Help? (Underage drinking/bachelorette party)

I normally don't post my own topics here, but I'm kind of at a loss for what to do and have seen helpful advice given to other cc-ers and thought I'd take the chance and ask.

My sister is getting married in a few weeks. Her bachelorette part is going to be a week or so before hand. It will be her, me, and 3 of her best friends. The plan for the night as far as I can tell is to get dressed up, go hang out at a club, then go back to one of the friend's house and drink and hang out.

The delema - I'm the only one that's 21. I talked to my sister and she said that she was not going to drink (she's got a lot riding on her not getting in trouble), but that the rest of us were. I personally don't like alcohol and would be happy not drinking either. She says she still wants me to drink with her friends...

So, what do I do? I don't want to say "If you guys drink, I leave" because she's my sister, I'm her Maid of Honor, and I don't see her very often (she lives out of state now). But at the same time, I don't want to get in trouble because her friends like to drink...

Any advice?

First of all, if you don't drink you don't drink. There's nothing wrong with that and you shouldn't feel pressured for her. She may be the bride-to-be, but she doesn't get say on who does or does not drink.

Personally, I wouldn't sweat her drinking. It's one night and there are.. certain expectations of a bachlorette party. But that's just me, what I'd do.

If you just do not feel right buying drinks for your sister, then don't.

Well, if you don't want to drink, don't.  Your sister ought to understand that you don't like alcohol, and you can still be at your sister's bachelorette without getting drunk...  It's not a mutually exclusive thing.

If you're just worried about getting in trouble, since you're 21, the only way I can think of that you can get in trouble here is if you're the one supplying the alcohol to the underagers.  That can be a VERY expensive ticket.  The underagers can all get tickets for underage drinking of course. (unless you're really going nuts, the chances of getting caught for any of this are pretty slim if you're going to be on private property at somebody's house and it's a fairly small party, but there's always a chance)

On a side note, don't the rest of your sister's friends have a lot riding on not getting in trouble too?

Wait, the bride isn't going to drink, but she's mandating that the others (all underage, except you, and you don't like to drink) do drink?

I'd say, go out with them, just get a soda (or whatever), and turn down shots. The bride doesn't get to control how much you drink.

Or is the issue that she wants you to buy the alcohol for the at home celebration?

@ hkellick: She's not planning on drinking that night. She was origionally thinking about it, but decided it wouldn't be a good idea for other reasons. So, it would just be her 3 friends + me drinking. I'm not exactly opposed to her letting lose and having a good time at her bachelorette party with friends, but she's not even planning on drinking. And while I'm no fan of drinking, I am a pushover when it comes to her and would drink if she told me to... I'd personally rather drinking wasn't involved, especially since she's planning on staying sober. And I'm worried the legal issues would be on me if anything happened for being the only 21+ person there...

Thanks for the advice.

One of the girls is maried to a 22 year old, so I wouldn't be technically buying (though they want me to pitch in money). and yes, they could all get in trouble, but my sis is in the air force... Plus, they all regularly drink anyways.

If you are 21, and no one else is; you will be held responsible if you are the one getting alcohol for these people.  Not only would they get in trouble for underage drinking; but you could be arrested.  Is it worth it?

How about a spa night instead of a bar night?

Never, ever do something that is against your best interests to please someone else.

Original Post by vanessa1031:

If you are 21, and no one else is; you will be held responsible if you are the one getting alcohol for these people.  Not only would they get in trouble for underage drinking; but you could be arrested.  Is it worth it?

How about a spa night instead of a bar night?

 Am I still responsible if I'm not the one getting/buying it? I don't know the laws on these things...  I don't think it's worth it. But my sister's also one of my best friends and I don't want to pull the "they drink, I leave" thing because we already have troublesome times when they visit...

Personally, I'd love the spa night, but it's my sister and her roudier friends... they plan on clubbing.

You should check out what the regulations are in the state where this is going to take place. In some states there are some very serious consequences for both the underage drinkers and those who are 21, especially if the person over 21 bought the alcohol. If you pitch in money, then you could be charged.

As another poster said, the chances of getting caught are small, but it is still a possibility. You need to decide for yourself if you're willing to pay for  the consequences of being charged with contributing to underage drinkers.

Don't drink if you really don't want to do so. Don't pitch in money to aid the underage drinkers either.

Original Post by trhawley:

Never, ever do something that is against your best interests to please someone else.

Great advice! Heed this advice! 

If the cops get involved and you are the only one of legal age you can be charged. And most likely will be.  The assumption will be that you provided the alcohol-even if you didn't. 

Ok, so no drinking. I'm good with that.

Any advice on how to handle the situation? I really don't want to say "I can't be there if there's alcohol involved". I don't want this to be an occasion where my sister's angry... 

Original Post by foffles:

Ok, so no drinking. I'm good with that.

Any advice on how to handle the situation? I really don't want to say "I can't be there if there's alcohol involved". I don't want this to be an occasion where my sister's angry... 

This is going to be tuff for you, but you must tell her the truth. Research the state laws regarding underage drinking in the state. Then tell her the truth. Tell her gently that you simply aren't willing to pay the consequences if something were to happen and you got caught by the police. Tell her what the possible consequences are and that you just can't do it.

You could offer to have a spa night separate from this occasion. Then let her go clubbing with her friends and let them have this party.

When you approach her with this, don't be confrontational or judgmental. Let her know this is just how you need to handle the situation for yourself.

Original Post by vanessa1031:

If you are 21, and no one else is; you will be held responsible if you are the one getting alcohol for these people.  Not only would they get in trouble for underage drinking; but you could be arrested.  Is it worth it?

How about a spa night instead of a bar night?

Spa night is a great idea...or they could do what my friends did for me...a sex toy bachelorette party!  A woman named Tawanda came to my friends' apartment and showed us stuff and had us play games. We were then allowed to purchase things from her in private.  It was one of the funniest nights of my life and we had a blast! 

Original Post by moonikins:

Original Post by foffles:

Ok, so no drinking. I'm good with that.

Any advice on how to handle the situation? I really don't want to say "I can't be there if there's alcohol involved". I don't want this to be an occasion where my sister's angry... 

This is going to be tuff for you, but you must tell her the truth. Research the state laws regarding underage drinking in the state. Then tell her the truth. Tell her gently that you simply aren't willing to pay the consequences if something were to happen and you got caught by the police. Tell her what the possible consequences are and that you just can't do it.

You could offer to have a spa night separate from this occasion. Then let her go clubbing with her friends and let them have this party.

When you approach her with this, don't be confrontational or judgmental. Let her know this is just how you need to handle the situation for yourself.

 Ok, thank you. I appriciate the advice. I think that would work. I can always go out to dinner and the club with them, then let them have their night. Maybe me and her can fit some time in together when she's not with other people.

Thank you all for yuor advice.

Original Post by kbella24:

Original Post by vanessa1031:

If you are 21, and no one else is; you will be held responsible if you are the one getting alcohol for these people.  Not only would they get in trouble for underage drinking; but you could be arrested.  Is it worth it?

How about a spa night instead of a bar night?

Spa night is a great idea...or they could do what my friends did for me...a sex toy bachelorette party!  A woman named Tawanda came to my friends' apartment and showed us stuff and had us play games. We were then allowed to purchase things from her in private.  It was one of the funniest nights of my life and we had a blast! 

 Lol, that'd be hilarious. I'd feel a little awkward suggesting it since they're all like little sisters to me, and one actually is my sister. The girls already had me go with them when they picked out bachelorette party stuff and a ... 'gift' I'd rather not have known about. >.<

Original Post by foffles:

One of the girls is maried to a 22 year old, so I wouldn't be technically buying (though they want me to pitch in money). and yes, they could all get in trouble, but my sis is in the air force... Plus, they all regularly drink anyways.

Are they all in the air force?  I was under the impression that the drinking age for the military was 18 as long as they were on a base or overseas.  I could be wrong though - just what I heard.

Original Post by sherriphx:

Original Post by foffles:

One of the girls is maried to a 22 year old, so I wouldn't be technically buying (though they want me to pitch in money). and yes, they could all get in trouble, but my sis is in the air force... Plus, they all regularly drink anyways.

Are they all in the air force?  I was under the impression that the drinking age for the military was 18 as long as they were on a base or overseas.  I could be wrong though - just what I heard.

 My sister's the only one in the air force, and they'd be in a friend's house, not on base. So, I think the 21 rule would still apply.

as the only one of legal age, you would be charged with corrupting minors if you were caught. 

to me...it wouldn't be worth the risk.  I personally don't really care what they do on thier own time, but I will not be held liable for it.

Original Post by trhawley:

Never, ever do something that is against your best interests to please someone else.

 ^ Seconded.