Help, please

Hey everyone, I used to post on here quite often a while back. As some of you may or may not remember, I have BDD. Specifically, I think my face is fat despite the fact that I am (was) underweight. I stopped coming to this site just because I thought I may have overcome it and didn't need to obsess as much.

Well, not anymore. This past week my family and I went on our annual cruise vacation. My mom brought home the pictures today and I was shocked at what I saw. My face in these pictures was like nothing I had ever seen before. It looked so round and bloated that I could not fathom it. Now normally what happens is I am too hard on myself when I initially see the pictures, but then I compare them to last year's pictures and I realize that I look fine. Well, I did that again today. On the first day of the cruise this year and last year I was coincidentally wearing the same shirt, and when I compared the pictures, my face this year was much more bloated and round. There was also a picture from the ship's formal night in which my family and I were in a position very similar to the one from last year. Again, my face THIS year was much more bloated.

Now my question is, HOW! To make a long story short, I watch what I eat. My diet normally consists of egg whites, frozen spinach, broccoli, light wheat bread, hummus, grilled chicken, fish, sweet potatoes, nuts, etc. I exercise every day as well. In addition, my workouts over the past year have just gotten HARDER and I have not been more lax. Last year on the cruise I ran 5 miles, 45 minutes on the treadmill (each day). This year I ran 8 miles for 1 hour and 5 minutes. On the day we flew home, our flight was at 7:30, and I woke up at 3:45 AM, yeah, 3:45 AM to run. I burn upwards of 800 calories while doing my runs and stick to a diet that is healthy and in terms of calories in and calories out is 99% of the time never over 2000 calories. Does anyone have any possible idea HOW I could have gained weight? I gained about 8 pounds since Christmas; however, I don't drink, EVER, so it's not alcohol, and it was at exactly that time that I increased my mileage from 5 to 8, so I assumed my leg muscles got a lot stronger. Please, please offer me your input. Thank you.

I may be a little confused on your post. Anyhow what is your weight and height? If you are running 8 miles a day that is 56 a week which is VERY active and you need way more calories. If you are underweight this is dangerous and even if in a healthy range I think that it is too much activity unless you are training for some sport. Your body is probably confused and holding on to the calories to survive. Can you get into therapy or treatment of some kind? It sound like you have some issues that you need to work on to get out of this cycle.

First of all, I'd like to point out that if you are running 8 miles a day on 2000 calories or less you are not eating enough.  You are a young male who is very active.  I encourage you to eat more.

Now, on the whole face thing....I guess part of it could be the 8 pounds that you gained.  But I think it's more likely due to you getting older.  As we get older, our faces tend to fill out.  Especially as we leave our teen years and move on to adulthood.  It's just a part of life.  You might want to take that into consideration when you compare your pictures now to previous years. 

Are any of your pictures in your gallery recent, because your face looks absolutely gaunt in all of them

None of my pictures in the gallery are recent. The most recent is my default which was taken over a year ago. My scanner is currently not working so I can't scan in the pictures, but I am positive that this is not just my being paranoid or having my face "fill out." It legitimately is much more bloated looking this year as though I put on weight. As I said, I have added eight pounds since December, but I attributed that to my increasing mileage and getting bigger leg muscles since I can not believe I gained weight based on my diet. In order for me to have gained weight I probably would have had to have eaten about 3500 calories a day, which I know for a fact is no where near what I've been eating. Can you somehow gain weight by exercising too much or something?

Some people carry weight in their faces and some don't.  Don't use your face as any sort of set guide as to whether your weight overall is good, bad or otherwise as its not an accurate guide.

As someone else said as you get older your face can change shape.  You need to be looking at your overall weight and healthiness and it sounds like you are doing everything right.  Your face is one tiny part of your overall body.

Be thankful you don't have a round face like me as regardless of how much weight I loose I will always have a fat looking face, but that is just me and I have learnt to accept it and look at the big picture of my entire body.

You are thin... Your face looks like it should, but I have nothing to compare it to. 

Are you training for something that you would run 8 miles a day?

Might it be water weight?

This is not a problem. A guy that runs 87 miles a week is in good shape. I dont see the issue here.

I think that you answered your own question in a round about way at the beginning of your post. 

You have BDD, you stated that yourself, and said that your BDD specifically focuses on thinking your face is fat. 

What you are seeing is a distortion created by your BDD, it is not real. 

As for gaining 8lbs, you are running alot, i imagine you are building muscle, hence the weight increase.

Are you seeking professional help for your BDD??

I appreciate the responses but i must point out that 1) all of my pictures in my gallery are not recent, the most recent one is my default which is from over a year ago, and 2) this is NOT an issue about my BDD. Throughout the entire course of the summer I felt great, and I thought I looked good and was happy. It was only when I saw the pictures of myself from just last week, thought to myself that something did not seem right, and then put them SIDE BY SIDE with the pictures from one year prior that I saw a visible difference. This is not me looking at one picture and thinking I look fat, it is me comparing my appearance from one year to the next. Once I get my scanner working I will scan the pictures in so you can see what I mean. I repeat, this is not an issue with my BDD. Even throughout the cruise when I looked in the mirror I thought I looked great, and then looking at the pictures themselves was like I was looking at a different person. My main concern is not about my BDD, it is about how I can gain weight when I eat healthy and exercise so much

Original Post by thejabronisayz:

I appreciate the responses but i must point out that 1) all of my pictures in my gallery are not recent, the most recent one is my default which is from over a year ago, and 2) this is NOT an issue about my BDD. Throughout the entire course of the summer I felt great, and I thought I looked good and was happy. It was only when I saw the pictures of myself from just last week, thought to myself that something did not seem right, and then put them SIDE BY SIDE with the pictures from one year prior that I saw a visible difference. This is not me looking at one picture and thinking I look fat, it is me comparing my appearance from one year to the next. Once I get my scanner working I will scan the pictures in so you can see what I mean. I repeat, this is not an issue with my BDD. Even throughout the cruise when I looked in the mirror I thought I looked great, and then looking at the pictures themselves was like I was looking at a different person. My main concern is not about my BDD, it is about how I can gain weight when I eat healthy and exercise so much

think of the worry functionally: is it helping you right now?  or is it getting in the way of you doing other things?  being with people?  getting stuff done?  if it's not helping, don't stir the pot more.  you are letting a picture consume you.  try to just NOTICE the worry, NOTICE how it tempts your attention...and then immerse yourself in something that you care about.  notice the worry like you might notice a song playing in a store while you shop....and then get back to shopping.  remind yourself of the fun time you had with your family on the vacation and otherwise how much better your life has been since you've had some distance from these types of worries.  this may or may not be your bdd, but your level of worry IS excessive.  refocus yourself on something that you care about---something that makes you feel connected to the people and activities that you enjoy.  you already expend a tremendous amount of energy controlling your eating and engaging in considerable amounts of exercise.  these behaviors in and of themselves warrant some professional intervention.  don't spend any more time rolling in thoughts that cannot and will never put you on a path towards happiness.