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Why do guys lie (For Guys)?

Okay, this is a question for the very small contingent of guys out there.

I've noticed on multiple posts that men will try to repsond by saying something to the effect, "Men like a little meat on your bones".  My hypothesis is that this comment could be a result of a handful of different thought processes and I'm trying to figure out which one.

1. Standard guy attempt to pick up said girl through compliment (insincere). 

2. Man X has been overweight, therefore has lower standards and thus is more accustomed to heavier women.

3. Truth, guy just digs heavier women.

4. Encouragement...probably insincere...but just trying to be encouraging in their weight loss efforts.

5. Other...I had one more but forgot what it was...

See, I just don't see it.  I understand to each their own...but everytime I hear a guy say that, it makes me immediately think they are either lieing or have low standards.  Because to be totally honest...I've never met a guy that would take Rosanne Barr (minus the personality) over a swimsuit model.  I mean, okay, if you're debating between a runway model and a size 8 woman...maybe you guy size 8 because a girl that is "too" skinny is kind've gross...but when guys say things like "Paris Hilton is too skinny...I'd rather have a plus size woman any day!"  What!  That's rediculous!  Knowing guys, it makes me think that the same exact guy is on an eating disorder website posting that Ally McBeal is too fat.

I mean, I understand choice 1, 2 and even 4...but choice 3 is called a "fetish"...not a preference in my opinion.  And 2 quick rules...

1. This is meant to be an honest discussion, it is not meant to offend, and please don't respond with the Oprah/Tyra/Ellen answer of "loving people for their inner beauty...because I ate a pear today that isn't sitting well and I don't want it to come up.  Will some women find this topic offensive?  I haven't met a group of women where at least one didn't find something offensive so probably yes.  And I'm sure at least one guy will as well to try to impress said woman from aforementioned group.  I didn't post this in the "motivation and support" forum...just in the lounge...fun discussion...if it raises your blood pressure...there are thousands of posts about bunnies, and flowers, and Martha's new recipe for Almond pie that you can post at...just hit the back button once and breathe.

2. The answer, "I like bigger women because they are more willing to do "X, Y and Z"...to me that's a horrible answer because that's nothing more than preying on low self esteem.  I understand a swimsuit model would probably have higher expectations and be "high maintenance", but meeting higher expectations isn't necessarily a bad thing.

I said you lack situational awareness, which you clearly do. Didn't notice myself calling you any names. :)

wow.  misogyny much?

Original Post by caloricat:

And if you think he's going to "tell you" you need to lose weight...wow...that's not going to happen. I know so many guys with wives that are "too big for their tastes"...and not ONE would dare tell them. That's a terrible action plan!

 LOL!  If only my husband were less honest sometimes.  He would never have spontaneously told me to lose weight, but I swiftly learned not to ask him if "my ass looks fat in this" or other such questions.  He'd try to be delicate, but the answer was always a wordy, roundabout "yes".

Original Post by cricketro05:

the thing is that he never told me to lose weight and of course he is proud of me now; hello, who wants a fat wife who cannot hike or play tennis?! i love to be active and love to play sports wt him. plus, the fitter you are, the better you are in bed (let's not hide that, shall we?)

 

he'd be really dumb to tell me not to lose weight lol i'm way more confident and way more "naughty" (the good kind). lol

 

 I think that's great!  It sounds like you're happier and he's happy with it too...that's golden.

The original post was more about the guys that chime in and say, "hey...you put on 30 pounds...you still look great!  Don't lose a thing...you're filled out nicely...perfect."  They know that's not true...I mean, YOU know that's not true or otherwise you wouldn't be here! 

It's like I posted to Andie...show me the guy that kicks the supermodel out of bed because she's not chubby enogh.  Show me the husband that sees his wife lose 15-20 pounds (down to her healthy weight, not in an unhealthy way) and gets pissed off because he dreams every night of a girl that can fill out  a Moo Moo and he finds victoria secret lingerae unattractive.  I mean, it's common sense...it's proven time and time again on every television set, magazine cover, movie screen, and shop window...yet I'm the big bad wolf for being honest?

And where are the DUDES?  I make a thread for guys to offer an opinion and they are virtually non-existent!  Oh well...

#40 yes you did hit a nerve you as good as said that my bf couldn't possibly have been attracted to me because of my then weight, well why did he start dating me then?

That would make my other statement of men will stick anything true! you can't have it both ways.

And i still think you are putting all men in the same pocket as yourself and thankfully this is not the case if it was there would be a lot of single women in the world. Not to mention all the women who don't like over weight men.

What a lonely world this would be.

 

Original Post by juliemae2:

Original Post by caloricat:

And if you think he's going to "tell you" you need to lose weight...wow...that's not going to happen. I know so many guys with wives that are "too big for their tastes"...and not ONE would dare tell them. That's a terrible action plan!

 LOL!  If only my husband were less honest sometimes.  He would never have spontaneously told me to lose weight, but I swiftly learned not to ask him if "my ass looks fat in this" or other such questions.  He'd try to be delicate, but the answer was always a wordy, roundabout "yes".

 Hey, it's a hard question to answer for guys...one of the hardest.  No good answer.

Where are the dudes?  They're calling you a misogynist.

Wow, I wish I could get the time back from reading through this thread.

The op seems to have a bit of an arrogant streak claiming to speak for all men just because he happens to have a penini.

I don't know if I should feel sorry for op the friendships he will never have or grateful for those women that will never have to endure his banality.

Shallow is the well he drinketh from.................

Original Post by andie-joe:

#40 yes you did hit a nerve you as good as said that my bf couldn't possibly have been attracted to me because of my then weight, well why did he start dating me then?

That would make my other statement of men will stick anything true! you can't have it both ways.

And i still think you are putting all men in the same pocket as yourself and thankfully this is not the case if it was there would be a lot of single women in the world. Not to mention all the women who don't like over weight men.

What a lonely world this would be.

 

 I think you jumped to that conclusion.  It's also possible that he isn't very attractive...and I mean that from the perspective of how other people see him.  Obviously to you he's Brad Pitt...but you're biased.  Or maybe there's another reason....that's why my response was, "interesting" and that I thought it would require more research.  I don't think I ever jumped to the conclusion that he wasn't attracted to you. 

What I did say, and you never answered...was, IF he liked you "chubby", why didn't he complain when you shed the weight? 

from #35 As to the last part, I'd have to have more information.  Either he's not as hot as you let on...or you weren't as chubby as you let on.  Something is not right in that scenario...I'd need to analyze it further.

analyze if further?! seriously? did it ever occur to you, caloricat, that some men and women are with their partners because of who they are as a PERSON? newsflash, looks aren't everything. you have the mentality of a 16-year-old boy when it comes to relationships. 

What's unfortunate are the number of women truly struggling, on the verge of believing they can make a change, that read a post like c-cat's and listen to the dark, vicious little voice in their head telling them to give up.

Don't listen to the small-minded people spewing venom, ladies. They rarely have anything useful to contribute.

What I did say, and you never answered...was, IF he liked you "chubby", why didn't he complain when you shed the weight? 

gee...could it be possible that he loves HER and not just her body?

hey...is this one of those joke threads started by yountsmonster???

Well, it's possible (yountsmonster was planning to change his username), but usually yountsmonster is more articulate.  I'm leaning toward no.

Edit:  Did anyone else see this amazing addition to the OP?

Will some women find this topic offensive?  I haven't met a group of women where at least one didn't find something offensive so probably yes

baaaaahahahaha wow.  just wow.

Original Post by jules817:

from #35 As to the last part, I'd have to have more information.  Either he's not as hot as you let on...or you weren't as chubby as you let on.  Something is not right in that scenario...I'd need to analyze it further.

analyze if further?! seriously? did it ever occur to you, caloricat, that some men and women are with their partners because of who they are as a PERSON? newsflash, looks aren't everything. you have the mentality of a 16-year-old boy when it comes to relationships. 

 Very true.  Never said it wasn't part of the equation.  There could be an entire thread JUST dealing with factors that influence marriage decisions.  The thread was about men's views of appearances...not what percentage of what factors into certain decisons.  An interesting thread topic though.

Yes, you're right. younts wouldn't have said that to me. :)

Just what I was going to say jules ;-) he didn't complain because my body/weight has never been an issue for him, I started losing weight for me not him.

reads #55...wait...HUH? were you actually addressing what i said?

Original Post by jules817:

What I did say, and you never answered...was, IF he liked you "chubby", why didn't he complain when you shed the weight? 

gee...could it be possible that he loves HER and not just her body?

 I tried to avoid the Oprah/Tyra/Ellen response (see initial post, rule 1), but I got Jules in a tizzy so she probably missed it.

Okay Jules...you're right.  Next time I go to the bar with my single friends I will try to point out to them on the crowded dance floor which of the many women out there have great personalities....I mean, that's how it goes...right?  Jules goes to the club, sees the guy in his nice clothes and cologne...but is completely distracted by hobbit in the sweatpants....because his personality is just so awesome that it's intoxicating!  Come on... you call me a 16 year old then make nieve assumptions like that?  I haven't called anyone names or been rude in any way...so lets not make this spiral downward.

Let's not make this spiral downward?  Really?  Says the person who claimed that he hasn't "met a group of women where at least one didn't find something offensive."  Why, as women, we're naturally irrational, so of course Jules missed something, right?

Actually, no, she didn't.  Did you read post # 55?  How do your statements in any way address her question?