i hate this..im having a meltown

okay so im a recovering anorexic at the moment and im doing so good.  ive bumped my calorie intake to 2500 and up...normally over 3000 per day and ive gained about 6 pounds so far and im so much happier with the way i look and i love food again!!

but for some reason my mom this past week has been on my case like wayyy to much and i know shes trying to help but shes making it worse!!! i mean i know wat im comfortable eating and when i need to push for more and i know that i dont want a relapse or purge so im being careful not too at too little or well too much that itll make me upset and ill do something stupid to ake up for it.  but since i didnt gain last week my mom keeps making me add more to my already 500 cal snack with dinner just 2 hours away and stuff like that and i just had dinner and i cracked

she commented on me not having enough dressing....note that my lettuce was already DRENCHED in my thousand island dressing and i still had a cup of applesauce, cup 1/2 of milk, HUGE serving of eggplant parmesan and bread roll with butter to eat!! i got so pissed and flipped on her and i got so upset and refused to finish eating until she left me alone.  She left, i ate my food, got up and came onto the computer.  then she comes and yells at me how she doesnt think im eating and how im acting like i was when i was really bad with my ed.  Im like crying right now because she seriously thinks im not eating and i AM eating...at least 3000 calories and i dont know its just really hard and sorry but i needed to write out my feelings cuse im just really upset right now and she makes me NOT want to eat but i know i have to.  I just need support is all and i need to stop crying over this.....i was doing good and my own mother just set me back so much

Original Post by summerlovin13:

okay so im a recovering anorexic at the moment and im doing so good.  ive bumped my calorie intake to 2500 and up...normally over 3000 per day and ive gained about 6 pounds so far and im so much happier with the way i look and i love food again!!

but for some reason my mom this past week has been on my case like wayyy to much and i know shes trying to help but shes making it worse!!! i mean i know wat im comfortable eating and when i need to push for more and i know that i dont want a relapse or purge so im being careful not too at too little or well too much that itll make me upset and ill do something stupid to ake up for it.  but since i didnt gain last week my mom keeps making me add more to my already 500 cal snack with dinner just 2 hours away and stuff like that and i just had dinner and i cracked

she commented on me not having enough dressing....note that my lettuce was already DRENCHED in my thousand island dressing and i still had a cup of applesauce, cup 1/2 of milk, HUGE serving of eggplant parmesan and bread roll with butter to eat!! i got so pissed and flipped on her and i got so upset and refused to finish eating until she left me alone.  She left, i ate my food, got up and came onto the computer.  then she comes and yells at me how she doesnt think im eating and how im acting like i was when i was really bad with my ed.  Im like crying right now because she seriously thinks im not eating and i AM eating...at least 3000 calories and i dont know its just really hard and sorry but i needed to write out my feelings cuse im just really upset right now and she makes me NOT want to eat but i know i have to.  I just need support is all and i need to stop crying over this.....i was doing good and my own mother just set me back so much

But you ate.  Crying here and there is a good release for feelings.  You weren't set back - you just chose a different way to cope.  Instead of NOT eating, you cried it out and typed it out and THAT is a purge of it's own. 

You're winning this.

Aw sweetie, it sounds like you are doing all the right things. I know it seems as though your mom is being harsh, and it may very well be that she could have handled the situation better, but please know that she is just so worried about you and afraid that you will relapse. I don't know how long you have been dealing with the ED, but sometimes when parents have dealt with something for a while they get frustrated and their patience is thin. Please know that she loves you and only wants to see you healthy.

Please do not allow this to get you off track. You are so strong and you you are well on your way to being healthy!! Your 6 lb. gain is proof of that!

Hang in there and please know that what you are feeling right at this moment is just that....a moment, and it will pass.

Sending *hugs* your way!

thanks for the hugs and support! it was much needed.  i have been in recovery around 2 months now...so not too long...and only have been dealing with an ed for around half a year.  and i know that i did eat and i didnt let myself doing anything bad but i just wish she would believe that you know.  its so discouraging when people yell at you for not eating when youre eating enough for two.  and she has wierd ways of showing her love obviously lol.

hi i just wanted to add my 2 cents. great job you. to be honest if someone got at me about my food when i was recovering and even still sometimes now - i just lose my appetite and refuse point blank to eat. and thats me being stupid and petchalant.

but i have recovered. and i look back and remember when i ate a ton of food and the comments i got. ppl who dont understand cals and nutrition expect that its because your not eating that you dropped all the weight and so when you start eating the weight should automatically come back on. i was eating 3000-3400 sometimes and ppl still got on my back because they presume there should be an instant recovery of weight. we know it doesnt work like that.

i dont know what your weight is or your lowest was but 6lbs (well done) isnt a lot. especially if the first 3-4 is water weight and glycogen which it prob is. so your mum cant see much of a difference physically and she is possibly worried that even though your eating the weight isnt going on as fast as she'd like. it sounds more than anything that she is just consumed with fear about your ill-health and wants to see you happy and healthy as soon as possible.

my main point stil stands. well done on eating that food anyway. its a real mark of your determination

My mother was like that too...never believed I was eating unless I was outright binging (and she also didn't understand why binging was counterproductive).  Just continue what you are doing.  If you gained 6 pounds, you are doing something right!  Your mom is concerned because she is a mom.  She wants you to recover, and you want you to recover.  You both have the same intentions, so don't take what she says too much to heart.  Once you get more visible results, I'm sure she'll ease off.

gosh that sounds like how my mom used to be!! (and can still get that way sometimes during "the time of the month" haha)

but i just wana say how proud i am of you!! that is great that you are able to keep strong and keep doing what you need to to and is best for you & your recovery.

maybe you could try to talk to her when she is calmer and let her know that her blowing up like that is not helpful. i can completelyyyy understand how that would make you not want to eat, too.. so maybe explain that to her. let her know how hard you are trying and how much progress you've made. tell her that recovery is a process, not an event..and isn't just going to happen overnight. it takes time. tell her that you are doing the best you can and need positive support.

also have you ever done family therapy? it reallly helped my family understand why i had an eating disorder more and they were able to be more helpful and less focused on & controlling with my food. my mom used to try to hold me down and shove food in my mouth..which only made things worse. now she would never do that and her and my dad have become really supportive. they still have their moments, but overall things have gotten a lot better once they learned in therapy more about my eating disorder and how they could be more helpful.

good luck girl and keep up the awesome work!! :)

my lowest weight was 85 and im up to 91 at a height of 5 foot 1 and im 13.  i tried talking to my mom a little and exxplaining things but i couldnt like find the right words to say you know.  we went to two therepy sessions and the lady was nice and stuff but it was like i wwoud go in, talk and then she would be like thankyou this is all going to be kept secret, then she would call my mom in and talk to her and i knew she told her what i said, nothing was a secret and it was so akward and i didnt feel it was helping at all and my mom didnt either so she cancelled the other appts.

i think alot of the problem is is that my friend at school was anorexic a while back and when my mom found out i was she talked to my friends mom and got all the info from her.  She however was alot worse than me...5'8 and down to 80 and she recovered alot quicker than me and my mom just keeps comparing me to her.  Like my friend gained 10 pounds the first week((water weight but my mom doesnt understand it was water weight)) i gained .5 pounds after 2 weeks.  She ate alot of milkshakes...i refuse to becuase i find them disgusting((never liked them even before ED)) and so on and so forth.  everyone is different and she just doesnt understand that.