why is it so hard to feel beautiful??

when i wake up in the morning, dress and look at myself, i feel great at first....but then when i keep looking, i start to see all of my fat in front of me...im 140 or so right now, that might not be 'xtreeme fat' to others but to me, this pouch on my gut just right out sucks... and then i dont feel beautiful anymore. i dont know if anyone understands how i feel. i hope someone can provide me with inspiration or encouragement. i just want....to beautful. i know that may sound pathetic but i really do, deep dpwn inside, i want to have the satisfaction with my body that i havent felt in so long..sigh.... i hope joining calorie count and regular exercise will do this for me... thans for listening....encouragemnt needed.

hey girly,

I understand and I feel this way too... I get upset or discouraged because I see myself in a certain light or mirror or angle and think "Jeez!!! WTF?? Why do I look so fat/ugly/skin probs/not pretty" There will always be something you hate about yourself and can complain about if you let it. Fine complain if needed. But then when you see someone with worse traits - think how they feel. I usually take a good look at someone in a wheelchair, or someone with a disfigurment... and I take the time to think to myself that they would give anything to be like me; walk, run, work out, etc. or maybe they will never find a gf/bf because they are disfigured. That life would be horrible... and I should be grateful for what I have....

I hope that might help a little hun. Keep your head up. & keep workin out! lol!! 

Perhaps it is the unrealistic standards that modern society sets for us which we tend to believe and strive to achieve....

Once people get past the "airbrushed standards" and realize that they are humans... each beautiful in his or her own way... only then can they view themselves in a realistic, true mindset... :)

of course, it's easier said than done... i have a low self esteem as well...

i feel you

thanks guys!!! what both of you are saying is so true.... thnaks for the encouragement...whats also difficult is that my mom had a super perfect body when she was young, she was asked to do all these beauty contests and stuff, and she really grinds me on the pouch on my gut...sigh...i feel like if i had the perfect body, she would be happy...... sigh

I posted this as a topic but I think you need it here as well...

We are so hard on ourselves. Self esteem is built up over time. So when you get a chance; stand naked in front of a full length mirror. You already know the problem areas. Instead of looking at what you don't like, make a list of what you do like. You may have great hair, sparkling eyes, pretty hands and/or feet, etc. etc...

LOL...it feels weird at first but it does help you appreciate what's good about yourself while you change your lifestyle (in a healthy way) to improve what you don't like

It sounds like you are just fine...you were never meant to be a carbon copy of your mom.

thats so true!! well, il do that from tomorrow...thanks so much :) u guys are amazing! thanks again...:):)

I'm very close to my weight loss goals but still struggle with this all the time.  I try look at my good traits instead of my bad.  I also remind myself it's what's on the inside that really does count as cliche as it might sound.  I'm sure everyone knows someone who is gorgeous on the outside but b/c of their attitude they don't seem as beautiful or someone who is not as blessed in the genetic dept who has an beautiful personality which is turn makes them beautiful.  If I had to choose one of these I'd choose the second and remind myself that on my down days.  

Hugs to you!!

As you can tell, we all go through that. My tip is to measure your waist and hips maybe every other week. That has helped me to see results even when I don't "see" them. :)

If it is of any help, we all think like this.  I'm 162cm (5'3") and before I had my son I was anywhere from 68-72kg (149-158lbs).  I used to think THEN that I look like I do NOW.  Crazy woman Weight at giving birth was 93kg (205lbs -OMGOSH really?  I've never converted it before!!!) with pre-eclampsia and toxcemia and post natal illness).  I lost 12kg and got to 81kg (178lbs). 

Then I got stuck and started getting loads of oedema so went to an endocrinologist who said, you need this, most women lose weight on it and stuck me on Arapax (Prozac).  Hello weight gain ... then I really WAS depressed!!!  Back up to 194lbs.  Grrr.   Then he said "I think you're just one of those women who put weight on during pregnancy and then can't lose it"  (read "You're fat").  He didn't charge me for that last appointment ....

Now, 7 years later I bounce between that 81kg (178lbs) and 84kg (185lbs).  I just can't seem to break that barrier!   How I wish I had had better self image of myself when I really WAS slim and beautiful with a gorgeous hour glass figure, flattish stomach and naturally sticky-outie-boobs with flat bum.  Sigh.  The only thing I still have is my flat bum, but my hips have the real out-and-in to my glutes. 

Please, if you think largely you're OK - you're OK!!! 

PS:  If it is of any consolation, I think part of the reason I resist losing weight is because everything fits me right now.  Sounds strange I know, but I hate that part when I'm getting down to 82kg ish and my bra starts getting a bit loose, but not loose enough for a new one and my stomach goes all soggy and flabby at the bottom because it's not plumped out.  Self-sabotage probably but it happens. 

As for imaging, I noticed for myself, in my previous post I related being slim and shapely with "beautiful" ... we're a sad bunch aren't we?  Sometimes I feel like  I duped my husband even though he adores me anyway I come. 

thanks everyone!!! u guys rock!!!!

good site innit:)

I really do know how you feel - I only want to lose 5-10lbs but I have a hard time looking in the mirror and tend to blame everything on my looks (ie, "I would have gotten that job if I had better skin and trendier clothes"). When you type it out and see it written down it looks RIDICULOUS, but those thoughts totally go through my head.

As someone else said, exercise really does help - great endorphins really make you a lot more positive about everything!

thanks!!! ill start the gym from next month - got the money saved and ervything llol. yea it looks soo ridiculous typed out - but at leats its honesty:) thanks guys....really....and here i was saying that noone cared.....wow.....u guys totally rock!!!!!! illbe sure to follow all advice and tips given....and try to not beat myself up so much... :):):)

I totally get what you mean....Its like you dont feel attractive or feel confident about yourself at all!? and you dont want to leave the house because when you do all you see are people more beautiful than you...Its a horrible feeling!!

I hope you get your confidence back though dude. I bet you are beautiful anyways :)

exactly!!!

im so happy that people understand me... :)

sigh u know wwhat kills me ....evryone's always tellling me....ur so gorgeous, ur so pretty... and im like - who???? me???? ...sigh... and its a horrrible feeling deep down inside when people think ur uber-confident and deep inside....u arent...if u get what i mean..

Trust me, I KNOW how you feel!!!  Seriously, before baby (and before husband I should clarify) I was a stewardess and could seriously pull any male I wanted to.  Seriously.  Am terribly happy with hubby BUT miss that old "me".  When I was so fat after pregnancy and sickness, it was horrible.  Even putting on makeup was dire because I would do it as I always had, only it didn't look right on a face 20-25kg fatter.  EDITED TO ADD:  Weird psychology I know, but I learned that I was popular and desireable when "thin" or you know what I mean, when you know s12 not s18 and so I still associate that "I'll be more popular than I am now when I get back down to 70kg" ... which is utter psychological bollocks really as I have a gorgeous husband who loves me to bits and a son who doesn't know any different and tells me how beautiful his mummy is.  *Sigh* psychology of weight sucks :(

I would have GREAT days when I would bounce around and think, I can go shopping today only to catch sight of myself in the supermarket window and go AAARRRGHGHG WHO THE **** IS THAT?  I FELT like me but didn't LOOK like me.  Horrible.  Am now coming to terms with it but it's still hard because people who don't know me in our new town think I look just fine and say how beautiful I am, but I'm like, Oh, you don't know the REAL me.  You should see me before ... but then it's like I blame our son for me losing my figure.  Which is unfair - he's a beautiful child and lovely nature (most of the time haha). 

But am quietly peeling it down - today I had a breakthrough.  Picked up a big cookie in the lunchroom - really shouldn't have and only ate half and threw the other half out.  BIG MOMENT seriously!  So, yes, I know what you mean when you look confident but aren't really.   We will all get there - you guys are already helping me too - check out the half eaten cookie in the bin!! :)

PS:  Husband is gorgeous and so sweet:  When I'm having "down, fat" days he says, you're RUBENESQUE!!!  Bless him!!! :)

wow!!! thats so true :) i feel that way too!!! i go to beach feeling all hott then i pass a mirror see my batwings and cringeeeeeeeeeeeeeee/.....good for u and the half cookie!!! well im joinin the gym from next month :)

yay to us!!!