The guy at the gym

Do you feel more bad for the guy at the gym that walks around the locker room talking to people...or more upset?

I mean, at first...it was annoying.  Not because he talks to me...I think he gets my anti-social vibe.  But it was still annoying to hear him ramble on forever about his failed business or his cell phone or his workout routine...

But then I thought, this guy probably has no friends.  The highlight of his day is to find a guy half nude, a captured audience if you will, so that he can pretend for at least 10-15 minutes that he has friends and people like him.

I'm pretty sure he's annoying and it's just the spirit of the holidays making me pity him...but I'm not sure.

Original Post by caloricat:

Do you feel more bad for the guy at the gym that walks around the locker room talking to people...or more upset?

I mean, at first...it was annoying. Not because he talks to me...I think he gets my anti-social vibe. But it was still annoying to hear him ramble on forever about his failed business or his cell phone or his workout routine...

But then I thought, this guy probably has no friends. The highlight of his day is to find a guy half nude, a captured audience if you will, so that he can pretend for at least 10-15 minutes that he has friends and people like him.

I'm pretty sure he's annoying and it's just the spirit of the holidays making me pity him...but I'm not sure.

I'm not sure why spending 10-15 minutes at the gym talking to him would be a problem for you - whether he has friends or not???

Original Post by bobs9895:

I'm not sure why spending 10-15 minutes at the gym talking to him would be a problem for you - whether he has friends or not???

Because some people don't like being talked to while they're half naked and in a hurry to get out of there?

I understand where you're coming from, caloricat.

I also think that it's remarkably that you even thought twice about this guy's life. That's a commendable feat, as most people would just rant about how annoying that person was being.

Maybe converse with the guy for 5-10 minutes max, then politely say you have to go. That could make his day, and sooth your conscious as well.

Original Post by nasuoni:

Original Post by bobs9895:

I'm not sure why spending 10-15 minutes at the gym talking to him would be a problem for you - whether he has friends or not???

Because some people don't like being talked to while they're half naked and in a hurry to get out of there?

I understand where you're coming from, caloricat.

I also think that it's remarkably that you even thought twice about this guy's life. That's a commendable feat, as most people would just rant about how annoying that person was being.

Maybe converse with the guy for 5-10 minutes max, then politely say you have to go. That could make his day, and sooth your conscious as well.

Umm, basically, that's my point.....talk to the guy for 10-15 minutes, or however much time you have, then go.  No need to let him interfere with your schedule, but on the other hand, being nice to people isn't such a bad thing at all!

Perhaps it's different in the women's locker room, but in my experience, nobody really talks much in there.... I wonder if there's a difference in locker-room behavior between the sexes.

Same thing happens in the ladies room. Who knows why? Maybe my anti-socialness only magnifies the situation. Maybe they are just friendly people. Maybe they really don't have many friends.....

Guys have that nod that they do to say Hi without really saying hi. Does that work? Then, you can still be friendly and avoid the situation. I'm guessing you already tried........I feel for ya'. Who wants to carry on a conversation when you're not dressed yet and trying to get out the door?

I talk to other guys in the locker room, i know most of them by name actually, cuz we always end up at the gym at the same time os well talk while changing but once one of is dont we just say bye and thats that, normaly just stuff like hey how you do, hows the family ect

I've never seen women talk to each other in the locker room unless they came to the gym together. 

The guy sounds sad. Give him a few minutes and then go home. 

Maybe you're just overly friendly Calcat and the guy is trying to humor you. :P

 

Maybe I've just never been so devoid of friends that I ever humored the idea of trying to make friends with half naked old men at the gym.  Maybe if I were in that situation, I'd be the same way.  Hard to say.

There is only one guy at the gym that I''m happy to see...that I actually don't mind talking to...and that's this guy that runs laps.  I think he's gay becuase he looks gay.  The only reason I like to talk to him is we both run and he's been running alot longer than me.  Last time I saw him he sort of brushed me off.  Maybe not.  Or maybe he was in a hurry.  Or maybe he realized I was hetero and his whole "friendliness" up until that point was to try to hook up.  I don't know.  I've never seen myself as a person who gays would find attractive, but maybe he's desperate.  He looks kind've desperate.

Original Post by caloricat:

Maybe I've just never been so devoid of friends that I ever humored the idea of trying to make friends with half naked old men at the gym.  Maybe if I were in that situation, I'd be the same way.  Hard to say.

There is only one guy at the gym that I''m happy to see...that I actually don't mind talking to...and that's this guy that runs laps.  I think he's gay becuase he looks gay.  The only reason I like to talk to him is we both run and he's been running alot longer than me.  Last time I saw him he sort of brushed me off.  Maybe not.  Or maybe he was in a hurry.  Or maybe he realized I was hetero and his whole "friendliness" up until that point was to try to hook up.  I don't know.  I've never seen myself as a person who gays would find attractive, but maybe he's desperate.  He looks kind've desperate.

and just what does a gay guy look like?

Original Post by caloricat:

Maybe I've just never been so devoid of friends that I ever humored the idea of trying to make friends with half naked old men at the gym.  Maybe if I were in that situation, I'd be the same way.  Hard to say.

There is only one guy at the gym that I''m happy to see...that I actually don't mind talking to...and that's this guy that runs laps.  I think he's gay becuase he looks gay.  The only reason I like to talk to him is we both run and he's been running alot longer than me.  Last time I saw him he sort of brushed me off.  Maybe not.  Or maybe he was in a hurry.  Or maybe he realized I was hetero and his whole "friendliness" up until that point was to try to hook up.  I don't know.  I've never seen myself as a person who gays would find attractive, but maybe he's desperate.  He looks kind've desperate.

Holy cow! I was on your side till I read this! I am laughing at your words, cause I can't believe you actually wrote this. Sounds so insensitive! Wow... but at least you admit someone would be desperate to want to talk to you hahahahahahahaha!

I've never experienced this in the women's locker room really. Any time a stranger has spoken to me it's a quick communication--"Is the pool crowded today?" "Don't bother with the scale, it's busted again", things like that.

As for the talkative guy in Calcat's gym, I dunno, I've noticed some people are just like that, they kind of lack the social skills to realize they're being intrusive or tiresome. You could just humor him as some have suggested, or you could say something like, "Look no offense but I'm in a hurry, I have to get dressed and leave." polite but firm.

As far as the guy who "looks" possibly gay (by this I'll be generous and assume he's working one of the various looks fashionable within the gay community), if he brushed you off just once, maybe he was in a rush or preoccupied with some personal business that day. If it's continued, it's possible that he's lost interest(if he had interest in the first place), or took something you said the wrong way, or who knows?

I'll back up calcat on this one. In my experience, most straight guys have gaydar, where as most straight women do not, so they might not get the "looks gay" "probably gay" comment.

Original Post by coffincritter:

As far as the guy who "looks" possibly gay (by this I'll be generous and assume he's working one of the various looks fashionable within the gay community), if he brushed you off just once, maybe he was in a rush or preoccupied with some personal business that day. If it's continued, it's possible that he's lost interest(if he had interest in the first place), or took something you said the wrong way, or who knows?

 -or- you may be "the guy in the locker room" to him!  Maybe you are the one who he is trying to not talk to??

Original Post by r4eboxer:

Original Post by caloricat:

Maybe I've just never been so devoid of friends that I ever humored the idea of trying to make friends with half naked old men at the gym.  Maybe if I were in that situation, I'd be the same way.  Hard to say.

There is only one guy at the gym that I''m happy to see...that I actually don't mind talking to...and that's this guy that runs laps.  I think he's gay becuase he looks gay.  The only reason I like to talk to him is we both run and he's been running alot longer than me.  Last time I saw him he sort of brushed me off.  Maybe not.  Or maybe he was in a hurry.  Or maybe he realized I was hetero and his whole "friendliness" up until that point was to try to hook up.  I don't know.  I've never seen myself as a person who gays would find attractive, but maybe he's desperate.  He looks kind've desperate.

and just what does a gay guy look like?

He looks gay AND desperate. So he has his hand on another guy's crotch while his one eye is winking and the other is welling up with tears. Lip quivering.. big  neon I'M GAY sign blinking above his head..

Idk Im gonna have to agree on the "gaydar" ... you just get a different vibe when a guy isnt straight... as if something doesnt click right.... Idk about the desperate part though

Original Post by r4eboxer:

and just what does a gay guy look like?

Like a guy, except...one that's sort of like a chick...but not...and they're into dudes and want to have sex with them.

It could be in the voice...especially if the gay guy is "flamboyant" and "wants" you to know he's gay.  It could be int he demeaner.  It could be how he dresses.  It could be more subtle clues...lack of a wedding band, family yet the guys in his 40s.  Guys talking about not getting along with their family because "they don't like my lifestyle".  Guys with dude roommates...when the guy is waaaay too old to have a "roommate".  

It's not always easy.  It's not like every gay guy wears pink hot pants and has fake eyebrows.  But it's also not that hard to figure out.

Original Post by e-runs-with-scissors:

Holy cow! I was on your side till I read this! I am laughing at your words, cause I can't believe you actually wrote this. Sounds so insensitive! Wow... but at least you admit someone would be desperate to want to talk to you hahahahahahahaha!

If I was truly insensitive, I'd just tell the friendless dude that the reason he has no friends is because he's a blithering moron that assumes other people have more than an iota of interest in his sad, pathetic life...which they don't, and neither do I...so maybe he should go back to his apartment, buy some cats, and accept lonliness as his only option because at his age a personality change that would make him "normal"...is a statistical longshot.

See...that's "insensitive".

Unless you mean insensitive towards the gay (suspected) guy...which I would dispute given that I think he's the only cool guy in the entire joint and I do talk to him.

Original Post by yogagirl6853:

 -or- you may be "the guy in the locker room" to him!  Maybe you are the one who he is trying to not talk to??

Naaah.  He almost always initiates the conversation...I don't think anyone has EVER initiated a conversation with "locker room guy" because they couldn't initiate it fast enough to get it in before his nonsense starts.