... you said that she has a super fit body, but does she dress"old"? Is her skin healthy? Is it just the color and your perception of what looks old or is she perpetuating an older vibe with her attitude or persona?

Well, I don't want to start bashing anyone or their looks, franchellb asked if anyone had worked thru this and I wanted to give my honest opinion.  Obviously, some people will thing she looks fab., that is not my opinion though.  Who want's to look older than their years??  Not me.  I am not one into surgery, etc., just want to try to look my best and I think hair color does make a difference.

franchell

Aren't we (women) always wanted to look younger than our real age?  That's we either lie about our age or we just don't tell.  Remember, the complete package of looking good is not just the body, it comes with appropriate hair as well.  When I say appropriate, we tend to look younger as we age if we keep it short (just like Jamie Lee Curtis), but she doesn't look younger because she kept her gray hair.  I think you can let go of the hair coloring when you reach mid-50's. 

Remember, in this day and age, the 40's are the new 30's.  Why give up so young?

You should match your "hot bod" with a hot hair color and hair style as well .

If you're still not sure, give the gray a try and see how you feel about it.  If you feel old having it, you can always color it back.

Have fun!

DR