"Healthy Eating Tips" (Guranteed to Make You Smile!)

I just got this from a friend, and it's too funny and silly not to share:

HEALTH QUESTION & ANSWER SESSION with Dr. Quack:

Q: I've heard that cardiovascular exercise can prolong life; is this true?


A: Your heart is only good for so many beats, and that's it ... don't waste them on exercise. Everything wears out eventually. Speeding up your heart will not make you live longer; that's like saying you can extend the life of your car by driving it faster. Want to live longer? Take a nap.

Q: Should I cut down on meat and eat more fruits and vegetables?


A: You must grasp logistical efficiencies. What does a cow eat? Hay and corn. And what are these? Vegetables. So a steak is nothing more than an efficient mechanism of delivering vegetables to your system. Need grain? Eat chicken. Beef is also a good source of field grass (green leafy vegetable). And a pork chop can give you 100% of your recommended daily allowance of vegetable products.

Q: Should I reduce my alcohol intake?


A: No, not at all. Wine is made from fruit. Brandy is distilled wine, that means they take the water out of the fruity bit so you get even more of the goodness that way. Beer is also made out of grain. Bottoms up!

Q: How can I calculate my body/fat ratio?


A: Well, if you have a body and you have fat, your ratio is one to one. If you have two bodies, your ratio is two to one, etc.

Q: What are some of the advantages of participating in a regular exercise program?


A: Can't think of a single one, sorry. My philosophy is : No Pain...Good!


Q: Aren't fried foods bad for you?


A: YOU'RE NOT LISTENING !!! Foods are fried these days in vegetable oil. In fact, they're permeated in it. How could getting more vegetables be bad for you?

Q: Will sit-ups help prevent me from getting a little soft around the middle?


A: Definitely not! When you exercise a muscle, it gets bigger. You should only be doing sit-ups if you want a bigger stomach.

Q: Is chocolate bad for me?


A: Are you crazy? HELLO Cocoa beans! Another vegetable!!! It's the best feel-good food around!

Q: Is swimming good for your figure?


A: If swimming is good for your figure, explain whales to me.

Q: Is getting in-shape important for my lifestyle?


A: Hey! 'Round' is a shape!

Well, I hope this has cleared up any misconceptions you may have had about food and diets.

Have a great Friday everyone! Hope this made a few of you smile!!

Colleen

It certainly has... don't forget, banana splits are a well balanced meal.... they've got fruits (banana) dairy (ice cream) protein (nuts)! They're perfect!

as are baked goods- i mean they have eggs for protein and butter for calcium, come on!!! hehe i love stuff like this. oh and don't forget pizza- nearly every food group!

hehehehe!! It's just so silly and funny...and sometimes, too close to the "truths" we tell ourselves when we want to eat something bad. :-)

funnay!!!!!

LMAO, this was great. ^_^ Thank you!

Q: Is chocolate bad for me?

A: Are you crazy? HELLO Cocoa beans! Another vegetable!!! It's the best feel-good food around!

I guess that makes the 800 calories worth of cocoa brownies I just ate good. =X Hehe, got all my food groups in today then! :D

I loved it.  It made a great start for a Monday morning.

Thanks for sharing. 

Thanks! That was fun. It takes some of the seriousness out of dieting.

I'm reminded of Bill Cosby's routine about chocolate cake for breakfast ...

"wait a minute ... and my mind looked up the recipe for chocolate cake.  Chocolate cake has wheat!! And eggs!! And milk!  THAT'S nutrition!!"

Thanks for this, it brought a smile to my Monday morning!!

Who knew I'd get "stickied"? :-) Glad everyone enjoyed.

~ Colleen

Poor whales D=!

But I must admit it made me laugh a lot. <3

genius

great....now I am singing Dad is great...he gave us chocolate cake!! 

LOL.

I think that this is the most ridiculous thing i have read. Exercise is good for you, and it makes you feel better. Fried foods are terrible for you and its hard for your body to digest it. Everything in moderation paired with exercise is the key. I have been losing weight and i still enjoy food. I'm never hungry, i just eat smarter. Organics and non processed foods help your metabolism digest and speed it up. I think your post is funny, but you're giving people bad advice. this is something that she be in a chain mail you delete, not advice on a dieting site.

That Bill Cosby thing is great, lol.

Um, Joelle? We all agree with you. This is...VERY ridiculous. It's a joke. No one on this site remotely thinks these are real diet tips. Hence my use of quotes around "Healthy Diet Tips". The purpose of this post was, as you noted, to be funny. I was not remotely providing advice by posting this, just offering a smile or two.

This was a nice break from the day!!  I just coppied and pasted this to an email of a friend of mine who is also dieting.  Worth sharing!!!

Loved this post. I had tons of the bestest feel good vegetable last night and it was even with orange sprinkles in it so I not  only had my vegetable servings ( cocoa beans ) but also my fruit serving (orange zest)

That was hilarious.  Really made me smile.  Also made me feel better about my eating and workout routine.

Joelle- chill out honey

hahahahahhah certainly made my day!!!

I think we can add something about candy corn in honor of halloween? I mean, it has corn in the name ;P