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I hate my body

So much it's to the point where there are moments I want to kill myself. It's hard to deal with, everyone tells me I'm perfect. But I know that I'm truely far from it. If I could have one perfect part on my body, I'd be happy. Just one part, but nothing about my body is good, or even okay. I hate every part of it. No one will ever love me like this. I feel like I'll be alone forever, And I am only 16 years old. Sometimes I think maybe It's just me that sees all my flaws, But most days I know that everyone can tell how nasty I am too look at. I just want to be okay with myself. I thank God for my face, because it's the only thing that I can stand.

If you don't like your body then you should focus on things other than yourself...I know its hard being a teenager (one day you won't be and you'll look back at this time in your life and think "man I'm glad I'm no longer 16") so it might be best to focus on others so that you don't get so down. Do nice things for the people around you and focus on their needs...that's one of the best things you can do to self-medicate...if you can't love your appearance then atleast you can love your insides...so work on making that aspect of you stronger. 

Original Post by sarjane:

If you don't like your body then you should focus on things other than yourself...I know its hard being a teenager (one day you won't be and you'll look back at this time in your life and think "man I'm glad I'm no longer 16") so it might be best to focus on others so that you don't get so down. Do nice things for the people around you and focus on their needs...that's one of the best things you can do to self-medicate...if you can't love your appearance then atleast you can love your insides...so work on making that aspect of you stronger. 

 Thank you for your insite. And I do, My family means everything to me. Everything I do it's for them. I do nice things for others all the time. You're right it does make you feel alot better helping someone else, Because if I can't be happy, at least someone can. But it can't fix everything, you always go back to feeling bad. No matter what. But thank you.

I can definitely relate to those feelings. They are not as strong in me as they used to be but I can recall feeling such utter disgust for my body that I could hardly stand to have my arms resting against and touching the sides of my torso. I have to say, since those feelings my body has not changed much but my perception has changed lots. I found out I have Body Dysmorphia--I was seeing myself as bigger or sometimes a different shape than I truly was. I was absolutely 100% convinced that my perceptions were real and now I can see that they weren't (two years later!)

Do you ever act on feelings of hurting or killing yourself? Do you talk to anyone about that feeling or keep it to yourself? When you feel that way what do you usually do?

In an intense moment like that the number one priority is to keep yourself safe. I used to keep a frozen orange in the freezer and when I felt like I needed to hurt myself I'd take it out and hold it. Sounds weird but it does the job.

I've also worked on things such as listing ways my body is functional and good (allows me to walk, dance, feel dog's soft fur, enjoy a hug), telling someone how I feel so they can help me reality check, limit the amount of times I look in the mirror (I would stare for so long just picking myself apart), yoga, deep breathing, light walking,listing good (not having to do with looks) qualities i have, remembering kind things people have said about me.

Hope this helps a little bit, feel free to keep us updated on how you're feeling with this. Body hatred is a really tough thing--I'm sure many people understand how you're feeling.

Original Post by sparkle7c:

I can definitely relate to those feelings. They are not as strong in me as they used to be but I can recall feeling such utter disgust for my body that I could hardly stand to have my arms resting against and touching the sides of my torso. I have to say, since those feelings my body has not changed much but my perception has changed lots. I found out I have Body Dysmorphia--I was seeing myself as bigger or sometimes a different shape than I truly was. I was absolutely 100% convinced that my perceptions were real and now I can see that they weren't (two years later!)

Do you ever act on feelings of hurting or killing yourself? Do you talk to anyone about that feeling or keep it to yourself? When you feel that way what do you usually do?

In an intense moment like that the number one priority is to keep yourself safe. I used to keep a frozen orange in the freezer and when I felt like I needed to hurt myself I'd take it out and hold it. Sounds weird but it does the job.

I've also worked on things such as listing ways my body is functional and good (allows me to walk, dance, feel dog's soft fur, enjoy a hug), telling someone how I feel so they can help me reality check, limit the amount of times I look in the mirror (I would stare for so long just picking myself apart), yoga, deep breathing, light walking,listing good (not having to do with looks) qualities i have, remembering kind things people have said about me.

Hope this helps a little bit, feel free to keep us updated on how you're feeling with this. Body hatred is a really tough thing--I'm sure many people understand how you're feeling.

 I used to hurt myself, I no longer do so because I know how awful it is. I don't like telling my family or friends because I don't want anyone to worry about me. I don't want to cause them any type of pain. Any time I feel like I want to hurt myself, I try to think of all the people that love me, and that would miss me if I died. That helps me alot. Because I know that some people love me no matter how I look. It's just really hard to deal with sometimes. Because it's always no my mind. No matter how happy I am, or would like to be. I can't stop thinking about it.

What you're describing goes beyond teenage self-consciousness and sounds a lot like a mental illness. You need to see a doctor quite urgently.  You say yourself that everyone else thinks you look great but all you can see are the flaws.  You've posted that you think your breasts are different sizes, for example.  You're a normal, healthy weight but you're trying to get thinner.  That's mismatch between perception and reality.  Wanting to harm yourself or die is extremely serious.   Depression and similar problems can strike anyone, any age, any time.  You don't have to tackle this alone.

Your parents love you more than anything else in their lives - trust me on that one.   It's their job to protect and care for you.  They were the ones placing cold flannels on your forehead when you had a fever cutting teeth.   They'll have dried your eyes, wiped up the blood and stuck on the plasters when you fell over and skinned your knee.  If you broke your leg, or if you were doubled up with stomach pain they'd want to know about so that they could take you for treatment.  Yes, of course, they'd be worried about you but they'd be even more hurt to discover you'd kept it secret and that you'd been suffering in silence.   Mental illness is no different to breaking a leg... it can be diagnosed, treated and cured.

Take that first step... talk to people about how you feel and what's been happening.  Ask for their help.  Make that appointment.  The quicker you act, the quicker you get support and medical help, the sooner you'll be out of this nightmare. 

Original Post by gi-jane:

What you're describing goes beyond teenage self-consciousness and sounds a lot like a mental illness. You need to see a doctor quite urgently.  You say yourself that everyone else thinks you look great but all you can see are the flaws.  You've posted that you think your breasts are different sizes, for example.  You're a normal, healthy weight but you're trying to get thinner.  That's mismatch between perception and reality.  Wanting to harm yourself or die is extremely serious.   Depression and similar problems can strike anyone, any age, any time.  You don't have to tackle this alone.

Your parents love you more than anything else in their lives - trust me on that one.   It's their job to protect and care for you.  They were the ones placing cold flannels on your forehead when you had a fever cutting teeth.   They'll have dried your eyes, wiped up the blood and stuck on the plasters when you fell over and skinned your knee.  If you broke your leg, or if you were doubled up with stomach pain they'd want to know about so that they could take you for treatment.  Yes, of course, they'd be worried about you but they'd be even more hurt to discover you'd kept it secret and that you'd been suffering in silence.   Mental illness is no different to breaking a leg... it can be diagnosed, treated and cured.

Take that first step... talk to people about how you feel and what's been happening.  Ask for their help.  Make that appointment.  The quicker you act, the quicker you get support and medical help, the sooner you'll be out of this nightmare. 

 Maybe you're right. But I just don't want to beieve it's that bad you know?? Maybe I should get help. I don't know.

When you reach a degree of self-loathing that you would consider killing yourself or hurting yourself over it you need to seek help outside of a forum, face-to-face, with a doctor. As much you might not want to believe it you need to know: it is that bad, if you want to hurt yourself.

You are young and have your life ahead of you. Tackle this and take the steps to learn to love yourself - even if you start just by focusing on the fact you like your facial features. And moving on from that, what about you do you like that doesn't involve your image? Do you have a good sense of humour? Do you make a mean stir-fry? Try writing a list of at least three things you like about you and then build on it, and keep it pinned up somewhere you can see it every day, and whenever you are down on yourself.

Suicide is an extremely serious issue - it's frightening and traumatic for anyone who has a friend or loved one involved with it or with suicide attempts. If you have suicidal thoughts, the most important step you can take is to talk to someone about it. Either a medical professional or a trusted person in your family, school or organization.

If you don't know who to talk to, please call 1-800-784-2433, or Befrienders Worldwide
http://www.befrienders.org/
To quote directly from their website: "We work worldwide to provide emotional support, and reduce suicide. We listen to people who are in distress. We don't judge them or tell them what to do - we listen."
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