To gray or not to gray?

O.K , so after years of trying to cover it up I am now considering just gracefully letting that gray hair show. I never thought I would struggle so much with this decision because I grew a patch in my 20's and loved it. However in my thirties, after prompting from close friends and 2 incidents of being asked was I 40 something I decided to dye.

I thought I would feel more confident to take the plunge after losing weight and getting fit,but as I approach my goal, This decision is not coming easy. I love Jamie lee Curtis' look As I will have to cut my hair off. And NO I don't look anything like her I just love how classy and vibrant she looks.

I keep imagining being asked if I'm grandma as I have 2 kids under age 3.

Is anyone working thru this or have you done it already? can you share some thoughts.

By the way this is not a low self esteem issue,I think I'm fabulous. I'm just surprised that I'm so hesitant to take this step.I know that it is a healthy thing to do for my hair( the less chemicals the better).THANX!

I've seen a make-over story in a magazine: "before", a few women had their gray hair pitifully hanging down just like aged hippie; "after", they had hair full of shining products, brilliantly sparkling, wind-swept with the photo studio fans.  They were quite striking, though I was wondering how you can walk a street without a fan blowing your hair up like on the pictures.

I tried to grew 2 inches of my natural hair and see.  Got a black and white thing that I didn't like.  My husband, interestingly, though he's much older than me, didn't like it neither - men... My 70 year old dad just turned brilliant white, quite striking, after 30 years of pepper and salt.  I want to be that white at 70! 

That leaves me 25 years yet.  Like many here, I'm a mother of young kids, 4 and 5 years old.  Living in the nature, not having a responsibility of a professional world, one would think I'd have an easier time going natural.  It's not easy, however. 

I have been going gray since I was around 35 I suppose. Now I am 42 and almost completely gray. Personally I think it is really cool. Kind of separates me from everyone else. I tend to act like I am about 15 most of the time, so people usually guess my age to be around 40, so I don't think it "adds years" in my case.

I am 40 yrs old and a mother of 4 kids ranging from 3-14. I too have struggled with the idea of going gray. Tired of dying. When my youngest was born I had a lady from church ask me if I was his grandmother. It crushed me. I know I started late having my kids, but my Lord I didn't think I looked that old. For the longest time that confirmed my decision. Now I am going back and forth again. I went to a family reunion the other day and my aunt who is also a redhead still occasionally colors her hair, but it looks like orange sherbet. My great aunt in her late 80's still has red in her hair, but mostly white. I started finding white hairs on my head when I was 13. I have a feeling if I let it grow out it would be almost completely white. Not sure I am quite ready for that yet.

Greetings from the 1 in a million

I started getting white hairs when I was 14 and had to change my drivers license when I was 25. Yes my kids have had to let their friends know that I was not their grandpa, but if I was samidget I would have said Nope, I'm not his grandma actually I'm his sister.

It does come down to a combination of things cut, color, clothing & kids.

How it is cut/style can have a big impact on how it looks on you.

The actual color and quantity has a big impact.

Going from dark hair to a mix or straight grey / white can change your color type so the clothes colors you wear well may change. I'm a summer but can get away with some winter colors now.

My wife is older than I am and she felt that her kids needed a younger looking mom. Plus she likes it that people think I'm older. She says it's great having a younger man that looks older.

So enjoy the day with what ever you choose and feel free to experiment.

I am 41 years old and started going gray in my 30's (just a little, but noticeable) and although I kept saying I would start coloring it, I haven't yet and it's now vey salt and pepper.  My mother is always on my case about it but when I look at how brassy HER dye job looks and how fake so many of the women around me look (and I can't stand the roots-how can they think that looks good?) it just makes me want to keep my hair how it is.  You know what, at least it's honest.  Despite what Hollywood would have you think (with few exceptions) this is how we are supposed to look in our 40's and up.  A salon is the last thing I have money for in this economy and I wouldn't be able to do it myself.  The smell makes me sick.  And the thought of putting all of those chemicals in my scalp-a few years ago they linked hair dye to bladder cancer.  Given the choice, I will spend what little money I have on healthier food for my family versus a dye job.     

I started going gray in my late 20s (just like my mom did). It started in the front and the gray has been slowly expanding just like moms did.  My mom is 60 (I'm 40) and I know that I will be completely gray headed in about 10 years.  I don't like the look of the gray on me so I dye my own hair.  My mil is always me about how I should just let it go natural.  But for me I like having brown hair.  It is a pain to keep up with the dyeing but I feel better with no gray hair, so I am going to get the gray away.

I decided to go gray after years of coloring my hair.  I found my first grey hair when I was sixteen.  At forty-seven I got tired of coloring and maintaining my hair so I went grey.  I have had so many great comments on how good my hair looks now.  I am very glad I decided to do this.  I don't think it makes me look older and sure looks better then colored hair with  grey roots.

Good luck on you decision. Karen

I took the plunge to grey about a year and a half ago after people confused my blonde dyed locks for grey any way. I have been grey since my 20's but always had my hairdresser cover it up with reverse highlights and then I finally started totally dying it about 12 years ago. Even with the dyed hair, I was constantly asked if my daughter was my grand daughter. Those questions hurt at first, then I realized that alot of my friends ARE grandparents (I'm going to be 48 in Oct and my daughter will be 10 in a few weeks)! My friends have grandchildren the same age or older than my daughter. I am fortunate that I have the "white" fine grey and I have gotten complements on the color from quite a few people. The most difficult time dealing with the grey was going to my 30th high school reunion last summer as most women still seem to dye their hair. I do get times when I look in the mirror and think I should start dying it again, but my daughter and others have told me not to so I'm gonna stick with the grey for now.

I guess I am blessed that I have not gone grey yet.  I found a few strands last year and my hair dresser says that I don't have hardly any.  I still have  colored my hair the last 9 years. I have the mousey brown redish color hair and it was really boring! so I get my hair colored every other cut.(12 weeks). I have a short sytlish cut and I cut it every 6 weeks. I have always gone lighter and a wth a few carmel streaks. The red always comes out but its looks nice. I just found out a year ago (I have been married 23 years) that my hubby likes it dark.  So I have gone darker all over.

I have young kids (7 and 9) for being 45.  I want to stay young looking.  I do not want folks thinking I am their grandma. My husband has some grey on the sides starting to show.  He also has a high profile job and I want to look my best for him. I can just see our pictures in a article  or brouchure with our kids and I look fat and dumpy.  This is another reason I wanted to get the weight off.  Please dont get me wrong.  I am not a real vain person.  On me personally I have chosen not to go grey for 10 or more years.

I have a Mother in law who is 73 and an aunt 80.  They die their hair this orange color. it looks bad.  I don't know why the hair dressers would let them out of the store! By that age I would let it go naturally. I have some very good friends my age that are grey and they are happy with it.  Its  a personal choice we make.

I decided to go gray a few years ago and when the salt and pepper appeared my husband HATED it. He kept commenting on it and went as far as offering to dye my hair for me if I did not want to do it myself. I am extremely independent with my decisions but in the end I decided that he was the one who had to look at me for hours so I just gave in.

franchellb---would laugh out loud!! 

She started this conversation Sept/08 and it's May/09!!!!!  People are still talking about gray hair! 

50 posts, franchellb!!!! Haaaaaa! Did you 'touch a nerve' or what!!???

(Eh-hem........ I sit here with a freshly colored head of hair...8 months ago vowing to let it goooooooo.....*Yes..I'm a wimp!*)

How much older do you think you would look IF you did not color your hair??!!Anyone?

I would look my age 45.  Most think I am 36-38.  mainly because I have young children.  My hair dresser does tell me I have no gray yet in my hair.

I don't think I would look older with my hair 'au naturel' except maybe from a distance... I think sometimes from far away the eye sees gray so then you automatically know the person is not 20-something.... But you know what?  Even with coloured hair by the time the person is up close and personal I am sure they know I am around 42 regardless... 

And I sure know what everyone means about the "brassy" hair colour over gray.... My one grandmother did that for years and she looked just awful with that hair...it was sooooo unnatural looking....

It is a struggle.  I am 46 and starting to have a few noticeable strands of grey.  I have the color in the closet but can't seem to make myself go  ahead and do it.  I think my struggle comes from the fact that my husband can't face the fact that we are getting a bit older.  He is 52 and very fit but has kept his salt and pepper look and longs to do something about it.  I'm  kind of wanting to fight the societies philospophy that you have to look young   to be beautiful on the one hand and on the other I don't want to admit I'm getting older .  I am a grandma so it won't matter if folks call me grandma.  I have friends who think it's fun to call me grandma  now. I understand the struggle.  Be true to yourself.  What ever makes you feel the most comfortable will be the best decision.  The chemicals are something to consider..  However if you have hair like mine it may even make your hair appear a bit healthier.

Oh, this is fun!!!! I love this topic. I have been justifying myself since last November. Yes I am now officially a Silver Goddess!!!!! The whole thing started with my "getting healthy and green" obsession! My natural hair color is a very dark almost black/brown. I am coloring since my mid twenties and the color got more and more washed out and mousy looking. Every two to three weeks I had to cover up the "skunk" strip. I just had it!!!! My hairdresser is wonderful, she is always up for trying new things. So, in November she removed most of the "color" leaving strands of it in place. (That took three hours sitting with foil and yucky smell) With that I got the coolest short "BOB" (almost like the one that Kate (Jon and Kate plus 8) has. Since that I had about three more cuts and I am "all natural" with very dark short in the back and natural silver on top. For the first time in my life I don't look "washed out", my skin tone looks so much healthier! Everyone asked me if I went tanning. I am lucky that my gray hair is just as soft as before. I am 46, hip and chic!!!!!!and loving it. So far I only got one negative comment, but mostly everyone loves it. I am happier then ever!

So for all of you thinking about it,...I will tell you that it is ok but it is you that needs to feel good about it and not others. And please, like in so many posts before mine,...... More power to you all! Hollywood and their ideas of beauty can jump in the lake! It's all fantasies and not reality!

Check out a book I read: "Going Gray" by Anne Kreamer,....oh so true

Here is to all of you, CHEERS!!!!

While I can relate to so many of the posts-- women and  "image",  feminist philosophy, the unfair way "mature" women are sometimes dismissed... the fact is, I quick coloring my hair because it was just too much work to keep up with and I got tired of dealing with it.  I don't mind my gray streaks (my 10 year old calls them "sparkles.")  I wear my hair about shoulder length and I don't really want to wear it shorter, so the coloring was a pain.  My hair is healthy, shiny and yes... getting a touch of gray.  So what?  I earned it.

Hello everyone! I'm new to this site and its so funny that I came across this question because I recently dealt with the* to dye or not to dye* issue. I'm 45 and have had a few "sparkles" (Love that word) until about a year ago , then the sprinkle turned into a pour(LOL) and until recently I became more salt than pepper. My natural color is dark brown with some red in it. I, like artmaven , believe that I've earned these stripes and wanted to keep them,  until they took over! What I decided to do was blend them in with highlights. It is a personal choice for everyone and I feel happy with mine, for now. People have told me that the new look brightened up my face, I'm not so tired looking. {I looked tired before , thanks guys for telling me}LOL ! All I know is  I do feel better when I look in the mirror and I think that's what counts. Do what ya'll think is best, and hey, its just hair! Like cutting it, if ya get a bad cut , it'll grow back, bad dye job cover it! That's my opinion guys. Have a nice day everone.  Pam

I'm 43 with a 2 year-old girl, so I feel ya about not being asked if you're the grandma. I've had that happen, and it's unpleasant. I continue to dye my hair as close to my natural color as I can because I just don't like the way it looks with the few grays I have. I know it's pure vanity, but I keep telling myself that if my kiddo has to have an older momma, I want to look as good as I can without being obsessed about it. I think you should just do whatever you feel like. I'm going to keep dying my hair and losing weight. 

As others have said, I think it's most important to do what feels right to you.

I'm a dark brunette, and I started going gray in high school, with most of it really coming out over the past 5 years. It's not a huge amount (where I'd be mistaken for someone's gramma), but it's enough that some people think I should cover it. I have a few times over the past 10 years, and finally decided that I didn't want to maintain the roots all the time, so I grew it out. I guess I'm more lazy than vain. ;-) But, again, I don't have a young child that I'm momma to that could be mistaken for my grandchild. On that note, if you do get asked, you may feel badly for a moment, but not as badly as the asker when you tell them you're the MOM! HA! :-)

I know ladies in their early to mid 50's (or younger) that have BEAUTIFUL gray hair - some white (like mine will be when it all arrives), some a silver. I'm looking forward to that, actually. I see a lot more women letting their gray show these days at a younger age (or maybe I notice it more because I'm one of them).

Either way, it's your hair, and you should do what's best for you and your lifestyle. Based on what you've said in your post, it sounds like you're leaning that direction except for those little "old" comments that could creep up.

Let us know what you decide! :-D

flubberbutt,

I wish I could see a picture of your hair.... I had no idea that I could "remove" my hair colour!  I always thought if I want to let the gray "out" I would have to either cut all the colour off....or just live with the skunk stripe....

I may go for the gray... I am sooooo tired of colouring...... Also the colour just never looks quite right.... I suspect the silver/white is actually more flattering....

I can't recall if I mentioned it on this board, but about 3 mths ago I got my hair cut really short--thought it would make me look younger and hip.... NOT.... I had past the shoulders curly (and slightly wild I admit) hair.... The haircut makes me look like frumpy, rather than hip... I think it is because I am still a tad chubby so it just looks matronly... Or maybe it is just that I don't feel "myself" with short, neat business-like hair... (I am a hippy at heart)

Now I am in the horrible process of growing it out and at the moment I can't make it look good....

Hair.... Happy I have lots though....