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Why do guys lie (For Guys)?

Okay, this is a question for the very small contingent of guys out there.

I've noticed on multiple posts that men will try to repsond by saying something to the effect, "Men like a little meat on your bones".  My hypothesis is that this comment could be a result of a handful of different thought processes and I'm trying to figure out which one.

1. Standard guy attempt to pick up said girl through compliment (insincere). 

2. Man X has been overweight, therefore has lower standards and thus is more accustomed to heavier women.

3. Truth, guy just digs heavier women.

4. Encouragement...probably insincere...but just trying to be encouraging in their weight loss efforts.

5. Other...I had one more but forgot what it was...

See, I just don't see it.  I understand to each their own...but everytime I hear a guy say that, it makes me immediately think they are either lieing or have low standards.  Because to be totally honest...I've never met a guy that would take Rosanne Barr (minus the personality) over a swimsuit model.  I mean, okay, if you're debating between a runway model and a size 8 woman...maybe you guy size 8 because a girl that is "too" skinny is kind've gross...but when guys say things like "Paris Hilton is too skinny...I'd rather have a plus size woman any day!"  What!  That's rediculous!  Knowing guys, it makes me think that the same exact guy is on an eating disorder website posting that Ally McBeal is too fat.

I mean, I understand choice 1, 2 and even 4...but choice 3 is called a "fetish"...not a preference in my opinion.  And 2 quick rules...

1. This is meant to be an honest discussion, it is not meant to offend, and please don't respond with the Oprah/Tyra/Ellen answer of "loving people for their inner beauty...because I ate a pear today that isn't sitting well and I don't want it to come up.  Will some women find this topic offensive?  I haven't met a group of women where at least one didn't find something offensive so probably yes.  And I'm sure at least one guy will as well to try to impress said woman from aforementioned group.  I didn't post this in the "motivation and support" forum...just in the lounge...fun discussion...if it raises your blood pressure...there are thousands of posts about bunnies, and flowers, and Martha's new recipe for Almond pie that you can post at...just hit the back button once and breathe.

2. The answer, "I like bigger women because they are more willing to do "X, Y and Z"...to me that's a horrible answer because that's nothing more than preying on low self esteem.  I understand a swimsuit model would probably have higher expectations and be "high maintenance", but meeting higher expectations isn't necessarily a bad thing.

Original Post by kathygator:

...or...

there are a lot of men that truly do look deeper.

OP: You're decision to post this topic on a weightloss site demonstrates not only a decided lack of situational awareness, but a rather narrow view of the world on the whole.

I suppose now, you'll accuse me of being 'on the rag'.

 It was just an observation based on forum comments made by men on this website...that's all.  And I'm not going to accuse you of anything crude like that...I will say you sound angry and hostile...but I'm sure there are guys out there that find angry and hostile attractive too...to each their own.

 Interesting.  This could lead me to divert away from this topic to the topic of "guy friends", but I'll save that one....let me just say that it's sort of a seperate topic..sort of related as I've found that men have an easier time being"friends" with heavier women because they are not attracted to them.  Being attracted to your friend usualy causes problems...dut I digress...

i *hate* to admit it, but you are sooooo right;  a guy would be friends so easy wt an overweight gal (been there, been the "chubby buddy") rather than taking the efforts to be wt my skinny friends...which obviously cause a lot of "problems" in the "will I be good enough?" dpt.

Original Post by cricketro05:

But I ask you something, and please don't feel offended: what do you look for in your future wife? (assuming you are not married; i haven't read your profile (really not curious lol)

I'm asking b/c many guys (when I was single) told me that I'm the kind to marry and not to "*** around with". The thing is that many guys would date a type of gal (say thin, big boobs, etc) but marry a totally different kind. Now that's really *weird*

 

 Already married.

I think comment 2 has to do with a "slut" versus a "wholesome girl"...not so much to do with weight.

caloricat,

i'm glad this thread has shed some light on the subject for you

but rest assured, there aren't any obese women on this site or off this site who thought that "men" (or the vast majority of men) really are more attracted to obese women

we understood when they said men 'like a woman with a little meat on her bones' that this meant they like big boobs and a curvy a$$ -- we knew it didn't mean they wanted to date a woman who has a 52-inch waist (not that even she can't be sexy or find a man who is attracted to her, obviously she can, because some have)

so i think yer frettin about nothin my friend

most of those comments made on this site are made toward women who are trying to lose the last 5-10 lbs -- which as pointed out in #14, the obsession with the last 5 lbs is a bigger turn off than the 5-10 lbs for those men

a better question would be How can we help women resolve their body image issues and stop hating the way they look?

OP; I think you may be looking into it too deeply and why wouldn't men like a bit of meat on the bones.

Just the other day my boss was flicking the pages of a magazine and there was some celeb (skinny) and he said:

"what is it with women, why do they feel that they need to look like that? why do they want to? If I dated a women as skinny as that the first thing I'd do is buy her a meal and I wouldn't take her to bed until she had gained a few pounds"!!

I hadn't said a word this was all from him.

Original Post by andie-joe:

"what is it with women, why do they feel that they need to look like that? why do they want to? If I dated a women as skinny as that the first thing I'd do is buy her a meal and I wouldn't take her to bed until she had gained a few pounds"!!

 

ROTFL

Original Post by purespark:

#16:  Are you implying that guys are only friends with girls because they want something more?

 Usually.  But I don't want to get into that too much..it's an even bigger topic.  It also depends on differnet factors.  If you are unattractive, guys can be "friends"...if you're "unavailable"...then it's a maybe.  But if you're cute and available...no. 

But see, that's an even more "highly charged" topic because there are going to me a massive amount of women chiming in with stories about this guy and that guy that they were best friends with...and it's sad because in probably 80-90% of those situations the guy was either not attracted to them or was attracted to them and lied about it...we could go on for hours about those scenarios...

Original Post by andie-joe:

Just the other day my boss was flicking the pages of a magazine and there was some celeb (skinny) and he said:

"what is it with women, why do they feel that they need to look like that? why do they want to? If I dated a women as skinny as that the first thing I'd do is buy her a meal and I wouldn't take her to bed until she had gained a few pounds"!!

 And you believed that?  I'd love to see him prove it.  i've heard alot of guys say they wouldn't want to date Jessica Simpson because she's too "ditsy"...but I'm still waiting to see Jessica Simpson crying on television because Andie's boss kicked her out of bed for not knowing algebra.

Original Post by caloricat:

But see, that's an even more "highly charged" topic because there are going to me a massive amount of women chiming in with stories about this guy and that guy that they were best friends with...and it's sad because in probably 80-90% of those situations the guy was either not attracted to them or was attracted to them and lied about it...we could go on for hours about those scenarios...

90% of the guys which were "friends" wt me admitted, finally, that they actually wanted to date me but they didn't dare say a word...this was in my single years and b4 i gained weight (thanks to a very nice desk job and bad eating habits). the rest of 10% were really NOT attracted to me , AT ALL lol and i take it wt a grain of salt when a guy says he's my "best friend"..right!

even wt hubby we started out as "friends"...well friends totally attracted to each other lol

#30 men will stick anything!

but they won't have a relationship with just anyone there is a big difference.

I think you're being very cynical. I have a hot bf works out all the time really looks after himself, he could probably have a choice of many really hot skinny women, but he's with me and I am not skinny! I was quite plump when I met him and not once did he tell me I needed to lose weight that was my choice.

Original Post by cricketro05:

90% of the guys which were "friends" wt me admitted, finally, that they actually wanted to date me but they didn't dare say a word...this was in my single years and b4 i gained weight (thanks to a very nice desk job and bad eating habits). the rest of 10% were really NOT attracted to me , AT ALL lol and i take it wt a grain of salt when a guy says he's my "best friend"..right!

even wt hubby we started out as "friends"...well friends totally attracted to each other lol

 See...I may be shallow...but I speak the truth. 

Where things get "complicated" is when you start to filter in "availability".  Particularly, the combination of unavailable and attractive.  unattractive, available or unavailable...possibility of being friends.  attractive and available...not possible.  But unavailable and attractive is trickier.  Then it sort of depends on multiple factors such as "how unavailable", "how attractive", how many other friends you have...etc...

Original Post by caloricat:

 See...I may be shallow...but I speak the truth. 

 

let's just say that an intelligent gal can learn a lot from guys..."friends" or not.

for the record, i lost my virginity to my husband (at that time boy friend). I was a "queen of ice" as many guys described me all through University :) TeeHee but i did learn a lot.

and i meant the shallow part abt Paris Hilton lol seriously, i doubt there's ANY guy who wouldn't fancy at least looking at Paris lol

Original Post by andie-joe:

#30 men will stick anything!

but they won't have a relationship with just anyone there is a big difference.

I think you're being very cynical. I have a hot bf works out all the time really looks after himself, he could probably have a choice of many really hot skinny women, but he's with me and I am not skinny! I was quite plump when I met him and not once did he tell me I needed to lose weight that was my choice.

 Not true...some of us have standards.  Second comment, true.

As to the last part, I'd have to have more information.  Either he's not as hot as you let on...or you weren't as chubby as you let on.  Something is not right in that scenario...I'd need to analyze it further.

And if you think he's going to "tell you" you need to lose weight...wow...that's not going to happen.  I know so many guys with wives that are "too big for their tastes"...and not ONE would dare tell them.  That's a terrible action plan!  But I also think that some of your decision was based on him being more pleased with you if you lost some weight...which means you must have known that he'd prefer you smaller...even if he never came out and said it.  I mean, if he preferred you "chubby"...and you went and lost a bunch of weight...wouldn't he be pissed?

I don't have to prove anything, and you really shouldn't judge all guys by what are you're standards, if my then weight was an issue then he wouldn't have started dating me in the first place.

So instead of saying why do all guys lie on such subjects why don't you just be honest and say that you can't stand fat women. Thankfully not all guys are that shallow.

Good luck on finding your skinny queen.

Original Post by caloricat:

And if you think he's going to "tell you" you need to lose weight...wow...that's not going to happen.  I know so many guys with wives that are "too big for their tastes"...and not ONE would dare tell them.  That's a terrible action plan!  But I also think that some of your decision was based on him being more pleased with you if you lost some weight...which means you must have known that he'd prefer you smaller...even if he never came out and said it.  I mean, if he preferred you "chubby"...and you went and lost a bunch of weight...wouldn't he be pissed?

HA! I man should know better before saying that lol i tend to believe that any man would like his wife to look her best; and you put the problem a bit "weird"

let's see; we married out of love; i wasn't pregnant or anything to have him marry me b/c he "had to"; we lived together 4 yrs b4 we got married; I was chubby when he met me and then gained up some lbs (make it 30 in 4 yrs); then i started to lose weight for the wedding ; i didn't want to be fat and i wasn't; i was proud and he is also proud; i haven't gained ANY weight ever since;

the thing is that he never told me to lose weight and of course he is proud of me now; hello, who wants a fat wife who cannot hike or play tennis?! i love to be active and love to play sports wt him. plus, the fitter you are, the better you are in bed (let's not hide that, shall we?)

he'd be really dumb to tell me not to lose weight lol i'm way more confident and way more "naughty" (the good kind). lol

Original Post by cricketro05:

and i meant the shallow part abt Paris Hilton lol seriously, i doubt there's ANY guy who wouldn't fancy at least looking at Paris lol

 I'll put it to you this way;

Paris Hilton has no perceivable talent nor anything to offer society...yet cameras follow her everywhere she goes!  And when one asks "why"...the response is often, well, she's heir to this or that.  Do you know how many ugly or obese rich women there are out there...who probably have actual talent and a real personality?  A lot.

I'm not saying it's right...just saying it's reality.  To pretend that men think she's ugly and needs to eat a sandwich before we'd touch her with a 10 foot pole is just a lie. 

Think of the Bachelor (popular chick show)...when was the last time the Bachelor featured plus size women?  The producers would never let that happen for a couple different reasons....but I digress.

Original Post by andie-joe:

I don't have to prove anything, and you really shouldn't judge all guys by what are you're standards, if my then weight was an issue then he wouldn't have started dating me in the first place.

So instead of saying why do all guys lie on such subjects why don't you just be honest and say that you can't stand fat women. Thankfully not all guys are that shallow.

Good luck on finding your skinny queen.

 Sounds like I hit a little too close to the truth, my bad. 

And as to Kathy...you came at me with the rag comment and I replied in an adult manner...now you want to keep calling names...that's fine, but it's not what I'm into.