he's just not that into you.
I love Greg Behrendt, & I've given this book to MANY friends to help them. What he says is all common sense, but sometimes it just helps to read it & have someone directly telling you what you should have thought of anyway haha.
Original Post by aeroplanexc:
has anyone read this? what are your thoughts?
The book is pure truth. It took reading this book to realize how my ex boyfriend really felt about me, and what I really deserved out of a man. My husband is the most wonderful man in the world, and loves me more then anything. I love this book!
Absolutely changed the way I think about men and love. I love this book! def a must for all ladies.
i totally agree! it's crazy...ive made all of these excuses for a guy at some point in time. and its funny...the day i finish reading the book, im texting this guy im dating, and i ask him to call me later. he responds with "i really need to study..." and i was like..OUCH. but then i get a text two seconds later saying "nevermind. i'll call you as soon as i get home. will you be awake?"
hooray for keepers <3
I read this book right when it was first published. I definitely needed to hear what it said at the time. It did help me to end the relationship that I was in.
I will also say that it also left me very discouraged. It seems that according to the book, every single thing a man does says "he's just not that into me". So, how are you ever supposed to find someone?
I liked the book too. It doesn't exclude every man sngbrd...it just tells you how to reasonably screen out the ones who are wasting your time...and he tells you that you deserve more. So many women settle for mediocre relationships. Life is too short for that. I guess what he is trying to say is, if you DO settle for a man when he is throwing up the "not into you " flags and in return you are being treated shoddily....then you wonder why you aren't personally very happy and complaining....yikes...take responsibility girls...don't settle for someone who could take you or leave you. Wait for someone who treats you like a princess.
Anyone not new to the dating scene knows the guy who's backward flips into you versus the one who is apathetic towards you. I suspect validating excuses for the one who's just not not that into you is a reflection of how into them you are but sometimes a wakeup call is needed to face facts so not slamming the book.
This book was a great eye-opener for me. In sum, the guy who is really into you will make time to see you, will call you, will do thoughtful things, etc. Every woman should read it! Plus its entertaining.
It's an awful, humiliating, patronizing title. They might as well call a book "You're ugly and not good enough so you'll die alone."
The excerpts I've read suggest that if a guy is doing anything less than STALKING a woman, "he's just not that into her".
In addition, every review or poster I've seen regarding this book attributes it to a line from "Sex & The City". This is true, but I've seen that episode and no one discusses the particular CHARACTER that said it. Carrie's boyfriend Jack was misanthropic, pessimistic and overly defensive. He was always picking fights with her over imagined slights to his ego. It makes sense from a scriptwritng perspective to have a moody character say something like this, but why is it embraced as some kind of great self-help wisdom all of a sudden?
I feel ugly and inadequate enough without some book telling me so.
coffincritter: i agree that it is a bit disheartening to hear that you're lame, but the author really doesn't do that. he points out consistantly through the book that its not YOUR fault hes not into you, he just happens to be a douche nozzle. which i think is sometimes a bit overboard, but we need to hear it sometimes! its very positive in the female's light, i just think that in some places it's a little harsh on the guys. nobody can be perfect ALL the time...however, the do allow for a miniscule margin of error on the man's part...
Why would you let a book add to any feelings of inadequacy ? Just like not letting some schmuck you are dating do that to you.
I think so many women let their logic take a back seat to their emotions. Why do you think that so many of us have a friend who has a partner or boyfriend that treats them like dirt..and they stay because they "love him."? UGH!
When I met my husband, I really dug him. Knew I wanted to be with him...but I also knew that if he did not feel exactly the same way, it just wouldn't work no matter how much I was "into" him. I gave him an ultimatum after a few weeks...that if we were going to date...I wanted it to be exclusive. He said sure. (He of course, could have easily said "no thanks" and been on his merry way.) Being in my early 40's and in the sometimes creepy world of dating...I just could not hack the players and the casual sex scene anymore. It just wasn't me. Happily, we married 10 months after we met.
I think this book promotes standing up for yourself and not modeling yourself after a door-mat. Which I am sorry to say...too many women do.
Original Post by coffincritter:
I feel ugly and inadequate enough without some book telling me so.
Everytime I hear a young person say this, it breaks my heart.
I've read your posts in the threads I have frequented, C-Critter. You are articulate, intelligent and witty. Less importantly, I've seen your avatar (assuming it is you with the devil horns) you are not ugly.
I hope you can find a way to learn to love yourself and defeat self-doubt. All your power and strength resides in the belief that you are a worthwhile human. Tap into it. Celebrate the complex and beauteous workings of your mind and soul.
D'aw, KG, always with the heart boosting :) You're awesome, your posts always make me happy! So nice to see at least one person consistently positive.
About the book, I've read excerpts, and you have to take everything with a grain of salt. Yes, unless a guy is seriously going out of his way to spend time with you, chances are he's not that into you.
Chances could also be he's genuinely shy, busy, etc,.
Original Post by coffincritter:
I'm going to dissent.
It's an awful, humiliating, patronizing title. They might as well call a book "You're ugly and not good enough so you'll die alone."
The excerpts I've read suggest that if a guy is doing anything less than STALKING a woman, "he's just not that into her".
In addition, every review or poster I've seen regarding this book attributes it to a line from "Sex & The City". This is true, but I've seen that episode and no one discusses the particular CHARACTER that said it. Carrie's boyfriend Jack was misanthropic, pessimistic and overly defensive. He was always picking fights with her over imagined slights to his ego. It makes sense from a scriptwritng perspective to have a moody character say something like this, but why is it embraced as some kind of great self-help wisdom all of a sudden?
I feel ugly and inadequate enough without some book telling me so.
I don't think I should bother to refute this since you haven't even read the book. But your assumptions really aren't correct.
The entire point of the book is to tell you that you ARE beautiful & amazing & a fantastic catch & that any guy who can't see that doesn't deserve your time.
Coffincritter, the book does the exact opposite of what you seem to think it does... its point is that you deserve better. You deserve a guy that's great, and a relationship that's great. Don't settle for less.
I know a few guys who never read it and consider it a threat because they do not understand the premise, or the main point. They think it's a man-hater book. The same rules that hold true for women are for the men too...I am sure there are men who stay with women that "aren't into them"....and yes, it's a big show of insecurity disguised as devotion and love to hang onto someone who obviously doesn't treat you right.
I love~love~love this book!!! I recommend it to every "single" girl out there!!!
I have to heartily disagree.
I re-read this book when I need a confidence boost. It's simply honest. There is NOTHING meant to belittle or demean in the title. They don't even suggest that the 'he' in question is worth having into you. I think your reaction is a classic example of why some of us need the reminders that the book provides.
It is a reality check that is not sugar coated. But the best part is that it makes you realize what it is you're doing and settling for and compromising, and what you are worth.
It basically says "let's face it, we all hate being lonely", and puts up a mirror to the kinds of lengths we'll compromise to not be lonely, adn reminds us that the relationships and love worth having are ones that shouldn't be compromised.
It's amazing. In fact, I stumbled upon this site trying to find part of it online as I need to reread it and don't have it at work here with me. Silly boy playing mind games with me and I need a reminder that I'm better than that - even if it means being alone, I deserve better than someone who's just stringing me along and not really into me.
Original Post by coffincritter:
The excerpts I've read suggest that if a guy is doing anything less than STALKING a woman, "he's just not that into her".
Heh. This sounds like a bunch of reviews of Sarah Palin's book that are out there.
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And, for the record, Sarah Palin's book is trash.
