Hard Topic to post.. But this needs to be said.. Do we really lose weight for other people?

Hi all, I guess i am going to vent a little about these things. I want to know who are you losing weight for. Reason why i ask is because. I feel that some people lose weight for love and a relationship. If you can't lose weight for you then why even try. My Hubby to be is 100% behind me on this thing. He didn't ask me to lose weight. I just started to do it. I knew i was doing this for me.

For me and my kids, so i can be here longer.. I am not looking for any one to get mad at me for this post. SO please don't. Just the more i think about it, and listen to the girls at the gym today. Tell tell me.. I am losing weight for my wedding day. Or i am losing weight because men don't look at me like the skinny girls. I mean really, can't you lose weight for you and be true to who you are, and what you want. THIS makes me mad as hell.. Listen to the girl today that really don't like me at the gym tell me that she is losing weight for her boyfriend, so he will come back into her life.

I just had to bite my lips and hold my words in. I wanted to tell her. That is why you are not doing good on your diet, because it's not for you. It is for someone else. I had to hold it in. She is all in tears crying in the group meeting about this after we weigh in today. 180 that is where i am at, and she is working hard to get away from 140 to 125. I was like. You have to lose weight for you. If it is not for you then it will never work.

I mean really, do any one feel that ugly about there looks. I mean really. Do people really think that if they lose a few pounds the person will stay or come back or never leave them in the first place.

I did that years ago. If you lose the weight or not. That don't mean they are going to come back to you. That don't mean they are going to stick around. That don't mean they love you when they say, you need to lose weight or call you a fat lazy ass.. Or why don't you look like that woman there.. She got it going on.

Yeah she may have the body, but do she have the love and respect that i have. Do she care for others liike i do? Do she want the things i want. Or do she know how to make you happy the way i do.

I am looking at all the pain that was in that class this morning. A woman tells me. I been working on my body for over 3 years now, because my husband told me. I don't look like i did when we got married 6 years ago. She said 2 babies and i got 100 pounds to lose.. And we don't even share the same bed any more. He is on the sofa, and i am in the bed crying every night alone. Pushing myself to the max to lose these damn 100 pounds. Being 256 pounds and only doing this for about a month and only lost 16 pounds. And wishing it was a lot more, and wishing that i can see the weight loss my self. Hearing him call me fat ass when we fight.

I wanted to say.. GET THE HELL OUT.. MOVE ON... THAT'S NOT LOVE. But i didn't say a damn thing. I just sat there and bit my lip. Held the words in my mouth.

I mean really, I know i am not perfect. I know i did all these things. Lost weight before because the husband told me i was fat. Got him back, and when i was still 150 pounds he left me again. Crying because i was thinking my fat and my skin was the reason why my ex husband didn't want me any more. The problem of it was. He had been done with me. He didn't want me any more. And the love was just not there for him, and if he can't love me as i am then that means he can't love me. at 120 or 180 pounds. No matter what size i was or how small i was. I had to understand and learn that the love was just gone.

Am i wrong for posting this.. Let me know. I just want to know what is up. DO women really think like this? Please tell me you are doing this for you now.

I don't think i can take abut the pain i had over the years, but i can take on a new body, but my soul the person i am is never going to change. I am going to be me. 200+ or 140.. It don't matter.

I love me enough to do this for me. BLEEP any person that say. You need to lose weight to be with me. That just now piss me off.. But yeah, i was foolish enough to think in 1998 that if i lost weight he will want me back.. LOL..  Did it, and it still didn't do me any good. Did all that hard work just to gain it all back from hurt and stress.

If someone loves you for who you are. They should be there no matter what size you are.

I mean really do some of you feel like this. OR have some of you lost weight to keep someone around.

I just want to know. Am i the only one that every did this and felt like a big fool for doing it.

totally doing this for me.

Thank you for that.. I mean after today. I was like. A man. I did that. I did that in 1998. I didn't see the hurt it did to me until after i lost and he left me again. I will never be what he want.. The love is gone. Was i right or what.. This is too more me. I am losing the weight for me.

My weight loss came with my conscious decision to be happy.

i agree lynn.. i used to always start to diet because someone else in my life wanted me to.. i never ever wanted it for myself until this time.. that's why i know i'll succeed!  you can NOT do it for anyone else.. and if someone is threatening to leave because that person is overweight then i say let them go!  it's a hard lesson to learn but that person is not going to love you for who you are even when you are super skinny.. they are shallow!  my hubby loves me for who i am.. he doesn't care if i'm 120 or 420.. he loves me.. and lynn i must say.. your new hubby to be sounds like a great guy!  keep your hooks in him!  :) 

I agree with your thoughts here.

Having been celibate for the last three years, and happily so, I can honestly say that I am not doing this for any man and never would. Not to judge others who find that a motivation, but I think there are healthier reasons to embark on this journey.

Having had a deep spiritual awakening, I now feel moved to improve my health for reasons beyond myself, or even my children/family.  I think it is a result of joy, an outward change in direct relation to the inward changes. Good post, thought provoking.

Hi Lynn!  I think if we are honest with ourselves, we all to some degree judge our looks through the media's version of what is hot and what is not.  I am more about the fitness part of this, but when I notice that I am getting more attention from the love of my life, I can't say it doesn't motivate me.  He never says a word about how I look now as compared to how I looked 12 pounds ago, but it has definitely inadvertently affected our relationship in a positive way.  I think that's completely different though than someone saying lose the weight or lose my love....that is mental cruelty - I think weight is just a manifestation of something else that is wrong - as is alcohol abuse, drug abuse, people who cut themselves etc.  The difference, as has been pointed out is, you cannot cut out food from your life and live.  And we all have our wounds to lick and scars to heal so to say to put that pressure on someone as a condition of love is completely the opposite of love and is about manipulation more than anything else.  It is up to each of us though to not allow ourselves to be treated that way and it just takes longer for it to hit home sometimes.  I was married to a man who wanted me to be heavy - so no one else would sniff at his back door!  He didn't want me to work with men or to be healthy - all this was a threat to him and it took me 16 years for my spirit to demand it's freedom!  Was that a waste of 16 years??? Perhaps, but I am sure grateful for the person I am today and I don't think I would have been had I not had to wade through the manure to heal myself.  But, I cannot judge that girl at the gym for not leaving - I don't know what has gone on in her life to bring her to this place - all I can do is pray for the weak to one day overcome their fears and rise up and be counted.  Until then, perhaps she just needs someone to love her for who she is right at this time and place....kay I think I went all over the place with this - sorry - I appreciate you bringing this up though - its a great topic for a site like this one!

I didn't mean for it to be provoking annoy or anything like that. I was at the gym in a group weigh in meeting, after we weigh in the girls sit around and talk. So i was there early, because i didn't know what it was all about. After hearing what these women was losing weight for. I was like.. HEY... That was me years ago.. I am glad that person was gone..

But that don't matter. These are just rant thoughts that i wanted to let out in there..

I admit, In the past when I was much younger before hubby... I think that I did it so I would be attractive and it was not so much based on health reasons.

Now I do this for Me and my health... Don't get me wrong ... in a way it's for hubby too because We want to have a long healthy life together... I know that he loves me no matter what my size.  He has already been through thick and thin with me.   He has only acouple of pounds to lose... but he does this with me and encourages me.  It's hard for him to lose too and he seems to gain easily.

Kitty that is good. He is there for you 100% and with you on this, and he is too... Doing the same. Getting in shape better health.

Rox, you didn't go all over the place with that. You did great. Thanks for the words. I got her number. And she got mines. I told her she can call me any time. SHE stay 15 mins away from me. I told her i will work with her on this.. That made her happy.. But i didn't knock the things she said. I just said to my self. Lynn keep your mouth shut for once..

Well Lynn that you befriended her says much about your character - I think you just showed us how caring of a person you are!!   and that you were meant to meet her and show her friendship - who knows, maybe because of you, she will leave the ass she is with and find herself a better life! 

Well, when i go into the gym every week Rox, She always some and give me and my friends a hug. She said, she love the dance class with us in it a lot better.. We do it so good and that makes her want to do it just like us.. She said, you all give me that push that i can do this and lose the weight. SHE is a very sweet woman. 

 She just need support with the weight, and i don't think she gets much of that. She was talking about her mom asking her for money, and that her mother knows she sits aside the membership payment for the gym. SHE said one time, her mom said..That's just enough for my Meds... I can use that you will never lose the weight.

 I think she is getting the lips about her weight from all around, but i can tell you this.. She will not be hearing the lip from me. I told her about Calorie-Count.. I hope she signs up..  I also told her about doctor Jones. She can use his help.

May be she will go and see him sometime this month. I told her i will go with her.. Hopefully she will go.

I hope she does too!!  Poor girl!  At least she is brave enough to come up to you guys and show her appreciation!

Yeah, I love her for her power that she is trying to take on. But we are there for her. Me and the girls was talking about getting her a gift basket full of things and tools she can use to lose the weight. She told me she has an extra room on her house for a gym.. Her hubby told her he was going to make that a bed room for himself.. I told her.. Your house.. you make it a gym for you. SO we are going to chip in and find her some thing she can use her gym.. I got a few old things that is in my gym i don't like and i am going to up grade.. maybe i should give her those things to help her make a good gym.. She was telling me the gas is too much. SO we are thinking about a GYM car pool..

Big (((((HUGS)))))) for you!  You are so strong and on the right path.

All my adult life I controlled my weight to look good.  Not so much for men, but it was important to me to present myself well, at work and socially.  When my health began to fail I lost interest in that outward appearance and I also lost a lot of self esteem.  I was lucky enough to be already involved with my dear S. O., Bill, and he loved me no matter what.  I gave myself, and him, a few bad scares, ended up in the hospital too many times and was so focused on keeping myself alive that I didn't care that the pounds were piling on.

I can't really say what finally did it for me.  Now I'm motivated to become healthier, not so much thin as healthy.  Of course I want to wear nice clothes again, and of course I want compliments again, but that's not my main focus.  I know that although my medical problems have nothing to do with my weight, I'd feel better if I was lighter.  Just losing 10 pounds has made such a difference!  I had the beginnings of sleep apnea, and now all the symptoms are gone!  I have a little more energy each day, and I want more!  Bill and I have been together 21 years.  Someone who really loves you doesn't turn his back when you become fat.

Thank you so much for posting your heart felt feelings and thoughts!

Claire

Thank you Claire, You got some that is good in your life. I love that. I like that. I have someone too that is good for me, and my kids. That is what counts. Big ((((HUGS)))) to you too.. Thanks for your post.. It means a lot to have read that you said.. Lynn

I am losing weight for me...so that I can have a healthy life to enjoy my husband and children.  A lot of times because of the media ppl will base their weight loss on men...for they think that it is difficult to get a man otherwise.  I listen to men often state that they don't mind a "thick" woman as long as she isn't fat or severly obese......well, those women are feeling lonely and think that one sure way to get or hold a man is through by losing weight!

As all of you have made known, If you have to lose weight to gain a man.....to keep a man...or to turn the eyes of men.....then your struggle with weight loss with be even more burdersome. 

Losing weight is difficult enough without adding the pressure of doing for a man.  If you do it for yourself....then you and only you have that pressure on yourself.

If a man says he will leave you cause you're fat......look around the corner...there is most likely other underlying reasons for his departure in the relationship......

Love ..... that is true love ......loves the inner being.....and accepts the flaws of life that is thrown at you.  After all, if they would leave you over being fat.....would they also leave you for being a burn victim, who has lost beauty?  How about leaving you because an accident which caused dismemberment.

No, love goes beyond flaws!

Moving Betterbe, That was very moving. WOW! i am printing this post out to night and share it with my new found friend. She really needs to read this..Thanks, Lynn

OK, I've actually been thinking about this the last few days. I just skimmed through most posts to catch up, so if I step on anyone's toes, I apologize now.
I was ok with my body and weight before I started losing weight. So I wasn't really motivated to lose it for me. And because I was ok with me, I wasn't motivated to do it for my husband either. He'd comment ever so often about the weight, but it was that he and I both are moderately overweight and need to lose pounds.
He always tells me how proud he is of me now that I've started and had the guts to stick it out. But I'm not losing for him, no matter how much I love him. And I'm not losing for me.
I've been asking myself why, or why not. I think it's because both he and I are falible human beings. Sooner or later, he's going to let me down in one way or another. Its what people do, since we're not perfect.
And whenever I read some of the posts where some share that they are unhappy with themselves and they are not really sure why, even though that person may have lost incredible amounts of weight, I wonder if its not because trying to find fulfillment within ourselves eventually isn't fulfilling enough. I think we are made to find meaning and purpose in (healthy) sacrifice for others.
What motivated me to lose weight was the possibility that I might be starting a new church, and basically I knew that my appearance had an impact on my ability to attract people to a church that basically only exists in the heart of the pastor for the first few years.

Simply put, I'm losing the weight for Christ and so that others might know Christ. Now that was purpose worthy of the efforts it takes to pull this weight back off and I can't tell you how motivating that is to me and what every pound means to me when it falls off. It has really taken my relationship with God to a higher level.

Now I get frustrated when the scale doesn't budge, but I don't seem to have the same bouts of what we call around here the muligrubs, expecially when the weight is coming off, because I've got a higher purpose for my weight loss.

Now I know that everyone is not a Christian or into their faith to the way that I am. And if you are motivated to lose weight for you, I think that's wonderful. It just wouldn't work for me. What do you think, though, about having a higher, greater purpose for your weight loss outside yourself, outside anyone?

Tgarrison, well said. I like what you said about doing this for God. Losing the weight for your faith. I did understand you right. I like what you said. That is so nice, moving, and sweet. You know The man on power 90 said. These bodies that God gave us was not to be made of fat. But i didn't understand that. Until i looked at the way we eat. The way we do things. The way we act. We sometimes act a little lazy. If we was to really work and do what they did back then. I really don't think we will be fat or lazy. Not even stressed. I really like what you said.. Thanks. Means a lot to me to hear it put like that.. Thanks again. Lynn

If I'm honest with myself, I think that more than anything, I'm doing it so other people will see me thinner. I've tried doing it for me before. It never worked. Now I do it for other people, because I think it might increase my self-confidence and then other people will like me better (yes, including guys... I've NEVER dated and I hate that). The way I'm thinking now is that as long as I'm DOING it, it doesn't matter why. I'm losing the weight and I'm happy about it. It may not be the best reason ever, but it's happening anyway.