Handling comments about appearance

How does everyone handle comments about their appearance while they are pregnant?  It seems to me that people take the fact you are pregnant as an open  book to comment on things that I feel they have no place to comment on.

I am 9 weeks with my first child and definitely not showing.  People at work keep commenting on the size of my "pooch."  One of the ladies even came over and rubbed on it.  She looked offended when I asked her to remove her hands.  I finally said, "That isn't the baby, I have always had a little fat on my belly and I would appreciate if you would stop talking about it.  It is making me uncomfortable."  One of my coworkers answered back, "You are just gonna have to learn to deal with it.  You're pregnant." I know I will show in due time, but I am in no hurry to do so. 

What the hell?  Just because I'm pregnant doesn't give you the right to overstep your boundaries.  I can't believe the person argued back when I told them I was uncomfortable.  Later on she started asking me about my boobs and had the same reaction when I told her it wasn't her place.  These people are my coworkers, not my friends. 

Just stick to your guns. They will learn.

When dealing with strangers, just remove their hand or step back or walk away.

Stupid coworkers. Mine would talk about how big my thighs were getting....

People have odd views on what is socially acceptable.  Coming up and touching your body is not proper in the workplace, unless they were your friends....even then, there is a time and place for it.

People take pregnancy as a way to gush over you, ask your future plans, tell you how to run your life, touch your belly etc etc etc.  sometimes people stun me.

"I am 9 weeks with my first child and definitely not showing.  People at work keep commenting on the size of my "pooch."  One of the ladies even came over and rubbed on it.  She looked offended when I asked her to remove her hands.  I finally said, "That isn't the baby, I have always had a little fat on my belly and I would appreciate if you would stop talking about it.  It is making me uncomfortable."  One of my coworkers answered back, "You are just gonna have to learn to deal with it.  You're pregnant."

I would have punched that person in the face!  she had no right to touch you.  i hated it when people would look at me at 6 months and say-  WOW-  any day now right?  And I was like No, three more months-  and the look of shock on their face made me want to scream!! 

Now I get the comments:  "You look good for just having a baby.  You're stomach will be down soon and your hips will go back into place."  Peaopl-  it's been 7 months and it's not like I had her three months ago.  These hips are here to stay, so love'em like I do 

I second what vanessa said! I would have punched that lady in the kisser! It is socially unacceptable to touch the belly of anyone not related to you (and, even if they are related...permission first!).

I think your response was perfect. Letting people know it makes you uncomfortable is the thing to do. As for the person who said to "deal with it. You're pregnant," is a nimrod. If he/she meant that get used to people trying to pat your belly, he/she is probably correct. If he/she meant get used to letting people do it, they are completely wrong. Being pregnant is definitely NOT an open invitation for belly touching. I think pregnant women and babies make other people a little insane ;)

Here are some articles about dealing with rude people:

http://pregnancy.about.com/cs/symptoms/a/hand soff.htm

http://www.pregnancyetc.com/touching-the-preg nant-belly.htm

http://pregnancy.families.com/blog/lets-talk- about-handling-unwanted-belly-touching

I am so glad I am not the only one who thinks this is rude.

I had another lady come up to me later in the afternoon and say, "My, what are you, 4 months?"  What the hell?  I wanted to say, "No, are you?"  Someone told me that if you are going to let people know you are pregnant, then you need to expect the comments and be proud.   I said that is okay to congratulate and inquire about the baby/woman, but never okay to comment on their body.  I, by the way, never tell women how big they are.  I used to be an L&D nurse and I know lots of women get sensitive about their weight.   

On another note, I am a runner and the doctor ok'd it, with some limitations.  People keep asking me, "You aren't still running, are you?"  When I say yes, they raise their eyebrows.  One person told me not to come crying to them when I "shake [my] baby loose."  Have I mentioned these are fellow healthcare workers? 

It is my general opinion that people need to mind their own business! Seriously.

You never ask someone how far along they are unless you know FOR A FACT that they are pregnant. You ALWAYS, ALWAYS, ALWAYS tell a pregnant woman that she looks GREAT! Never assume you know that a baby is male or female. People need to be made aware of these rules

Pregnancy advice from doctors changes all the time. What was once common no longer is. Some people need to realize that doctors know more than us common folk and have their patient's best interests in mind. Most women would not go against doctor's orders when it comes to pregnancy. Heck, my doctor gave me different advice than my sister-in-laws doctor did and we were pregnant at the same time.

Too funny about your coworkers! Kill 'em with kindness. I'd say, "Thank you for your unsolicited advice. I'll be sure to bring it up with my doctor." Man, I wish I would have thought of that one while pregnant. Nice yet gets the point across in a sarcastic way. Right up my alley!

I've had a few people ask me if I'm having twins when I tell them how far along I am.  :(

I too had a bit of a tummy pouch before getting preggy but not to the extent of thinking I'm carrying twins.

I'm an oversensitive person to begin with but on top of the pregnancy, these comments make me want to start crying and then I am always questioning my appearance, thinking, "do I really look that big?"

It's like people think you are impervious to weight/size comments while pregnant because you should be so happy about the baby or something. I don't get it. I have never even asked a woman if she was pregnant EVEN if it was very obvious that she was.

Growing up overweight I had too many comments from little kids asking about when my baby was gonna be born and I would never want to make that mistake and cause the hurt feelings that come with it.

It's just a backhanded way for bitchy women to insult. That's how I see it anyway.

Agreed with pretty much everyone else said, nothing to add. I'd be tempted to buy one of those shirts that has those lines like, "Do not touch!" or "Permission denied!" or "Nope, don't you dare!" right in front.........

aeetheri,

I, too, had people ask me if I a having twins.  I think you are right.  People seem to think that we are impervious to comments about our weight and size just because we are pregnant.  If anything, I think I am more sensitive about it.  The comments have me totally self conscious about how I look.  I am excited to be pregnant, but I want to be healthy about it.  I am determined to put on just the right amount of weight.

For you all that are getting the "twins" comments or further along than you are-- the thinner you are, especially as the pregnancy progresses, the bigger the belly looks in relation-- so take it as a compliment!  unlike us bigger girls that barely ever begin to show because of all the fat that is in the way...

people suck but generally mean well.  try to find a different perspective on their comments but tell them to keep their hand to their freaking selves.  jeez.  and at work-- that is all shades of harassment.

i agree with what everyone said.. i think some ppl are just different when it comes to touching the belly or talking about weight or boobs... some ppl dont care and some ppl just dont like it.  i personally didnt care if some one commented or touched my belly while i was prego.  but if it does bother u, u did the right thing in telling them so.  like kelleigh said stick to ur guns :)  enjoy ur pregnancy and congrats :)

I would have asked her what her excuse was for her flabby thighs and stretch marks. lmao..I'm so mean.

I remember taking my friend to her church while I was pregnant with my daughter...after it was finished the main man (preacher I guess?) came out, shook my hand after my friend introduced me, put his hand on my belly and started to speak in tongues.

I freaked outtttttt.

My well-intentioned co-workers keep asking me when I'm going to start showing.  For one thing, I'm only 4 1/2 months.  For another, they know I'm struggling to put on weight in this pregnancy, and I know they mean well (they're all guys, so they're pretty much clueless), but stuff like that makes me paranoid.  I start thinking things like, "Why am I not showing?  Does that mean something wrong?  Is the baby okay?"  It's my first pregnancy, so I tend to the panicky side.

Even worse, again, not meaning it in a bad or sleazy way, a few of them have complimented me on the increase my (already large) chest is experiencing with pregnancy.  I know they mean nothing serious with the "hot mama" comments, but, come on guys, seriously, let's drop it at work and joke about it at the bar afterwards.

Ah, men! They just don't think like women do. Though well meaning, they can sometimes be...too truthful.

Not showing at 18 weeks is no biggie. With my first, I didn't pop until 22-24 weeks. My second, I was definitely showing at 18 weeks, though just a little.

tebunie, what a weirdo that guy was. Yeesh.

I worked right up past my due date, I work in a retail pharmacy. In the last 2 months I just stopped working the front counters because I was so sick of people commenting on my appearance. So many people would say "Any day now?" or tell me that I must be having a big baby. Granted, I gained almost 60 lbs and gave birth to a 9 lb baby, but the only acceptable things to say to a pregnant lady are "you look great" and "you're all belly."

Just yesterday someone said to me in the elevator, "Your face is getting fatter."  I smiled at him and said, "Let me help you out, next time just tell a woman that she looks nice.  Never use the word fatter to describe anything on  her."  I then got off the elevator while the man tried to stutter an apology.  Men!

I find it easier to forgive men who make thoughtless pregnancy weight and/or apearence comments. They are just clueless some of them. But women...the touching of the belly, the comments about weight gain, the personal questions they would never ask a non-pregnant person, ("what right do you have to ask about my cervix?")......just unbearable sometimes. The dark side of me wonders if those women, perhaps having been pregnant and remembering the feeling of being as wide as a barn, aren't trying to make other women suffer as much as they did......cynical, I know, but I can't help wondering.

I wouldn't mind so much if it were a person talking one on one with me, but one of my coworkers feels the need to announce it to the whole room.  She announced to our office of 8, "Hey guys, do you think her boobs look bigger?" or "Are your nipples sore yet?"  Why does she ask me in front of everyone.  I can't help it, I get defensive and rude.  She always says, "You're pregnant, deal with it."  I sometimes suspect that it is the age difference in my office.  I am the youngest by 12-30 years, depending on the person.  The man, as other peole pointed out, was just clueless. 

I have a different opinion on the topic.  I am currently 33weeks preggers wit my 4th so I have been getting the "1 or 2?" question for a while now.  These people don't offend me because I assume they don't know about the physics of carrying a third, fourth or fifth baby.  It's like a balloon.  The first time you blow it up it's hard to do because it has never been stretched before.  However, the more you inflate then deflate then inflate, etc., etc. the less time it takes to get to it's biggest form.  Like, I said, I don;t get offended but it's to the point to where I WISH there were two just to have a reason!!  Lol!

I know I have probablly said some insensitive things to someone & totally never meant to offend them so I tend to give people the benefit of the doubt. 

As for people touching me, I embrace it.  Complete strangers I am more uncomfortable with (but this rarely happens).  On the one or two ocassiona  complete stranger walks up to ask me about my pregnancy & rubs I go into mother lion mode and lock my eyes on them waiting to pounce if they progress to a level I object to.  If it's a co-worker, fellow mom at the school, friend or relative I have no problem with it.  Most of these people are mothers & miss being pregnant or can't wait to be mother's and want to experience pregnancy whatever way they can.  If I can help them experience feeling a swollen belly for the 1st time or 1st time in a long time I feel lucky to be able to do so.  When it comes to me touching other people I definitely make sure it's ok One of my friends became pregnant last year and I made sure to ask her if it was ok to "harass her belly" whenever I saw her.  I would never just walk up to someone without asking which sounds a bit contradictory to what I just said but I acknowledge that not everyone has the same opinion as me.

I do agree that if you made it clear for your co-worker not to touch you she should, by all means, back the eff up!!!!! 

Pregnancy is such a beautiful & miraculous event that not everyone gets to have.  ENJOY your pregnancy & if you feel it necessary to guard it then do so!  Good luck!

EKP - Those comments are harassment and you dont have to "Deal with it" just because you're pregnant. Talk with a supervisor or higher up about who is saying what and how uncomfortable you are. If you don't bring it to someones attention now if will just get worse, you have another 30 or so weeks to go. I would then start keeping a log of who said what and when and if it didn't stop after a supervisor was told I would start talking to an attorney. You shouldn't have to feel like that at work especially when you are going through this very emotional time. Those type of comments are absolutely unapporpriate and  unacceptable! Don't let people at work treat you like that. Co workers might scoff you for "telling on them" but who cares ,they can heep their head down and into their work and leave you alone. It just gets me irrate, I have been there and tried to suck it up in hopes that it would just go away and it doesn't. Don't stand for it!

Funny I should find this post today and leave a comment. I just had my first unwanted pregnancy comment at work. I stepped to into the supply room and a guy standing in the hall infront of another employee says" Hey, what are you doing there PREGGY?" I ignored his reference to me and told him what I was doing only for him to repeat himself as I walked off "PREGGY". I just kept my back to him and started walking.  I can't believe how asinine some people can be! I hope he got the hint when I didn't acknowledge his comment I can't promise that I will be professional if I have to confront him. It has got to be the hormones because I am raging about this!