HELP - does anyone else get trapezoid muscles from their shoulder exercises or know how to do them so that you don't get them?

Hi! I've been lifting weights for a couple months now (6 days/week, 1 muscle group per day - i used to lift weights very intensely years ago; i'm a 24 yr old female, 5'7, 129 lbs).  When i try to tone/build my shoulders (shoulder presses, lateral raises, military presses, front + rear raises), i have very little success BUT i can't do ANY of these exercises without develping trapezius muscles (if any of you don't know, those are those muscles on the sides of your neck) - now i think traps are about the sexiest thing in the world on a man, on a woman i think they're just grotesque (if you wanna see what i mean, look at a picture of any female bodybuilder - mine aren't anything like that; mine are completely tiny and actually nobody but me would even notice them at this point, but i don't want them to get any bigger which they will if i keep working the shoulders as i have).  i don't want traps.  that's easy enough - i just have to not do shoulder exercises, and i haven't, and they've gone away.  now i need to find another way to try to tone my shoulders. 

does anyone know how to get shoulders toned without ruining your neckline?  i imagine that some women have genetically good shoulder muscles - i'm not one of them, so my traps actually develop easier than my shoulders.  I need some sort of exercise that will develop my shoulders without my working the traps at all.  If anyone can help me, i'd greatly appreciate it.

also, if anyone else has had this problem, i'd feel less alone :)

it's not a lot of fun feeling like you have a big masculine neck on steroids.

your traps are going to develop when doing any upper body exercise. it is a major stabilizer muscle, that is always engaged when upper body movement is going on. try to make sure all of your lateral raises and front raises don't come past your shoulders and make sure you try and relax the traps. as much as possible. but when you do military presses you will engage that muscle. you said they are barely noticeable except to you, so maybe they aren't that big.

The only other thing you can do is to not work your shoulders but then the y won't develop along with the rest of your upper body.

If you are doing rows of any kind, be very conscious of where your shoulders are.  In other words, focus on keeping your neck long, and your shoulders in normal position or semi-depressed.  Never shrug your shoulders, as that will aid in the development of the traps.  It's very common for people to shrug during a row, and definitely not recommended for women, imho.  :)

if you do not do shoulder exercises and continue to get stronger with chest and back you could develop some shoulder joint problems, you could even damage it especially doing bench press. You need to just deal with fact that your traps will go a bit or risk injury later

thanks for the advice!

i work my back pretty hard, but don't see the same sort of trap hypertrophy right after a back workout that i do right after a shoulder workout.

pandajenn - i usually do bent over rows (for some reason they just 'feel' harder than the machine ones) - would i be less likely to unconsciously shrug or otherwise over-engage the traps if i did them upright using the machine (or a cable)?

if my shoulders would grow along my traps, i would be more willing to work them hard - it's the fact that they really don't (shoulders and calves have always been my major weaknesses.  my calves, though, will get very strong, just won't get bigger.  shoulders won't even get stronger)

have you guys seen this before - a woman with shoulders that just wouldn't strengthen?  i wasn't worried about the traps before (i was fifteen when i started weightlifting, had just had a child and wasn't really worried about looking sexy), was just trying to grow as much muscle as possible, increased my weight as often as possible, worked out almost every day, and they just didn't grow or strengthen beyond the point they were at at about 4 months of lifting.  Is this normal?  Will things be different now that i'm not a teenager?  Will i have better luck doing high-rep low-weight?  i may have screwed up a bit by doing my reps a bit too high in the past, on a whole variety of exercises, but it didn't stop my muscle growth on other body parts.

any advice would be greatly appreciated!  -Erin

what is your current shoulder routine?

stop doing the rear raises, the hits your traps. just do 3 sets of shoulder press. and 3 sets of front raises, and just two sets of lateral raises. make sure the raises don't come pass eye level.

You asked if anyone else was there with you and I sure am.  I think toned shoulders on a woman are so sexy, so of course I've been focusing on them.  But then I've noticing my traps getting bigger and I am def not a fan of that... I didn't really worry about it until my mom said something about it... but then again she's of the old fashioned thinking (and uninformed) that girls who lift weights are going to get all bulky and guy looking.

SOOOO I plan to just keep lifting weights, including my shoulders, because I bet more people will notice your sexy shoulders then your traps. Only you (and maybe your mom) notice the enlarging traps...  If they ever get to the point where one of my guy friends (the only sources of pure honesty, girlfriends wont want to hurt my feelings) notices my enlarged traps, I'll def stop doing shoulders!

haha so long story short., you're not alone! =)

yeah, i'm not really sure which looks more ridiculous - traps on a girl, or well-developed bis/tris with bony little shoulders (which i sort of have even when i DO work them cuz they just don't grow well;  even when i work them, in a sundress i feel like i have ugly traps but absolutely no shoulders - worst of all worlds!).

but at least i don't have a mother giving her opinion on the issue.  just my son, who thinks a buff mom is 'cool' + my daughter who would much rather have me lift weights 'somewhere else' than embarass the tar out of her by doing aerobics or other cardio in spandex and a sports bra while her friends are over.

oh, i don't actually work out in spandex + a sports bra (even though i tend to show a fair amount of skin/wear tight clothes in my daily life, i keep myself 100% covered at the gym - sweats/pajama bottoms + long sleeved shirt.  something about the atmosphere, not wanting to contribute to it, having known overweight people who were intimidated by all the 'skinny girls' wearing next to nothing) - it's just my daughter's nightmare scenario that i would do so.  i've actually thought of using that as leverage: 'honey, if you do your homework (or stop talking on the phone/turn down the music/etc.), i promise not to be doing my buns of steel in just my undies the next time you walk in with your friends".  of course, i'd actually have to buy one of those tapes to make the threat real.