I Hate Eating!!!

I am currently "trying" to recover from anorexia.

I have to eat 6 meals a day and I absolutly hate eating and food in general now.

All its making me want is to go back to not eating as much, I felt so much more comfortable then, around myself and around others. 

Maybe I am totally breaking down cause I stepped on the scale and I gained two pounds in two days.

But I am so sick of having to eat more and more to reach my daily calorie intake, no one else eats this much. I have to eat all the time around my family and friends at school, and its always painful cause I am never hungry and always feel like crap afterwards. 

I thought I was suppose to enjoy eating like the rest of the world, but honestly I hate it I dread the next meal I hate my old favorite foods. And I can't exercise at all cause it would burn extra calories so I feel like a complete fat ass siting around on the computer all day in the kitchen eating, while my family goes off to the gym and bike rides. 

Anyone else feel like this or is it just me?

I'll try to help you think through this logically...

Why did you feel more comfortable around others before?

Why are you breaking down because of gaining weight?

How do you know that no one else eats as much as you?

Do other people eat around you?

Do all people enjoy eating?

What do you think you could do instead of exercise? Any hobbies?

What is your definition of "fat"? Describe what someone who is fat looks like to you.

I've never suffered from anorexia, but I've suffered from social anxiety disorder and depression for the last 7 years and am learning how to change my thinking. I want to help you change yours.

Hey, I felt like this when I first started recovery and when I gained some water weight very quickly, but now, after being in recovery for a bit (and eating 3000 cals a day and only getting a 30 minute walk a few times a week) I'm starting to be able to enjoy old favorite foods and I'm trying to occupy my thoughts with other things. For example, I'll plan to go out somewhere like today I went bowling and just carried an Ensure Plus with some graham crackers and peanut butter and ate casually, trying to take my mind off calories, etc. You'll start to feel better about eating so much too- soon your body adjusts to eating that much, at first I think everyone feels pretty sick.

Keep it up though. You're at a hard step in recovery but it can only get better!

After 15+ years of Anorexia and Restricting behaviors I am finally able to eat more normally. Let me ask, have you gone to an inpatient or outpatient program? They might help you learn to eat better. I too don't like eating. I feel it is a waste of time. However I had to learn that if I wanted to do anything (i.e think) my body needed fuel (food). I started w/ 6 small meals (about 200-300 calories each) and have finally moved up to 3 relatively sized meals (about 500-600 each). Some days I over eat and others I slightly underrate.

I have learned there are no bad or good foods. Eat everyhting in moderation.

You might want to check out some EDA, ANAD, or OA meetings. Or try counseling or a Nutritionist. Or try Mindful eating.

Good luck and yes it will be hard but you can do it. Do remember to eat small meals until your body adjusts to food again. Otherwise you will get horrible stomach pains and a lot of bloating.

I hope this helps. If you would like to talk, feel free to send me a message.

Oh, I am coming up on my 1 year "sobriety" in about a week.

Oh and I did inpatient for 1 month and outpatient for 2 months to get to the point I am at now. I did jump to overeating however did not jump to Bulimia. So it is possible. And I am slowly loosing the weight I gained. I am using this program to make sure I am not loosing too many calories too quickly. And I have learned through Mindful Eating to love some foods again. You might want to read the book "Intuitive Eating" I have heard that has helped many people.

In a word, YES. I'm guessing someone found out about your anorexia and now you're basically being forced to eat? I've never been diagnosed for it... but that's only because no one knows. No one is ever home and, in the past, I've found ways to make it look as if I've eaten. About two weeks ago, though, I finally fell into the double digits and I totally freaked out. Ever since I've been trying to recover on my own... no easy task. I know exactly what you're going through. I've forced myself to raise to about 1,400 calories a day and it's TORTURE. I can only imagine the agony you must be in! Sometimes you want so badly to revert back to the old ways... they were so much easier, weren't they? But we have to do this. It's going to hurt us right now, but in the long run we're saving ourselves. The damage this disorder can do is terrifying. I know you're scared and lost, me too, but we have to keep moving forward. As much as it sucks right now, it's the only way...

I was an inpatient for 8 months and an outpatient now for a year. It's really hard, and i hate it, although i have what i call 'controlled over-eating sessions' (non-binges that are practically binges) when i'm determined to definitely gain. I just try to think "I'll be dicharged sooner, I can dance, I can be trusted with my friends blablabla". the lynch pin for me was when, this week, iwasn' allowed to go to a dance audition because i lost 0.3kg even on a calorie increase of 400 - and because i'm 14 and not wonderful, this was probably my last chance to get on a potential based course.

 I've had 2000 every day since Weds, and there's a biscuit packet in the room with my name on it. I just have to get discharged now. Hospital is in the way of my life, MAJORLY.  Good luck in your own battles. I hate myself, and feel huge all of the bloody time, but there are things in life that are beginning to matter more.