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What...just....happened?

Long Story short: I had a minor case of anorexia last year followed by a period of massive binge-eating without purging, resulting in trememdous weight gain. Miserable with my body, the cycle of starving and bingeing persists.

I went three weeks without bingeing, and yet have failed again. Today, after dinner, I was still hungry, and I BINGED. And for the first time, I was actually successful in purging.

I had tried several times before, when first gaining weight from my anorexia, but i was never successful in getting myself to vomit. BUT TODAY THAT CHANGED. I purged. I actually did it. And I'm scared, even tho it did feel somewhat good (I kno i kno, bad!!) HELP!

this is advice coming from someone who suffered from anorexia for 2 1/2 years and is now in the binge binge purge cycle. DO NOT DO THIS. do NOT fall into this cycle. you become a slave. your life dissolves. if you thought annorexia had a hold on you, this is much, much worse. i learned hard and fast when i first started purging- BEING ABLE TO DO IT DOES NOT MAKE YOU STRONGER. YOU'RE NOT A STRONGER MORE IN CONTROL PERSON BECAUSE YOU MADE YOUR BODY DO WHAT YOU WANTED. trust me. i could go on but i dont want this to seem like i'm screaming at you lol. look- this message isnt angry, or upset, or disappointed, it's seeing myself 6 months ago and wishing you were me then so i could stop it early....be proud of yourself!@ love yourself!!! =))) and tell me if you ever want help or advice! i'm so here for you!!! got my hands reached out!!! ps no matter how much you purge you absorb almost all the calories you put in-i looked it up tons of times because...it sucks so much. ha.

i think that advice above is really powerful. this post wil prob be locked coz this isnt an eatn disorders site and the fact that you actively engaged in purge behaviour and then posted it will not be taken to kindly.

its like say oh no i just cut my wrists. as with any support group you dont talk after you'v done the act, you ask for someones help before you do it and try to find another way around what your thinkn of doing. but telling it now puts all of us in a difficult position because this crosses a line this site wont tolerate.

thats just coming from me. i am in therapy with a psychol. i suffer a few diff things including anorexia and self harm. i am allowed to call him if i feel like doing something stupid. he offers guidance and the rule is i must follow it. i am not allowed to call him if i have done something stupid because he cannot intervene.

but the advice above is really good. if someone is strugglin with the same thing and wishes that 6 mnths previously someone could have given her the advice thats she's giving you well then that probably the greatest gift anyone can give you.

whether you take it or not is up to you

Augh, been there; I was anorexic for almost a year with interspersed bouts of binging/purging.  When I decided to try to recover in December, I was binging everyday and purging too at the beginning.  I put on more weight while I was binging and purging than just binging alone; maybe because the body tries to hold onto what it gets more?  Then for a while I just binged and focused on trying to recover, doing resistance training and built the muscle back I'd lost starving myself.  I binge less now, and my weight is stable. From experience I can say:

-purging makes you gain more weight than binging alone, and you lose muscle mass.

-repeated purging does weird chemical things in your brain and you'll find yourself behaving weird like binging in public getting food all over, or shoplifting, or just getting obsessed with food and nothing else.

-it's addictive.  Initially there is a rush of adrenaline because your body freaks out due to the damage, but then you crash and feel depressed (and maybe want to binge to feel better). As your electrolytes get more and more imbalanced your brain chemistry gets wacky and you get more and more depressed, with less and less energy.

- purging makes you binge harder, longer, faster and more often.  You binge after anorexia because your body's deprived; if you continue to purge your body will take that as a sign of more deprivation and you'll eat more than you ever thought you could, and feel worse.

So PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE don't purge again.  The binging decreases in recovery as your body learns to trust you'll feed it again.  If you went 3 weeks without binging, that is already great progress (I would love to be able to do that!).  Don't sabotage your progress with purging.

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