help-losing my motivation to gain

HI...it's the same old story and i'm so fed up with myself..but at the same time somewhat ambivalent.  I wanted to gain badly...started with a few days of increased intake..then bam...now i just can't be bothered and it all seems like so much effort and also the little ED voice that says..oh my God that is so much fat..that is so bad for you etc. starts again.  With my gain efforts i would haVe a snack..but it would be small...not a whopper like the one i SHOULD be eating.  Any suggestions...anyone else gone through this and what did you do to just get on with it?  I'm truly so disgusted with myself.  My boyfriend is back and i can tell he's fed up too.  He is watching what i eat pretty closely. 

Something I tell myself consistently is that if I wanted to recover and I was going to gain weight, I might as well do it right and fix myself and metabolism. Eat plenty and don't restrict. This at least helps keep me motivated to continue eating throughout the day when I'm having a hard time.

Think about this: Do you want to spend the rest of your life this way? Always torn and afraid? of course not. You want to be able to LIVE. To be able to go out to eat with your boyfriend and not feel guilty or miserable - but to be able to go out and enjoy yourselves.

Did you think that maybe he is watching what you are eating, not because he thinks you are eating too much, but too little? He is probaby tired of seeing you hurting and is scared of you falling back into the old habits just because it's easier.

Nothing in life is ever easy - and the most worthwhile and important things are often the most difficult. Your life and your ability to live it healthfull and happily are of utmost importance, so it stands to reason that it would be a great challenge that you have to face. But it IS worth the effort. You are worth it. Furthermore, you shouldn't let one bad day or week totally undermine all the progess you HAVE made. Stick it out. Next week will be better, and you will be proud of yourself for toughing it out right now.