What the hell happened?

OMG, Im recovering from an ed, and have been doing so so well. Im gaining, eating fear foods, disagreeing with the ed voice-all that, and feeling good )as good as I can!) with it. When BAM all of a sudden this evening, ed said, dont eat and I didnt definitely disagree. I dont want this to be in any way triggerin, but its like the ed voice seems so muc more believable this evening. I dont know why? I think it could be down to the fact that I spent most of the day alone, and my mom is away for the weekend and I am staying at my dads. My stepmom is here too, so they eat meals together and leave me to my own devices.

I should be upset by all this, but weirdly Im not. I dont want this to contiue tomorrow or slip back. I have been doing so well.

Yes you are upset and that's why you posted. Good. You also seem to have a very good handle on how being alone and being left to your own devices is not giving you enough of the support you need right now.

If you have a decent relationship with your Dad, then ask that meals be eaten together while you are around to just give you that extra support.

If you have friends that you depend on, can you call them or even see them to go and eat out with them?

Try to focus on what external trigger will push you in the right direction again and then go seek it out. Good luck!

What happened?

I'll tell you what--that viscious ED monster will do whatever it takes to make sure you don't truly get rid of him.

Even if that means allowing-even encouraging-an anti-ED fest.  As long as it creates a "rolling with it" zone for him to come back in some fasion, even and often not in blatent "I'm going to starve myself" fasion.

There's a reason it takes such tough tenacity to truly recover from this disease, why some say it's impossible.  If it were as simple as "to starve or not to starve" we'd all be better just as soon as we changed our mind.

What I HAVE found is that your best tool is being "on to him."  If you know when ED tries to attack, you have the choice as to who's life you're going to live: yours, or ED's.
Pretty empowering.  Unless you give up that power.

Hey, I know you've been struggling... and I know you post here to hear what you refuse to let yourself believe. That yes, you  need to keep eating and that its not okay to stop. When you're alone, you don't have to "be alone", or left to your own devices, because we're all like a support group. Eat, honey. Don't slip back. Don't fear that letting go of the ED will remove anything about you that's special and cling to the ED and all of the problems it entails to get you that notice. you're not an ED. You're more. So eat, and be it.

I've never had an ed, so you might think this is coming out of left field a bit, but it might be helpful... in Judaism, we have a concept called the "yetzer hara."  Literally, that means the "evil inclination," but it is different for every person.  I guess in your case, you could consider your ed part of this, or an instrument, however you like to look at it.  It is said in Judaism that the yetzer hara is the only thing where it gets stronger the more you fight it.  From reading the posts here about ed, it makes me think it's pretty similar - if you're constantly trying to beat it head on, it'll constantly be at the forefront of your mind and it might never leave you alone.  So maybe try the tactic my rabbi gave me for fighting it - tell it ok!  If your ed tells you "don't eat, starve yourself!" then tell it "Ok, I won't eat, I'll starve myself - but NOT RIGHT NOW."  When you start feeling that way it's kind of like caving in and giving that little desire what it wants to hear, but not giving it right away.  Every time it starts bothering you, just procrastinate.  And while it sounds strange saying to procrastinate starving yourself, you can totally do it.  Whenever it says that to you just grab a quick piece of fruit or a handful of nuts and say "Yeah, of course, Mr. ED, I will give you whatever you want - just not NOW."  The trick is, of course, that "later" never comes - it's ALWAYS "now."

I hope that trick helps you - it's good in other areas of life, too.  Good luck and keep up the good work!  I think it's so impressive whenever I hear of someone tackling and triumphing over a struggle like this!

Original Post by soaraway:

I've never had an ed, so you might think this is coming out of left field a bit, but it might be helpful... in Judaism, we have a concept called the "yetzer hara."  Literally, that means the "evil inclination," but it is different for every person.  I guess in your case, you could consider your ed part of this, or an instrument, however you like to look at it.  It is said in Judaism that the yetzer hara is the only thing where it gets stronger the more you fight it.  From reading the posts here about ed, it makes me think it's pretty similar - if you're constantly trying to beat it head on, it'll constantly be at the forefront of your mind and it might never leave you alone.  So maybe try the tactic my rabbi gave me for fighting it - tell it ok!  If your ed tells you "don't eat, starve yourself!" then tell it "Ok, I won't eat, I'll starve myself - but NOT RIGHT NOW."  When you start feeling that way it's kind of like caving in and giving that little desire what it wants to hear, but not giving it right away.  Every time it starts bothering you, just procrastinate.  And while it sounds strange saying to procrastinate starving yourself, you can totally do it.  Whenever it says that to you just grab a quick piece of fruit or a handful of nuts and say "Yeah, of course, Mr. ED, I will give you whatever you want - just not NOW."  The trick is, of course, that "later" never comes - it's ALWAYS "now."

I hope that trick helps you - it's good in other areas of life, too.  Good luck and keep up the good work!  I think it's so impressive whenever I hear of someone tackling and triumphing over a struggle like this!

 I like this, and I am going to use it in another area of my life that I have been struggling with. Thank you!