Hello! I'm IceWolfHeart

Hey there,

How are all of you??? :)

I'm IceWolfHeart, and yes, I used to be an anorexic. It's funny though, since I thought that it would never happen to me...but it did...

Here's how it happened:

Before I was 16, I used to be 4'11 and 102 lbs, and I gained even more since I used to consume LOTS of junk food, and I was very sedentary. In december, I was accepted into the People 2 People program, and i wanted to get in shape since my clothes were getting tighter and also because of all of the exercise I would get. Then I went down to 96 lbs without clothes on without food. I felt good because I lost weight and people said that I looked good. However, I learned more about the world of calories and calorie counting, and was consumed by it. When I left for Europe *greece, italy and france*, I only ate my three meals a day *i didn't even finish my whole meal since I get full very easily and i was also worried about getting fat since every other girl during the trip did*, and absolutely NO snacks. We would walk about 5-8 miles a day, and it was so hot, by the time I came back to the USA three weeks later, I came home and scared my mother: I came back looking like a skeleton, however, I didn't realize it. I thought that i looked good. She wanted me to fatten up, but I refused. I kept on exercising and cutting calories, usually consuming about 600 cals a day and drank nothing but water. When school started, junior year, people gave me weird looks and my teachers were scared of me. My thinness did not dawn on me until one morning, a teach asked me if I was okay, since I stood up after sitting down and got dizzy. She asked me if I was doing anything crazy like being bulimic, but I said "no". Later that day in school, I was reading Breaking Dawn and I stood up, feeling strange. I was dizzy, and my ears were ringing. Then I realized that something was not right, so I walked over to my teacher about how i was feeling, but I passed out in his arms.

I never fainted before...never. I was so scared. All I could do was cry and curl up into a ball. I was so weak...and so scared.  My friend ran to get the nurse. I couldn't even walk into the nurse's office without help, and I got picked up from school. It went all around the school, how Taylor had fainted in JROTC class. I weighed myself the next day, and with my clothes on AND after eating breakfast, I was 85 lbs. For weeks, I had to gain weight, and...little did I realize that I had a high metabolism so it was very hard...I wanted to gain, but I was afraid of gaining weight too...

I went to the doctors to get advice. My mom didn't know why or how i lost so much weight. She thought that maybe I had contracted a bug or something...but then, she found out through all of my lies that I was a severe anorexic. I was so ashamed. I felt like I was an arrogant person....vain and superficial. Rotten.

She was so supportive, and even when I was refusing to gain weight, she threatened me to send me away to a place for people with ED's. I was so afraid of leaving home, that I felt more motivated to gain weight...

...but then, I still wouldn't gain. She sent me to the doctors to tell me the horrors of being underweight. I was losing my hair, my muscles were being eaten away and my eyes and skin were yellow. I was so scared. I had all of the symptoms. If I had contracted a flu, I could have died.

So then , each week, I started to gain weight. I drank 2 Ensures a day, or Boosts, or Hot Chocolates and I still drink one every day. After a few months, I went back up between 95-97 lbs, which they recommended. I didn't have a period for a long time, and I still have a hard time getting it, but when I first got it after months, I cried. My hair is back to it's healthy self. My clothes fit and I'm happy. I'm not out of my rut yet, and sometimes I drop a lb or so every once in  a while, which terrifies me beyond belief....but I'm better.

I have a hard time maintaining my weight, and it still scares me. I'm almost recovered, and I'll try my hardest not to ever screw up like that again.

I want to thank God, my family, friends, teachers, everyone....anorexia is a scary thing...it's like a phantom consuming your mind...everything...I know what it's like...so I understand...

Thank you for taking your time to read this....Thank you, and God bless you...