GUYS - losing weight and scaring the bf....why??

Why is it now that im losing weight properly and goin to the gym etc that my bf now seems to be worried and paranoid even more so than before??  He offers me every kind of fattening food and drink you could think of, which he NEVER did before and gets arsy when i say i dont want it??  Hes now sayin to me, dont get too thin, i dont want you to lose too much etc etc.

It's annoying and i get really ratty with him, i want support not to be offered chips and pizza and any other form of takeaway?  I mean dont get me wrong he does call me sexy n compliment me when im dressed up and encourage me that way.  It's just this  weird new habbit hes started with food n that??

Any clue as to why..........   Cheers, in advance lol, if ya can help me out?

Heck yeah!!  My boyfriend does that crap also!  Last night he made pizza he always asks if I want a piece... I usually decline but my calories were low as of last night, so I ate a piece, and yes, I was upset with myself.  That boy eats fast food EVERY day!  It's nuts!  His night diet, pizza, chips, and soda, or something fast food.  It does get really hard to say no!! And he is in a band on stage all the time!  You'd think he'd want a hot girlfriend as arm candy!

It's only one of two things and someone stated it before but I'll repeat it.

1-he's worried about you losing the weight because part of him will lose a certain control over you.  When you were heavier you were more insecure and needed him more.  Now that you've lost weight, he's afraid of losing that grip on you.

2- he genuinely likes curvy/larger women.  Have you ever asked him what kind of women he finds attaactive?  You might be surprised.  I agree with the BF that said he didn't want his GF to look like a 13 yr. old boy.  That's my preference too.

In my experience, a lot of women think that guys want that very skinny girl when in fact, there's guys that like girls of all shapes and sizes.

My husband has done the same thing. Once I had lost about 20 pounds he told me, "now you are going to get skinny andleave me" Well I was not planning on it. lol He thinks everyone is hitting on me now too. He also buys me the food. He literally brought home a milkshake the other day and geve it to me. I drank it but I thought I was going to puke. When I told him it made me sick, he seemed offended. I think it is a self confidence thing on their part. I know in our case, he i smuch heavier and I have just lost 81 pounds. He tells me all the time how beautiful I am and that helps, but that darn food he brings home is not making me fat it is making our children fat. STOP IT!! lol Do I dare mention that he is type one diabetic and does not need the sweets?

Good luck!! Have your feelings changed toward him?

A couple of thoughts from a guy -

First of all, if your boyfriend is behaving this way due to insecurity you definitely need to set him straight with a direct talk ASAP because quite frankly, if this is true, his behavior is not only pathetic, it's incredibly selfish and borderline manipulative.  It's your life, you deserve every right to feel and look your best - and if this guy persisted I'd dump him so fast it'd make his head spin. 

Secondly, I've only had one "overweight" girlfriend in my life - it's possible to fall for an overweight woman, but men generally do not prefer overweight women, many of us run from them, and most normal guys would LOVE their overweight wife or girlfriend to lose weight - so keep it up, look and feel your best!  Good luck, get that talk in right away and nip it in the bud.

Original Post by redsweatshirt:

men generally do not prefer overweight women, many of us run from them, and most normal guys would LOVE their overweight wife or girlfriend to lose weight

 ...and some of us can see the beauty that likes beneath the physical appearance.

While I don't condone obesity, there are guys that fall in love with the "fat girl" and when she loses weight, they see the girl they fell in love with changing and, sometimes they get afraid she's looking too good but sometimes, they just miss the girl they fell in love with.

It works the other way too.  Guys/girls gain weight and then they become unappealing to their partners too.

I propose a clause in the marraige that states a person can not gain or lose, more than 10% of his or her body weight or the marriage can become null and void! 

Awwwwe.... I know you don't see it that way (lol) but here's why he's feeling that way... (which previous people probably already said).  He most likely already thinks you are absolutely perfect and beautiful.  It's not that he doesn't want you to feel good about yourself or anything like that, but maybe it's more of an insecurity of how HE feels about HIMSELF.  

Although he should be supportive, the truth is that he probably really does love YOU for YOU and thinks you are sexy the way you are and is worried that maybe once you get toned and sexy that you will notice other guys checking you out and might leave him in the end.  Everyone wants their significant other to be sexy... you like to show them off.  

But it sounds like he just has some insecurities about himself that need to be talked about.  So before you accuse him of trying to keep you from losing weight, ask him questions first in a non-threatening way.  Guys will shut down as soon as you start accusing them (especially over something that isn't true) and who knows... it might not be what you think at all.  Miscommunication is the key to a failed relationship... so if this is really important to you, you need to make that clear to him while still listening to his thoughts. 

Another thing, too, maybe he is worried that you will want to lose weight fast in an unhealthy way, and compliments you to keep your self-esteem up so you don't fall into the deathtrap of an eating disorder in the end.  You might not have noticed him offering you all these things in the past because it was never a big deal, you ate it, too, ya know?  You might not have noticed like you do now.  Maybe he offers it cause he feels bad eating it in front of you and doesn't know whether to ask or not, so he figures to be polite and ask?  

Bottom line... you two gotta talk about it.  No one else knows your relationship like you do.  

Maybe now that you're looking thinner, he thinks you can eat the good stuff without worrying about your weight. It makes me think of the flip side - I only make and buy healthy, low-cal foods for my bf and I now... that doesn't mean I think he's getting fat and unattractive. 

He is insecure.  In some way, shape, or form.

thanks again guys   xx

He should really work on his insecurity issues, at least that's what I think. Good for you on the weight loss, though!

Wow, it does sound like he has some issues that you guys either have to work through or call it quits.

He definitely feels like he's losing control of you and he can't handle that, it's that simple.  He either has to find a way to deal with it or hit the road.  As far as I can tell from what you've said, there's not much else YOU can do.  You've tried to talk to him, he knows where you're coming from and still he's trying to sabotage you're weight loss?  If he really cared about you, he would encourage you and not try to throw you off course.  Someone you love is suppose to support you when you try to do something not try to discourage you.

good luck

I have the same problem! I worked really hard and lost almost 40 lbs last year and it freaked my husband out because I became UNDER weight instead of over and it turned out he really missed my curves because I'm all bones now and NO BOOBS. I aimed for putting on weight in just muscle and added more protein to my diet and ended up putting on a bit of weight over the holidays (just couldn't stay away from the cookies, they were soooo good!) and am considered the middle of normal for my height but I hate it. I didn't gain any in the boobs and I feel huge so I'm embracing the diet again with major cardio and he continues to worry about me but he doesn't want to see me miserable either.

thanks xx

wow i'm sorry but if he's like this when you're both young and you're working round the corner imagine how he'll be years down the line- how would he feel if you decided to work further from home in an office where he doesn't know whos there?, how will he react if you want to go for a drink with your work collegues, how will he be if you come home and say you want to go on a girly holiday??

what i'm getting at is that it seems that his behaviour will only get worse and i don't know him but is he the guy that you are prepared to give up a lot of freddom for just to be with? your 21 and wouldn;t it be horrible to realise you had wasted doing a lot of amazing things ten years down the line?

does he scare you because reading that he seems quite scary. i'm your age and my boyfriend is 28 also and he wouldn't think about stopping me from doing pretty much anything that i wanted. he wants the best for me and if this job is better for you your boyfriend should be happy for you.

if you think its near the end i would guess that it is. and it will be alot easier to leave now when the control is just beginning than five years down the line when he's learnt how to control you even more and you are jobless, self esteem-less and too dependent on him to leave,

i hope that doesn't seem to harsh i'm sure you care for him a lot but you need to think about yourself- and that is NOT selfish

Original Post by nutbox:

Well i cant believe all my worries have been confirmed.

Thought i was thinkin crazy thoughts but i cant find another explanation.

Hes now started this mornin about me workin, says i have to quit my second job....i work in a pub few shifts, bit a extra cash etc, the owners have bought a second pub n its closer to my home so id save lots in fuel and could just walk, hes told me if i go to work in the new pub its over because apparently itl cause him too much pain.  I just dont get it

Feel like were pullin in different directions im 21 and wanna live my life and he puts so many restrictions and consequences n threats on it.  hes nearly 28 n has done all the stuff i wanna do so wen i moan and ask him to give me a break hes says hes only tryin to guide me bcus hes already done it.

Maybe me goin all guns to lose weight has jilted him n upset our ''routine'' as such.

Think its near the end, i cant be in this destructive pattern....its unhealthy n i get so down because im tryin to please myself and thats makin him unhappy but if i try to please him thats goin to make me unhappy.  i dunno whats for the best, hes says im bein selfish n thinkin bout number 1 but i dont see it like that...........is this just me??  i just dont get it, just wanna lose weight ??

 Oh, honey...I'm so sorry it's going this way for you.  I understand 100%.  But in my case I've known him since I was 15 and I will be 42 soon, we have a kid in college and a kid in high school. 

My hubby was always possessively jealous, but he kept it in check with humor, which was good.  When I lost almost 100 pounds, he lost something, too:  HIS MIND.  He can't deal with the thin me, the exercising me, the new clothes I wear...I could go on and on. 

And to make matters worse, he is gone for six weeks at a time because he works offshore on an oil rig.  Sometimes I wonder if he's going to "tag" me so he can follow me with GPS!  (Just kidding....sort of.) 

I keep petting his ego and it's getting better, slowly.  But if I were in a relatively new relationship compared to my 27 year relationship, I doubt I would have put up with it.  He'd have gotten his walking papers a LONG time ago!  LOL  It's a lot of work to baby these men!  But he's my soulmate, so I know we will get over this.  If not, be on the lookout for my personal ad: 

"WILL TRADE HUSBAND FOR...WELL, WHATCHA GOT?!?!?"

Please leave him now.  And I mean right now. He's not physically hurting you yet, but he shows all the signs of a guy for whom it's just a matter of time.  You should never be scared of your boyfriend or have to watch every word that you say, and you need to be able to honest with your guy without having to worry about destruction of property or yourself.

I'm keeping it short, but re-read your post as if this was happening to a good friend of yours.  What would you tell her and help her to do? Leave a note, take your most valuable belongings (all of them if you can manage it while he's gone, if not, give them up for lost) and do your level best to never talk to him or see him again. 

Don't try to be friends, even if he says he can be just friends.  It's not okay. He will promise to change and you will end up with him again. And eventually, this will start again.

Hugs!  And good luck with everything!

ladieknight is right, this situation is more serious than a guy with insecurity over his girlfriend losing weight.

Nutbox, I hope you get enough support from your friends and family to make a good decision.  At the very least you two should be in counseling.

Good luck.

I have to agree. 

I razz on my hubby, but my biggest gripe is that he does TOO MUCH for me...puts me on a freaking pedestal, buys me too much, wants all my time, calls me constantly...drives me nuts.  I keep telling him that I don't want to be anybody's EVERYTHING, but he just doesn't get it.

But you are describing a monster.  Those types of behaviors should not be tolerated by anyone.  You need to get out...and FAST.  The behaviors you describe are horribly abusive.  He's psychologically/emotionally abusing you terribly...you are losing your sense of self and your sense of reality and what is acceptable, as you yourself said.  He is physically abusive with your belongings, and I can't help but believe that the physical abuse of your person is not far in your future.

I don't know where you live, but it doesn't matter...I would be MORE than happy to help you find the help you need to leave that situation safely.  Whatever it takes.  I have the resources, the time, and the strong desire to help you get out of there right now.  You wrote all this here in this public forum because you want out, you want help.  Now you have to find the strength to accept that help, and I am here waiting for you to say the word, then  I will PM you my phone number and we will get you out of there and into the safe, productive life that you deserve.

Do you want someone to help you get out of there?

Went out last night and it was great, didnt argue for first time in weeks and he was really like his old self.  I know he'd never hurt me, he wouldnt.

Thanks again for all your help and support

Like i said im no angel, maybe we should just talk together and get things back on track....

Thanks xx