Helping my husband lose while I need to gain....

I am largely recovered from anorexia after years of fighting with it.  Not that it's significant to this post but I am currently 5'4 and weight 102 - my goal is 110-115 so not too far to go - I haven't been really heavy into the eating disorder for years, I just eat very healthy which keeps me on the low end.  But my husband, whom I love dearly, is trying to lose weight - makes for quite an interesting time of it.  He is 5'10 and weighs around 209 at last check.  He has a somewhat large frame.  His BMI is in the obese category.  Anyway,  I want to help him in his quest to finally lose some weight but am at a loss (I always struggle with not eating quite enough and eating very healthy but he never feels full and no matter how healthy I cook for him, his portion sizes are very off).  Any idea on how many calories he should be getting in.  We are both trying to do some working out but with 3 young children and work his workouts are not consistent.  Any idea on what his weight goal range should be?  If anyone has any meal plan ideas would be helpful.  Thanks.

With his stats he needs about 2800 cals to maintain his weight... assuming he's lightly active & doing some kind of exercise more than three times a week.  So he could start losing weight on about 2000-2200.  For you to gain weight you need a starting point of about 2500 a day... so you only need about 300 cals more.

As for meal plans there are a few ways to make meals more satisfying but still healthy.

• A portion of protein at each meal.  Anything from yogurt with breakfast cereals, boiled egg on a salad....  
• Reasonable amounts of fats. 
• Flavoursome meals.... bland food isn't as satisfying
• High fibre options... wholemeal rather than white bread, for example
• Mostly natural, unprocessed foods.... whole oranges are more filling  than orange juice.  Avoid 'diet' products.
• Lots of vegetables... fill half the plate.
• Eat slowly, chew food well, put the knife and fork down between bites.
• Sip water with a meal

For you.... to increase your intake without having to cook separate meals

• Have some bread and butter on the side
• Add extra nuts, cheese and avocado as a garnish to salads
• Have a glass of orange juice with a meal
• Dress salads with lots of olive oil
• Have an extra snack at some point during the day
• Eat fewer vegetables and salads which are too filling for too few calories.

i don't mean to be offensive at all, because i know how hard it is to recover.  although this doesn't have too much to do with your post about your husband, i want to be extremely honest about what i'm getting from part of your post:

you said that you're 5'4" and 102 and your goal is 110-115.  you also said that the reason you're 102 is because you eat "very healthy."  i just want to say that maybe you need to re-evaluate what "very healthy" is, because "very healthy" is what keeps your body in a healthy weight range.  i just want to throw this out there to maybe help your recovery along, esp in terms of gaining.  i'm just going to be honest and point out that you were defending your weight of 102, without anyone attacking you for it.

when it comes to your situation with you husband, i think its really important for both of you to focus on what you need, so he can learn to focus on his needs also.  i think its really important for you not to count his calories for him, because that sounds really triggering also.  just let him know that you will support him as much as possible, because one recovering anorexic to another, we are not exactly prepared to help someone else lose weight.

i am not trying to be offensive in anyway.  i just hope the honesty can help you and your recovery.

Please don't worry about offending me, I am so appreciative of your willingness to provide honest feedback.  My wording was very poor and I apologize for that. 

I think what's hard is, he is 10 years older than I am (he's 48) and is afraid his weight will not allow him to live a long and happy life watching our young kids grow up so he asks for help.  I kind of want to just give him the parameters (in terms of how many calories he should be eating) and let him do the rest himself.  I feel so bad for him because he tries very hard but unlike the men in my family (I come from a family of 8 kids and we all are small framed with high metabolisms), his body has a hard time keeping the weight off. 

Again, I thank you so much for your honesty.

That is a tricky situation. I understand your husband's concerns about his age, my man is 15 years my senior and working on his high cholesterol. It can be really hard to change your habits (for both of you). I've found that it is easier to control my portions when I drink plenty of water, generally I'll have a half of a glass before I start my meal and try to finish a glass while I eat.

As for your gaining weight, it sounds like you are doing things right. While you should never get complacent, you should be able to eat the same healthy items as your husband and get the nutrition you need. And congratulations on fighting eating disorders for so long.