Happy on the outside...

Hello everyone. I am fairly new here. I can't say i'm all that interesting. Thin=s is probably a waste of your time but let me tell you a bit about myself if you'll listen...

 I am 13, 5'3 and 96 lb girl. I eat healthy. I walk everyday several times at 30 minutes each time and at 2.5 miles per hour. I play soccer. I run whenever the weather is nice. I have some nice friends and a good family. I have a 4.0 grade point average and never have gotten in trouble at school. I play flute in the school band and won several awards. For most people who know me, they think I have a great, trouble-free life. but that's hardly the case at all...

Truth is my life isn't what it looks like. Ever since I went to my frist day of kindergarten til now, I've never been popular. I've been picked on, teased, ignored, and declared the outcast since day #1. I've never been cut a break. All the other kids just wait til I do something different and then they start rumors, they laugh at me, and call me names. The only thing keeping me sane are my few but great friends. They help me get through the school part of my life. even then, I have never been invited to a birthday party, or been asked to spend the night. I am always stuck with myself on weekends. I have a crudy social life. Yet again I am very mean and crabby at times...

As for my family, my mom and my dad never liked each other. they got a divorce when I was 8 years old. Ever since then it has been hectic going from one house to the other every 2 to 3 days. My Mom got remarried to an idiot and i swear my mom will get a divorce with him too. My sister is ok. Her and I are close, but she calls me names and insults me whenever I do something differently. My dad doesn't do much. He argues with me over my grades, my exercise and eating habits, and so much more. My grandparents aren't any better. they yell at me whenever I don't get something, and they nag at me for everything, like quitting piano, which was 7 years ago. I love my family, they just don't seem to love me at times...

As for issues of mine, I have many that I don't tell anyone about. I am never happy. There are times when I cry myself to sleep. I pick out all of my flaw(which is a LONG list) and I hate myself because I am such a worthless and unkind person. I am so selfish and moody and demanding. I'm so boring I put the friends I do have to sleep. I am so terrified of getting fat that I swear I will get anorexia one of these days. My thighs jiggle and I hate it. I just wish at times I could just lock myself in my room so the rest of the world doesn't have to see me for the terrible creation I am.

This is my life. Many of you probably won't care. Go ahead and laugh at me like all of the rest. Taunt me, call me a liar, call me ugly, say I'm a freak, I'm used to it.  i'm just glad to get that off my shoulders and I'm glad that maybe one person out there might have read this entire thing...

You found one, dear. It can be difficult to be "different". More of us have that problem than you would ever know.

Right now it looks to me like you see that others around you that are not behaving well and you think that is your fault. You are never at fault for anyone else's behavior. Absolutely true.

One thing I'd like to see you focus on is this: my few but great friends. They would not be your great friend if you did not have good qualities. What do they like about you? List what you think that might be.

Also, turn your attention to the good in you. Look for it. Find it. Write more about what you find. Are you loyal? Are you good with dogs or other animals? Can you draw well? I can assure you that you write extremely well for a 13 year old. That is a major gift and should be nurtured. An on line journal is a good place to start.

You will get through this time and things will be better.

I read the entire thing...and it really reminded me of myself at your age.  My sister and I got along but didn't really become friends until we were both in high school.  I was always fairly nerdy and wasn't the least bit popular.  I was made fun of for my glasses and other things and it really bothered me for a long time.  I was always about average size, but my sister's super skinny and I always felt fat in comparison.  What made things worse is that I started suffering from depression when I was 13, but I was afraid to tell my parents...I ended up not getting treatment for it until I was 26.

The best thing I can tell you is to hang in there.  Take comfort in your friends, and learn how to love yourself.  All the "outcasts" I knew in middle and high school became the coolest, most interesting adults...and most of the "popular" people from school pretty much hit their peak at graduation and didn't really become much of anything.

I'm also going to share with you the words I live by: "Normal is boring"

I hope this helps.

I read the entire thing :)

I've been in a similar situation.  Not the social life part but everyone at school thought my life was perfect cuz my avg was 95%, i had a lot of friends and i was one of the few with good grades that was accepted into the 'group', and my parents got me what i wanted.  But it wasn't how it seemed because at home, I got in fights with my parents every day, we didn't understand each other, and the fights weren't just little arguements, they pretty much exploded and i would cry myself to sleep, done things to myself that i wasn't proud of.  The next day, put on my makeup, wear a smile, and pretend nothing was wrong.  That went on for 2 years. (around 13)

So just to let you know, things DO get better :).  I'm 15 now, just a bit older, but my relationship with my parents completely healed.  We reached a trusting point where they understand my wants and realize that I will put my future ahead of me at all times and will make smart decisions.  And because thye trust me, I am more responsible and my grades are just as high.  Now the surface is me and the great life is what I actually live. 

So just hang in there, it will pass (even though it seems like it won't).  Message me and we can talk if you want :)

I am not even exaggerating when I say that everything what you have written could very well had been me back when I was 13.  I did develop anorexia at that age however, and I've been struggling with an eating disorder for 5 years now.  The teasing, the not being invited to birthday parties, the dad obsessed with grades, check, check and check.  I'm 18, and I still don't have a very active social life!

What I will say is that life gets better.  8th grade is hard because high school is looming up ahead, and freshman year is difficult too, just because of the huge change.  13 is not a fun age at all, and kids are really cruel because they too don't know how to deal with all the big changes. 

One thing I wished someone told me when I was 13: Get involved in high school, especially during freshman year.  Find an interest that you like - a certain sport, art, drama, etc, and dive headfirst into it.  Scary, I know!  But you will find real and true friends through those after school activities and life will go on the upswing.

Message me if you ever want to talk! :)

There are tons of girls who feel just as left out and unwanted, your nothing special, your case deserves no extra attention. theres also plenty of kids out there who have it WAY worse than you, their parents are dead, they's poor as dirt and can't afford to put shoes on their feet or food on the table. next time you decide to feel sh@#ty about yourself think about all the other people in the world that're suffering to an extent you will never have to. go find a hobby.

unfortunately, you have just seen an example of a kid being pointlessly cruel with the previous post. Please ignore it and focus on those that have something constructive to say. Or just put a positive spin on her words - appreciate that your position could be worse, focus on what is good, and on what can be made better.

darkylink is bully and an ass-- just like the people who tease you. they are the miserable ones and will continue to be later in life. its hard, but in college etc youll never have to deal with them

youre not a bad person, hun, the only bad people are sociopathic murderers..and politicians!

my great gran aunt- yep still alive- always berates me for not getting piano lessons. dont take it to heart, see it as flattery that they think u have a real talent

im 19 and i still dont get along with my older sister, you can be civil despite the fact youre not compatible. sharing blood doesnt mean you have to be the olsens, joined at the hip ;)

people (adults) come across as harsh simply because they forget how hard it is to be a teen; your driven my hormones and angst and youre NORMAL

please feel better, there are MILLIONS feeling like you are now. people often have difficult childhoods and teenage years, but it doesnt mean life wont be fantastic in few years--learn to like yourself and be confident. concentrate on what you DO like...for me, i started thinking how i liked my eyes, my eyelashes, my hair, my wrists, my retardedly small hands lol.....try to not put yourself down. you will waste a lot of years if you dont learn to accept and like yourself. xx

wow thank you guys for acting like stereotypical women. "oh no you poor baby let me hug you". thats not going to help anyone, if you idiots actually listen to what im saying it's more constructive than any of the "oh hugs i feel the same" bs you are sputtering. think about everyone else who has it so much worse than she does, get a hobby, find something to occupy your time. 10x better than anything that'll come out of your mouths.

Original Post by darkylinky:

wow thank you guys for acting like stereotypical women. "oh no you poor baby let me hug you". thats not going to help anyone, if you idiots actually listen to what im saying it's more constructive than any of the "oh hugs i feel the same" bs you are sputtering. think about everyone else who has it so much worse than she does, get a hobby, find something to occupy your time. 10x better than anything that'll come out of your mouths.

 And thank YOU for demonstrating the behavior this young woman has to put up with on a daily basis from her middle school classmates.  I suppose your hobby is berating innocent young girls to make yourself feel more important.  Yours was probably the LEAST constructive response to this young woman's post, which is why the rest of us are telling her to ignore it.  It IS possible to give advice without calling people "idiots" and telling unhappy young women "your nothing special". (By the way, it's "you're" not "your"...maybe instead of patting yourself on the back for trampling all over someone's feelings you should be paying more attention in your English class.)  What you're reading in everyone else's posts is called empathy - showing that you relate to someone else's situation.  It's how you show someone that they can trust you and that you're actually listening to them.  Maybe you should think about think about empathizing with people before you share your "advice".

Short version:  If you don't have anything nice to say, don't say anything at all.

Thank you for being nice. I appreciate it a lot. I know that there are other people with a much worse life than I, and I am grateful that I am so blessed. The advice helps, and I know that your support will help me. This will pass with time.

darkylinky:

I know that there are TONS of people with much worse lives than mine. I know I'm not special. I'll never know what it's like to have to search dumpsters for food, or walk barefoot on the barren ground. But correct me if I'm wrong, isn't a part of this website about sharing personal experiences and what it is like being a specific age or being in certain situations. I'm just sharing a bit about myself. And maybe, just maybe, someone just like me is reading this for advice because they didn't want to say anything. I never asked for attention, I just hoped for someone to know about me. And out of the kindness of their hearts, these people actually felt empathy and gave me advice which I am glad about.  They are helping me redeem the small bit of dignity and self-esteem I have left. I'm tired of not sticking up for myself, and the bullying of everyone stops now. If you don't understand what I am trying to explain in this post, please do not reply.

Bravo. You will be just fine.

i'm really disgusted by your replies darkylink. this is not some attention-seeking paranoid teen like we see so many of (unfortunately) on this site, saying ''oh im fat, ugly, i'm 105lbs and only eating 900cals is that too much, noone loves me blah blah blah''

she has VALID reasons to be a bit down and to ask for a friendly ear/eye in this case. broken family, little support and communication, been bullied her WHOLE LIFE....

jesus christ, how can u just dismiss her and kick her when shes down? *clap clap* youre cool, youre a big girl, well done you, darkylink;

 i hope to god u never have children, or approach anyone with that bitchy attitude again when theyre just needing a lift. people like you just put a downer on any situation. how miserable.

way to go crimsonxxsun, dont let people walk all over you like crap.

Crimson-

I would like to address some pieces of your post (I did read it all).  You say you have a 4.0 gpa but your father argues with you over grades...how is that possible?  Does he do this when you get a poorer grade than he thinks you should have gotten on an assignment or two?  If that's the case, your father sux!  I'm 23 and in middle school I got an errant grade or two, but my parents never yelled at me for it.  I learned from my mistakes and got better.

Second, you say you do things "different."  What does different entail?  Something I did that was different when I was 13 (that I'm sure I was made fun of for behind my back) was eating goldfish crackers off the floor.  A bunch of my friends and another clique were eating lunch in our awesome English teacher's classroom and I think one of the girls from the other group dropped a goldfish (or chucked it at one of her friends and missed) and I ate it off the floor...5 second rule, plus I can't stand wasting food for no good reason.  They saw me do it, tossed another and I ate it.  They repeated this (as did I) I'm sure thinking I was the oddest girl on the planet, planning to tell all their friends about it, but I didn't care.  I was having fun and getting free food!  On another note, I also got made fun of for the clothes I wore (mostly hand-me-downs) and my hair cuts (my mom did them).  I was also very brainy.  My only popularity came from being the smart, altruistic girl who could help the "stupider" kids get good grades.

All this boils down to, girlie, is that somehow you have to become comfortable in your own skin.  Honestly, most of my seventh grade year (12-13) I knew about the rumors spread about me and I had a crying fit at school near the end of the year (very public...my SS teacher started singing "put on a happy face" to cheer me up :P).  Then one day I woke up and I just didn't care.  If they wanted to tell lies aout me and make me feel bad, they could try.  I wouldn't give their comments the time of day.  I knew how I felt about myself and if they didn't like how I acted, they could kiss my ****.

You'll get to that point, hon.  It'll happen.  You have a good head on your shoulders, more awareness to your situation than you know.  You'll get through it.

p.s. Something that was a fun outlet for me in middle school were the school plays/musicals.  If your school has a drama club or summat of that sort check it out.  There's nothing like the rush of belting your lungs out in front of an audience...or the confidence boost. :)

Good luck to you, you'll get through this.

~Melisande

Well I can sy I also read it all, and I feel for you.

I'm 15 and am also not axactly popular or anything, and wow I remember in my middle school years, being 13, I was made fun of all the time (and I'm sure I still am for that matter).  I didn't really give one towards what people thought, so I wore what I felt and did my hair the way I felt.  I never liked wearing jeans until highschool..so all of my non-jean pants were something people constantly asked me about/talked about, and I always had my super long, frizzy hair in braids, just because I didn't care about styling it.  So, I can relate to your post, and I also do have nights when I cry to sleep, I have some great friends and a good family, but still, I can relate.

And actually, I'm very impressed of how you are handling all of this, and all (well, most) of the posts above me are right: it will get better.  One of the best things you could do are join a club that interests you in school, it is a great way to meet new people.  I personally do my school's drama/musicals and it's very fun, and it gives you more confidence too!  If you learn to love yourself, others will too, and life really changes for the better after you discover the qualities in yourself.  Just keep goin.

Hey crimson. Like so many others have said, you kinda remind me of me when I was your age. I just want you to know that things will turn out so much better in the end if you just stick to your guns, stay strong, and be who YOU are. Sometimes, in the last few years, I've forgotten that, and I've ended up in a big mess. I don't want that to happen to you!!
I know it can be so hard when it's like the world is bearing down on you. But be the best you you can be - the best version of yourself. You matter in this world, ok? :) Remember that for sure. Just hold on tight and keep searching for things that will make you happy and fulfilled - and you will get there. Best of luck :)

Hey, Crimsonsunxx!

I'm SORRY. Sorry that people can be so insensitive. Not everyone is like that. Hang with the good friends that you have and hang tough!

You're a smart girl - obvious from your post.  Sounds like you were dealt some bad cards, but you don't have to have a bad, end result of that. Your destiny and who YOU are, is decided by YOU - no one else!

That said, go easy - people are just people and some have more sense than others!

Stay strong!

Hugs,

Linda

I can actually relate a lot more to you than most people on this forum.

Well, I sort of can.

I was teased from like early elementary school to 8th grade. It was for a facial imperfection that I'm not going to go into (Its really not a big deal, and I cover it with my hair) and I was diagnosed with sleep apnea when I was 9, and I have this somewhat boyish voice because of it. So obviously, those are grounds to make a teen's life hell, right? People are so stupid. Ironically, I was never really made fun of for my weight, which is interesting, because I grew up a very chubby kid and weight problems are the easiest targets for teasing.

Things became different when I moved after 8th grade and I started high school in a different part of the city I live in. I was more accepted, yes, but I have never in my life been popular. And you know what? I'm just fine with that. Being popular used to be everything to me, but now I realized that people who are popular are never popular for the right reasons (well, in my city at least). I probably would've ended up with an STD or a drug habit had I been popular or had I conformed to fitting in. And I'm 17 (almost 18) now and I realized that the grass isn't all that green on the other side and I like my grass better. The people I associate with now I can only count on with one hand, but I love them with all of my heart, and they're intelligent and have intelligent things to say rather than mindless gossip that I could never care for.

And as for parents, my parents aren't exactly parents of the year either. They don't really like eachother either, but the difference is that mine are still together. And I actually only get along with one or two of my siblings, but as you grow older, you can be able to understand them better and why things turned out the way they did.

Things do get better, or at least, a little more tolerable. I'd say that things will probably get better around high school. People might still say things, but hey. Throw up that middle finger.

Best of luck to you, girl.

This is pretty much a case of count your blessings and tough your way through it.  There will be many awful days, but as you get older and get to make your own choices and decisions life will improve drastically.  Focus on the people you do actually like and the things that you do like about yourself.  20 is going to be better, 30 is even better...I personally think 40 is going to be awesome!

I mean it is obvious that you aren't alone. Now stop feeling sorry for yorself and do something about it. It feels like your life is falling apart, but it may not be as bad as you think it is. You just need to love who you are (I know, easier said than done) and not let anyone get you down. Being a teenager is only one part of your life...and it's definitely the hardest part. There really is a light at the end of the tunnel. Be optimistic...try to see the good in your life. When you really stop and put it into perspective you realize that we live in a world that may be cruel and harsh, but there is beauty all around us :)

You should use all the energy that you are using on being sad and judgmental of yourself for something awesome, something that you enjoy doing.

Try writing in a journal and doing things for you, NOT for anyone else!

If you or anyone else thinks that I am being rude or mean...I am really just trying to help. Sometimes pity and feeling sorry for ourselves can hold us back.

:) I reeally hope that this helped you!

I just want to say that almost everyone has gone through it ... at some point in their life... I was the weird curly hair ((which I love now )) tomboy in school ... for 14 years... and I know its hard... But you know what ...this phase will pass and boy will it pass soon :) .... 

You have to certain choices ... Do you really want people who are mean and cheap are important enough to spoil your mood ?? Are they worth it ?? .... These people are basically insecure about themselves and to feel good about themselves they are hell bent on proving that everyone else is wrong/bad/ugly ... !!! Just pity them ... They need help.... 

You on the other hand are blessed with empathy and please oh please dont let them get you down .... They ((and their words)) aren't worth it !! dont ruin your health because of them...  you are 13 and your body is still growing... so never starve yourself... and about not being fat... Just keep yourself active and nourished ... that will do :)