i guess it was a compliment?

 so yesterday i was at my cousin's wedding reception.  it was a very casual event and everyone brought a dish of food to share.  i ate before i went because who knows what people put in those dishes of food and how many calories i would be comsuming if i ate them.  but when i got there, i started snacking on some veggies.  no harm.  but right now to them were some chip and spinich dip and it just looked SO good.  so i decided to allow myself THREE chips.  literally, as im eating my second chip, this middle aged man walks up to me and says "you'd better not do that or you'll lose that gorgeous figure of yours!"  umm...ok.  i guess he meant it as a compliment, but it stirred up mixed emotions in me.  first of all, i felt guilty for eating two chips.  and then it made me frustrated because he obviously didn't realize that ive worked hard to lose the 17 lbs ive lost so far, and this chip was a special treat.  im not one of those poeple who just eats junk food all the time and doesn't gain an ounce.  its was odd.  but i guess i should just take it as a compliment that a stranger thinks i look good and let it go.

any other stories of comments from strangers/random people?  good or bad is fine...or odd like mine.  i'd love to hear what comments you've received during your weightloss process!

 and keep up the good work everyone!  even when others don't understand us...

i lost a lot of weight and my familt would always make comments about it because they were concerned i had a problem (which i did). i lost a little and it was fine but i kept going because i never thought i was thin enough. anyways, at all the family gatherings...they would always make comments about it. it was akward because i was really insecure about my weight and the problem i had about not eating. they would always encourage me to eat... like if there was pizza and i didnt want a slice, they would demand me to have a peice, or they would make comments about me being so skinny ALL THE TIME. they would poke at my petruding bones..it was just akward and annoying.

haha. :/

My husband's 80-year-old grandmother to me:  "You sure are fat, aren't you, honey?  But that's okay, we love you anyway."  Does this qualify?  ;-)

Random stranger at an event with my mother (lots of older ladies there) when I was about 24 years old.  "You're the one who just had a baby, right?  How's your baby doing?" when I WAS NOT pregnant (just looked like I was), had not ever been pregnant, and was approx. 6 years BEFORE I actually did get pregnant.   I smiled, shook my head, and didn't say anything.  She quickly realized her mistake and apologized and scurried off.

Sometimes you just have to laugh and shake it off.  MOST people mean well most of the time.

that's terrible jdbcmt!  i'm sorry that happened to you!  people can be so ignorant sometimes!

but congratulation on your baby (for real this time)!  that's an adorable picture!

Same problem here. :( The way some people say their comments to me, it's like I'm instantly gonna gain back all of the weight I've lost just because they happen to see me snacking on seemingly "bad" food regardless of the amount. And as odd as things are for us, every time we end up feeling guilty for it, we just have to keep in mind that these people don't really know the whole story.

determineddancer:  Awww, shucks.  Thanks!  :-) 

Yes, it was bad, and not meaning to start a pity party with this, because I'm sure a large majority of people on this site have plenty of similar stories and war wounds (so I'm not going to add mine, most people here already know what they are anyway), but by the time a lifelong overweight person reaches adulthood, there is not much in the way of insults, rudeness, or inconsiderate craphead remarks/actions we haven't already heard and dealt with.   You get used to it and you learn to let it roll off your back and just keep on trucking.  They'll always be ignorant/stupid.  I don't have to always be fat.  And I'll hopefully NEVER suffer the indignity of being rude or inconsiderate.  I'm not saying that makes it right, by any means, but it is what it is.  Thanks again! :-)  Sorry, gheeszh, didn't mean to drive the thread into the depths of the depressed and downtrodden . . .

SORRY, AS YOU WERE, PEOPLE!  :-)

My roommate told me that if i worked really hard, that maybe I could have queen latifah's figure someday. I'm already smaller than that. what the hell.

At Christmas, I was talking to my best friends grandmother and she hadn't seen me for about a year. I had lost 20 pounds and she said, "Oh, Melissa! You look so skinny! You used to be as big as a house!" To top it all off, when I told my mom and brother about it, my brother said, "More like an apartment building!" I WAS ONLY 145 POUNDS FOR GOD'S SAKE! Sure, I didn't look good but it wasn't like I was 600 pounds!

I definitely didn't take that as a compliment. I still can't stand that woman!

aw i know; when I was younger my dad used to ask me if i was 'trying to keep my girlish figure" whenever I turned something down.  I always sort of blew him off but with the way the rest of my family history is (ESPECIALLY THE WOMEN) i'm starting to resent it a little bit. *hugs* stay strong.

well i was at a cousin's house (when i was 13, no less) and my cousin's wife had had her first baby. there was a small get-together with their family friends at the house. scene one: i'm playing with my new second cousin, tossing him around and tickling him and such. enter distant family friend. she happily said to me, "so, what's it like being a mother?" i looked at her totally puzzled and said, "what??" she gestured toward the baby and said "motherhood. hows it going?" i just looked at her and she finally said, "um, what's your name?" i said "katie.." realizing i wasn't crystal, the baby's mother, she just quietly left the room without saying anything else to me.

WAKEUP CALL. i was 13! come on! a mother?

i just went through and read these comments and i think its so funny how we all remember so vividly the mean or sharp "compliments" some stranger or whoever says to us. when they probably forgot it a minute later. no one understands the struggle unless and until theyve been through it. i think thats what unites us all so much. :)

whats worse im still overweight and whenever i fluctuate a few pounds, especially when i lose 4 or 5 lbs relatives seem to notice, especially the not so close ones. Its almost as if all they see of me is my fat and nothing else, like this guy cant accomplish anything cuz hes so freaking huge. Man i hate that

It feels lousy when you feel like you've made some progress, you're feeling like you're getting somewhere and someone's comment totally cuts you down.  I've lost about 65 pounds and at 177 still trying to lose some more but I've been feeling kind of proud anyway.  I went shopping with my sister in law (we're not close but it was Christmas and we both needed ideas) and out of the blue she turned to me and said "you should really get your thyroid checked.  You have such nice big eyes but then you have that big fat face."  I almost cried right there in the mall. 

Most of my family is totally supportive though, so it could be worse.  Even though my sister and mom are less successfully battling weight issues and occasionally hint that it's "easy"for me to lose weight (like cardio every day is easy to make myself do).  With them I don't really mind because I understand how frustrating it can be when you don't really see any progress yet. 

I remember when I had a patient I was going over preop instructions and I told him that he could not eat until after the surgery and that was going to be like 1pm and I told him I was sorry about it being so late and he said it was OK he was used to not eating. I said I did not know if I could go that long without eating. And he told me that I could stand to skip a few meals! How rude! I just blew it off because he was around 90 years old.

While standing in a PACKED subway car a women made a huge scene about how I needed to sit and kept pointing at my stomach and say "you need to sit down!!" she got up from her seat and a man immediately (ah NY) stole her seat...she then yelled at him and pointed at me and told him I was pregnant and needed to sit down. I got so upset over the huge scene she made that I yelled at her and told her to leave me alone. Thinking about it now I should have just taken the seat lol... it was just soo humiliating...especially after everyone around me realized the mistake she made and gave me this really sad uncomfortable look...

That was a few weeks ago and after that I started the south beach diet and im down 6 pounds....so Ha on that lady...

grr

I was at a county fair yesterday and ran into a friend of mine ( ex boyfriend to be exact) but Still a close friend.. We send each other Christmas cards... birthdays ect.... High school lovers.. short terms ect.... so just say FRIEND! Of course one that I hooked up with a friend of mine andblah blah blah and I was a cheerleader inhigh school... IKNOW he has seen me weighing 363 lbs... I remember to me because I was embarassed, and I hid from him hoping he didnt see me.... point being.. I saw him yesterday and and he didnt even notice.. my sistersaid, " How about my sis.. losing 117 lbs" he said, " Really?" I wanted to slap him.... I said uh... you havent noticed? LOL? He said I dont see you that often.... Isnt that when its the most noticable? Oh well. Frustrating I guess.......

he probably just didnt want to admit how hot you were looking now! Men suck lol

Besides all the usual things like, "Oh, you have such a pretty face.  If you lost weight, you would be a real knockout" from my parents, my favorite comes from people who don't think it's an insult.  I started hitting the gym big time early this year (6 days a week, with a personal trainer, Spin classes, starting into road cycling, cross-training, etc).  People in my office started to notice the changes, and several have said, "You are an inspiration.  If YOU can do it, so can I!"  Sounds not too bad, huh?  But the implication is that if the big fat girl in the office can hit the gym, anybody can.  Nice.

I'm just waiting until I have the cyclist's physique and finish my century, and they start saying, "I just don't know how you did it.  I couldn't do what you did in a million years."  That will be satisfaction.

This doesn't really have to do with weight, but it still really irritated me! My neighbor asked my roommates boyfriend, which girl he was dating at the house. The neighbor said "Are you dating the tall one?" And Ben, the boyfriend, said, "No, I'm dating the pretty one." Then my roommate had the nerve to tell me the story and think it was funny! What does that make me and my other roommate? The ugly ones?! I'm still pissed.

I think it's fascinating how people act like the shape of someone else's body belongs to them - like it is public property for anyone to poke, prod, and discuss.

I heard at one point that any unsolicited discussion about a person's shape (cutdown or compliment) is a boundary violation, and I believe it is true.

Interestingly enough, this time around (cause I've gained and lost a few in my time) people don't feel compelled to comment and I love it! I think something changed in me...

After going to the gym for a while, I had lost about 30 lbs and the ladies were starting to notice and make comments. One loudmouth woman, who spent more of her time gabbing than actually working out, said "You really have lost weight! You used to be a big momma!" I was like "Thanks?" I don't even think she meant it as an insult, which baffles me.

I always wonder how fat I looked to other people...