Being harrassed in public b/c of weight--a question

I am a 29 year old, 5'3 woman who weighs about 180 lbs--yes, definitely overweight. And like many of us who are big, I get harrassed by total strangers for it, even though I otherwise make every possible effort (neat clothing, hair, etc.) to look nice. This happens all the time--I'm talking about barking and mooing at me, others obviously trying to avoid looking at me, etc. It's both males and females, of different ages but especially those in my age group, doing this.

I've noticed that I, at my size (big but not morbidly obese, I wear a size 12 comfortably), tend to get more rude comments & looks than those who are "bigger" than me!! I'm not trying to look down on anyone who is heavier, especially since people shouldn't be making fun of *anyone* like this, but it's becoming very noticible to me that these same rude people tend to leave  larger people alone--I've seen them totally ignore a person walking next to me who had to be at least 400 pounds or more, but at the same time go out of their way to make rude, hurtful comments to me.  This has happened countless times, to the point I feel embarrassed to exercise in public or even go out, period.

My question is this: WHY is this happening, and how can I stop it until I lose weight??  It's especially frustrating since I am making an active effort to lose, and obviously can't lose it all overnight. It feels even worse because due to some medication I am taking, I can lose weight, but any loss I have is much, much slower than the average person. My Dr. even warned me about this--I walked 4 miles a day 4 days a week and ate a (very much documented) 1,400 calories a day and only lost 2 pounds in 3 months.

 To be honest, I've given up on weight loss several times because the rudeness I encounter , combined with the sheer frustration of the s-l-o-w loss, has been bad enough to make me want to quit. I don't want to quit this time. Help!!

 

 

 

 

I would like to ask you where you live?  Unfortunately, regions may make a difference.  Also, are you of a specific ethnic background?  Like African American, Hispanic or East Indian?  I'm asking these things because it sounds like there is something else going on besides your size.  I would LOVE to be in a size 12!  I cannot imagine that they are being so rude and inconsiderate just and only because of your size.  It is a standard comment to say that 'kids are cruel' to each other  when someone is different.  You would hope they would grow out of this.

I'm not trying to make you disclose anything you are not comfortable with, but the answers may shed some light. 

it's a shame that people feel so free to be overtly rude/mean/horrible to people who are overweight (a different race, disabled, gay, religion)  ~ although it is often more underground than it used to be, it is still there. 

I know it hurts because I've experienced some of what you're talking about (usually men yelling from cars, I don't get that at all!) but my first reaction is usually, being slightly taken aback and confused, like, "Huh? Why would somebody feel the need to do that? What a sad pathetic loser! What is wrong with him that he has to be rude and offensive to complete strangers to make himself feel better? His poor friends and family that have to deal with him everyday, thank god I will never have to see him again!" I'm tempted to one day just stop someone, look them straight in the eye and be like, "Why would you say something like that? Do you get off on that kind of stuff?" But fortunately I don't think they deserve that much of my time.

Just remember...when somebody you don't know goes out of his or her way to insult you based on your weight...it usually means they're a nasty, insecure or ignorant person. Their actions are more of a reflection of their own character than your appearance.

Sometimes it's like a slap in the face, but if you turn it around and look at it as, "hey that guy just made himself look like a total jerk in public, what a moron" it eases the sting.

I agree that there must be something more going on.  I am and inch shorter and at my most weighed only 5 pounds less than you do, yet never once have I ever experienced anybody making any comment about my weight....much less a rude one.     Maybe you might want to look at what else was going on at the moment?

Im 5'7", and 318 lbs... Im sorry to say that Ive never had this happen to me...

I'm caucasian...  fairly attractive...  but I dont see how this matters if they're making fun of your weight... 

Id really like to know where you live so I dont ever visit.

it may even be geographical, small town versus big city, area of the country.

Hmm, I don't think I've gotten it quite as often as you're describing but yes, I've had my share.  How I react is all dependant on the situation.

I am a fairly outgoing person who probably should be more afraid than I am about confrontation.  If it's a kid I'll lecture.  If it's a teen, I usually tell them to talk to their mom with that mouth.  If it's an adult I have been known to get in their face.  I'm not advocating you do any of these.  This is just me and like I said...probably not the safest stuff to do.  I've always been big, always been "one of the biggest" in the class, group of friends, park...whatever.  This is how I've become accustomed to dealing with it.  Once in a while I do ignore it.

I will say this though...many times bullies will bully (verbally or physically) those they feel are easy prey.  Most bullies are really insecure wimps in disguise.  How many times do you see a bully trying to bully a bodybuilder??  Hold your head up high and think of yourself at or close to your goal weight.  Don't think of yourself as very overweight because in all honesty, (and by your own admission) you really aren't terribly overweight.  With more confidence in yourself it will show and people tend to respond accordingly.  It may not stop completely but it may help in dealing with it.

No home training/ignorant

Ok, that came out a little harsh, but really, if they actually think that it is ok to pass out insults or yell from cars to ANYONE, FOR ANY REASON -- then clearly they are either just an ignorant (and I don't mean lack of education/brains) a%%, and/or were brought up to believe that that was OK.

I've not experienced these actions myself but I've seen it happen all to often -- I work with kids alot and they all know that derogatory comments will not be tolerated at swim practice, by anyone or for any reason (we have an extremely diverse team -- size, color, ability) -- coach K's wrath (and extra push ups, an apology, and a talk with parents) is not worth it.

I'm sorry you have had to go through this -- hold your head high and take the high road, you are working to change, should be ashamed of nothing, and you have no need to explain anything (even if you weren't working to change) -- people who do these kinds of things are just trying to work their way closer to the shallow end of the gene pool.

 

Have to be honest, I have been hit on at every weight class...so...dunno...

I haven't experienced much of this, but I am aware of it happening to others. 

Trust me, I'm not blaming the victim here, but how do you hold yourself?  If you walk with pride and confidence, idiots like those people will probably be scared off.  If it's obvious to everyone that you have low self-esteem, some people may see you as an easy target.

You would think people in your age group would be old enough to have grown out of that kind of crap. 

Those people are losers!! Just think about it, would you care to make a comment to someone on the street...no, you've got better things to do. They're probably jealous if they see you exercising cause they wish they'd get their lazy butts going too.

what is a 30 year old doing making mooing sounds anyways? You'd expect that from children and teenagers, not "adults". Some people do things like that out of boredom. Which is sad.

I wanna know where you live too! Geepers I've never had that happen to me. People stopped making fun of me in jr high. Left that mess there. Okayyy it happened once in highschool. This guy told me I looked like a pig in a blanket with the jacket I was wearing. JERK!

For sure just ignore that stuff. It doesn't happen all over the world, and I've been at every weight down this weight loss scale. I DO know that when you are smaller people are nicer and talk polite to you more, but as for the barking and mooing? Never.

{{hugs}} some people are naturally down right dirt.

so reveal the question: where do you live? 

Its strange.

As a 400 lb person, I would think Im more a target then I was say at 200+ pounds but the opposite has been true.  Ive actually noticed the same thing myself and thought it strantge.  Its as if getting to a dangerous health weight makes it less entertaining for some loser to to make fun of someone my size.  Perhaps in their twisted mind, it stops being "funny" to them and is more sad / pathetic.

At your weight, I think your more approachable even with rudeness.  I also find it surprising there are so many your age this way - what serious immaturity.  Even remembering high school, you remember how immature the kids who behaved this way were even back them.  To think there are some that havent outgrown it.  I agree though, the frequency you descibe is pretty high and while some folks will be obnoxious no matter what, I agree that being sure your walking with confidence head high is often enough to put off many of them many bullies.  Not that you should have to, but it can in some circumstances help. 

I used to get 'whale' shouted at me every day, as i walked past a group of guys down the street. That was when i was 186 pounds. At 150odd pounds i walked past them, and guess what? I had whale shouted at me.

I know im not large anymore, but it still upset me.

its just immaturity, and when you get slimmer, they may still do these things...

Some people are just awful awful people-- I'm sorry you've had this happen to you!!

Hey, everyone, thank you so much for the replies!! Sorry that I haven't been able to get back to the board until now.

 

To answer your questions:

1.) I live in the South, specifically in Tennessee. I don't feel comfortable revealing exactly where just yet,  but I will say that it is in one of the larger cities in the eastern part of the state. (I actually work in the metro area, and live in a suburb about 20 miles from there--and this has happened in both places).  

2.) I am caucasian. Not to be "racial", but to be honest I have to say that it's interesting that of the men and women that have  done this to me, ALL of them have been white! People of other races that I encounter seem to be more respectful in general.  I'm not sure what to think of that, other than to observe in my area, white girls seem to be expected to fit the traditional idea of beauty much more than women of other races. 

I also agree that these punks are complete cowards. They usually will not say a word when my husband (who's also white and a big guy--people always ask if he used to be a linebacker) is around!

 

I wish I could help you.  But I'm stumped.  I live in the South as well, not as far though.  I live in Virginia.  I way about 15 pounds more, and I'm 2 inches taller, but I don't really have anyone doing that.  Heck I even went to one of those meat market dance clubs and didn't have anyone making fun of me.  Well to my face anyway. 

This is a bit off topic, but I'm curious as to your weight distribution.  When I'm at 180 I'm in a size 16 still, and I'm 2 inches taller.  So I'm kinda confused as to where your 180 pounds are.  (I'm not trying to be rude, I know people are built different and all, I'm just curious)  Are you very top heavy?  Maybe that's why you get picked on more?  I don't know why these people are so awful.  I'd be inulting them back, but I'm not sure if that's actually the best way to handle it.

I used to be the same height and weight as you, and congratu-friggin-lations on being able to wear a size 12.  I'm down to the 160s and still wearing 14/16s.  I don't really get harassed in public because of my weight, and I happen to think 5'3 and 180 pounds would have some nice curves going on. 

If people moo at you, threaten to tip over on 'em.  I seriously sat on someone because they called me a fat ass inside of a WalMart before.  Usually if you start barking insults back, especially if they're related to the insults you're getting, they'll shut up and find someone new to harass.

Unless you're one of those ultra-nice people who won't even swat at a fly, much less insult someone else. 

The thing about you getting it and not larger people--yes, I've heard of that before.  For instance, I know a woman who was very obese who lost a lot of weight but is still heavy.  She said she could tell when, as she was losing weight, she passed out of "invisibility" into visibility, again, when the comments started--some positive, some negative.  It was as though those who like to belittle heavy women weren't seeing her until she lost enough to go from being obese to being merely overweight.  I think when we're at our biggest we're almost abominations, unseeable, un-acknowledgeable, like weight lepers.  You just don't pick on someone that big, because you just don't look at them, you don't acknowledge their existence.  Once you lose a certain about of weight, you're among the ranks of the 'normal' people, again, and fair game if you don't meet current standards of beauty.  As far as what makes people think this is okay to do, I'd vote for testosterone, but, of course, women can be catty, too.  They just don't yell it out of cars, which, what the heck is with that?  But I never understood men yelling out of cars at attractive women, either.  What, we're going to come a'running for that?  What in the world are they thinking?