Help! My husband is making me fat!

I don't know if any of you can relate to this, but I thought I'd give it a shot.  I spent most of my life being very atheletic (I'm currently 29 years old, 5'6", 150lbs) - running, working out, volleyball, hiking, etc - and eating very well - lots of fruits and veggies and whole grains.  I grew up learning about nutrition and eating a variety of wholesome foods from all ethnic regions.

The other side of the story:  I married a wonderful, funny, handsome, loving, kind, intelligent man..... who grew up on hamburger helper, peanut butter and marshmallow cream sandwiches, fritos, oatmeal cream pies, chips, and velveta cheese on every vegetable that was in front of him (double cheese to veggie ratio).  Did I mention, Ice Cream is his middle name.  His famous phrase is, "All I need for lunch is a sandwich, chips, and cookies"....yeah, That's all he needs!!!  Also, he enjoys exercising when he does it, but it is definitely not a priority in his life.

The problem is that I love this man very much and I want to make him happy, but I also want balance in making him happy and not killing him by entertaining all his food loves with every meal.  I'm becoming heavier in eating what he loves, because I LOVE seeing a smile on his face and enjoying his food almost more than I have the energy to make different meals for myself with every meal. 

So, how do I work this out?  We've been married for a little over a year, and in that time, I've incorporated lots of other fruts, veggies, and whole grains, along with many different styles of cooking he never grew up with (broiling, sauteing w/olive oil or pam, baking instead of frying, etc).  But, I keep finding myself steering back to what he loves.  I do all the grocery shopping, and as much as I dislike it, I keep putting the chips (which only he eats), and other sweets into the cart each week. 

How do I find the balance of eating and cooking healthy foods, and still making my husband happy and keeping him from going into complete sweet withdrawl?  Also, how do I find the motivation to exercise when my best friend and husband is not the best partner in the world (my whole life up to this time, I've been surrounded by those who love to and motivate me to exercise).

Help!!!

Grrl you are not alone.  I think this is normal except for people who have gym-loving husbands.  My husband likes to skateboard for excerise or snowboard.  We live in the north east so that only happens for a portion of the year and not 3 times a week even.

I figured out that I need to find things we could do together for exercise.  I though that we could snowboard together but then he pretty much left me in the dust with my lack of board riding experience.  Then, I found tennis.  As long as I let him win from time to time I can keep him interested and we can do this together, again for a portion of the year.

The WII entertainment system is a great introduction to our lives.  The sports disk actually has some calorie burning activities like simulated boxing.  We can play games together and be more active.

Sometimes, I can get him to go on walks with me.  We've borrowed bikes and gone bikeriding together.  That was fun and he liked it.  We need to do that again now that its getting warmer.

Also, tell him he's making you fat and that he'll need to be more supportive of your bodies needs if he wants you to keep looking hot. 

You are in control so make foods that you both like that are healthy and then give yourself a much smaller portion.  Also, men eat fast.  Don't let his pace affect you.

Hope that was helpful.

My husband is similar and I have learned to add his cheese etc after I take my dinner out of the oven.  Our plates look like we came from different kitchens but really it is a base of healthy with a dash of hubby's addictions on top (of his only). He eats his junk food as snacks and at work and it works out pretty well for us.

As far as exercise partners, why don't you still hang with the people who used to motivate you? Husbands are wonderful people but they are not the only people in our lives hopefully.

Also, there's more than one way to put a smile on your husband's face than by feeding him cheese and chips (hint hint).  :)

You aren't going to want to hear this.
You're using your husband as an excuse why you won't lose weight. Stop that.

If you want to lose weight, than YOU need to make the commitment to do that. You know what to do. You eat better foods. You get active. You've already incorporated better foods into your diet, and that's great, but instead of steering back towards your husband's favorite foods, make them an OCCASIONAL treat. Something that's worth it, occasionally, for both of you.

Also, you say your husband likes to exercise. And you? You don't mention exercise at all.

This is NOT about your husband. This is about YOU. If you want to lose the weight, then make the commitment.

I agree fully with hkellick as it's the first thing I thought as soon as I read the post title.

exactly.

others could say their kids are making them fat.

It seems that your husband would be the type to support you if you would like to lose weight.   Just let him know that he should buy is own chips and velveeta and marshmallow creme for himself, but when you go shopping for food you will buy none of that cause you want to change your eating habits.

I agree that we should not blame our eating habits on others,  weight loss and healthy lifestyle changes are something we need to do on our own.

but toots7 never said she wants to loose weight !!!!!!!

what does the title of this post mean?

My husband made me fat too.  All that wining and dining.  It took me 9 months, but finally my weight started to decline. ;0)

Okay, so I was partly to blame...

the title does not speak of the content very well. I think it was just her way of making a catchy title to a book.

I think from reading her post the main point question is How to find a balance of eating and cooking healthy foods, and still make her husband happy?

If she continues to cook his favorites, she will end up putting on some weight, right , thus the relevance to the title ..

at least that is the way I see it..

cheers !

This sounds EXACTLY like my husband.  He grew up with cheese puffs, eggs and bacon for breakfast every day and ice cream for dessert.  Luckily he discovered nutrition through yoga and martial arts, so he is perfectly willing to eat healthy foods as well.  But I don't see ever weaning him completely away from the dessert and snack foods.  He's also not a big exercise fan.

This winter was bad for me weight-wise because it was our first holiday season as a married couple and I wanted to make him happy, so I was constantly baking cookies and cakes and such.  It also didn't help that we moved to the Pacific Northwest, where it is very unpleasant to be outside about 8 months out of the year!  We both put weight on and I started feeling pretty lousy and uncomfortable in my body.  So with the new year we decided to commit to 1/2 an hour daily of yoga.  I also decided to watch what I ate a little more closely.  Now I'm almost back to where I was when we first met.

I know what a hard balance it is to maintain the marital peace and keep yourself healthy and attractive at the same time.  I also used to be extremely athletic and I've slowed down a lot since meeting my husband.  But I'm sure if I wanted to join an indoor soccer team or spend a couple nights a week at the gym, he would be ok with that.  I just haven't made it a priority yet.  As for the food issue, he still gets his treats, but I cook a healthy dinner every night and he has his dessert on his own.  It's worked out pretty well for both of us.  Good luck finding the balance!

Yay this is what I have to look forward to. lol j/k. I've been married for about 2 years now, but most of that time I was away at school. Now we live together and I deal with the same thing. He loves his junk food and snacks, and I'm trying to lose weight. So I just let him do what he wants to do, and I do what I want to do. If I make something he doesn't like, he can make something himself. And he's cool with that! Plus he has no problem watching me exercise! ;-)

I feel your pain on this one. My own hubby is a VERY picky eater: no veggies, no fruit (except for some berries, sometimes, only when he feels like it), no mushrooms, no beans, no seafood, no fish, no boiled eggs, nothing starting with the word "leftover"...

It's a long list. This is exceptionally difficult for me because I have always felt responsible for cooking for my husband-- it's just the way I was raised.

There have been two solutions thus far. 1, I can simply prepare my own meal and allow him to forage for what he likes (which he enjoys anyway). 2, I can prepare a meal staple for both of us and simply pair it with a starch for him and an extra vegetable for me. It may take a little trial and error, and it may take a little compromise from both of us, but ultimately my health is a priority for both of us.

oops ...thought you said 'fart'... :)

Wow, I have to admit, some of you are pretty harsh.  But, it probably felt harsh because a lot of it rang true.  A couple points:

#1 I know it is entirely MY responsibility to stay fit, and I don't intend to blame it on my husband.  I only have to say that it has been much EASIER to do so in the past when I was surrounded by healthy eaters and exercisers.  Because me and my husband have such hectic schedules, the free time we actually find, I don't want to take off to the gym for two hours - I'd rather spend those two hours with him.

#2 In response to my exercise habits, for all my life up until the time I was married, I worked out 4-7 days/week, running, lifting weights, cardio, etc.  I've also run three marathons in the past. 

#3 I used to live in Colorado, but came to Texas for grad school.  In Colorado it was never hard to get someone to run with or a trail to run on - a little harder in Texas.  Many of my friends now have schedules that are just as crazy as mine, so it's hard to coordinate times to work out together - believe me, I've tried!

#4 My workout routine now is running after work on a trial close to my job about 4 days a week, about 3-4 miles each time.  I'll also do an occasional tai-bo video at home every now and then.

With all that said, I am realizing that it is completely MY responsibility to lose weight or maintain a healthy weight, and I shouldn't be blaming my husband in any way.  And like (I'm not sure who it was) someone said, there are many other ways to make my husband happy :) 

Thanks so much for everyone's input - it's very helpful.  I've always had roommates that loved to work out or run with me, so it was always a bit easier to get the motivation to do so.  This is the first time I've had a "roommate" who doesn't really care for it :)  But, that means it's my responsibility to work even harder on MYSELF, and maybe I'll be able to lead by example in the process.

Ourladyofthehighways - that's completely him!  No veggies, no fruit, anything that has soybean in the name is COMPLETELY out of the question... But, over this past year, I've slowly worked in more variety and he's up to trying new things more than in the past.

I really enjoy cooking and I enjoy making him happy with that service to him.  But, I know health is the priority, and I also know that when I make healthful foods, he usually eats them without complaint.  So, I need to be proactive in doing that, and stop believing that if I make something healthful, he won't enjoy it, because he normally does :) 

My fella doesn't exercise either.  You can't count on you man to be your exercise buddy, make the time for exercise, and do it yourself!

I know you like seeing him smile, but you'll like having him around for a long long time even more.  Your husband is a grown man, if certain junk foods are important to him, tell him that he needs to go buy them himself.  That will save you any guilt you have for buying his junk, and you might also find that he eats a lot less of it than he did when an unending supply was always magically appearing in the house.  Certainly cook for him, but make him responsible for his own snacks.  You stock up on healthier snacks, and he might just switch to them rather than go to the trouble of shopping.

There's nothing wrong with cooking him a favorite dish, but it doesn't need to be all the time to make him happy.  Pick one day a week to serve a favorite food.  Nor does it have to be all in the same meal.  Bri and I still have french fries now and again, but instead of having french fries, cheeseburgers, and cole slaw; we have something like baked fish, french fries, and a steamed vegetable.  It makes a big difference!

Plaidpooka - those are some great tips.  I like the idea of just having one side dish that's his favorite, or even just make one of his favorites once a week.  That way, he'll enjoy it even more when he has it, and also see it as a "treat" rather than "the usual". 

I found a running club that meets every morning at 6am.  They run 6 miles a morning.  I'm wanting to join the group, but I'm only at 3 miles right now, and working up to higher mileage again.  I haven't run in a year or so and it takes a couple months to work up.  So, I'm hoping in the next month or so, I'll be able to start my days early with a run...

Yep. I'm living with my Boyfriend and he was born with a sugar spoon in his mouth. His Ma boght him and his three younger brothers whatever they wanted. So now I have a house full of chips, ice cream bars, KD, ect ect. No fish in the house. No Mushrooms.

But I get to cook whatever I want for dinner. He dont eat it, good, then i got leftovers for lunch. He sits there and eats his sweets (wich he pays for. I say that He dosent pay for my Makeup, I dont pay for his Junk Food) and I sit there and eat my nummie food.


:-)

Win win.