How do you handle friends?

I'm sure you've all felt it. Being with friends- there's always some pressure to laze around  or to eat poorly. It's been my downfall all summer. I would eat right and exersise all the time at home, but whenever I went out with a friend, I went straight back to the fatty foods. For example, whenever I'm over at my friend Nichole's house, we both eat huge bowls of ice cream, and follow it with two huge bowls of microwave popcorn.

My friends understand that I'm trying to make lightweight, but they won't stop eating poorly themselves (tinygirls with fast metabolisms). It's too much for my self control.

Does/Did anyone else have this problem? How are/did you fix it?

That's a really tough one - it sounds like you're a social eater, like me.  There are some friends I had to stop hanging out with ... or at least, stop eating dinner with.  One friend in particular, whenever I brought food it was healthy stuff, and then when it was his turn he'd always always get junk food.  He just didn't seem to "get" that I didn't want to eat that.  So I'd bring my food and tell him not to bother... and then I got tired of bringing food all the time.  It happens.

With my other friends... I make time to hang out with them when I'm taking a break from eating so healthy, so sometimes we hang out and eat junk food and that's ok.  A lot of the time, though, I ask them to come over to my place, and I make tasty healthy food for them.  I find it a lot easier to control what I'm eating at home.

Good luck, though.  That's a hard situation to be in.

This is a real issue, and can definitely side track you on your efforts to lose/maintain a healthy weight.  But in the end, it's up to YOU to decide the outcome of these situations, not your friends.  They don't have to watch what they eat (or they choose not to) so why should they change what they eat around you?

I went through the same issues at the beginning of the summer, but in the end realized I felt better enduring the 5 seconds of awkwardness when rejecting a piece of cake at a birthday party than feeling guilty/going over my calories for the day. 

If I know I'm going out to eat, I plan ahead and either eat light until then, or do an extra few minutes in my run to accommodate extra cals.  Or better still, if I know I'm going to a friends house and the snacks won't be healthy, I bring my own!  Maybe when you hang out with your friend Nichole bring some lowfat ice cream, and a snack pack of PopSecret or something?  That way you can be in control, but still snack with your friend!

hope this helps, and best of luck!! <3

yeah i've been trhough the exact same situation, expecially with allt ehs umemr birthdya outings with friends for dinner etc, like an example, a bunch of us went out and we were only allowed to get one large pizza, and at that restaurant the pizza is loaded with grease and cheese, and the only other available food was cake, since the friends mom was at a sperate table, paying for everything i thought it'd be rude to ask them to order a salad (very pricey there), so i was stuck

i agree... ultimately its ur fault not ur friends if ur unable to control yourself... u make your own decisions. It works both ways. You don't want to eat thier unhealthy food and they don't want to eat ur healthy food. Everybody has their preferences. Pack a snack with u when ur with ur friends so if it was akward refusing food, now u can saw u brought something with u. bring veggies or something is the cliche answer on this site. u can bring a bag of sun chips or something. only 140 cals and they def. will be satisfying if u eat them slow and with water.

I know what you mean. I have been in that same problem for awhile now. I fixed it by bring in my own foods. low in calorie ice cream my taste strange when around friends, but it works. there is this popcorn that is only 100 cals and you can hardly taste the difference. Maybe you should just go to the park with your Friends or rollerskating. It's fun that could help you avoid the fatty foods or burn them as you go. A fun answer that makes everyone happy.

i also bring my own foods but i definitely feel tension because of this, like everyone staring when i pull out my bag of carrots rather than dig in to the bowl of chips! i feel like my friends have a bit of an attitude about my efforts, like evey now and then one of them will roll their eyes when i order at a restaurant. does anyone else have this problem?? how do you deal?

Original Post by cmrrdn:

i also bring my own foods but i definitely feel tension because of this, like everyone staring when i pull out my bag of carrots rather than dig in to the bowl of chips! i feel like my friends have a bit of an attitude about my efforts, like evey now and then one of them will roll their eyes when i order at a restaurant. does anyone else have this problem?? how do you deal?

 I have friends like that too, and usually its the ones that have their own issues with weight.  I'll get "Why are you ordering a salad when this place is known for their burgers?" or "Jeez, now I have to eat healthy too, thanks..."  My BMI is high but within normal limits (a point under obese), so when I eat or order healthy, people act shocked, or exclaim, "Why are you dieting?" Talk about resentment.  I just reply, "It's easier for me to eat better now than regret it later" or "My stomach will make me pay later if I eat a greasy burger".  Why must you make me explain my entire plan? Just deal with it people!

Bottom line: If your friends are giving you looks or saying things when you are eating a healthy snack or meal, it has to do with THEIR issues. Period. 

I'm with you on this one.  Last month, I went to a bachelorette party weekend with 15 of my closest girlfriends.  I told no one of my new eating habits.  Our first lunch together, they ordered every fried appetizer on the menu.  I had to stop the waiter to throw a green salad on the order, because there wasn't a single vegetable on the ticket (unless you count fried zuchini.)  I quietly filled up on the salad and had little bites of the other foods.

I didn't want anyone to notice that I wasn't chowing down on everything because I didn't want them to make an issue of it.  I know they would be supportive of me, but at the same time they would probably call me out on it and say things like "oh, Jen can't eat that because she's on a diet" or "here, try this, it won't kill you."  I don't need that kind of attention.

Whether your friends know about your new eating habits or not, the bottom line is that what you put in your mouth is your decision alone. You're going to have to find someway to resist the binges yourself, because they're not going to do that for you.

Volunteer to bring the dessert next time.  Have ice cream bars instead of scoops.  Theres a really good Klondike bar that's 100 cals or popsicle fudge bars for 60 cals.  

Thanks for all the suggestions. I've started to invite friends over to my house more often, where I can control portion sizes and activities and such. I've also instead of just talking in front of the television, I take them outside and walk as we gossip. That way I feel better instead of jsut lazing away the whole day.

 

elovinus- I completely understand where you're coming from on the friends berating you for dieting. And it's weird too- when most of my friends know that I'm trying to make lightweight. They just don't get it- and unlike you, I have no self control, so I cave in and eat the gross stuff.  I wish that people wouldn't patronize someone for eating right!

what i found is it's a lot harder to go out with guy and girl friends because my scrawny guy friends can eat nonstop so they don't understand...

I know what you're all saying. With my group of friends we do go out and eat a lot, which is haaard. Even when I choose healthy things, it's so hard to not be tempted by their junky food sitting next to me!! It's frustrating because they seem so skinny yet can eat whatever they want with minimal exercise! But it's fine. If I really can't resist I will try to just have a little bit, or swap for a low cal option (like coke zero - though I try not to drink much of that either).

& my friends sometimes tell me off for dieting or roll their eyes when I go off to the gym or refuse a piece of cake....but I guess they don't really understand how I feel. I am mostly happy with myself and I am not overweight but a couple of kgs off is all I want. Lately though, when they have realised I'm serious about this, they have been better about it, like not offering me junky food like they used to and not flaunting it in front of me so much, which is really nice :)

I'm the opposite...when I'm at home I have no control over what I eat because I have access to all these foods my parents stash in the pantry! But when I'm with my friends I feel more like I HAVE to eat less than my friends, just because...

Try going out to eat and look up the nutritional information about the menu you will be picking before you ever get there by browsing the restaurants website. If they don't have one, I'd call and ask.  I try to find the best choice on the menu that will not completely kill my diet plan and I feel so much better when I can point to my big plate and say "this is only 350 calories and look and everything I got". I think it makes people around the table look at their food choices and think about how they can eat better, yet still be satisfied. I think it's fun to remind my friends about portion sizes, about how many calories they "should" be consuming, etc... What they do with that information is their choice, but I'm being a good friend by supplying it. I even try to share my selection with my wife so that we can cut our calorie intake and eat less, but she isn't biting yet.

Of course, I'm also a big believer that it's how you eat 85% of the time that will dictate your lifestyle. Depending on your level of willpower, you can treat yourself sometimes with foods that won't cancel out all of your progress. My wife and I, for example, used to get Dairy Queen every Thursday night, and we'd both get the 800 calorie Blizzards. Well, my wife can eat something like that and it makes no difference, whereas I will need a couple of hours on the treadmill to burn it off. So, I still pick it up every week, but I get a low calorie Dilly Bar (200 calories) for me and we still get to enjoy our ice cream together and I get my sugar fix.

I really don't think it's my dieting or exercising that intimidates my friends, it's the fact that among all of us, only a few of us realize that if we don't take care of our bodies now, we won't be around to try to get healthy later. Fear plays a big role in support from your friends. They may see the value in what you are trying to do, but the amount of dedication and work that it takes to maintain a healthy lifestyle and good diet is just too intimidating to some people, so they take the low road and make you feel ridiculous. Stay the course. It will pay off in the end.

juls88 - going for a walk rather than in front of the TV is SUCH a great idea.  I wish I didn't live in WI, I can only go outside and walk comfortably about 3-4 months out of the year!!

You know whats even worse? These are our FRIENDS making us feel bad about ourselves, whether they mean to or not.  I'd say the vast majority want to sabotage our diet and help us eat unhealthily so they feel better about choosing an unhealthy meal, much like what mfonzie48 said.  There was one friend of mine who had major self image issues, and we knew she was bingeing and purging a lot, or not eating all day so that she can go out to eat with us.  She lost a lot of weight, quick.  She would start to question me about what I would eat and what I would order and tell me I didn't need to lose weight, I was "tiny" yet she weighed a good 30 pounds less than me and was 2 inches taller.  It was frustrating.  I eventually had to stop hanging out with her b/c I would indulge too much with her pushing me.  I now find myself gravitating towards friends who are also more conscious about what they eat, since when we go out its not just to drink or to a high cal restaurant.  They support me in my choices and even offer advice.

windex - I used to feel pressure to be as skinny as my friends (though the super skinny ones were usually the unhealthy ones who only ate once a day), and if we'd go out to eat I would order something super healthy that I knew wouldn't even satisfy me, or nothing at all even though I was starving just so it would appear as as if I was dieting or watching my weight.  But again, that's just not healthy, and its unrealistic.  I'd end up chowing down when I left them and probably ate twice as much.  You'll feel a lot better if you fess up to them about wanting to lose weight.  It'll put pressure on you to follow through with the more people you tell, and then they will look like bad friends if they don't support you. If they exclude you because of your new healthy lifestyle choices, then they weren't really your friends to begin with.  Make sure to tell them to still invite you places (I had friends stop inviting me to go out or go to dinner assuming I wouldn't due to my diet) but not to flaunt their food in your face.

I've had eating issues so that ends up complicating the situation even more.

Most of my friends have never really seen me eat around them since either I feel uncomfortable eating in front of them and/or what they're eating is junky.  I've gotten better with allowing treats in my routine and frequently indulge while with my boyfriend but sometimes I just don't think it's worth it.  Also, I some times have issues with controlling myself once I start to splurge.  (All or nothing mentality, much?)  So I would rather just say no.  Perhaps in the future, I'll bring my own snacks.

Family functions are worse than friends, in my opinion.

as far as i can tell you are lucky , your friend is the problem when im living with the problem ( my family ) they bring all kinds of fatty food to the home and im having a hard time resisting it , i dont think that science has figured out a solution for this problem ( at least i didn't) .

i usually try to go somewhere with my friends.. like during the winter we go ice skating. i usually eat a couple of their french fries and have an energy drink..but we ice skate for like 2+ hours :P and also when i go to the beach with my friends we're literally swimming from 12-6 with a couple breaks inbetween to get food. then i usually eat poorly..but that's a lot of calories burned from the swimming anyway so it sorta balances it out. and when i go to the movies i eat dinner before going and just get a soda when i go.

when my one friend invites me over her house, i ask her if she had dinner yet. depending my calorie count before going, i tell her if i have to eat dinner first or i'll go to her house for dinner. she always has pasta or pizza for dinner too haha. and usually we'll make a bag of popcorn late at night but that doesn't bother me so much.

basically, if you're going to hangout with friends, try to go out somewhere where you'll move around. if not, and you know you're going to a friend's house, eat something beforehand. or ask if they have something else you could eat that was healthyish.