How do you handle inappropriate attention from people?
I don't know if it's because I'm older or because I've broadened my group acquaintances, but I am frequently running into men who do not behave appropriately.
Perhaps I'm just getting crotchety in my old age.
I keep having to block men attempting to kiss me that I've just met. Younger men tend to just go for it until they run into my forearm across their throat. I get old guys who don't know me trying to plant kisses on my cheek and I know there's no cultural custom since they're American. Married men trying to see if I might be interested in being their extra on the side. WTF!
For me it's typically the opposite gender who are problematic.
My general rule of thumb is to accept it as a compliment and just laugh as if they're making the funniest joke and couldn't possibly be serious.
What are you techniques for deflecting unwanted attention?
Original Post by kilkusj:
I think your response of laughing hysterically is a great one. It covers so many bases :)
Although I don't think I'd want your problem (I can't imagine having to be on the defense all the time!) where I am currently living is night and day compared to previously living in DC. Guys just DO NOT hit on women here. Ever. My 5 girlfriends and I go out and I can honestly say all of them are gorgeous, and we don't even get a second glance. The guys are just very laid back I guess. It does start to make one wonder if they are getting old and unattractive though...(at 25...)
I'm 34, so it's not being old and unattractive (I think I'm actually finally coming into my own). I should note that it's primarily the 50+ crowd that has a tendency to step over the line of appropriate although it was a 32 year old whose hand I had to stop wandering towards my ass and a ~40ish guy who planted a kiss on my cheek and then crowed about it.
Personally I find that taking jiu jitsu is really helpful in being able to block boorish attempts. A well placed forearm on the artery stops an unwanted kiss flat in it's tracks. The ones that sneak one in on the cheek in the midst of a hug are obnoxious since you really can't deflect them.
I'm beginning to think that I might have to start utilizing my 3" heels as weaponry.
Original Post by jblarghp:
Usually I can just give them the "Wtf do you think you're doing?" look, and they'll back off.
Of course, there are still those who can't take a hint to save their lives. Dance clubs are the worse! Guys just jump up behind you and literally hump you or try to feel you up. I've been pinned against a wall at a night club once. I'll try and push them off of me, but sometimes it's impossible. In that case, I usually look for a guy friend to save me.
Thumb nails to the eye balls or a knee to the crotch. Simple easy and fun!
Pshhhhh you like the attention
You have to be blunt and tell them to f' off. If you dont they dont get it, and keep doing w.e. they're doing. Guys dont get hints. I used to be polite and kindly tell guys no but i saw that, that didnt work. So now i flat out tell them ' NO GET AWAY FROM ME' or give them a look
Original Post by smwhipple:
What are you techniques for deflecting unwanted attention?
What is "unwanted" attention? I don't think I've ever gotten that. Once a very obese and unattractive girl wanted to perform...ummm...a "sex act" on me in a bathroom. I don't remember how I got out of it. I think I said "okay" and she changed her mind. Or maybe I just ignored her and she took the hint. I don't remember. I was pretty drunk at the time.
Another time a girl that I knew kept putting her in hand in my back pocket and grabbing my "junk" at the bar. It was only uncomfortable because I knew her husband and he happened to be there at the bar. I think I thwarted it by turning around and attempting to grab some "junk" of my own...which apparently was taking it too far...so she backed off. Don't know what I would have done if she'd have accepted my counter-advance...we'd have probably had very morally wrong and inappropriate sex...which would have been a sweeter end to the story, but oh well.
Smwhipple...the same thing happens on the dance floor to me. Somehow men equate dancing w/ permission to touch and kiss. I dont mind dancing and letting the music move my inner spirit, but off the dance floor....it's back to business. I usually tell them that what happens on the dance floor is just dancing period. It is not permission to grope and kiss inappropriately. I find it amusing that some men take this as carte blanche to do whatever. I whip off a snappy no thanks.. Im only interested in the dance and that puts them in their place.
the last time a guy randomly grabbed my ass at a bar as i walked by, i turned around, walked over to him and his buddies, smiled and asked if he had something to say. he turned red and his friends all died laughing.
i can't think of many times where guys have inappropriately tried to kiss me or anything like that, i'd probably just laugh and say "whoaaa buddy!" i think getting laughed at isn't exactly what a guy is looking for when he is trying to get friendly.
Original Post by ladydeathbird:
Original Post by jblarghp:
Usually I can just give them the "Wtf do you think you're doing?" look, and they'll back off.
Of course, there are still those who can't take a hint to save their lives. Dance clubs are the worse! Guys just jump up behind you and literally hump you or try to feel you up. I've been pinned against a wall at a night club once. I'll try and push them off of me, but sometimes it's impossible. In that case, I usually look for a guy friend to save me.
Thumb nails to the eye balls or a knee to the crotch. Simple easy and fun!
I would feel really guilty kneeing a guy in the crotch! If I had to, I definitely would though. I would at least try, it's not as easy as it sounds when you're in certain situations.
I usually go out with at least a few guy friends. They're good for pulling guys off of you, or posing as your angry b/f.
The fake boyfriend trick usually works pretty well. Even if you don't have a friend handy, you can usually just hang out pretty closely to a guy who seems nice.
Ha..it's even worse when the guy speaks a whole different language then you and only knows a few words in your language and doesn't understand it when you tell him you're already involved with someone. Haha. :P
This topic is days old now but...
My problem is my friends! Most of us are married and we've all known each other forever and the guys think it's okay to do .... things.... as long as they're laughing.
One friend pounces on me and dry humps me anytime I sit down around him! Everyone thinks it's hilarious but it grosses me out. Another friend insists on kissing me on the lips no matter how hard I work to dodge him. One time he went way over the line and I threatened to punch him in the throat. When I was single it was much worse - I used to come home with my lipstick all over my face from people kissing my mouth and then kissing my face. People love to kiss my face.
Having a large, surly husband helps but he's not always around and I'm not good at the damsel-in-distress role.
Doesnt matter that your friends are the ones man-handling you..it is inappropriate. You need to set the record straight and let them know you dont appreciate it. If they truly are your friends they will understand.
You are responsible for saving yourself (not your husband).
Dance clubs are the worst. You can move away, but by then they've usually gotten at least one grope in. As for the married friends ... wow. I have yet to experience that (and hopefully never do!)
You said it, sister! Besides I'm meaner than my husband anyway.
Original Post by smwhipple:I don't know if it's because I'm older or because I've broadened my group acquaintances, but I am frequently running into men who do not behave appropriately.
Perhaps I'm just getting crotchety in my old age.
I keep having to block men attempting to kiss me that I've just met. Younger men tend to just go for it until they run into my forearm across their throat. I get old guys who don't know me trying to plant kisses on my cheek and I know there's no cultural custom since they're American. Married men trying to see if I might be interested in being their extra on the side. WTF!
For me it's typically the opposite gender who are problematic.
My general rule of thumb is to accept it as a compliment and just laugh as if they're making the funniest joke and couldn't possibly be serious.
What are you techniques for deflecting unwanted attention?
If they try to kiss me I push them away usually with a loud "HEY! Whaddaya think you're doing?" Making a scene can be an important part of self-defense, or of just deflecting unwanted attention.Often I'm not afraid of looking embarrased, but they are.
It used to be a simple "I have a boyfriend", whether you were currently attached or not, was a good way to turn them down politely, but now it seems when I use that men argue about it, say they're better than my man (they don't even know him), or try to urge me to sneak out on my man with them. Sometimes they keep badgering and you have to stop being polite and flatly say "I'm not interested" and put on your iPod. If they persist in following, walk into the nearest store. Usually that will stop them.
Original Post by bagga:Ha! I have a button that says "I want attention, just not yours" !I had a button once that said
Don't touch me I don't know were you've been.
For the married guys, my friend just suggested reverting to your seven year old self, yelling "ew cooties!" and then turning to their wife, wiping your hand on her arm and going "now you've got boy germs on you" and perhaps adding "your husband just touched me. Grossatating."
Original Post by vegetariangeek:
For the married guys, my friend just suggested reverting to your seven year old self, yelling "ew cooties!" and then turning to their wife, wiping your hand on her arm and going "now you've got boy germs on you" and perhaps adding "your husband just touched me. Grossatating."
lmao
Original Post by coffincritter:
It used to be a simple "I have a boyfriend", whether you were currently attached or not, was a good way to turn them down politely, but now it seems when I use that men argue about it, say they're better than my man (they don't even know him), or try to urge me to sneak out on my man with them. Sometimes they keep badgering and you have to stop being polite and flatly say "I'm not interested" and put on your iPod. If they persist in following, walk into the nearest store. Usually that will stop them.
WOW, great stuff!
I just want to know has there been a situation where you said you had a boyfriend to a guy, but the guy wasn't affected by it, said something sweet to you, then you apologized to him and told him that you just said you had a boyfriend to keep random guys from hitting on you. And you later went on a date with the guy, developed a relationship with him, or had any type of romantic liaison.
So you can log your weight -- which allows you to do the following:
- Plot your weight curve
- Analyze the trend of your weight (see under Recent in the figure above)
- Determine the projected target date (see under Overall in the figure above)