For the past 2 years I have incorporated healthy meals and healthier preperation for dinners and my husband and kids are none the wiser. Our dinners are healthy and delicious though.

My husband hasn't joined me on the calorie counting thing but he has been really good about the healthier dinners.  I always took the lead in planning out our menus before, making an effort to make sure there were meals which contained things I knew he liked (ie I'd balance with a pasta-heavy dinner I loved one night, and hamburgers another night).  Two nights ago we made salmon patties, one of our faves, and hubby was so great about measuring out the patties to make sure we got the mixture divided evenly.  Last night I made-up a recipe and he informed me I was a "culinary genius."    He also told me that he hasn't left the table after these diet-friendly dinners feeling hungry, which really surprised him.  Granted, he's not as strict about portioning as I am, but I still felt really good to hear him say that.  In short, he may not be ready to join me on the calorie counting thing but he is willing to go along with dinners and to support me there. 

This is a good article in that it emphasizes the need for effective communication between couples. Which, as a basis, should have honesty and trust as fundamental values.

What irks me about the article, however, is the automatic assumption that only women do the cooking at home, and that men are the only ones who make decisions outside the home. The emphasis of the conclusions in doing what it takes to "keep hubby happy," I found particularly insulting.

I would like to have seen a recognition that there are also non-traditional family roles that might also play a factor in household decisions, including dietary choices. 

why can't people just openly and honestly talk about this? why do you have to talk around the subject or be sneaky and be so careful to try and not offend/put him off? (this is the vibe i got from this) I find it all sort of silly. how can one choose to live with this person and commit themselves to each other and yet can't discuss dinner? c'mon. just have the conversation and leave nothing out! respecting each other should always involve open, honest, unfettered communication.

Original Post by: jennyw1337

why can't people just openly and honestly talk about this? why do you have to talk around the subject or be sneaky and be so careful to try and not offend/put him off? (this is the vibe i got from this) I find it all sort of silly. how can one choose to live with this person and commit themselves to each other and yet can't discuss dinner? c'mon. just have the conversation and leave nothing out! respecting each other should always involve open, honest, unfettered communication.

Well said, Jenny! I agree 100%! 

Indeed, leosalazar - my partner is male and does ALL the cooking (lucky me!) So, since I decided to "make the change", it has taken a little while to get the message across that I am serious - and he has begun to cooperate beautifully - we have had some great salads, and portion control is always in focus. And after all - he should be healthy too! :)

PS - this dialogue has also "forced" me to recognize certain "inconsistencies" - like when he asks "so - you want to count calories and eat healthy, what about that extra cocktail - don't they have calories too?" Um - yup. As much as that initially angered me - he spoke the truth, and when I added up all of THOSE calories - mama mia!

I am not married but from my past experiences in relationships and observations as a personal trainer and nutrition coach, there is a complete flip side to this. First, most women I know are influenced by husbands,kids and so on. They gained or are gaining since married. I too have had both good and bad experiences with past relationships. In fact, a couple friends recently separated and/ or divorced- this is also for men too- and lost an incredible amount of weight. While other factors such as stress, time and other things most report to do what they have always truly wanted to do as far as eating according to thier own likes, preferences and have more time for themselves to exercise and take care of themselves. All too often moms and wives sacrafice thier own needs too much which is not the best for health and well being.

It is great when a family or couple all are wll, active and support each othetrin a quest for longevity, fitness and eating clean.

The modern woman can cook?  :)  I've taken over the shopping and majority of the cooking.  I cook up a bunch of quality meat on weekends and I have whole food lunches ready for me all week.  Keeping fresh fruits, vegetables, nuts, "instant" brown rice and potato around and we've always got the makings for a decent dinner on the weekdays when it gets busy.

I agree with Jenny and Anya....so does my husband.  These people need to talk to each other.  It's just dinner.  When I shared this article with my husband, his comment was, "Wow, they can't talk about dinner?  What more serious conversations are they missing or avoiding?"   

It's not just a matter of your partner not liking the healthy foods you choose to make.  It's also a control issue.  Nobody likes when a spouse or partner tells them what to do.  So they eat what they want when the spouse is not around.  Not surprising.  I have had the biggest struggle not "nagging" my husband to exercise.  Even now, he barely exercises, but it's better than nothing.  We are both overweight, but my fat is subcutaneous, not visceral--probably due to how active I am.  His belly fat is underneath the abdominal muscles--which in men is an especially dangerous gut to develop because it can lead to heart problems.  I tried gently teasing him about needing to exercise, which works with most guys but not the very sensitive ones.  I tried expressing my worry that he will develop severe health problems if he keeps going without exercise.  We eat pretty healthy, but it's healthy for an active person, not a sedentary person.  And he likes to snack on things like cheese and soda, which I usually avoid.  Recently he's started going with me on mild/easy hikes, and he doesn't seem to be continuing to gain weight. 

What I've learned from this: 

Bring the issue to your spouse's attention, and then drop it.  Don't nag, or you trigger the "You're not my Mom!" reaction.  Talk a lot about how good exercise makes you feel, and how proud you are of your exercise accomplishments.  If this doesn't work over a long period of time, repeat the cycle. 

It's not just healthy eating that couples need to communicate about--it's being active!  Not that there aren't girl gamers out there, but any person that is more inclined to spend their after-work hours parked in a chair in front of a video game system is going to run into trouble once their metabolism slows down, and this is often the case with men.  Same thing goes for people who watch a lot of sports--they spend hours and hours in front of the TV watching other people be active but it never occurs to them to try it themselves. 

In my world, we each have a day of the week to choose a dinner.  My three boys have there own day and my husband and I have ours.  The weekend we either go out, or do something different.  Though I do have to say when my 5 year old says he wants chicken nuggets and french fries, I get the organic chicken breast, bread and bake.  And we either do baked sweet potato fries or just regular baked fries (but made from only whole foods).

As Mom I do have a great influence on the ingredients put into the food, but the meals are their choices.

After I had a heart attack I had to change the way I ate. Surprisingly, I revamped my entire recipe file and changed up my family favorites to heart-healthy meals.  I've lowered my cholesterol dramatically and all of us are happier with lower sodium, low fat meals. We have healthy pizza, healthy mac & cheese, chicken dishes and desserts. My friends asked me to write a cookbook to share my healthy recipes and I did. If you're concerned about heart health as I am you might want to see the recipes for yourself. http://www.HeartEasy.com  . Eating healthy can be a lot of fun, and easy, too. -kac young

Luckily for me, my husband truly loves anything I make and isn't at all picky. I'm able to cook healthier meals without having to worry about him not liking it. ^.^ The only thing he asks is that we have some sort of meat with our meals, preferably chicken, and it works out fine with me since I know a million ways to season chicken, and I have the option to bake or grill it.

My husband has been really open to eating healthier, he even started reading food labels :) However he does not care much for most vegetables and so I have to find ways of "hiding" them or cooking them in a new and interesting way. He also used to hate all seafood, but he eats salmon now, and enjoys it! This has definitely been a great learning experience for us both! 

My husband is very supportive of my new eating habits as long as I don't change his menu.  I make two meals a night, one for him and one for myself. He doesn't cook unless it's on the grill, so until he breaks out the bbq I'll be acting like a cook in a restaraunt. This may seem one-sided, but he cleans the kitchen and helps me prepare dinner (when I ask). I know that I cannot eat the same things he likes and he does not care for anything I can eat. For almost two years I ate what he wanted to eat for dinner and wound up with high blood pressure and high cholesterol. Groceries are a little more expensive and sometimes timing is an issue, but this is what I need to do to get healthy. I like eating healthy and I enjoy pleasing my husband even more. All in all it's a small price to pay for all the benefits I get having him as a spouse. We just celebrated our 31st wedding anniverary, in case you were curious.

When I met my husband all he new how to cook were eggs and hot dogs and made a peanut butter sandwich to take to work. He wasn't eating any fruits or vegetables. I think he would have died young if I hadn't taken over the cooking once we moved in together.

Since I've been on calorie count I give him the same thing I prepare for myself but I give him a double portion and a bun to go with it and he has desserts and I don't. He is satisfied with that, he's just happy that someone is cooking and serving him. Once and a while on the weekend he will cook me some eggs with toast.

I love men who can cook and like to cook for their wives but I would have to look over his shoulders to make sure it's not overly fat or full of calories. So I'm probably better to just do it myself.

Since eating habits (both quality and quantity) are affected by those around you, it's especially important for a woman to recognize that she doesn't need as many calories as her husband / S.O. may.  Especially if he's bigger and works a more physical job.  He'll be eating bigger meals and this may subconciously lead to bigger meals for the wife as well. 

My husband does most of the cooking in our home.  Yet I'm the one planning the meals and doing the grocery shopping.  He has free range on the weekends but we have a decent weekday routine.  He feeds the kids while I go for a run right after work.  And as I'm married to a meat and potatoes man, it took some coaking (fine, some nagging) to get him to incorporate fruits/vegetables into meals but that's got to be done when you're feeding kids and influencing their eating habits.  If my husband doesn't want to eat healthy fine.  But just make sure the kids do!  That's more of a concern to me b/c if they end up overweight it's the parents fault.  If the hubby's overweight that's his fault.  Responsibility has to lie somewhere!

Original Post by: lmulhall

My husband does most of the cooking in our home.  Yet I'm the one planning the meals and doing the grocery shopping.  He has free range on the weekends but we have a decent weekday routine.  He feeds the kids while I go for a run right after work.  And as I'm married to a meat and potatoes man, it took some coaking (fine, some nagging) to get him to incorporate fruits/vegetables into meals but that's got to be done when you're feeding kids and influencing their eating habits.  If my husband doesn't want to eat healthy fine.  But just make sure the kids do!  That's more of a concern to me b/c if they end up overweight it's the parents fault.  If the hubby's overweight that's his fault.  Responsibility has to lie somewhere!

And there you have it, meat and potatoes getting the blame again.  While it's true that a lot of men are lacking in the vegetable department, it seems a lot of women when they start to "cook healthy" try to drop the meat and men hate that.  Instead of dropping meat, replaced the processed stuff like sausage, hot dogs, bacon, frozen chicken strips with healthier cuts like london broil, baked chicken thighs and breasts, pork tenderloin.  Even make your own hamburgers out of 90 or 95% lean ground beef.

As for veggies, well, I found that for me and the kids, the crunchier the better.  I could never stand veggies as a kid because my mother always cooked them limp. 

I find this article sexist.  Yea honesty and communications is good.  But I think its bogus that men have to be encouraged by their wives to eat healthy.  At least for me, I am in the opposite boat.  Yea my wife does most of the cooking, and we try to communicate before hand on what we will eat for dinner.  However, I am repeatedly having to encourage her to stop using the lard, and that we don't need desert after every dinner.  Generally, we have so many leftovers it goes to waste, or if I find it so unhealthy, that I don't eat at all, she gets mad.  So, where is the information on getting your wife to eat/cook healthier.  At least change the name of the article.

Well we could make this article much more complex and get in to co-dependency but this is not what it's about.

There are many different reasons for feeding a spouse, one is if I'm cooking why not cook for two, if he likes it he eats it, if he doesn't he can help himself.

It could have to do with lifestyles also. My husband works 12 hr evening shifts so I eat alone every night. He doesn't get home till midnight sometimes and has supper then. He warms up the left overs I left for him. My husband is not a cook, my meals are much more nutritious than he could ever make. I wouldn't want him to cook for me believe me.

The best cook in a relationship usually ends up doing most of the cooking whether it's a man or a women. 

I think a few people here are getting a bit bent out of shape with this article. I don't think it has anything to do with having control over another person and their eating habits and I don't find it sexist. I guess I'm not as touchy as some of you in here.

I give my husband choices on the dinner menu, but always try to balance nutrition with taste-I love him and want him around for a long time.  Doesn't matter which partner cooks, matters that they care for their partner and the health of the family unit.  And every once in a while we eat a steak (4 oz.) or I make homemade bread and we eat it with *OMG* butter-that is one of the choices.  I have lost 40 pounds, he has lost 20 pounds and our blood pressure and cholesterol are finally in check.

Congratulations Maloneanddrea! I like your attitude