GRRR Family Annoyance

Okay... My entire family is fat [as hell] and I was always much thinner than everyone until about 5 years ago when I started getting bigger and bigger. My family is one of those ball-breaking, tease-you-cuz-we-love-you families. They used to tease me to tears over being so tall and skinny. Bean pole, bony macaroni, mama long legs, toothpick, Q-tip... I actually used to try to eat more food to gain weight until I realized they were effing morons.

When I talk about trying to lose weight  they promote being fat and having "curves" as being better. The biggest culprit is my grandmother. I try not to worry about her anymore. She's 5'8" and easily like 400 pounds, has diabetes and walks with a cane. She gets annoyed when I tell her to eat X instead of the KFC or Wendy's or Cheesesteak she wants. She knows I don't eat that stuff so why would I tell her to do it? She's 70 years old, fat and a diabetic. WTF does she think I would say.

Anyway, when I have conversations with my mom about weightloss and my grandmother is around, she'll say something like "You don't wanna have nice big legs like us?" She does it every time. My aunt Gina does the same thing.

I'm gonna guess they don't LIKE being fat but may take my wanting to lose weight and disgust with the way I look as criticism of them. I can't control that. I don't want to be a size 2. I'm 6ft tall and I think too skinny (like too fat) looks bad on me. They know I used to be super active. I don't like not wearing what I want. I don't like not being able to climb trees and flip out of them. I miss TKD class. These are the reasons I want to lose weight. I don't care what they look like, but I want them to be healthy. What I don't appreciate is them trying to make me feel guilty for wanting to be thin again.

I feel much better now.

preach it sister!

You're probably right..They probably don't like being overweight and would encourage you more if they were thinner themselves...I've had friends and family like that before..If they can't have it - they don't want you to either.

Just don't give up..Do this for yourself.

Avy,

You have to accept that they aren't going to lose weight.  Could anyone tell you to lose weight before you made up your mind to do it?  People don't like to be told what to do.  You can only change yourself. 

I suggest you stop telling them what to eat right now.  You smile and be polite to your grandmother.  You respect your mother.  You tell your brothers/sisters that you are going to get healthy and they might as well get on your side and off your back!!!

You may have to get your own food and keep your own stash of healthy snacks in your room somewhere so they don't eat them all.  It's not too hard to do.  Yet a little cooler for your room.  And you may have to make their snack food off limits to yourself. 

It may be as you start to lose weight some of your family who secretly wish they could lose weight will join you, but don't count on it.  There is nothing easy about losing weight and many people chose not to try.  You just have to give them the same freedom that you have had.

Anyway, don't let their negativity convince you that it's no use.  You CAN do it and look as pretty as you want to with curves instead of bulges!  You sure don't want to end up like your grandmother with diabetes and a cane.  She doesn't hobble around because she wants to...some of her choices are gone now.  It's possible she may be inspired by you to change her life for the better.

I have a family member too who tries to hinder things for me.  I just end up nodding her to death and letting it go (she's 80 there's no changing her mind).  Then there's the family member who swears she understands what I'm going through because she was so skinny when she was younger and no matter what she couldn't gain weight.  I've tried MANY times to explain to her that its not the same thing and she doesn't understand but it falls on deaf ears.  You have to do what's right for you and to hell with them if they think you're doing the wrong thing or (*gasp*) being selfish.  Since when is that such a bad thing anyway?! Of course they're family so their words cut a little deeper then some random person on the street but family or not they should respect your choices and if they don't then don't talk about it with them anymore and take care of you.  Good luck!

Original Post by texmom52:

Avy,

You have to accept that they aren't going to lose weight...
I suggest you stop telling them what to eat right now...
You may have to get your own food and keep your own stash of healthy snacks in your room somewhere so they don't eat them all...

I just wanted address a few things. I have already accepted the fact that my relatives aren't concerned with losing weight enough to do anything about it. I also have NEVER told anyone what to eat. It's rude and also pointless. I think you've misread my entire post. The only relative I talk about weight loss with is my mom because she is also trying to lose. My grandmother and aunt are the ones who have put their unsolicited 2 cents into the conversations. Even then, I don't bother correcting them because after all these years, I know it's pointless. (Also, I'm a grown woman, married, with a child in my own home.)

[edited spelling]

Original Post by j9gwen:

I have a family member too who tries to hinder things for me.  I just end up nodding her to death and letting it go (she's 80 there's no changing her mind). 
...family or not they should respect your choices and if they don't then don't talk about it with them anymore and take care of you. 

Thanks. I totally know what you mean. In my family at least, it seems like the older they get the more they think they have a right to talk down to you. It's annoying and a major part of why I severely limit my visits. The most annoying part is that most times, I'm talking to my mom (losing weight) or my sister(the only skinny one left) and other people cut in on the convo.

I have a 1 year old so I feel too guilty to skip it, but I know Thanksgiving will be just as frustrating this year as it was the last.

Avy,

I didn't mean to say you were doing anything wrong.  I only meant that you are going to have to do what you need to despite your family.  If I offended you in anyway, it was unintentional and I ask your forgiveness.

Original Post by texmom52:

No worries. I'm not easily offended (esp not via internet).

I have the opposite problem....

My boyfriend is so in a rush for me to pop back to the size I used to be and it is so annoying....anytime I eat something that he doesn't deem healthy enough, I get the whole "I thought you were on a diet" speech. I am SICK of it.

I have this program to count my calories, I don't need my BF doing it to. I mean sometimes, it's motivating, but most of the time it's just down right annoying. You've never been even slightly over weight, so please don't give me your overbearing diet advice because you equate the fact that you are thin with the fact that you are healthy....puhleeze. (BTW...my BF is the fast food king!)

I feel like the fact that I am on a diet, doesn't mean that I will never have a slice of pizza or potato chip for the rest of my life...it just means that I need to control how much and how often. So, for the most part I have learned that when it comes to YOUR diet, other people's opinions just don't matter unless they are giving you sound advice that you can really apply to your journey and your life in general.

That's my rant. A little long, but Fin.

Shaylese,

My hubbie is anxious for me to lose weight (even though he is overweight - he lost 125 pounds, so is lighter, but still overweight).

So when I started this program and he asked how he could help me, I told him.  Here is what you say if you want to help me: "Are you sure you want to eat that right now."

That gives me the opportunity to say, yes, this is planned or no, I think I'll put it back and thank you.

I was very specific.  And I warned him,  I may be grouchy enough--don't go making it worse by assuming I am overeating! 

Avy,

Thank you.  It is hard, sometimes, to communicate over the internet.  You can't see the person's face or hear their tone of voice.  So sometimes it is easy to offend or take offense when none was intended.

I'm not easily offended either.  And wouldn't offend anyone for all the tea in China. (was that politically incorrect?)