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Why do guys lie (For Guys)?

Okay, this is a question for the very small contingent of guys out there.

I've noticed on multiple posts that men will try to repsond by saying something to the effect, "Men like a little meat on your bones".  My hypothesis is that this comment could be a result of a handful of different thought processes and I'm trying to figure out which one.

1. Standard guy attempt to pick up said girl through compliment (insincere). 

2. Man X has been overweight, therefore has lower standards and thus is more accustomed to heavier women.

3. Truth, guy just digs heavier women.

4. Encouragement...probably insincere...but just trying to be encouraging in their weight loss efforts.

5. Other...I had one more but forgot what it was...

See, I just don't see it.  I understand to each their own...but everytime I hear a guy say that, it makes me immediately think they are either lieing or have low standards.  Because to be totally honest...I've never met a guy that would take Rosanne Barr (minus the personality) over a swimsuit model.  I mean, okay, if you're debating between a runway model and a size 8 woman...maybe you guy size 8 because a girl that is "too" skinny is kind've gross...but when guys say things like "Paris Hilton is too skinny...I'd rather have a plus size woman any day!"  What!  That's rediculous!  Knowing guys, it makes me think that the same exact guy is on an eating disorder website posting that Ally McBeal is too fat.

I mean, I understand choice 1, 2 and even 4...but choice 3 is called a "fetish"...not a preference in my opinion.  And 2 quick rules...

1. This is meant to be an honest discussion, it is not meant to offend, and please don't respond with the Oprah/Tyra/Ellen answer of "loving people for their inner beauty...because I ate a pear today that isn't sitting well and I don't want it to come up.  Will some women find this topic offensive?  I haven't met a group of women where at least one didn't find something offensive so probably yes.  And I'm sure at least one guy will as well to try to impress said woman from aforementioned group.  I didn't post this in the "motivation and support" forum...just in the lounge...fun discussion...if it raises your blood pressure...there are thousands of posts about bunnies, and flowers, and Martha's new recipe for Almond pie that you can post at...just hit the back button once and breathe.

2. The answer, "I like bigger women because they are more willing to do "X, Y and Z"...to me that's a horrible answer because that's nothing more than preying on low self esteem.  I understand a swimsuit model would probably have higher expectations and be "high maintenance", but meeting higher expectations isn't necessarily a bad thing.

you can't lump every single guy into one category. guys are all different, they all like different things. yeah, the average dude's head is going to turn if a superfit chick with big boobs walks by, but that doesn't mean he expects or would care if his significant other looks that way.

and i think the way you worded #2 is really offensive. lower standards? what is that supposed to mean? a guy has to have "low standards" to be attracted to a heavier woman?

*steps back to watch the flames fly*

So a guy who likes a little meat on the bones of a woman, and not to have the figure of a 13 year old boy is lowering standards.... Many women can have a very nice figure in a 8,10,12,14, and yes, even a 16. I know it sounds crazy, but it does happen.

It's pretty simple. People have different views of beauty. Period.

I'm not a guy, but I know they are attracted by different things.  Is it a "fetish" if a guy likes big breasts?  Or if they like big bottoms?  I don't know and I don't care.  All women are built differently and there's almost always some guy who is attracted by them.

For instance.  I knew a guy -- just a friend, who specifically told me he liked girls with big hips and bottoms, but flat chests. 

And I'm not sure if I'm offended by what you wrote, but I do feel sorry for you if you think all men are lying and manipulative (which most of your options seem to indicate).  Some men are that way (and some women) but if you think they all are, then you're going to have a lot of trouble with trusting and loving a man. 

I am friends with more than one guy whose "type" is heavy women.  These guys are, quite simply, attracted to large females.  When I gained weight, one of them approached me and told me I was "lookin' good these days." 

Give guys some credit.  Not everyone is attracted to the bobblehead body type shown most often in magazines and on TV.  Not all dudes are meatheads.

It might be a fetish if a guy is attracted to the extremely obese. There are quite a few men who like plus-sized women. They are neither insincere nor liars.

I'm wondering how old you are and what experiences have shaped your thinking.

Some people are shallow, some people aren't.  Shallow people are often confused or befuddled with regards to the preferences and behaviour of unshallow people.  My guess is that you're shallow.

Your profile photo gallery indicates that you are male.  Which category do you fall into?  You don't like a woman with meat on her bones?  You would prefer just bones?

I'm not a guy, so I can't answer for them, but I find women with breasts and hips more visually pleasing than those without.  I also think a woman's legs and arms look better if they are muscular as opposed to very thin and wiry.

"Meat on their bones", to me, doesn't mean obese.  It means not sickly thin.  And when it comes to a comparison of very thin v. plus sized, I'd prefer to look at the plus sized woman.

But then, I'm not a man, so maybe my opinion doesn't count.

I'm not a guy either, but I much prefer guys with a little meat on their bones.  So I can see why guys would like someone that way too.

Original Post by jules817:

and i think the way you worded #2 is really offensive. lower standards? what is that supposed to mean? a guy has to have "low standards" to be attracted to a heavier woman?

*steps back to watch the flames fly*

 As to #2, you might have misinterpreted it...maybe not.  What I meant was, I presume that if a guy were overweight, he may accept it more than a guy who is not OR he may feel like he can't do any better (from a physical standpoint).  It's not too far of a leap to point out that many people (males as well) that are overweight or obese have a lower self esteem/self worth and therefore that may influence their choices.  Not necessarily just with weight...perhaps with personality issues as well.

*not meant to start a fire...just curious*

You are assuming that everyone views the world through your lens, c-cat. Not the position of an enlightened human, regardless of their personal tastes.

Original Post by itsbutters:

So a guy who likes a little meat on the bones of a woman, and not to have the figure of a 13 year old boy is lowering standards.... Many women can have a very nice figure in a 8,10,12,14, and yes, even a 16. I know it sounds crazy, but it does happen.

 

It's pretty simple. People have different views of beauty. Period.

 True, but if your view were the mainstream view, would we not see an entirely different type of actress, magazine covers, commercials, etc...?  Why is it that when you go to the theatre you often see overweight women who are amazing actresses and singers...yet when it comes to movies and TV shows...the overweight women are either casted as the mother or co-starring in B movies on Lifetime?

Maybe my take was a bit "brash", but I can honestly say that your opinion is probably at best in the minority.  And while I don't know much about women's clothes "sizes", I think a 13 year old boy would probably not look good in a size 4-6...not to me anyways.

what did i misinterpret? you just repeated the same thing with different wording.

i think what you aren't getting here is that not ALL men find super thin women attractive. there are plenty of men out there who would consider dating a 200lb woman "doing better from a physical standpoint" than dating a 110lb woman.

just because YOU think thin women are the ideal doesn't mean everyone else does. there ARE fit, confident men out there who happen to find a larger women sexy.  

now let's see..i'm a gal (ok, married woman); my hubby met me quite chubby and was with me when i was downright obese; now i'm thin; he never put my weight b4 anything but is darn proud of me now..

as it was said, some are shallow, some are not; but i also don't "trust" the comments meant to make one feel better; i doubt many guys would pass a skinny top model for a very fat gal...ok, i know for sure that MANY guys like some "meat on the bones" but meat doesn't mean fat for them; means just a bit of well placed muscles.

I think what most guys (or at least I) mean by "a little meat on your bones" is not that they would want to date some one who is overweight or obese, but that if say your normal weight for your body type is 130 or 140, they won't really care if you've gained 5 or 10 pounds. Honestly, I don't think I can really tell someone's really gained weight until it's it's at least 20 lbs above normal. I know a lot of girls who obsess about gaining 5 or 10 pounds and to be honest the obsessing is more of a turn-off than the minor wieght gain, which is within normal fluctuations and not really noticable. The point is to be healthy and happy with your body, not to have unrealistic expectations. I'll take someone with a BMI of 25 who is happy and confident with themselves over a someone with a BMI of 18 who is insecure and obsessed with their weight anyday.

...or...

there are a lot of men that truly do look deeper.

OP: You're decision to post this topic on a weightloss site demonstrates not only a decided lack of situational awareness, but a rather narrow view of the world on the whole.

I suppose now, you'll accuse me of being 'on the rag'.

Original Post by purespark:

I am friends with more than one guy whose "type" is heavy women.  These guys are, quite simply, attracted to large females.  When I gained weight, one of them approached me and told me I was "lookin' good these days." 

Give guys some credit.  Not everyone is attracted to the bobblehead body type shown most often in magazines and on TV.  Not all dudes are meatheads.

 Interesting.  This could lead me to divert away from this topic to the topic of "guy friends", but I'll save that one....let me just say that it's sort of a seperate topic..sort of related as I've found that men have an easier time being"friends" with heavier women because they are not attracted to them.  Being attracted to your friend usualy causes problems...dut I digress...

You have to realize I was asking a question, not making a statement.  Maybe I'm not giving guys enough credit...but I AM one...and I know far more than anyone here does (thus far 0-1 male response).  And the advantage I have (probably the only one) over the female contingent in here is that I understand that there are things guys say to you...their "friend" and to you their "significant other"...and then there are things guys say to their male buddies.  I can't go into detail about how much those two things differ (or I'll get kicked out of the guy fraternity) and it does differ from guy to guy...but just know that it is usually a "little" bit different. 

I understand the comments from everyone about being "shallow" and everything...I expected that...but realize that if I'm shallow for preferring Paris Hilton to Roseanne Barr...then I'm in a club of about 97% of other guys.  And I guess my question (perhaps worded poorly) was what proportion of that 97% would lie about it and why...

Original Post by kathygator:



there are a lot of men that truly do look deeper.

clearly there are men who do that; otherwise i'd still be single lol

i've met my share of shallow guys who "weighed" me by looking at me and telling me that "you'd look better if you lost some"...of course that was when i was overweight.

Original Post by jguerard:

I think what most guys (or at least I) mean by "a little meat on your bones" is not that they would want to date some one who is overweight or obese, but that if say your normal weight for your body type is 130 or 140, they won't really care if you've gained 5 or 10 pounds. Honestly, I don't think I can really tell someone's really gained weight until it's it's at least 20 lbs above normal. I know a lot of girls who obsess about gaining 5 or 10 pounds and to be honest the obsessing is more of a turn-off than the minor wieght gain, which is within normal fluctuations and not really noticable. The point is to be healthy and happy with your body, not to have unrealistic expectations. I'll take someone with a BMI of 25 who is happy and confident with themselves over a someone with a BMI of 18 who is insecure and obsessed with their weight anyday.

 Thank you!  I agree.

Original Post by caloricat:

I understand the comments from everyone about being "shallow" and everything...I expected that...but realize that if I'm shallow for preferring Paris Hilton to Roseanne Barr...then I'm in a club of about 97% of other guys.  And I guess my question (perhaps worded poorly) was what proportion of that 97% would lie about it and why...

 

I never doubted you'd prefer Paris Hilton...ok you agreed wt the comment above; which is what i also been told by guys; yet you still say you prefer Paris :)

But I ask you something, and please don't feel offended: what do you look for in your future wife? (assuming you are not married; i haven't read your profile (really not curious lol)

I'm asking b/c many guys (when I was single) told me that I'm the kind to marry and not to "*** around with". The thing is that many guys would date a type of gal (say thin, big boobs, etc) but marry a totally different kind. Now that's really *weird*

 

#16:  Are you implying that guys are only friends with girls because they want something more?