Happiness versus Motivation verses depression

Well, I have been noticing over the last 2 years that I find it difficult to conjure up the desire to lose weight, when I am spending most of my energy trying to be happy.  So, when I am happy, which I am now most all of the time now, I don't feel as motivated to lose weight, even though it cause me some insecurities.  I use to be bulimic/and-or-anorexic, but, overcame that with food, hah. What a way to go.  Depression always played a part, but, now that I have excess weight I am finding it hard to commit to changing habits that comfort me and make me feel happy.  I can either, be totally self mutilating and starve myself, because it is hard still fighting eating disorders and that is the only thing I know I can achieve. -Or- Being fat and happy and still unhealthy.  It is a cruel cycle.  Athough my beliefs of food and body are so totally different.  I -KNOW- how to eat, -I KNOW- what to eat, but It is so emotionally challenging for me to do anything that takes me out of my comfortable happy zone.  It's like I'm saying to myself "oh, well- Ignorance is Bliss"  and I'd what?-rather be a dumba** my whole life!!!!!!!!!!!!!! sgieesh!!

Weight loss doesn't have to be about extremes and starving yourself and feeling miserable.. It can be done solely through making more sensible choices, substituting and reducing rather than cutting out. The balance is not easy to reach, but it's totally worth the journey, and, while some might disagree, I find it pretty darn easy to keep once you're there.

In your case the ED history probably makes it much more difficult to go about it normally, so I suggest you get some professional help for starters, it can lessen the burden considerably.

Also, my non-professional two cents: it shouldn't be all about food, you should also stay as active as possible. Exercise releases endorphins and endorphins make you happy, did you know that? ;)

See that's the thing, I was an athlete my whole life, until about 17.  I am 22 now, but, I have always had these issues.  When I was 13, i became obsessed over my weight or really body, not even the weight part at first.  I played softball volleyball, school vb, club vb, gymnastics weight trained with my father, rode bikes on tours with my mom.  I was a total health nut, knowing what most 30 year old had no clue about.  And I was only 14.  I was full on into being healthy,  I was also still growing, After I went from a healthy weight I dropped it down to a crazy low, and was unable to play sports as much, I was eating like 250-500 calories a day.  I lost my period, I was purging whenever I ate something that made me feel guilty, I payed WAAAYYYY to much attention to every morsel that went into my body.... As well I was still trying to Play school VB. go to the gym do cardio, do strength training, I did 1000 sit-up every morning before I went to school, 40 push-ups 40 against the wall, cycling when I got home, BLAHBLAHBLAH.  I did it for the endorphins, I ate the foods I ate because of their nutritional content, and what they helped my body do, I just got WAY TO o.c.d.  So, It's like.....when I am doing good for myself, I go overbord, _OR_ when I am doing bad things to myself, I go overboard.  I have a violent mix of OCD, ed. and depression all rolled into one fat chick! lol, but that is why it is so hard, I OVER analyze!!!!  And nobody can kick me out of it, nobody but me that is, and with a screwy brain like this, it is hard to get around all the loopholes and knots I have made along the way..  I am way too "ALL or NOTHNG".  My brain needs to go away for a while.

i agree with ily.. you should probably seek professional help, nothing wrong with that :) also.. maybe you could get a friend to work out and eat healthy with you ? that can help for motivation... hang in there.. i have a history of depression and its very hard to drag myself to the gym sometimes or eat healthy but i know i always feel better after and the depression seems to go away... and try not to think about it, i overanalyze sometimes and im trying to just go with the flow and try not to think about things so much.