guys-sex-condoms-and birth control

okay ladies, if you can give me any advice i would be really happy!

okay, i really dont know what to do here. my boyfriend really wants to have sex, but im not on birth control. i told him that if he really wants to, i will, but he has to use a condom. then he started getting all mad and saying that i was being way too uptight and all this stuff.

so now i really dont know what to do. im afraid that he wont even talk to me anymore until i give in. but i dont want to take the chance of getting preganat. and even if i were on the pill, i still wouldnt feel comfortable sleeping with him without a condom. i havent been dating him too long and there are so many diseases going around that i dont want to catch. this is really not helping our relationship at all.

he is also starting to scare me a bit. he is 21 (im 17), and it seems like all he ever wants to do is get drunk and do weed or xtc or something. he never seems to want to just hang out. ive told him it bothers me, but he will just offer me another pill or something stupid like that.

so basically, im just wondering what you would do in my situation, or if you have any advice. thanks :)

For the love of God, use a condom!! Its not that big of a deal and if he really cares about you, he would want to use it.

EDIT: I didn't originally want to be harsh and say that he is a loser...but I agree with everyone else: Move On!

Dump him :)

He doesnt sound like anyone you are going to end up happy about. Those are real issues you are worried about (and things he should be worried about also, another sign something is up).

Find someone a little more understanding of your sittuation (and someone that cares enough to listen).

Frankly, he sounds like a loser, you can do better (just dont be in such a rush to find someone).

you want honestly

LEAVE HIS SORRY ASS!!!!

A guy that doesn't understand your want to not screw up the rest of your life by having a kid at 17 isn't worth being around.  He should respect your decesion and respect the respect you have for yourself.  There are better guys out there, people that don't do crap like what he's doing to you.  I've been in good and bad relationships and I'll tell you what, staying in this one sounds like you're putting yourself in a position to get hurt.  Be careful what ever you do, and I warn you not to get drunk or use drugs in his presence (or out of it for that matter) because of my history with guys (drugged and raped by my boyfriend at 14) just be careful!

Sorry i'm pessimestic on this one but, he just sounds like he isn't worth it. Don't risk a pregnancy because he wants to have sex with you, you also shouldn't take a chance of getting any desease.  If I were you I would get on BC just to be safe because your posting this means you've thought long and hard about it.  But even after being on BC you should make him use a condom, its YOUR life don't screw it up, you have potential in your future.

Good luck!

If you want to talk more PM me

-Laura Mae

I'm gonna have to co-sign for Lorik and Laura, lose this guy.  He sounds like bad news.

Dump him.  He's a loser.  Don't be his victim.  You're a pretty, young girl - pick a guy who appreciates that and wants to treat you well. 

Or pick a guy that treats you badly, in a safe way (if that is your thing). o.O

I can only echo what others have said....DUMP him!

Any man that isnt concerned about your feelings and your health doesnt deserve you.  If he doesnt want to use condoms how many others has he not used condoms with?  That should concern you.  Plus if he is doing "xtc" and weed then he probably isnt using sound judgement.  Don't waste your time, wind up pregnant, and stuck in a rut with him....or worse some uncureable disease. 

You are a very pretty girl and you are making the right decision to say you want to be responsible with sex.  Go with your instincts. 

Btw:  I hope you arent doing xtc with him?  You mentioned pills.  If you are....it is quite possible that sexual things will/have happen between the 2 of you and your inhibitions will be much lower if not non-existant. 

Dont continue to put yourself in this situation. 

It sounds like you know what you want.  Go with your gut.  Stick with what is healthy and safe.  It is totally reasonable (and even more than reasonable... it is really smart!) to not have sex unless you are on birth control and using condoms.  He should respect that.   And you shouldn't risk your health and life!  (I waited to have sex until I was on birth control... and used a condom. . .  last thing I need right now in my life is a kid... or a disease!)

And about the relationship... honestly, it sounds like he is going no where... From what you said it doesn't seem like he has much respect for himself (or for you).  I would personally try and get out of that relationship...  You need someone you feel safe with and who makes you happy!  Dating should be fun.   

Take care of yourself!

Wow, what a loser. You're still young so you probably think its not that big of a deal to just give in and compromise and do whatever he wants to do, but don't do it. Its not worth it, he sounds like an ass. Besides that, your lifestyles clash and he doesn't seem like he wants to change, so why waste your time with him. I'm 21 and if a guy like this approached me and said those kind of things to me, I'd laugh in his face and walk away.

thanks everyone. i appreciate your replys. i am not trying to say that what he does is right, because i know he shouldnt be trying to pressure me. but i am afraid of losing him for some reason.

and yes, i do do xct with him. thats another thing with him. before we started dating, i hardly ever did any drugs....just drinking. but with him, its like thats all i ever do.

Have sex only because you want to make love with someone you love, not because someone is coercing you or pressuring you. That's not how you imagined your first time, right? So, don't ruin it with a guy who obviously doesn't respect you and your wish.

Besides, if you do your bc and not condom, get him checked for STDs!!! Otherwise, who knows how many girls (or guys or animals or things !!) he has done things with and what kind of crap you will get from him! Think about it and you already know the answer. (:

-Lemon Jello

Yeah he sounds trashy and it wont get better by giving in to him.  It will only make things more complicated and crazy.  You hold all the power in the relationship.  Most girls dont relize this until later in life and you are still young.  The girl has all the power!  ;-) 

Oh, kazrinya, don't do things like that!! I'm very open and liberal and accepting, but drugs are usually no-no imo. Especially with all those terrible people who wouldn't mind putting some random thigns - sweet n low, sawdust, rat poison - into drugs.

I also think weed in moderation (and I don't use that term lightly) is not a bad thing. But at least weed isn't so chemical as x. So it's kind of obvious that he's not a good influence on you. You will do yourself a favor if you lose him.. Love yourself and think about your future!! =\

-Concerned Lemon Jello

okay, i should also add that when i was 13, i lost my virginity to someone who was way older than me because i was just not thinking right and was just trying to fit in. i told my bf this, and he always holds this against me, saying that if i screwed someone i barely knew that i shouldnt have a problem doing it with him

for some reason typing this out, it sounds worse than when its in my head :S

Kazrinya: I understand your fear of not wanting to lose him, that is a normal fear, especially in bad relationships.  Think about abused women, they're almost always afraid to leave the relationship.  To be honest emotional abuse is one of the worst forms and I believe he is using this to his benefit, he knows you're beating yourself up over this and he wants you to break and just give in.  Stay strong, if you chose to say with him, i understand completely, I've stayed in bad relationships before out of fear but its not a great decision to make.  Understand this is your decision, if you leave him good for you, if you stay with him make sure to be careful.  If you have unprotected sex with him get him tested(and yourself too) if you have protected sex with him just be careful no form of BC (condoms included) are 100% effective if you chose not to have sex with him GREAT!

Good luck

-Laura Mae

Tell him you have learned from your mistakes.  Its a terrible thing and shows no respect for you when he says dumb things like that.  It sounds like all he is looking for is sex and if thats not what you are looking for then you should tell him or just  dump him altogether! 

Do you actually expect things to work out well kazrinya? What do you see happening down the line if you continue with him?

Do you think he will suddenly say "oh, your right, lets do it your way"...or do you think he will continue pressuring you and take advantage of the first chance he gets?

Holy crap, run away! What a douche bag. Would you really be that upset if someone like that wasn't in your life anymore? Sure, maybe for like a day or so, but he sounds like a creep just trying to take advantage of you. Hopefully you'll realize that sooner or later, and I think you do already to a certain extent. Have a little more respect for yourself! You deserve to be treated better.


Oh, and I like the way timothy1021 thinks. ;-) Hah.

Okay,

Based on what you wrote, and I am going to quote you here...

"he started getting all mad and saying that i was being way too uptight "

"I am afraid that he wont even talk to me anymore until i give in. "

"it seems like all he ever wants to do is get drunk and do weed or xtc or something. he never seems to want to just hang out. ive told him it bothers me, but he will just offer me another pill or something stupid like that."

" told my bf this, and he always holds this against me, saying that if i screwed someone i barely knew that i shouldn?t have a problem doing it with him"

Look.  You seem like a nice girl.  So, what are you doing with this guy??  When you voice your concerns (as any reasonable and responsible person would do) about using protection, he actually had the nerve to get mad at you, then he belittled to your face!  He is emotionally abusive.  When you shared an important memory (like your first time) with him, he twisted it, and threw it back in your face.  He is clearly trying to pressure you into having sex. 

Does any of this hurt you?  Surely it must.  I mean, he is clearly hurting you on purpose for xyz reason (who knows).  One thing I have learned over years is that if someone cares about you, I mean REALLY cares about you, they would NOT hurt you like this.  Would you? 

 I am going to be frank with you.  This guy is not that into you.  He isn't.  Think about this.  He doesn't want to listen to your thoughts and concerns.  He doesn't care about your feelings;  if he did, he would never hurt you like he has.  He doesn't want to spent ACTUAL time with you.  Like, as a person... without drugs... so, basically this guy has to be drugged if he's going to hang out with you??? 

Get rid of this guy.  He's basically poison, and if you stay with him, he will hurt you even more than he has.  Please do not make excuses.  Don't look deeper into his actions.  I think in his case, what you see, is what you get.  It sounds like he has no future, no goals, no ambitions that are realistic.  If he did, there is NO WAY he would be as drugged as he is. 

You can do better.  :)

People that do drugs don't have many morals and they aren't in full charge of their faculties -- i.e., you can't trust that he hasn't or doesn't sleep around. Couple that with the fact that he tells YOU you're being uptight because you want him to wear a condom, that just means that he's acted the SAME way with whomever else he's slept with. Think about that fact and then go read about STDs. 1 in 5 has herpes ...

Saying what he did to you is manipulative. You need to stop doing drugs as well -- you're headed down a nasty road hun. If you're afraid of losing him, you need to do some mending to your self esteem because something is wrong here. Relationships are like icing on the cake -- they can make things extra nice but they are not necessary or required to live a fulfilling life. Hold out for a GOOD guy!