this guy

Okay so this is going to sound a little cliched maybe, but there's this guy I met a while ago who asked me out. At the time I just kind of went with it since he seemed kind of forward and didn't think too much. He started texting me a lot and showed a lot of interest, always texted back and seemed happy to meet up. I was flattered and all that and things seemed to be going well, we met up on a few dattes and stuff but then randomly, out of the blue, he just stopped texting. He barely got in contact for about two weeks, and when i finally got a message out of him, he said he'd explain it and he was really busy. Since then (that was about 2-3 months ago) we've not met up and I'm beginning to think that this is not going to happen anymore - and the worse thing is i don't even know if i could call it a relationship? It didn't seem like we'd officiated anyhthing.

He comes online sometimes, but always seems super tired or busy and doesn't always reply. It's ironic that I should like him now, only when he doesn't seem interested. Could he still be interested though? Is it possible there's actually another reason? I don't want to be paranoid and waiting in that cliche way, but it's just another thing bugging me; I'd rather know from him straight out what's going on!

So, can anyone help? I know it's kind of rant-y and typical, but has this happened to anyone? If so, do tell!

thank yoou

Well, I definitely hate it when guys do this and it's happened to me recently too. A guy that I've known since high school who has always been head over heels for me and loved me and all that stuff, goes off and get married with a girl that he's only known for a few weeks. I know this isn't exactly like your situation but I can relate.

I'm not really sure his reasoning for the change, but something's changed for him. Maybe someone else or just being distracted in general. Guys usually aren't too complicated but there are a few. Your best bet is to talk to him when you get the opportunity since they are far and few inbetween. Also, please try not to stress yourself out over him and the situation, I'm sure he's not doing the same and doesn't seem to be. Believe me this may be your first time experiencing this but it won't be the last. So learn from this experience. Good luck!

You stated,

"It's ironic that I should like him now, only when he doesn't seem interested." 

Believe it or not the same works with guys.  Especially with guys.  Unfortunately, "attraction" starts with a game.  Whatever you do don't try to harp on the fact that you like him a lot.  Guys like to do the chasing.  If he's interested or even has the time to start a relationship, he'll seek you out.  Sometimes when the challenge slips away so does the attraction.  Have you ever seen the movie "The Happening".  There is a scene when the old woman looks at Elliot and Alma and says, "Ain't no time two people staring at each other, or standing still, loving both with their eyes are equal. Truth is, someone is chasing someone. That's the way we's built. So, who's chasing?" 

As a guy, I think he either lost interest for whatever reason and is too immature to tell you. Or he met another girl, and again, too immature to tell you.

No one is too busy to reply to a text for 2wks, I promise.

Thanks for the replies.

His response for not texting was valid. He said his phone was dodgy and didn't work and it still is dodgy. Now we hardly text, but if he is online, he doesn't outright ignore me; rather he just seems like he's multi-tasking or it's really late and he is tired.

I don't know if he's met someone else. But what do you think the chances of a proper conversation/response would be? Is it still worth asking/bothering after all this? He did start out so geniunely interested.

"But what do you think the chances of a proper conversation/response would be? Is it still worth asking/bothering after all this? He did start out so genuinely interested."

Chances are very low. It is not worth it. We all start out geniunely interested, then we grow bored or uninterested.

"It's ironic that I should like him now, only when he doesn't seem interested."

He got you with the "playing hard to get" trick. Except he's not playing. Sorry... Oh how I miss highschool...

I would recommend going by his present behavior rather than his past behavior.  If his present behavior is telling you that he's not interested, then that is likely the case.  For whatever reason, he stopped being interested (or so it seems to me).  Remember though, YOU yourself are NOT the reason he is no longer interested.  It is just one of those mysteries of men that we women will never figure out. ::sigh::

In any case, I would say forget about him.  If at some point in the future shows interest again, I would be wary.  It seems to me that he just likes the chase. 

"We all start out geniunely interested, then we grow bored or uninterested."

Yes, but why do girls seem less likely to be non-responsive? I pretty sure a lot of girls I know let the guy down or at least reply. I dunno, maybe I'm just asking a rhetorical question.

Fortunately, I skipped out on all this stuff in high school. So I guess that's why this makes it worse now...lol

Men are notorious cowards when it comes to break-ups or even let-downs.  Seriously.  I have had one guy lie to me for the reason we were breaking up (he was cheating on me...instead he told me he was breaking up with me because he wanted to be single...what a load of bull).  I would have appreciated the truth.  I had another guy "break up" with me and try to blame me for it....we weren't even technically dating, nor had I asked for anything more (I didn't want a serious relationship) and he told me he thought things were getting too serious (he had told me he loved me btw).  Like I said, I wasn't keen on a serious relationship, so the idea that the relationship was getting serious was my fault was absolutely absurd.  Men are cowards. 

As for why women behave the way they do when they are rejecting someone...I have no idea.  I have always been brutally honest when breaking up with guys because that's how I would want to be treated. 

Original Post by artandsoul:

Yes, but why do girls seem less likely to be non-responsive? I pretty sure a lot of girls I know let the guy down or at least reply. I dunno, maybe I'm just asking a rhetorical question.

Fortunately, I skipped out on all this stuff in high school. So I guess that's why this makes it worse now...lol

 

Ehh, they may be less likely, but I've experienced it myself, once. That was in HS. I was a senior, she was a junior. I like to think it was her maturity level, lack thereof, that didn't prompt an answer for me. It may be worse now, since you haven't experienced it before. I wouldn't let it bother me that much, especially if it was 2-3 months ago.

If you can't tell, I base my thoughts on people's level of maturity or experience quite often.

O wow, you're me! I'm in a similar situation and I'm almost fully in my 20s and feeling like a highschooler and I hate it. I'm also completely unprepared because I didn't go through all this when I actually was in highschool.

So I've decided to stop worrying about it and treating the guy like a friend/acquaintance. Thing is - I enjoy his company, so I'd rather live in the present than worry about the future. Is 'just let it go' helpful advice? If you make him less of a priority you're less likely to get hurt and it also accomplishes the hard-to-get angle. Easier said than done, I know, but if you try, it'll happen.

Thanks again for replies :)

Anyway, with regard to maturity level...I wouldn't say he is really immature...but I don't know his attitude to this whole thing yet - I haven't asked "what's going on". I could judge better by a response.

He is quite a bit older, but it seems like that's not a problem for some and for others it's a warning sign/and or potential trouble.

The weird thing is that I've seen this happen to loads of my friends, or people I know...scenarios similar to "he's not bothered anymore." and I've always been the 'agony aunt' person who listens, thinking wow I don't know what this feels like.

oh and also

"I like to think it was her maturity level, lack thereof, that didn't prompt an answer for me."

was that her who didn't respond?

I'd like to consider myself a fairly mature person when it comes to things like these, but I'm also really inexperienced. I have nothing to compare/base it on asI've never properly dated. It's just never really happened to me, and in any case it has just never worked out between people I've liked or have liked me in the past.

"was it her who didn't respond?"

Yes. I'm way too courteous to do that to someone.

I think all young people like to think of themselves as mature, but in a few years we'll look back and think, "not so much."

See...I wouldn't even let a situation like this happen.

I'm the type that makes a guy work to get me. I'm usually the one playing the uninterested role (or I at least have my guard up).

If a guy wasn't showing interest in me or wasn't going out of his way to show that he liked me, I would brush him aside. The only time I'll let something like that slide is if the guy is notoriously shy, which is usually obvious.

That might be kind of bad on my part...but it's true.

From what I've read, in your case...it appears he's just lost interest. I'd move on. If he wants to rekindle anything, he'll make it known.

yeah yeah i know, it sucks to be young right...

all this happens.lol

Original Post by jblarghp:

See...I wouldn't even let a situation like this happen.

I'm the type that makes a guy work to get me. I'm usually the one playing the uninterested role (or I at least have my guard up).

 Really? There's a way to prevent someone from ignoring you?  Having your guard up is good. Playing is for children.

What can I say, I'm immature.

eta: No, there's no way to prevent it. It's just if I get the slightest feeling a guy isn't interested, that's it for me. It takes a lot for a guy to convince me he even truly likes me. So if he was "too busy" to text me back..I simply wouldn't bother with him.
I'm not saying I'm perfect...

Lol, at least you admit it. ETA, doesn't that stand for estimated time of arrival??

"It's just if I get the slightest feeling a guy isn't interested, that's it for me."

Trust me, you don't want a needy person who is constantly around or bothering you. It's okay, you're young, you'll grow out this stuff soon enough. Hopefully.

Hmmm...well I don't necessarily think a guy has to be needy and bother me constantly to show he's interested.

I'm just not the one in the relationship who is going to be forward and make all the moves. If I have to start doing that, I'm going to assume he's not interested anymore.

Is 22 young?

"What can I say, I'm immature."

I think you answered that. Not that there's anything wrong with that. Normally I wouldn't think 22 is that young.

 And I said what I did, because of "..if I get the slightest feeling a guy isn't interested..." To me, that means, you need someone who is going to constantly acknowledge you. Sorry if it was interpreted differently.

Well, I don't want to give every 22 year old a bad name. I'm sure 90% aren't as immature as I am. Luckily most people think I'm 16 at first glance, so I can get away with it!