How to help a friend with an ED

So my best friend has EDNOS. She is an anorexic with bulimic tendencies. She is in therapy and getting help. She told her mom and she is at a healthy (but low) weight. This is not the problem.

The problem is, how do I act towards her. I want to be as helpful and supportive as possible - I want her to feel completely comfortable around me with whatever. I want to make food not a focus and I ESPECIALLY don't want to act like some of her other friends and watch her eat and comment on what she eats. I just want advice on how to best aid in her recovery. I was hoping that some of you in recovery could help me - tell me what some friends did to help and what some of your friends did that DIDN'T help. What did you wish your friends did?

We're both the type of people that like to laugh things off and I think it could be helpful for her to laugh at herself. I'm just at a loss. Please help me be the best friend I can be. 

great idea..DO NOT WATCH HER EAT!! that will make her very anxious!! DO NOT COMMENT ON HER BODY AT ALL. even things that you think are compliments might not be, saying "you look healthy" could mean to her that you think she's getting fat. so, avoid comments about physical things. don't call her skinny either because it may encourage her to keep with the bad habits. DON'T CALL YOURSELF FAT/SKINNY/FULL/GROSS/SHOULD GO ON A DIET...nothing related to weight even if it's about yourself because there is a message within it. try to focus on fun things to do, be funny, watch movies, paint your nails, just don't make your day about food/weight/or anything ED related. things that don't help are feeling watched while eating, judged, compared to, and basically anything that is related to dieting would get me really peeved. don't be a food pusher, or make references to foods being "good" or "bad" or healthy and unhealthy. if it is time to eat, then go and get something for yourself and politely offer her something, but don't push it if she's not biting, and don't make accusations. as her friend its important to realize you can't force her to do anything, including get healthy, it's a choice she has to make on her own adn feeling like people are dictating to her is likely to just make her retreat and not get better. be supportive if she needs it but let her come to you!! hope this helps!

I have a question....ok, I feel kind of like I'm pressuring myself to eat around her. For example, I had dinner last night. I had an acceptable amount of food throughout the day and I AM trying to lose weight so i definitely didn't want to go over. I went over her house to hang out and she ordered a pizza - which is fine, I don't care, except that I don't want any. She didn't want to eat if I wasn't eating so it was like....either I eat 400 calories I don't need or want or maybe she doesn't eat dinner. I didn't know how to react to the situation! What do you guys advise I do?

if you know you're going to be hanging out with her then plan for it, plan to eat, otherwise it will likely happen that way all the time...she won't eat if you don't eat. especially something fatty like pizza...try not to bring up the fact that you're trying to lose weight either because it will push her away from her meeting her goal of gaining and getting well by reinforcing the thin is better mentality. it isn't fair that you have to do this but being that i;ve recovered from an ED i know how it is when everyone around you is trying to lose weight and you have to gain, and it's frustrating. if it impedes your weight loss efforts too much then try not to hang out with her at meal times so it's not awkward, or go somewhere that you can order food so that you are in charge of what you eat. sorry there;s no simple answer to this. it's complicated and what's best for her may not be best for you and you have to keep yourself in mind as well. it's a delicate balance i guess but i'm sure you'll manage. you seem to care a lot about her and that's sweet. i wish i had a friend like you :)

i think that's sort of a rediculous dilemma. yes, part of growing up is learning to get over yourself and deal with it. yes, youre going to be the only one eating sometimes. revel in it, that's life. your friend will learn it. she is responsible for herself, you are not responsible for what she does, or how she feels. be considerate, but don't eat if you are doing it just for her.. cc calls that "social eating... but whatever in the end, it's YOUR body...and if you don't want it, you're going to end up being the one with a problem