hey, need advice on weight gain please!

hey my names ashley, im 14 5'1 and around 90 pounds on a good day. im recently recovering from "starvation mode to the etreme" by working outeveryday intensly and having hardly 500 calories to eat everyday. this was around 7 months ago and im still struggling! ive lost about 7 pounds since then somehow even though ive been on a weight gain plan (i admit i have hardly stuck to it but lately it hasnt been that bad) my nutritionist is asking meto have around 3000 cals a day and i can hardly get to 2000! everyday i constantly feel fat and i feel all the weight i gain goes right to the gut! i feel totally uncomfortable with eating during the day and when i eat at night sometimes i binge but thats once in a blue moon. i hate howeating is all i think about everyday! i need my period back its been missing for 7 months and i want to be healthy again. i just wish i could wake up without being cold, have my nice curves and women parts back (haha) and many other things. ed has TAKEN OVER and thinks hes here to stay. im trying to make him leave and some days he does but most of the time, hes telling me to stay away from food! i dont like being like this and neeed to change. im looking for success weight gain stories and success with getting period back after weight loss. if you know how to help dont be shy help! i can take any advice! clearly i need it haha

anyway, thanks so much if you reply it would really help!

p.s i love peanut butter but constantly just stare it down in fear ill get extra belly flabbbb. any snack ideas? thanks!

p.s.s im not active anymore so yeah...it makes me restrict even more!

I developed an eating disorder from your age, and I am in recovery at the age of 18. I had a big downslide back in September, when I lost an incredible amount of weight in a very short time. Much to my own anger, my parents, psychologist and dietitian got me eating a TINY bit more, but I was still engaging in extremely destructive behaviours. I felt vile and worthless and enormous but in actual fact my BMI was still low at around 16-17. It wasn't until something snapped inside of me that I decided to PROPERLY recover from this. I followed my meal plan set out to me to the T, and I am currently at a healthy weight. Your BMI is so very low..tell me, do you enjoy being cold, having no curves? If this goes on any longer you may completely get rid of the opportunity to have children when you're older. ED is telling you to stay away from food because he believes that how thin you are equates to how worthy you are, and I know that YOU know that is a load of crap. As you nourish yourself longer and longer, ED gets a kick in the gut. His voice will become less loud, I can promise you that. Of course you'll have bad days, but you'll learn to put things into perspective and to shut that distorted, negative voice up that little bit.

And darling, the "weight gain" in your gut is not real. It's bloating, due to the fact that you've deprived yourself and that you're at such a low weight, so your body isn't used to a larger intake of food than normal. The bloating will go away eventually once you've been adequately feeding your body for a prolonged period of time. And on that note, if you act now and increase your intake to 2500 and UP and stay there for a consistent period of time, you will eventually reach a healthy weight where you will get your period back. That is what happened to me and it's possible for it to happen to you, only if you act now though. Kick ED to the side, you're stronger that he will ever be. Your friends and family will love you no matter what weight you are. In the end, you're the same person on the inside whatever you weigh. Don't lose yourself any longer, please. You'll miss the chance at living your life to it's fullest.

And about not being active..in no way am I telling you to start working out vigorously, but going for a slow, short walk every so often can work wonders. If alone you can get a chance to clear your head and relax and just enjoy the world for what it is. If you're with someone else, they can distract you from your negative thoughts OR you can talk them through with them. Being outside is good for you, it works wonders for your endorphins!

Good luck.

I am not an expert in this so please do not take my advice too strongly but what I do is look at food in a different light, yes some foods are bad for you but they are not going to kill you!! Look at that yummy creamy tbsp of peanut butter and think what pleasure it gives you to eat it.! The human body is the same as a car, it need petrol to make it work.

Dont look at your body and fat in general and think what a mondstocity it is, fat is in us to keep us warm and protect us. I would say try and enjoy the foods you are eating instead of contanstly thinking about the number behind them.

YoYo dieting is the least bit helpful and you will just make youself ill especially at such a young age.

Anyway good luck with it all.

I think, given all your posts and inability to make your calories, you need to tell your nutritionist and inquire into monitored treatment. Sorry, honest opinion. Otherwise, get your calories up to the 3000 your nutritionist has told you and encorporate more high calorie low density food into your diet.

I started recovery in December (freaked out a LOT) and swung right from restricting/over-exercising into binging about 6000-15000 calories a day, every day for 3 months! It was really traumatic, I kept wanting to restrict but I stocked my fridge with healthy food, ate regular small meals and then didn't restrict after a binge. I've been doing resistance training (weights, crunches, muscle building) the whole time but NO cardio (running, anything fast triggers HUGE binges when trying to recover). I blew up like a balloon and it was very upsetting but the more you fight having to eat more, the worse binging happens.

The past two weeks the binging/food fears turned off and it's like coming out of a bad dream, but I feel alive again!  My body gained to its "set point" or happy weight and stopped thinking I was going to starve it. The belly and "fat" turned out mostly to be bloating and water retension and have gone away to reveal curves and muscles (check my user pics if you want proof!!)  I haven't weighed myself but I'm back in clothes I wore when I was a healthy weight before ED.  I've binged 3 times over these weeks, but a LOT smaller, and on average I eat 2000-2200 calories a day. 

You have to eat what feels like a lot to be healthy again, but it's worth LIVING.  The weight you gain in the belly at first will redistribute, you won't feel crappy and won't be "fat" forever.  Get your body back, you can do it!

Hi Ashley,

I'm so glad to hear that you're willing to confront ED, but it does require a lot of motivation.

I never had an eating disorder, but I developed abnormal eating habits after starting college. I lost my period for half a year, but I just got it back today! When I lost my period for 4 months, I realized that it could not go on any longer--I'm harboring the risk of getting osteoporosis, and becoming infertile. How can I do this to myself? I started to eat really hearty meals--egg omelets for breakfast, nice big sandwiches for lunch etc. I was really non-fat oriented for the previous months, and I realized fat was needed to bring my period back, so I added some more olive oil, whole eggs to my diet. Plus the occasional muffin, tons of chocolate, and more!

A little tummy is not going to make you fat. Being fat is not the main concern, it's your health and your life that is at stake! Please let that be the priority. Learn to appreciate food as something that will revive and protect you.


Good luck!

hey ashley,

its nice to hear that your trying to recover from your ED. I strongly advise you to up your calroic intake if you want to help yourself. You sound like a beautiful and determined woman that can go far in life but just need some guidance. I really think that you can work through this. I know this can be extremley difficult and i used to be in the same situation but you can change. It may feel like its all going to your gut but trust me once you get your period back and to a healthy weight you can get a beautiful and flat stomach and trust me its not really going to your stomach you may just feel that way from increasing your intake. I am hoping for you to get better and pary in my dreams that you do not destroy your body like i have done. please if you need anything just feel free to repost and i would be more than glad to help. just help yourself before its too late