help me figure out what's wrong!

I don't understand it.  I'm five eight and two hundred thirty pounds.  I look at myself in pictures and can't believe its me.  I hate myself, my parents continually remind me how big I am, and am so out of shape I can't even remember what running more than a block feels like. I don't think a guy has even looked at me in years.

Yet for some reason, even though I have been "motivated" so many times, I can't seem to stop sabotauging myself.  I buy healthy snacks and don't eat them, I'll buy crackers and eat the whole box.  I tell myself I won't, but I ate pizza and wendy's last week.

I need help. I don't know why I am doing this, but I can't seem to stop.  how have you all broken out of your old habits and started new?  I am so tired of being fat.  I need to change, but I keep falling back into my old ways after a couple of days.  Please help me!

Sometimes just by voicing your displeasure....it can be a catalyst for change. Often, being as unhappy as you are and recognising the need for weightloss is the stepping stone to actually doing it. I've found that in the short week I've been on here - that I'm able to follow my diet to a T. It lets me know how many calories I have left for supper!

My suggestion my seem extreme, but here goes.

• Leave the $ and debit/credit card at home. That way you can't go and get the fast food. 
• Only have the food on you that you are going to eat. (pack it up and take it with you)
• throw away the candy/soda/alcohol/fried/yucky food from the house. If it's not open then donate it to a food bank, but get rid of that stuff pronto!
• Keep the $ in a safe or something so that its a hassle to get it out to go and get treats.
• If you can, start riding a bike to work/school/when you go grocery shopping. Having to cart all those groceries home will really help you to only buy what is good and healthy!

I am a notorious grazer. I nibble here and there and end up eating half the box of crackers by the end of the T.V show! So, I have a little bowl that I use to put my crackers or snacks in and then thats it. It rough, especially if its tastey, but a good start to breaking the habits that I've developed.

If you work hectic hours or are busy with the kiddies, then have a meal prep day. One day a week when you chart out all the meals and make them or prep them. Like chop all the veggies for the stir fry or pot pie or something like that. Tubberware the stuff and you have all your meals planned out. Same thing with your lunches and breakfast. It might help.

thanks for the suggestions.  the leaving the debit card at home might really be a good one.  i see the food i want, and i just buy it, and then i feel incredibly guilty afterwards.  i might have to start doing a meal prep day too.  i'm a student actually, so i don't own a car, but the grocery store is a bit down the street but the only time i get snacks is on the way home from either school or work.  it's too cold for me to actually walk/bus down there.  so the debit card thing might work for that as well. 

thanks for listening, too.  i feel a little better.  i think i was freaking out looking at the pictures from my birthday, and i look gigantic and it just threw me into a "i'm worthless" kind of mood. 

Have you started an exercise program? I tried dieting with no exercise for a long time, and had the same sorts of problems that you were having. But I find if I'm exercising regularly, it really helps control my bad eating habits and cravings. I also feel less depressed and more energetic, so I don't self-medicate with junk food.

i have not yet started an exercise program.  honestly, i'm not quite sure where to begin.  i'm not exactly a couch potato, i usually walk a mile or two on campus every day, but other than that, i feel really out of shape to be in a gym.  but it's really cold outside so i don't think that's an option either...

today though, i had 1620 calories, which is a 600 calorie deficit! yay me!

Wow! You sound just like me last year, except I'm only 5' 4"  0.o 

So... I came to the conclusion that certain foods just trigger bad behavior and over eating in me. For me, these were crackers, cereal, bread, cookies, pizza, chips, cake, etc-- basically anything with the highly refined starch, salt, and or sugar. My solution? I had to give those foods up completely for a while. Not forever necessarily- don't tell yourself that- but just until the addiction to them has calmed down.

I remember watching this medical show on food addictions and obesity, where they showed that some people's brains seem to need stimulus from things they find pleasurable- like drugs or chocolate- and that what goes on in a heroin addict's brain when he gets a fix is very much the same as what goes on when a food addict gets a taste of cake or cookies.  So, it occured to me that it's just NOT normal and NOT okay that I couldn't control myself when I ate certain things.  I mean, obviously something was going on with me so that I couldn't even follow a reasonable diet plan because I'd always fall off the wagon and binge on a box of crackers or cookies. I don't think it's "sabotage" exactly- it's just your brain is crying out for something that's going to make it feel "happy" and so you run to the cupboard or the drive thru and voila! Instant food fix. 

So I decided to go with the "it's a physical problem" theory and forced myself to switch to a really low glycemic diet for a while (protein, good fats, veggies, fruits, and small amounts of whole grain) plus adding exercise (I HATED exercising. Now I love it). It probably took me at least a month, but going cold turkey on the refined starch and sugar really did help me get the control I needed. I think if I hadn't bitten the bullet and just suffered through those weeks of refined carb/snack deprivation, I'd still be right where I was then only bigger. I feel a lot better now and I don't have the cravings anymore. I don't fear the snack aisle or the candy counter. I've gone from 235 pounds down to 191 right now, just from changing that aspect of my life. 

You may be totally different, but it's something to consider if you've tried all else. Consider that it may actually be an addiction response and treat it like that.

jennifer...wow...that's kind of surprising.  it actually makes me feel a bit less like a failure.  i didn't know about food triggering such a response.  i think this might help me not buy these things knowing that its a physical thing that will make me eat the whole box.  that is kind of amazing. 

thanks everyone for your support and your suggestions.  it really means a lot to me.  my mother keeps telling me to eat oatmeal three times a day until the weight is gone, and i don't think i'm cut out for that kind of diet.  i figured that i was just weak and couldn't do it. but maybe cutting some of these things out of my diet for a while might help. 

thanks again! :)

I can relate..  Im 5-9.5 and a year ago i was at 250.. I hate pictures cause i really looked as heavy as ever..  i could feel how my dad was disappointed at me every time he saw the huge belly i had..  He died 2 years ago while i was still at my heaviest..

I ate lots of fast food, at nights and had tried to lose weight a million times but nothing.  I always though "one day" i will lose the weight but that day never came..

One night (febraury 12 to be exact) i decided to try again.. only this time I started looking and researching..  I didnt wanted to know which foods were bad.. I wanted to know WHY those foods were bad to me.. I checked Youtube videos, looked for inspiration and I prepare myself mentally and emotionally to know that this was gonna be a long journey, that i wasnt gonna lose the weight overnight..  I went that night thinking of how good i wanted to look.. thinking on the reaction of the people when they see me all skinny..

Next day i woke up like a new person.  I started the diet and didnt look back.  I started eating veggies that i used to hate.  I didnt like Broccoli back then, but i loved chicken, so i had Broccoli and Chicken.  I had to learn to eat that stuff.  I saw it like, ok im doing a sacrify tryin to eat thi broccoli but at least i got the chicken i love.

i keep going on.. Eating Apples, Pears and all kind of fruits for snacks..  Eating Healthy meals..  Looking for new recipes.. I started to HAVE FUN with the weight loss issue.. I saw it like a game.  Every pound lost was a level gained and i wanted to be lvl 70 (World of Warcraft reference.. yah that contributed a lot to why i gained so mush weight).

Every time i go to the market, i bring something new and healthy to try out..  My diet consisted pretty mush of Breakfast, lunch and supper with 3 snacks.. The Snacks were usually fruits (with some bars like special k bars and stuff when i was on the go)..  fast foods was cut to minimum (stil had to eat twice a week but i start going to subway, quiznos, or just healthier choices).  No more fried food and chicken skins. and change everything i could to whole grains (pastas, rices, bread, muffins).

i start working out and running as well.. before i couldnt run 300 meters.. now i run 2 miles.

almost 10 months since that day.. im now at 162 lbs (level 88 for the geeks like me btw).. U can see my pictures and see how mush i  had change..  But I was just like you thinking just like you. and im telling you, you can do this.. You can change your mind and motivate yourself..  and it feels great..  Just imagine it, think about it, dream about it, read and learn about it, and HAVE FUN WITH IT.

Best of luck and sorry if my English sucks, its not my first language