Helping Friend w/ Weight issue...

Hey everyone!

So I have been doing CC and lost alot in one month...but my best friend Jen is 335lbs and I tried helping her. She joined curves, but did nothing but maintain her weight...so recently she quit....

I know it is not my business really, but she is now having trouble walking and she works the night shift at a convienience store. I've seen her snacking on chips and dip, teddy grams, gummy bears...basically all those fat filled treats....While she was working.

Also when she visits and we order out she eats an ENTIRE large pizza by herself...a large order of mozzarella sticks, and a large order of chicken tenders with super sweet BBQ sauce or ranch dressing.....

She's always been heavy, I just don't want to see her stuck in a wheelchair before she is 30....

I suggested working out together.....I suggested walking with her in the mornings on her days off.....I have even gone as far as to tell her I think she needs to change jobs so she is not tempted with all the junk food....

Of course I did this in the nicest possible way.....but HOW can I help her? I don't want her to ruin her life because of food.....She already has severe PCOS and was recently told she will never be able to have children....and she is only 27!!

 Any ideas????

Thanks!

While it is admirable for you to try and help your friend, until she is ready to make the changes in her life -- she won't.  And if you really push it, you may lose the friendship.

You may try to engage her in a buddy system -- and perhaps introduce her to this site -- but again, if she's not ready to do this, it won't make any difference.  You've got to WANT IT in order to GET IT.

Congratulations on your success, by the way! 

Thats what I thought..... :( I guess I just hate to see her killing herself with food when I know she would change it if she could...I just wonder how far this will go before she changes something....we have been best friends since pre-school...It hurts me to watch her struggle

well -- you might try to tell her that.  Something along the lines of, "You know I've been concerned about my health and decided to do something about it -- I joined CC.  We've been friends forever and you know I only want the best for you -- but I am worried about your health -- can we see if maybe doing this might interest you?"  If she reacts badly, simply apologize and drop it. 

You are doing anything wrong by being concerned, but (see previous response)

 I wish you luck -- it's a tough situation to be in

Thanks Couch_K....

I'm thinking of just inviting her out for a hang out day like we usually do and just absently show her the site....maybe even look up the calorie content of the food we usually order....sort of like..."Oh I wonder what the nutrition is for those chicken tenders?"

maybe I can plant the seed of mindful eating in there without her realizing it...

I know with myself, once I realized how much crap was in those slices of pizza they lost the appeal to me.....*Shrug*

I need to find a way to show her without her feeling like she's under attack....my guess is she already feels rotten about her weight....I don't want to add to her depression about it.....

 

sounds like a plan

good luck, by the way. that sounds like it's a really tough spot to be in.

if she likes horses, you can have her do some stable-work... grooming, mucking out... etc...

then when she loses some weight, she can horseride. :) that's my way of slimming down. :D

unfortunately, there has to be some sort of wake up call before she will truly be motivated enough to do anything.

I got up to 290 lbs. I went to a concert with some friends and after the show we took a group picture with the band. When i saw the picture it made me cry. Thats the turning point in my life. I found this site and with basic calorie counting i've lost over 75 lbs (which is approx. halfway to my goal). Before that point in time i knew i was fat but i never saw myself the way i really was.

being overweight is like having an addiction: unless you are ready or hit rock bottom you arent going to change.

I really hope that she does realize that she can lose weight successfully. Good luck. Be there for her. Understand that its not easy regardless of what size you are.

again good luck.

~Blayne

Maybe she can join CC and then you can just delete this post so she won't get embarrassed.

I too, have a best friend and a sister who are both over 200 pounds. I've tried to hint this site to them and pose as a healthy example. However, even though I do all of these things, niether one of them has shown serious interest in actively changing their lives NOW. My sister at least wants to get through this last pregnancy and then "get her body back", and I told her I'd help her with that in any way I know how. My best friend however refuses to "starve" herself and give up on stuff she habitually eats (she's a VERY FREAKING PICKY EATER)...drives me nuts. She's actually 'tried' working out and had lost no weight, although she doesn't seem to get it so much that sometimes inches can mean as much as losing actual weight....so she gives up after trying for brief stints. To her credit however, she is in college full time and then some and working nearly full time as well...I just think she's put too much on her plate if you ask me...but I digress.

I guess my point is, agreeing with others here, a person has to be well and ready to make that change via a wake up call of some sort. My sister has expressed to me how eager she is to lose the weight AFTER baby..i just hope she commits to that. My best friend is getting married next October, so she'd like to lose pounds before then, maybe that will galvanize her after this next semester. Either way, I know I can't MAKE them do anything. It's upsetting I know..I've told them both (more my sister) that i fear for their health...my friend takes serious offense and calls me freakish about my weight loss...I hope she doesn't mean it in a bad way :(....but I think she might be slightly jealous. Of course that's not my aim, but I wish she would listen to reason (like you with your friend) when it's very obviously shown to her!

Anyways..I've waffled on enough. Just try to show honest compassion and concern and give her the tools she can use to succeed( like CC); whether she chooses to use them is up to her, but at least you can say you did try...don't henpeck though, she might resent you for it eventually if you do!

I too, relate. I've tried to get y mother and my best friend to join. My mom is just stubborn, but I feel sometimes like my friend uses her weight as an excuse to not get close to people. If a guy shows any interest in her she automatically thinks, "No, I'm too fat, he only likes me as a friend." It makes me sad because I know what a great person she is. Any guy would be lucky to have a girl like her. I guess you can really only help people who want it.

For what it's worth, losing weight is a godsend for women with PCOS. It will maximize her chances of fertility. That might help.

Of course, the motivation has to happen from her end. What can make a difference is knowing that it is possible - that there is hope. I'd recommend referring her to CC and sharing with her all the great success stories that are here!!

Try browsing and look at the stickied posts in Motivation.  xstar17x and mollymouser both have had terrific success with CC, perhaps that will give her the motivation to join CC and from there she might decide that she wants it for herself.

You could try wrapping up a list of your favorite websites and including it in a Christmas card to all of your friends including CC so that there wouldn't be anything pointed to her about it.