Help- Weight is an issue in my marriage...

I came to this website on a day when I felt really tired, exhausted even, and sick of worrying about calories. I have since adopted the healthy habit of eating breakfast every day. I also started taking birth control (Nuva Ring) for my amenorrhea and it has done wonders for my fatigue and feeling sore. I feel good. I'm happy at this weight. I go running or use the elliptical, and I'm pumped, filled with energy to take care of my kids (very young) and bounce around the town doing errands or housework. I also like my body for the first time in a really long time (I was very swollen with my second pregnancy, became VERY stretched out!).

The problem is, my husband wants me to be 135 pounds. It's not an unhealthy weight, its just a weight at which I would be less comfortable (I am 5'8"). I love my husband with all of my heart. He's the best thing in the world. I know he'd love me at 235, 335, or 35 pounds. Now, I know I need to relax about food. I usually fear that if I have an overboard day it will return me to days when I used to binge (teenager, early 20's - I'm 26). I eat enough, but not enough to gain weight. I also don't really like fried foods or things like that. I eat a lot of protein, good carbs, fruits, I love a good salad, and I get enough fat. It's just not enough to gain weight. My husband really wants me to put on 15-20 pounds, and I don't want to, and its really the only thing in our marriage that ever causes us to bicker.

What do I do? Do I gain weight just to make him happy, making me UNHAPPY? Do I forget his feelings and just think "hey, I'm happy"? I am very high strung and am always moving around, doing something, and I think that probably contributes to a high metabolism - that, and I'm a runner. But I'm not hungry. On those days when I feel so empty I could burst - we all have those, hormones or fatigure or whatever - I eat a lot.

I hate the thought of disappointing him. He tells me I look sick, but I don't think I do. I  just think I look skinny. I am not trying to lose weight. I wouldn't throw a fit if I gained 5 or 6 pounds. I have such a history of bulimia from my teen years and am so happy to be rid of the binge eating and purging cycle that I really fear the whole thing. I eat. Breakfast, lunch, dinner. Not cheeseburgers, boca burgers; not bologna, turkey; but that's all a matter of preference. I eat a lot of cake, too! I just... the whole thing really tears me up. Any input?

I also don't see how encouraging someone to remain at a dangerously low BMI, where she is putting herself at considerable medical risk, is being any help at all.

 

Thus why I said a "healthy" solution.  She has an eating disorder and if she finds the terms of her weight unacceptable, it may retrigger "unhealthy" behaviors.  She needs to find what works for her, yet is healthy.

What concerns me is everyone else is quick to judge what the op is doing. Telling her what she should and shouldn't do. There needs to be understanding. No one here knows who she is or what she is going through.

By her post, I am pretty sure she knows what she she needs to do. She just needed to vent without being criticized.

ktjo, I saw a specialist - she put me on the birth control.

Original Post by dkiesser:

I also don't see how encouraging someone to remain at a dangerously low BMI, where she is putting herself at considerable medical risk, is being any help at all.

 

Thus why I said a "healthy" solution.  She has an eating disorder and if she finds the terms of her weight unacceptable, it may retrigger "unhealthy" behaviors.  She needs to find what works for her, yet is healthy.

What concerns me is everyone else is quick to judge what the op is doing. Telling her what she should and shouldn't do. There needs to be understanding. No one here knows who she is or what she is going through.

By her post, I am pretty sure she knows what she she needs to do. She just needed to vent without being criticized.

I understand your concern about people being quick to judge. However, as this is an online forum, what is posted is all we have to go by. And I believe that enabling someone's eating disorder (or possible eating disorder) by being too empathising - rather than telling them the current situation is unacceptable - is the greater of two evils.

Original Post by njakamarilyn:

Check with your doctor and ask him what a healthy weight would be for you.  Would your husband respect whatever the doctor says?  Does he understand how you feel?  Communication is so important.

 Bottomline - you've talked with your husband - expressed your fears - go see your family doctor and get his input.  Best to you!

Original Post by gterv:

Original Post by bsh0611:

 I'm eating 1,800-2,000 calories a day and I eat to appetite.

 

You are 5'8" running about 35 miles a week, that is not enough. 1800cals is what I eat for weight loss with the amount of exercise you do. And again, a BMI of 17.5 is not healthy and  being a runner does not make it normal, I think that the most important thing should be your health, and as a runner I know that the last thing you want is not to be able to run anymore.

Agreed. I run about 35 miles a week, and I eat close to 3000 calories a day (and I'm still losing weight!) You need to up your calories. I don't think you need to weigh 135lbs, but yeah gaining 5lbs won't hurt. Try that and see what your husband thinks!

Original Post by jcl76:

Agreed. I run about 35 miles a week, and I eat close to 3000 calories a day (and I'm still losing weight!) You need to up your calories. I don't think you need to weigh 135lbs, but yeah gaining 5lbs won't hurt. Try that and see what your husband thinks!

Are you in training?? I'm training for a half marathon, I know I need to get my numbers up, and my calories too. Is there any kind of appetite stimulant?