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HELP! (females only) about intimate relationships...

k so my boyfriend and i have been talking about going farther for a while now. one of my friends have already had sex, and i know a couple others. but anyways, we've been dating for around 7 months now, and its pretty serious. so its not like i dont want to have it. but its my first time! and i have NO idea what to expect.

eg., does your "cherry" actually "pop" the first time?

if you feel comfortable answering this, help would be great, of any kind...cause i defs DONT want to ask my parents

I know this is not the traditional response in any way, but please make sure that you are at a point that you are not going to regret it later.  You are kind of young, but I'm not going to pretend to know who and your boyfriend. 

There isn't an actual "cherry"...there's a small membrane that has to be "broken" through.  Depending on who you are, what kind of sports/exercise you've been doing, and other factors, like tampon usage and whether or not you've had a pelvic exam, it may or may not be there.  It will probably hurt some, but not as much as some people tell you it will.  If he is gentle and careful, there's no reason that you should be afraid of it.

That said, PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE use protection, and make sure this is the right decision for you.  Don't do this because he is pressuring you or because you feel like it's the next step or anything.  Do it when you are ready and when you feel it's right.

Enough lecturing.  Good luck with your decision. 

When I was preparing for my first time I actually went online to find experiences too (I seriously google everything lol). Anyway for me it did hurt and I made my bf stop for the first 2 times we tried I think, then about the 3rd time it just seemed to finally go in, I guess I was relaxed enough then. Being relaxed and doing some foreplay will help 'loosen' things up. When it was over I didn't see blood like I expected, but when I got up from sitting on the bed there was some blood then, so it might be different for others but I don't think it "pops" and spills blood everywhere etc :) Also I'd say the first two times we did it it didn't feel that great and I was sore afterwards, so don't worry if it's not good, it will be later :) Lastly don't worry about your friends already having done it, you don't have to do it by a certain time, I was 19 for my first time.

The smart thing to do would be to discuss stuff with your mother at least.  You're 15, you're dating, and I'm sure she'd like to think you were behaving maturely and responsibly about safe sex & birth-control even if you don't go into too many specifics like 'we're going to do it on Saturday'.  It's a good opportunity to talk to her woman to woman. 

What to expect?  It's different for everyone.  Would suggest you don't expect fireworks or 'popping cherries' - it's not like the movies.   A lot of people's first experience could be summed up as 'a bit of a let down'.  But be safe, be hygienic, be well-informed and be very sure that you're not doing anything because you 'think you should'.

Make sure you use condoms!

You might also want to have a talk with your boyfriend and let him know that you maybe think you want to do it now, but he should be prepared that he might get started and you will suddenly say "stop!" - and he shouldn't be too surprised or get upset about it.  Sometimes you think you want to do it but when it comes right down to it it doesn't feel quite right.

It can be a bit painful/uncomfortable to fit a large penis into a very small space. Your muscles need to relax enough to accomodate something big in there, so lots of foreplay/massage, take it slooooooooooooooooow,  be in a quiet private place, etc ... but if it doesn't happen, make sure no one's going to get upset about it. There's always another time!

ok, im just wondering is how everyone says it hurts so much, but then everyone wants to do it all the time?! haha

It stops hurting after a while and if you do it often enough.  With my first boyfriend, we had sex very infrequently because we lived apart.  Honestly, it never got to the point that it didn't hurt to have sex with him.  My boyfriend now lives near, and after having sex more frequently, it doesn't hurt anymore because my body is used to accomodating it.

Remember that your age makes it likely that you will experience some more pain as well. Your body is still developing. There is a reason teenage pregnancies are more likely to fail (premature births, miscarriages, etc.) Our bodies are naturally designed to link sex and procreation, so when this hormonal cycle starts, physical things change. Also, like someone else said, it's hard to fit a large penis into a tiny vagina. Is it his first time as well? He won't need to be real dramatic and forceful if it is, though it will be way more fun for him than for you for a long time. Women and men orgasm very differently, and it usually takes guys a while to figure this out.

Honestly, I think it's wiser to wait until you are at the very least old enough to be in THE relationship. The emotional baggage you carry around from multiple sexual bonds is not worth it.

I would agree, talk to your mom, if that isn't an option, make sure you are 100% emotionally ready for this.  15 is a bit young (in my opinion).  7 months may seem like a long period of time, but when you are older and look back 7 months will have been nothing. 

If you decide to have sex for the first time, protection is of the utmost importance.  Protect yourself. 

Don't do it!

It's not as simple as you thinking this is the right time for you. The reason for which being that your hormones are out of balance. Emotions are also throw for a loop leading you to make choices that your hormones dictate for you. The fact is that you'll wonder how you came to the same conclusion later. You'll sit about and consider your thought process on it. The reason for which being that you're going to grow so much. That will be followed by your hormones leveling themselves out. The things that you believe to be important right now will change significantly.This isn't me pulling the ' age ' card on you to change your mind. I'm just telling you that scientifically based on fact this isn't a choice you're rightfully making yet. It's a choice that's hindered by your hormonal imbalance. It's difficult to talk to your parents about sex sometimes. To be honest sometimes you honestly can't talk to them. However, you should talk to someone from plan parenthood about birth control. Sex is something you should take very seriously. The reason for which being that you aren't ready to bring a child into this world. It's hard to talk to your parents about sex. I'd like you to consider how hard it would be to talk to them about being pregnant. It's difficult to have the talk due to consequences of your parents authority. Fear of their judgement and actions thereafter. Consider the fear of the consequences of your actions if you become pregnant.

I strongly suggest that you wait to have sex. Wait. The reason for which being that this is not the time. I promise you.

So many people can't stop and smell the flowers.You're so young and rushing through it all right now. Seven months isn't a long time whatsoever at all. It only seems like it right now. I assure you. There will be a time in your life that'll you'll actually miss your Innocence . The first kiss, the first love, your first time. At a later point in time you'll realize how young you were at the time. Your whole prospective will change and your eyes will open... only again... in a different way... And you'll see things differently. You'll see yourself, your situation, your parents, your boyfriend, your choices... All differently.

The reason I say is because you have to consider the after. You aren't going to remain the same girl that you are now. Your mind set is not going to remain the same or even close to what it currently suggest. The reason I tell you this is because your brain has yet to full develop. Along with that even as a smart girl your judgement is clouded by a hormonal imbalance. Sex is only important when you aren't having it. It's 5% of the relationship when you're actually actively having sex. However, if you aren't doing it than it's suddenly 95% important. Drop it off your radar because it will not matter. Sex doesn't make relationships stronger. It doesn't make men love women. Or women love men. It doesn't make things easier or better. It will make things far more dramatic though I assure you. Pleasure isn't going to find you the first time. It may not find you for the second, third, fourth, fifth. . . Or twentieth. I'm telling you this because everyone romanticizes it. Sometimes if you have sex too young it's purely touch and go. There is no intense gratification. Sometimes it leaves girls feeling used and empty. Sometimes just in pain. Emotional and physically. Sometimes it just leaves them feeling stupid at the time... or later.  Some people talk about sex a lot because they aren't having it. Some actually talk about it to build up their ego because they aren't having good sex. They feel inferrior so need to ' build ' it's worth up by talking. To smooth it over when in actuality they wished they'd waited. It's often front. Take a poll right here on this site... At what age was sex the most pleasurable? I assure you that people will say it was at a much older age. The reason for which being their bodies were ready for it. They were fully developed mentally,emotionally, and physically.

 Just because you have some of the attributes of a woman doesn't mean that you're ready to use them. It doesn't mean you're ready to make the decisions of one either, young lady. 

It's important that you look at this in a serious way from an outside glance. Consider...the after. Consider choices being made that you can't take back. Consider consequences that you aren't ready to handle. I am not preaching ' no sex ever ' I am saying that at this point in your life.... You should wait. Period. Wait until you can say what you'd do if the answer is you're faced with the consequences. . .The circumstances aren't in your favor right now. That doesn't mean ... never. 

 Intimacy has different levels of which you're ready for at different times. That doesn't mean that you can't have any form of intimacy now. Setup some guidelines and stay within them until you're ready to act upon hearing " Congratulations, You're pregnant " from your doctor... Or a test. Or yourself since your body told you first.

p.s. ( If you want to talk to someone for advice please message me. There are so many people that won't tell you the truth. I will tell you what others lack the care or courage to say. )

alright, people have already posted a lot- but i'll throw in my two cents.

it doesn't always hurt the first time.  if your hymen (the thin inner membrane that stretches across your vagina) has already broken, sex can be quite painless.  your hymen can break during a number of activities- anything involving vigorous exercise, really.  riding a bike, a horse, playing sports... any of these.  and using tampons stretches it out, too.

if it does hurt, though, tell your boyfriend to go slowly.  it'll pinch at first, but it should go away.

of course, as the others have said, USE PROTECTION.  and make sure it's what you really want.  once he takes your virginity, you can't ever get it back.  i hope this boy is special.  :)

hmm... i honestly would not recomend that.

not to rant but;

Couples who remain chaste before marriage report greater satisfaction in their marriages than those who were sexually active before marriage. Their marriages are more stable and more fulfilling. Researchers have even found that couples who did not have sex before marriage report greater sexual fulfillment after marriage than those who had premarital sex.
http://www.foreverfamilies.net/xml/articles/b enefitsofchastity.aspx

in my opinion;

going through calorie-count forums you can find many couples who are having trouble in their marriage due to lack of fulfillment of sexual desires. if you leave it till after you get married, thats when the fun starts, as opposed to that being where it ends.

just some stuff to think about.

have a nice day!

Original Post by stephh11:

so its not like i dont want to have it. but its my first time!

My best advice is to wait.  You have so much that is happening in your life right now, as most teens do. You are still emotionally and physically maturing.  I would wait.  What is the rush?  Do you feel 100% comfortable with the idea of having sex?  From the quote above, it doesn't look like you are.  You know what, that's normal, girl!  Please don't rush into this.  :)

I'll add my experience in here as well.  I first had sex at the age of 15 and I have no regrets about doing so.  I was with my boyfriend for two years when we first did it (yes, we started dating at a very young age).  I had no pain whatsoever, because we 'practiced' first.  Not to be crude, but for several months before we did it he used his hands to 'get me ready' for sex.  It really worked -  no pain, no blood and the night was perfect.

As others have said, USE PROTECTION.  Even though you both may be virgins and you may think the risk of diseases is zero - you really need to use condoms.  This is a habit you should have starting at the beginning of your sex life. You should also look into a secondary form of to back up the condoms in case of accidents (tearing or slipping of the condom).   Go to your local planned parenthood and check out your options.  They won't tell your parents.

I don't necessarily agree with everyone saying you have to wait.  I think that because you and your boyfriend have talked about it and you are researching before you do it, you are showing signs of maturity.  Make the decision of whether or not to do it when you're in a normal environment (not a 'hot and heavy' type situation).  Discuss with your boyfriend about what you'd do if you got pregnant, how he'd react if you backed out at the last minute, how'd you react if he did the same.  Take some time to think about what you will do if he breaks up with you after you've had sex.  Think about every possible option this huge decision could have - if you can be comfortable, on some level at least, with all outcomes, then go for it.  Just be mature, smart, level-headed about it all :)  This is a decision only you can make - just be sure you make an informed decision without any pressure from anyone.

I know this has been said many times but let me push my thoughts....USE A CONDOM!!!

lol anyway I just want that in ur mind, you dont want to be 15 and pregnant after your first time. anyway so I will just tell you my first experiance. I was 18 and it was about 3 weeks after me and my b'f started dating. I know not very long at all but I wasnt that serious or very attached to my virtue, but let it be know me and my b'f are now approaching our 4.5 yr anniv. so anyway on to the good stuff. It didnt hurt. at least for me. It was snug it did take a while for things to fit. Deff have plenty of foreplay b4 hand that way things are properly lubricated and relaxed and you'll deff know if it is right. Now like I said it didnt hurt for me. Deff. go pee right after sex. I cant tell you how many times I didnt and ended up w. a Urinary track infection afterwards. If you dont know what that is, its bacteria that gets in ur bladder and wreaks havok and makes you pee blood and it hurts like Heck! Also after my first time I bled a little bit right after but the next day I bled alot more and had to use a panty liner cause it was heavy, wasnt my period though. I think it only lasted like a day or so. But dont rush to have sex after your first time wait a week to make sure things heal properly because that can cause an infection in the open wounds.

I guess that sums it all up, Please be safe! Do not go in with high hopes of your first time being this awsome crazy experience. That all comes later when you get much more comfortable with each other.

Edit: you asked earlier above why everyone says it always hurts but we do it all the time. Wel it doesnt hurt all the time. maybe the first few times but as long as you had proper foreplay and things are lubricated it should be easypeasy. (I will probably catch hell for that one aha oh well). Just let it happen but always be prepared. You should always carry a condom, do not rely on your b'f to bring it. Guys can be real jerks and say "oh it feels better w.o it". Their right but in 9 months it wont feel so great when a melon is popping out of your vagina. Wear a condom at all times and deff hit up planned parenthood by you to get put on birth control.

I lost my virginity a little over a month ago. My boyfriend and I had been going out about 4 months by that time. We had also fooled around a lot in bed before that--heavy petting, fingering, etc. I'm not sure if you and your boyfriend 'fool around' like that, but if not, I suggest doing that before just jumping right to sex. It will make you feel more comfortable with him, and you will already know which 'areas' you two like. That way you aren't completely gussing the first time you have sex.

As far as pain goes, it only hurt getting it in and maybe 3-4 thrusts after that, haa. My boyfriend was very gentle, and we communicated--he asked if a certain position felt good, I told him if it hurt, etc. Don't be afraid to speak up, your guy wants to please you! :)

I went on birth control a month before I lost my virginity. I strongly suggest going on the pill. But if not, always use a condom. For your first time, be sure to buy lube and use as much as you need. Good luck!

To comment on what alle0299 said, my boyfriend and I "practiced" too before we had sex, but it was still painful for me (I was 16).

It would be unfair for me to tell you to wait because I was only a year older than you and I don't know the relationship between you two. I am still with the boyfriend I lost it to and I'm 21 now and I don't regret a thing.

I would say, though, that my sister was 15, thought she loved her boyfriend and he loved her, and they broke up a few months later and she completely regrets it.

I know it may sound hard, but just make sure you are not rushing yourself. Don't do it because it will make him happy, do it because you are sure and you want to.

Good luck!

p.s. If it does hurt, try changing positions! Some hurt a lot the first time while others didnt hurt at all.

This is my favorite thread.

BTW, DO NOT WAIT FOR MARRIAGE. *rolls eyes*

Why not practice / play around on your own? As slowly as you want? That way you know things wont hurt when you are with someone else?

Hey! Who let the boys in!!!

If you're definitely ready just be safe about it! Be safe!!! I can't stress that enough.