help with deciplining my 12 year old son

I just recieved a call from the school informing me that my 12 year old son was caught with a "bad" note. anyone have any sugestions on what kind of dicipline I might doll out to correct this "new" issue? I have not had a chance to talk with my husband about it (I am still at work & so is my husband) and my son still at school. the school has decided to suspend him from class for tomorrow, I was able to have them keep him in ISS"in school susspention" instead of staying home from school (I feel that would be rewarding him) he has never cared for school. but has been faily good this school year thanks to a great no nonsense teacher.

any advice would be appreciated!

thanks, hth

Stay cool and use usual home consequences for unwanted behavior. The suspension is big enough consequence and if you going to lose day of pay to stay with him home maybe he can do extra chores to pay the family back for the loss of income. It's great o give advices........ I always need cool down first to not start to scream. Great book with practical ideas is Prenting with love and logic. Good luck!

Thanks for the advice. yes we stuck with the usual at home punishment for when he misbehaves, their will be no " games" DS games, no Ipod and no card games until he has shown me he has learned from his mistkae and have made amends to improve. had a long discussion about notes/words and approptrate behavior expected from a 12 year old in school. I let him decide what the best punishment would be.

I'm a bit curious about the note, was it just something with cuss words. Or were there sexual things in the note? If it's the latter I hope you and/or dad have a long talk with him. Most people don't want to think their kids are active but the reality is a lot are so you may want to be very blunt with him. If you ask him if he's having sex, he may say no and end of conversation but a lot of kids don't consider oral sex, sex and they don't realize that you can contract STD's that way as well.

It consisted of 6 cuss words and was back and forth between him and his friend and they each wrote one then passed it back and then the other would write one...supposadly they were "just playing" around trying to be funny and "out do" the next... I do hope they both learned a lesson over it...we will see.

yes we have talked about sex and chioces to both our 14 year old daughter and our 12 year old son every chance we can and when ever it may come up wether it is from a movie we are watching together or if one of the kids tells us about a friend who or what ever chance we get we strike up a conversation about it or for that matter if a family member has made a poor choice or a good choice and how they delt with it ,we talk about what they might have done better or worse or what "other" choices they may have had. this seems to work well with sex/drugs/alcohol and alot of others too. but we wont know if it all sinks in until they are grown up and out on their own....we shall see!

thanks to you both for the resposes, I truely appreciated them!