Hard day

Today I'm having a hard day, food wise. I was going good with having a rice cake and half of an apple today for breakfast at 6am. Then later I had another rice cake at about 10am I then went down stairs to find that my mother made some hot rice and so I thought it would be nice to be warm and to eat some in a small cup, so I got some in a small cup and I also went and got seconds.

  I messed up my whole day by binging on cereal at 2:00 pm, in the same small cup with all together a half cup of milk which I made sure only was a little. But I couldn't control myself and I'm not really sure how much cereal I've consumed which really bothers me I also put two spoon full of chocolate ice cream in the cup, I'm not sure why I did it. I was in panic afterward so I tried for 18 minutes to purge which only resulted in a very small amount to be discarded.

I feel like such a failure, so I guess I will just have to not eat until 6pm tomorrow.

It's a really crappy feeling and I know this sounds irrational to most of you, but I really have no place to vent my frustrations.

Does anyone have this same problem?

I usually do not purge, and when I do my attempts are meek and result only in a fist of food being recovered.

So usually I just fast for at least 12 hours or even more at a time. 

I haven't gone to the doctors since a month ago and I weighed 104lbs I have now checked and I might be in the 90's but I do not really trust the scale, I think I might be getting my period but I'm really not sure, I usually get it quite regularly.

I exercise at 7pm every day I do about 300 jumping jacks and 100 of these other exercises I also do 200 sit ups. I haven't seen much of a result because I have only been doing this for a month or so.

(I'm not Anorexic or bulimic, but maybe a slight eating disorder.)

Well thank you for listening to me vent.

This post sounds pretty typical of an eating disorder to me... complete with the denial. There's no such thing as a 'little' disordered when it comes to eating - little problems inevitably grow into big ones if you don't deal with them. Please tell somebody you can trust about your situation and get some help.

I went to see a therapist, but she did not think it was a big problem.

I'm not denying anything, and I admit I do have problems when it comes to food, and I doubt I can get help until I'm the state of typical "Anorexia"

But I'm healthy for the most part.

But thank you for replying anyway.

I just needed a place to vent, and I'm not looking for a forum that's for "pro eating disorders" because it's an illness and I do not want to be supporeted for my destructive behaviour, maybe just a little understanding and advice. So thank you.

Purging and fasting are going to interfere with your health, and a healthy weight loss, very quickly. Denying yourself things you like leads to both. Try working treats into your weight loss plan (assuming you need to lose, b/c it is hard to imagine you "need" to be in the 90s, since a 5 foot tall woman/teen would be pretty healthy and have a low bmi at about 100 lbs). I enjoy planning my treats and knowing I can have them. Skip the rice cakes, eat some flavorful oatmeal or something equally filling, make salads with lots of different things in them, including some dried cranberries or raisins for nutrition and sweetness, etc. The more variety in your intake, the less you'll feel to urge to binge and purge. And try another therapist! It may not YET be a "big problem," but big problems start small, and you are already there, or so it seems.

Good luck, and let us know how you are doing. Hang in there and you'll get it all straightened out, with the right help and support.

Oh dear, this is a big problem.  You are forcibly trying to not feed yourself for the sake of a few pounds.  You are making yourself sick and driving yourself crazy.  This is not cool.

It's no wonder you are binging; you aren't eating.  Rice cakes and rice and cereal are not food.  They are air and sugar and some carbs.  This is not sustenance this is a pointless snack.  If you had eaten something substantial with more calories and a good amount of fat and protein you would be less likely to overeat or binge AND these foods are good nutrition so your mood and overall sense of well being would improve.

A good book to use as a guide to proper nutrition is 150 Healthiest Foods on Earth.  You will not find rice cakes or cereal in this book.

Love yourself and take care of yourself, please.

Thank you for your support, I'm just mentally screwed up at this point, I know what I'm doing and thinking is not rational but I've fallen too off the block to really care.

But thank you anyway, I was really down and disappointed that day.

I was so guilty about what I did, I just can't bare to eat anything for at least three days, I'm in a pit. :/

Hi; I am not surprised that you binged later in the day. All you ate throughout the beginning of the date was carbs. Now, the apple was good because it contained fiber, but it was not nearly enough. The main thing that I see missing is PROTEIN.

Proootein. It's extremely important in getting that "filled up" feeling and in feeling satisfied between meals. Not feeling that awful empty, hungry feeling all the time will help you avoid binges. You NEED to eat, and eat healthy, to lose weight.

For breakfast try adding some egg whites--- scramble them into an omelet or a SUPER easy thing to do is hard boil them and stick them in the fridge the night before. For lunch, try having lean meats on whole grain bread or beans with a little taco sauce on a whole wheat tortilla.

Currently, you're NOT getting enough nutrition hun.

Top 3 Weight Loss Mistakes:

You Tube Video from UndergroundWellness

The top mistake?  RICE CAKES

The next worse one:  cutting too many calorie

The next worse:  too much cardio

[If you want great health information watch his videos.  He promotes organic food though which I think is bogus marketing hype, but his views on milk and raw milk especially are spot on.]

Hi,

I've just come over from your other thread, but now that I read this one I can see you are struggling with more than just fasting. Whether you consider it disordered or not you are displaying the signs of an eating disorder, of both restrictive and purging type anorexia - going between fasting and purging.

Purging is exceedingly dangerous. It depletes your body of electrolytes, hydration and can cause damage to your stomach, throat lining and can lead to death. This covers purging in forms of vomiting, laxative abuse and diuretic abuse. Overexercise is also a form of purging and repetitive exercises can result in a strain injury. The routine you described will likely damage you in the long run. If you truly want to exercise do a varied routine of strength training, cardiovascular and stretching exercises - but given your present situation I suggest you stop altogether for the time being.

The reason you might feel a want to "binge" as you put it - though I should say that some cereal and hot rice is not a binge - is likely due to deprevation in eating. From your details you are only 18, and even if 104lbs still very, very low in BMI for your height. The danger of being underweight is not worth the physical and mental strains. You put yourself at risk of, as I have said to you once already: osteoporosis, of loss of fertility if you lose your period (even if you still have it now), hair loss, electrolyte problems, a weakening of the immune system, low blood pressure, blood disorders such as anemia, heart problems, and even death. The mental woes that come alongside can be just as devestating. Depression is common in undereaters, as well as distorted perceptions and problems like Body Dysmorphic Disorder. From The Body Neglected: Between 5% and 20% of people who develop [anorexia] eventually die from it.

You will likely also shoot your metabolism to all hell by entering what is known as starvation mode.

1. High calorie, low density foods. These are foods that are as the name says - high in calories but low in bulk. These are not only vital in the sense that they can still easily be broken down by a stomach trying to mend itself but also because they add calories without adding bulk. Examples of these would be whole fat dairy, nuts and nut butters, avocado, oils like olive oil and canola (rapeseed) oil as two examples, oily fish, dried fruit and dense fruit like bananas as just a handful of examples. There are two threads stickied at the top of this forum: Support Recipes and The Official High-Cal Food List. The first of these is a list of example recipes that are tasty, high calorie and helpful in gaining. The second is a more general list of foods that will also help in gaining.
   
2. Eat your meals spaced out over the day - aim for about five to six total. Breakfast, a mid-morning snack, lunch, an afternoon snack, and dinner, or switching one of those snacks for an evening snack would be an example. This is both to make it easier on your stomach and to help rev your metabolism. Do not skip them. If it is easier for you, devise a meal plan routine by yourself or with a nutritionist and stick with it.
   
3. This is an important one: do not weigh or measure yourself for two weeks when beginning refeeding. Why? Because our body will hold to a large amount of water initially. This water shows up on the scale, but is not a true indication of weight gain and will flush out after two weeks. However, seeing any increase can understandably be triggering for a recovering undereater and as such you should find someone to hide your scales and your measuring tapes until two weeks from managing a steady 2500. If numbers trigger you full stop, I highly recommend you steer clear of scales altogether and ask your doctor to blind weigh you.
   
4. If you eat a steady 2500, and then find you are maintaining or even losing weight, you will need to increase. Do not think about this just yet - just get to 2500 first.

Aim for carbs, proteins, fruit or veg, healthy fats and dairy in all your meals over the day and take a full multivitamin as a buffer while getting your calories up to a higher level. Think of food as your medicine to a healthier, happier you.

If you are truly struggling do not feel you have to do it alone. Go to your doctor and ask for help and health checks. If you want some further online support, I suggest going to this website: http://www.something-fishy.org.

And a reminder,

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