HELP with the In-laws!

The big 4-0 is this weekend and my in-laws want to take me out for ice cream or have me over for cake/ice cream.  I don't know what to do.  I've been really watching what I eat with the occasional cheat (cleaning up the kids' drips off their ice cream :)  but to order my own ice cream or sit down to a piece of cake doesn't sound at all fun which is what it's intended to be!  They have no idea what it's like to watch what you eat -- and will not be satisfied until everyone weighs as much as they do.  What to do?  Any ideas? 

"Oh that sounds great, but do you know what I've been dreaming of?"  Is a great line. It's great they want to honor you. And taking a "off diet/guilt free" day for that day would be wonderful and in the long run probably keep you staying on your new lifestyle longer.  So what would be ideal? One of my favorites is to go a restaurant and everyone order desserts and do a round robin tasting. That way, I can enjoy it all and not feel over loaded afterwards.

It's your birthday, and 4-0 is big and you are on your way to make your 40's healthy--so enjoy it, give yourself permission and do lots of laughing.

it's one day...  it won't wreck your diet.  eat less calories than usual before the cake/ice cream.  i'd just eat it.

I agree with le3.  It's okay to have a cheat day.  You deserve it!  I mean it's the big 4-0!  If you don't want to cheat too much, just take a smaller portion.  My family is the same way -- trying to make me eat more, but I just say that I'm full or "maybe later" (which doesn't always come).  They may seem disappointed at that moment, but I know I'm better for it. 

If you go out for ice cream/dessert, most places have low-fat or healthier options, so try one of those.  If you stay in, could you request low-fat ice cream at least?

I hope one of those suggestions helps, but I would just enjoy it.  Don't fret about one day.  It's your birthday!  Enjoy it!

Thanks for the advice -- and so quickly too!  Well, I guess I sometimes need permission to loosen up a bit.  Sounds like this is one of those times to let it go a little and just choose the least bad option at the ice cream window.  That'll make almost everyone happy.  So, what's better - sorbet? low fat ice cream? sherbet?

Sounds like a great opportunity to practice having *some* ice cream and cake instead of binging on it. Life is full of situations where it's appropriate to eat foods that you wouldn't normally - if not your b-day, it'll be your hubby's your in-law's someone's wedding, etc. Have a few bites, enjoy it and don't feel obligated to eat it all. If someone comments you didn't finish your cake just tell them you've had enough and it was fabulous!

If they want to take you out for dessert, do you get to choose where? Look up the nutrition info online and choose a dessert with lots of protein so you feel like you're still making a health-conscious decision. Happy birthday!

Happy 40th! I am just a few months behind you!

I say if you are going to have ice cream, pick the smallest size of something you really like. You seem to have the attitude that your inlaws want to derail you. They probably just want to celebrate with you. 

I often get the kid's size cone because I don't like ice cream that much, so you could give that a try. But really, don't get some icky diet orange sherbet -- you'll hate it and then it really won't be any fun. Go for a walk afterwards and forget about it! That is what "normal" people do, and what you'll be doing when you get to your goal weight -- living in the real world.

Original Post by mytoy:

but to order my own ice cream or sit down to a piece of cake doesn't sound at all fun which is what it's intended to be! 

If you really don't expect to enjoy it, why do it? I LOVE the line, "That's great, but what I'd really like is . . ." and then suggest an alternative. Figure out how much she was thinking about spending (guesstimate, based on how many people were involved in the offerred treat), and suggest something comparable. Maybe, "I'd love to go see a movie with you!" Or, "to spend time with you and get a manicure . . ." You get the idea.

Everyone who knows me well knows that I ALWAYS want a massage as a gift, so they don't even have to ask :) But if that is more than she was intending to spend (in your estimate), don't suggest it. On the other hand, feeding 5-6 people at a fancy ice cream shop would be about the same as a massage in some places!

Good luck.

 

I am in the same predicament.  My birthday is on Wed. my daughter asked what kind of cake I wanted and I said that I would rather not have a cake.  OK, so my husband and daughter show up with a cheesecake....my nemisis.  So, last night I had a very small piece and it was wonderful....I stopped at the one piece.  Tonight I will also have a small piece. 

My family just wanted to do something nice for my birthday as do your in-laws.  Just enjoy the ice-cream...get a small dish and just bask in the fact that your family loves you and wants to celebrate your 40th birthday with you.

Happy Birthday and have a wonderful day!!!!

I agree with eating ice cream & cake.  This is a good way to learn that even though its your birthday, its not a free-for-all.  Eat one piece of cake or have one bowl of ice cream, celebrate & forget about it.  I think a lot of people sometimes forget that part of the 'lifestyle change'.  I also think its commendable, however unrealistic, to totally eliminate all *bad* foods from your diet. (this is not directed at you, just in general) You may lose weight, but if you are so miserable you can't enjoy celebrating special milestones or opt out of family get togethers b/c of food, whats the point, right?

Happy birthday & congrats on your success thus far!

I agree 100% with those who have encouraged you to have a small portion of something you really love and enjoy every single bite.  Successful weight loss is not only about the weight loss -- it's about learning to have a healthy relationship with food, and that includes those foods we might ordinarily have "issues" with or only eat on special occasions.  It is not a license to go out of control crazy.  This is, as was mentioned earlier, a great opportunity to practice your new lifestyle management skills.  Some things that have worked for me regarding special treats:  1.  Make sure it really is a special treat -- get something you really love, or something that you don't have a chance to have all the time; 2.  Order a small portion, or if portion size isn't up to you (as in most restaurants that serve pre-sliced cake, etc., cut the piece in half (or ask the waiter to do it for you before he brings it) and box the other half; 3.  Eat your treat very slowly, and savor the feel of it on your tongue; savor the taste; 4.  After you've had your portion, stop.  If you eat it slowly enough, you will be satisfied with a normal portion; 5.  Don't allow yourself to feel guilty -- guilt is for when we've done something wrong -- you haven't -- you've simply enjoyed one of life's greatest pleasures -- good food, eaten in moderation.

And happy, happy birthday!

Its ur birthday!  Eat or dont eat what you want.  I hate when people say have a cheat day or its and excuse..cause in my family we celebrate EVERYTHING....I could probably think of a special occasion aweek to cheat....

I bring my own desserts..usually an apple with some splenda or fatfree vanilla yogurt with blueberries or something like that with a cup of tea.  Of course I usually feel like diving into the cake, or the icecream, or the chips, or other treats...but at the end of the night, when I stuck to a healthy substitute, I feel great....I don t feel like I missed out..and at first I think my family used to be ANNOYED with me...cause I didnt eat that stuff that they ate..but now...they just ....know.  

However, with that said.  If you reallllly stick to ur diet usually...a small slice of cake will not kill you...you wont even notice it on the scale!  Just as long as you enjoy it...!! 

Happy birthday!!!

Same issue coming up here.  And, to make matters worse, my 8 year old is determined that she is going to make me a cake this year.  So, I have no choice but to eat it (and pretend to like it even if it is horrible).   Maybe I can talk her into just an easy-bake-oven cake. 

I don't know where you live but we have these new Asian frozen yogurt places and they are DELICIOUS, nonfat, lower calorie treats that won't hurt your eating at all and the inlaws can treat you at a "new place you have wanted to try"

Have a wonderful birthday.

If this is truly not a diet but a lifestyle change, then cake or ice cream on YOUR birthday should be a part of that. Decline on everyone else's birthday, but treat yourself on yours.

 

All work and no play....

I  would not get to stressed. have the cake or  ice cream and do an extra walk or a jog to also honor your birthday , but one day will not wreck you .  I f you go out you can not get as much and you can choose how much you eat . Going there might make you eat more to be nice ??? I dont know . It is just my opinion , but I would go ahead and do it and then know that that one thign will not knock you off your horse because you are a  new person now and you are stronget t han a piece of cake !! keep up the Good work !! 

 

 

Since I started here at cc there have been 2 birthday parties.  I just leave room for cake and ice cream in my count for the day..  It's not the cake that is bad.  Its the icing.  Scrape some of it off, nobody will be offended.  Sugar free icecream also has less calories.

If you can request something, ask for ice cream with fruit.  Load up your bowl with fresh, cut fruits (strawberries, blueberries, apples, peaches...) and top it with a small scoop of ice cream.  It makes it appear as if there's tons of ice cream in there, but it's really a healthy snack with a sweet condiment on top.

Or make ice cream pizzas.  Put a plate in the freezer for a while.  Then press out a scoop of ice cream onto the plate as if it's pizza dough.  Return it to the freezer for 10 minutes or so so that the ice cream firms up again.  Then top it with the fruit.